28 LESSONS LEARNED IN 28 YEARS

In honor of my BIRTHDAY TOMORROW- Here are some of the lessons I've learned in my time on this Earth:



1.) Pigeons fly at night and will chase you without cause.

2.) Who gives a penny what “they” think?

3.) Never trust a big____ and a smile.

4.) It’s not the amount of friends you possess, but how down they are for you that counts.

5.) Milk gives me gas.

6.) Crack heads wobble, but they don’t fall down.

7.) Niggas ain’t shit, but MEN are sent from Heaven

8.) I can write a 25 page term paper overnight and receive a perfect score.

9.) I’m a smart girl and I always figure it (whatever “it” may be) out.

10.)There are some things that “Sorry” just doesn’t fix. (And I don’t have to pretend it does)

11.) Size definitely does matter

12.) Those who can DO; those who can’t, talk shit about those who do.

13.) One person’s “catch and release” is the next person’s “big catch”

14.) Drugs are bad.
15.) You can get it in the hood for cheap. (No matter what it is)

16.) Light and Dark liquors should be mixed ONLY in moderation.

17.) It is quite possible to see your future in someone’s eyes.

18.) C.R.E.A.M

19.) It is perfectly ok to be selfish sometimes.

20.) Children change E V E R Y T H I N G.

21.) Just because they sell zeppoles 6 for $1 at the beach and your friends keep buying and sharing them with you does not mean you have to accept them. *shivers at the thought of a zeppole today*

22.) No one puts Baby in the corner.

23.) Gummi bears make it all better.

24.) Seagulls are gangsta and should be avoided at all costs.

25.) A woman scorned (or angry, or hormonal, or bored) is a very dangerous thing.

26.) Anyone is capable of ANYthing.

27.) My evil streak may be just a tad wider than most.

28.) I am twice the woman I was last year and only half the woman I will be next year. Experience = growth.


What have YOU learned?

So wrong can't even see right

I’m at work stressed and my time to do this is limited so here’s the rundown of what’s going on.

Background: My oldest sister has spent the last year or so working overseas. Her husband and two boys lived may two to three block away from my old apartment and he and I would babysit for one another for weekends, after school, etc. M y son was fine with going over there initially, but it soon got to the point where he would cry when he had to go sometimes. This promted me to have many talks with him regarding good touch vs bad touch, etc. I asked him many times if everything was ok, but he always said things were fine. I even offered up names of some of his male relatives including his dad to talk to about it if not me. I stopped sending him over as much, but my need to have him around a male figure and away from up under Mama led to me sending him sometimes. It was my belief that he disliked being one of three over there as opposed to being the only child at home. Plus, I thought that maybe he just didn’t like the rules and restrictions over there versus my home. I trusted my brother in law and since I had no concrete evidence as to any real wrong doing, I didn’t think my child was in any danger.


So TLC2 has been with his dad since June and last week he called me and told me that TLC2 had told him that my brother-in-law had held him under water in the bathtub and punched him twice on the shoulders HARD. I gave my son’s father my Bro in law’s number and we decided that it would be him, and not me that spoke with him. I wanted this for a few reasons: 1) my son is with his father in NC, I don’t have him in my presence to hear the story first hand and see his body language etc 2.) I believe my son, all of the clues have been there, this was just the missing piece 3.) My bother-n-law’s sanity is questionable (this is a long story in itself, but even given this, I never would have thought he’d do anything to my child because he gives me a certain respect being that HE KNOWS THE DUDES I SURROUND MYSELF WITH. He knows how they get down and he wants no part of it. Thus far, his craziness has been isolated to my sister, who is also bat shit crazy 4.) Because I believe my son, my sister’s husband is just another nigga in the street and can be dealt with accordingly. I owe him nothing, especially not a chance to lie and deny it. (because in my heart it makes since I BELIEVE MY SON 5.) He’s a chauvinistic ass and thinks woman are 2nd class citizens- given that- talk to that man about what his son is saying you did, man-to-man 6.) I want my son to see his dad speaking to the man that hurt him. I need him to see that he has protection and for whatever reason, he didn’t believe MY protection was enough to divulge any of this to me 7.) You put your hands on my child?”? FUCK YOU—I don’t owe u a day in court mutherfucker!!!!

My sister has been home since June as well but I hadn’t seen her much. About two days after I found all of this out, she came to my mom’s house and I said (verbatim) ;”Hey sis, we have a problem (VERY calm—no BEAST MODE at all). Tavin told ____ That ______ MISTREATED HIM. I gave _______ your husband’s number. I’m not sure how all of this is going to play out….” She then gives me the “wait a minute” finger and dials her husband and proceeds to tell him what I’d just told her. I walk away and go in the kitchen ( I was cooking). I hear her telling him to calm down (babe) and then she comes to where I am. She then say “I don’t know, I guess they tryna say you abused him or something. Then she chuckles and LAUGHS. Mind you, she had just told family members that she was afraid of him because he woudn’t give her any space and was smothering her and that she HOPED he didn’t do anything to the kids when she went back overseas because “he would do anything to get back at “ her.

I tell her “Laughing is the absolute wrong thing for you to be doing right now” and she proceeds to ask why didn’t I go to him and he was the one watching my son for me. I turn BEAST MODE on and say Fuck him, I don’t have to call him, I believe my son, there’s too much evidence not too and if he wasn’t treating my child as I would, he didn’t do me any favors and my nephews were with me just as often and were never hurt, traumatized or anything. Then I go upstairs because that is NOT how I want/expected it to go. My sister was supposed to have been staying at my moms for the weekend (this happened last Thurs) I go get dressed and come back down to see that she and all her bags are gone. She didn’t even say bye to my mom who had been upstairs asleep. She and her husband and the kids were moving to NC the following Tues (this tues that just passed so whether or not we’d see her again anytime soon was up in the air. Her husband called my phone that nite and left very calm msg, but I didn’t answer. My reason #8 for not speaking to him is/was because I see red. Nothing I say to him can do any good for anyone and I’d ONLY told my sister first as a courtesy. Also, my mom had told her the same thing the morning before she and I spoke, so it was not a surprise to her. She had all day to think about her moves as I didn’t see her until after work that nite.

Fast forward to this Monday. My mom had been calling her all weekend and getting no response. She comes by the house Monday, not knowing that I’d stayed home sick. I came downstairs briefly and she didn’t acknowledge me nor I her. My mom told us to speak as I went back upstairs and I yelled NO. (bratty, I know but dammit I Am the baby and I feel I’m in the right)

Yesterday she send me an email telling me that if I don’t repay a loan she’d given me by Sept 1, she’ll take me to court. She cc’s her husband and my mom on it. She also gives me her new NC address and tell me to forward it to my son’s father regarding TLC2 if I wish. I respond:

“You are a coward and any shred of respect I once forced myself to have for you due to our bloodline is officially gone. Grown-ups have discussions; hopefully you will learn this soon.

As for the loan, hopefully by the time our court date arrives, my financial situation will be better. Guess we’ll see.


Cordially yours,





I cc her husband, my mom and my two other sisters. My best friend thinks that I should be the bigger person and nip it all in the bud now and that I should have spoken to my sister’s husband. My mother told me I handled it the right way. One of my sisters says I am right (the other prob hasn’t checked her email and has no clue what’s going on in general- she be busy lol). Today my sister, the one who said I was right, sen and email telling us to handle it between us and leave mommy out of t (I didn’t bring her into it to begin with). Before she send this, she calls me to tell me that she believes I’m right, doesn’t want me to feel isolated an is just doing it because my mom asked her to. Fine. But I still feel like I’ being penalized/chastised for something I didn’t do. I honestly feel like I’ve already been the bigger person because I walked away. I didn’t even call in the goons. Nothing.

I just got another message from my sister ” ...You have been notified; for your sake I hope your financial situation improves by my deadline. For the record, I could care less about your "forced respect" (are you kidding me? Is that suppose to hurt my feelings?) I have enough siblings who love and respect me. You had the opportunity to talk to me and you didn't. Such is life...No email wars, take your own advice and start acting like a "grown-up".” I can’t.

For the record, this isn’t about the money with her. The loan was not for that much, she is far from I need of it, and she’d previously told me to give it to her when I could without it breaking me. This is about her being spiteful. I love my sister and I have missed the hell out of her for the passed two years that she’s been gone. Even when she comes homes she doesn’t make time to see me but I chalk it up to life. She has done MANY things in her laugh that make me doubt her ability to be let outside alone or raise children. But she is my sister and I love her and this is killing me.

I feel like my family is so busy trying to stay neutral as to not offend her that no one is trying to stick up for me. I don’t want my mom stressed but hello! IT WAS MY SON THAT WAS HURT. Yet, no one is riding for me. To my face and in my ear yes, but to her, nothing but tip toeing and egg shell walking.


Am I wrong? (only as far as my sister is concerned. I don’t give a shit if I’m wrong regarding her husband.)