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Email: enigmajones08@gmail.com

Name: Lashelle Enigma-Jones

NIgga what?

One of my facebook friends posted a satus asking if we put too much emphasis on the word "Nigger". As a person that uses the word excessively, I jumped in on the convo. The exchange is below.

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Enigma's facebook Friend: Today's word of the day: Nigger/nigga...... "also if its so bad [the word "nigger"]...why so many black people say whaddup mah nigga and give ME a pound"~ said by Ghee Munnie on I.b. Freeman's stat in which he asked "do people put too much emphasis on the word nigger??".3 hours ago · Comment ·LikeUnlike

Reynald:  they say[people give words power,but it seems we give it too much power.black folks are theones keeping the word alive,not whites.we keep it going but claiming we flip the meaning.why can we not let it go.

T Smith I think we s a ppl are all over the damn place & sensitive about everything that's why we have no real focus!

Dub Spot Simple- we don't all feel the same way about the word(s). I've heard white teens (15ish) on the upper west side callin each other "nigga" ...so it's not even a blk/hisp thing anymore....or a lower economic class thing.

Enigma's facebook Friend: hey, Reynald... i was just on youtube looking to see if "niggas to gods" was there... didn't find it, though :( we can't let it go because we don't see anything wrong with it til it comes out of the mouth of someone who isn't black.

Marc: It just depends on who says the world. Nigger is used 2b derogritory and we say nigga like it's a term of endearment. The same could b said about bitch. Women will flip if a man calls them a bitch but it's alright 4 her girlfriends 2 call her 1.

Shamaine: Yes ppl hop on the band wagon with such ignorance instead of researching what and where the word comes from! They use it and are just as ignorant as the ppl who use it derogatory!

Dub Spot:  Personally tho..I don't use the n word w/ my white friends...or non blk/non hisp friends...

Reynald : but i do,even if whites and others are using it,we live it the pain of the past and the disrspect of today,why do we need it and why can we not let it go.as far as focus,i try tto teach my young brothers and sisters to reach for thier growth in spiriit and intellect,butmy people areall over the place calling each other as well as themslves niggers/niggas and bitches. also if we were not using it making it fly would other groups/races.we are keeping the word alive.

Enigma Jones: I equate it to talkiing about ur family members. It's ok for you to bash your sister and say she ain't shit but if anyone else outside the fam...your spouse/ sig other included, agrees or says the same thing, it's a problem. lol I use the word nigga excessively. And what? I think people have more important things they need to focus on besides the different spellings/meanings/etc of the word. If it offends you, don't say it, but do not censor me or tell me how I'm holding "us" back just b/c I choose to use it.

Reynald @ENIGMA YOU AR RIGHT I TRY VERY HARD NOT TO USE IT,AND NEVER TELL OTHERS HOW TO SPEAK,BUT PEOPLE WILL PUT THIER BELIEF ON YOU WITHOUT KNOWING ANYTHING ABOUT YOU JUST ASSUME ITS OKAY TO CALL ME AS A BLACK MAN ....NIGGER/NIGGA

Reynald @ eNIGMA'S FACEBOOK FRIEND NIGGAS TO GODS IS ON THE CD MRS BETTY'S SON 2005,MY FIRST CD.

 Enigma's facebook Friend:@ Raynald... i know. i downloaded it all to my computer. i was hoping it was on youtube, though, so i could post it here.

Reynald : SOON THAT WILL BE A OPTION,LASTLY AS A MENTOR TO THE YOUTH AS WE DEAL WITH SEROUS ISOIAL ISSUES,TO GET MY YOUNG PEOPLE TO SEE THIER SELVES AS THINKING,GODLY PEOPLE WE ARE TALKING TO KIDS THAT CALL THEMSELVES NIGGAS AND BITCHES AND THAT IS THE LEGACY WE PAST TO THEM.

Enigma Jones: I personally never understood using the word nigga as a term of endearment, but to each their own. I use the word when I see some real nigga-ish things happening and in the hood, it happens VERY often. But trust me, I know the difference between a man and a nigga/nigger (and a woman and a bitch.) Chris Rock said it best " I love black people, I hate niggas". Why is it that other racial groups can differentiate the good from the bad of their group, but if one set of black people do something ignorant ALL of us are branded for it? I wonder if any white person ever tried to bury the term "white trash" and I wonder if they are chastised when they use the term...

Reynald: @TRACEY NO WHITE TRASH IS CLASSISM,NIGGER IS RASCISM,BOTH INVENTED BY WHITES TO MAKE THEMSELVES BETTER THAN THIER FELLOW MAN,TO MAKE THEMSELVES FEEL SUPERIOR.

Enigma Jones: The term was created by whites, but the people robbing. stealing and acting crazy in our communities look just like you and I.

Reynald: YES,AND WHEH WE TRY TO FIX IT AND MORE THAN THAT THOSE WHO ARE ACTING IRRESPONSIBLE IN OUR COMMUNITY ARE SELF PROCLAIMED NIGGERS AND BITCHES.SO IF WE TALK DIFFERENT WE WALK DIFFERENT.THE ISSUES IN OUR HOODS WERE CREATED BY BLACK AND WHITES,BUT ONLY BLACKS CAN FIX IT.NOT THE SO-CALLED NIGERS.

Enigma Jones: Exactly. Only we can fix it. Not by wagging our fingers because of the verbage some use, but by providing jobs, making sure our children stay in school, activities in our communities that keep kids of the street, parenting classes so that "home" is a more appealing concept to them, imaking it ok for us to feel like we can get counseling instead of looking to drugs/alcohol to ease our pain. Like I said before, we have bigger issues then the words we use. I don't think anyone using the word is unaware of its history. Kids use it because it's become a part of the culture for a certain age goup. Not because they hate themselves or because "the man" is making them. I think if we walk differently then we'll talk differently. How about we get right as far as education/jobs/housing/family/etc and then worry about what we choose to call ourselves.

Reynald: YOU ARE RIGHT,BUT FEEL BLACK FOLKS WHO LOVE THIER PEOPLE ARE LESS LIKELY TO USE IT AND ALSO SAY WE BLACKS KEEP IT ALIVE.THINKTHE REASON WE WILL NOT FIX ARE OWN HOODS IS FOLKS THAT FEEL THEY CAN'T AND WILL NOT INTERACT WITH NIGGERS.

Reynald: ALSO CAN WE SEE US UPLIFTING ONE ANOTHER AND MAKING MORE BUSSINESS,SCHOOLS AND SPIRITUAL LEGACY WHILE STILL CALLING OURSELVES NIGGERS.

Enigma Jones: I don't think using the word means you don't love your people. I love my people to the point of exhaustion. I've been volunteering in our communities for 14 years now and one thing I've realized is that some people REFUSE to do better..even when "better" is literally handed to them and all they have to do is show up. Some ppl give up on the hood because that is where most of the ppl that have given up reside and it takes more work and dedication and ALOT of disappointment. I truly understand not wanting to interact with niggers...but it has nothing to do with what they call themselves, it has to do with behaviour. You can call yourself whatever you like, but is the word you choose to use the reason you robbed my house, or stabbed my brother or raped my niece? No.

Enigma's facebook Friend:: yet, we all believe that it's possible to speak things into existence. from this standpoint, I can't see how our "merely using" the word doesn't have negative ramifications.

Tremaine: Ill start by saying I'm white. I grew up in an all black neigborhood. My cousins my best friend and my god daughter are all black. I've grown hearing the word millions of times and at no point in my life have I ever felt comfortable saying the word and I am almost as uncomfortable hearing it. I don't even like repeating it when singing along with a song. I understand that its not my word and it isn't exceptable at any time or place for me to say or use it

Enigma Jones: Enigma's facebook Friend: , I completely understand where you... you’re coming from but the reality is that it’s not even about “speaking into existence” anymore because the harsh reality is that our kids in lower income areas are already screwed and I just can’t subscribe to the notion that it was the use of the word that got them there. I use it and somehow I managed to graduate college, maintain steady employment, and raise a well-rounded, happy, nurtured child. My point is that I think we do put too much emphasis on the word. We have bigger issues that we as a people need to work on and while that word is ONE of them, I in no way believe it is the most important or warrants the attention that it gets.

What do you think readers, do we put too much emphasis on the word "Nigger/Nigga"?

Introducing: "The Boyfriend" {Pt. Deux}

After he has my number stored in his phone, he gives my phone back to me, tells me he'll text me in 10 minutes and peels off, busts a uwey and speeds in the opposite direction. I just stand there annoyed that he managed to do it to me again. Fifteen minutes later, I'm sitting on the bus and I get a text that reads, "So when are you going to let me lick you". I suck my teeth b/c I know that he means lick my face and not anywhere interesting and so  I text him back, "See?? Childish shit like this is the reason why you didn't have my new number. Please stop wasting my unlimited texts with this juvenile bullshit!!!"

We honestly go back and forth texting like this for a few days. Him asking to see me or asking why I stopped calling and me reminding him in great detail why I'm not beat. After about a week of this he calls and tells me that he likes me and yada, yada, yada but I wouldn't sleep with him so he never put real effort into getting me. What kind of high school shit is that??? Uh...duh...ever think that you not making any real effort is why I have no interest in sleeping with you??? 'Ole backwards as nicca. Smch

Anyway, we'd go out a few times after that, but I was so caught up in TK* that I henstly didn't study 'Boyfriend" to much. He became my boyfriend one day while we were on the phone and he was running on and on about...well..I don't really remember b/c I wasn't listening "shrug". But anyway, I cut him off and told him that if he expected me to sit and listen to him bitch and moan about every little thing that went wrong in his everyday life, he would have to be my boyfriend. I also told him that I would from then on introduce myself as his girlfriend to anyone he introduced me too and get just as crazy as a girlfriend would should he do any thing I deemed unboyfriend like. He obliged.

He also started to act like an actual boyfriend for a few weeks there..until...The Facebook Fiasco. SMH

*sighs*

Now, "Boyfriend" and I had actually become facebook friends about two weeks after I saw him that day by the bus stop. The first time I go to look at his page I see that he is listed as "In a Relationship" with some young looking girl named Nataya. So, being that he always up in my grill, I question him about it. He tells me that he doesn't mess with her anymore but he doesn't know how to take it down so he gotta wait for his cousin to come do it, yada, yada, yada. I see it for what it is (a bunch of bullshit) but I don't really care seeing as how at this time"TK" and I are still soaking up the sheets something proper. So I drop it and less than a week later he takes his relationshp status down completely. I guess he assumed that I would take this as confirmation that he and old girl weren't together anymore. Silly boy...the fact that he took it down completely let me know they were still together, otherwise he would have listed his status as "single". But, I let him think he got that one. As the weeks go on, he's really getting into this whole "boyfriend" role: sending me texts telling me he loves me misses me, is thinking about me, blah, blah, blah.

Around this time is when I decided that I would stop dealing with "TK's" lying ass and become an evil vixen, so I turn my evil on and start to facebook flirt with him. He facebook flirts back and I start to think maybe he did stop messing with her after all since he doesn't seem to be afraid of the fact that we can both see each other on his page. Turns out, he was just stupid and didn't think that far in advance. So sad... I send him a notification to list the two of us in a relationship as a test and he drags his ass accepting it.

While perusing his page one day, I notice that Nataya has left comments on some of his threads that would make it seem as if they were still together, or, at the very least still cool. For instance, there was a comment some chick left on one of his pics that said how sexy he looked. Right underneath that was a comment from Nataya (The "ex") saying for 'Boyfriend" to "check his groupies". Both comments were left after I told him he was my boyfriend and waaay after the two of them had allegedly broken up mind you.

Now, a few weeks prior, we were arguing over him not getting the drawers and we were saying we should just call the whole thing off and he told me "I'll just go back to my ex that never did anything to me and that I left to see what was up with you". Ok, so if you and this girl were just fine until one day you broke up with her unexpectedely, why is she still so ok with it that 1- she's still your friend on facebook and 2- she's stilll leaving comments as if she loves you? Shouldn't her face still be somewhere buried in a pillow with tears flowing from her eyes? And didn't you tell me before that ya'll had been broken up before we even started to speak again so how did you leave her for me??? Anyway, I keep all of this to myself and secretly plot to bring him down. I learned along time ago to not let the enemy know all that I know or my next move.

So he tells me about a trip he had planned already to the Poconos and asks me to come. I decline (like he knew I would). I don't hear from him from Friday when he left until the Sunday when he gets back. He tells me he didn't get service up there and, on top of that, he forgot his phone charger at home so his battery died. Smch Yea, whatever nicca.

He gets back and he has a trip planned for the following weekend as well. (all of these plans were made months in advance) so his week is spent getting prepared for the cruise. I see him here and there. He leaves on Friday (the same night that I was chillin with Obama (click the link if u missed that) so I didn't get to see him before he left. He calls me Saturday  and we talk and he tells me how mad he is that he didn't have time to see me all week and that when he gets back I'm staying with him. *blank stare/yawn* . Anyway, I go on facebook after we get off the phone and see that his "ex" has written, "FU!!!! And I'm so serious!" on his wall. I call him back and ask why shorty is mad. He says, "I don't know and I don't give a fuck!". He says it with such conviction and a bass in his voice that I didn't even know he had, that I drop it. I check again about an hour later and see that she has now written, "I love you MORE!!!". I hit the "like" button and send him a text that says,  "I see you still on your bullshit. You can play those games without me. No need to respond. Dueces."

The next morning I get to work and see that 'Boyfriend's" "ex" has sent me a friend request on facebook.....

To be continued....

P.s- What does that pic have to do with the story? That is Motomoto form Madagascar 2. "Boyfriend" remind me of him- Big and Sexy. lol I actually called him Moto as a pet name at the height of our "relationship"

*He called me from a blocked number about a week ago talmbout, "What up" like shit was sweet. When I didn't give him the enthusiasm I guess he'd become accustomed to, he told me he'd call me back. Haven't heard from him since...

An Open Letter to "Mr. Big"

I had the unexpected pleasure of seeing a picture of Her today and, all hating aside, I am not impressed. I can see what it was that drew you to her though (didn’t we always joke about how you love the chickens?) lol From her blunt-blackened lips to her bra-less, saggy breasts, to the blotches on her exposed "cleavage" that heavily resemble smudges of newspaper ink {wash much, bitch? I keed lol} she is all that you desire and more (the rooster haircut was more than even I had bargained for). Being able to put a face to all of the many . . . interesting . . .things you’ve already told me about her has opened my eyes quite a bit.

As much as I hate to play prophet (though a facebook quiz I recently took confirmed that prophesy is my calling) I can see your future clearly. In another year or so, Her will be pregnant with your child (well, this won’t actually be able to be confirmed until the DNA test results are in, but let’s hope for the best, mmkay?) and two years from now you’ll be racking your brain trying to figure out how you got yet another Bonequisha-esque, hoodrat chick pregnant. You’ll be at home with all of your little “chicken nuggets” while Her is out at the club dropping it like it’s hot right next to your first babymom’s (whom I affectionately have dubbed “Chicken Hut”)

Now I understand why you and I could not be. Despite your claims that Chicken Hut’s hoodrat ways came as a shock to you (even tho in the every next breath you told me how she was 14yrs. old drinking 40’s when you met her), I can now see that that is what you like. It’s ok, really. As much as they enjoy it, not every man can handle a real woman. Some men need their woman to be out in the clubs every night, neglecting their kids, flirting with their best friends and taking days off from work so that the can get high. I now understand why our deep discussions on everything from the best rapper dead or alive to gentrification to the state of the black family or our mutual interests in the works of W.E.B Dubois, Karl Marx and Herbert Spencer or us being able to go from homies to lovers to confidants to (respectful) debating opponents was not enough for me to preserve your affections. I can now see why despite my ability to “ride” for you (without you even being my man for most of our time knowing each other) and notwithstanding the fact that my strength was something you have always complimented me on (along with my mothering skills, cooking abilities and oral techniques . . . but I digress). As I was saying, in spite of the fact that you labeled me “The BEST, hands down” in my sexual abilities, today I can clearly see why it was Her that you chose and not I . . . .


You sir, are a pussy.

"You have a nice life 2"

Mr. Big Saga Wrap-up

A week later I saw that his facebook status had changed to "In a relationship" and I shut down for awhile. So many things went thru my head, I can't even. . . .

Fast forward (again) to us exchanging belongings and me "discovering" that he wasn't in a relationship. (His explanation for changing it was that it was in order to repel a couple of girls on his friends list. At the time, he an I were not facebook friends because I had deleted him, so I didn't even get into how he disregarded my feelings. He truly didn't think I'd ever see it. Oh, and don't ask how I knew his facebook status had changed, just keep in mind that my incessant need to know what's going on keeps me busy.)

Anyway, after that night we talked on and off and I called him a few nights just to prove (to myself, I guess) that "Her" couldn't be all that if he was still dropping every thing and running whenever I called.

I stopped sleeping with him a few weeks ago, and he called every now and then. I was getting good at breathing without him around and tried to move on. I had accepted him as my facebook friend again, but was doing a good job at ignoring his existence. I didn't even update my status with him in mind. lol But, I lost my shit when I logged on and saw his status front and center: "Had a great day with my baby boo and her fam".

I dialed Sprint immediately and changed my number, I blocked and deleted him from my facebook page and last weekend I moved out of my apartment. I tried my damnedest to change my email, but discovered it would be too much work. I need to move on. I need for him to not have access to me. I am the only element that I can control, so I had to do every thing in my power to ensure that he couldn't reach me when he felt inclined to because I don't feel strong enough to not get sucked back in.

My test came just yesterday when I got an im from him:

Mr. Big (11.47am): Hi Tee
Mr. Big (11.54am): No hi?
Mr. Big (12.01am): You have a nice life 2

Now, I can't take too many kudos for being strong, because I didn't see the msg until after he had logged off. But, to my credit, when I did see it, I did't email him or im him and let him know why I hadn't responded immediately. I let it end at " You have a nice life 2".

As one of my favorite ppl would say: Time to rebuild this house of cards with Kings and Queens and get these Jokers out of here!

I think I'm ready to move on . . .

25 Random Facts About Me

1) I am deathly afraid of crackheads and anyone who is “too” high.

2.) I feel like melting when people touch me uninvited.

3.) I usually envision myself stabbing these same people right before I melt.

4.) I want a personal assistant so that I can make him/her pick out all of the green gummi bears for me to eat. The green ones are the yummiest!

5.) I once bit an ex on the lip so badly that he needed 11 stitches. (no means no, boys!)

6.) I have three VERY close friends and I make it a point to not tell any one of them EVERY thing. They each know bits and pieces. One may know my motive for the killings, the other one knows the method by which I did the killings and the other knows of the time of the killings, but NO ONE knows where the bodies are buried.

7.) These 3 close friends? Yea, I don’t allow them to interact with one another! Lol

8.) The day after an argument with an ex, I took all of the remote controls with me to work and changed the channel to 800 and something while he was asleep. I also took all of the phone cords and put a password lock on the computer. (If I’m not ok, you sir, are NOT ok)

9.) I believe I am slightly psychic. Sometimes I just know things with no real clue how I know them.

10.) I long for the day when they make a chip-less chocolate chip cookie. No, sugar cookies are NOT the same thing. I want the dough of the cc cookie sans chips dammit!

11.) I can only eat the 9 or 10 slices of bread located in the dead middle of the loaf.

12.) I absolutely LOVE the scent of baby powder.

13.) I am an only child even though I have four sisters.

14.) I cried when Torres’ car got blown up in New York Undercover. It STILL brings me to tears. They ain’t even have to do him like that.

15.) I can play 3 Blind Mice on the flute, yet I don’t recall ever learning this.

16.) I sometimes have to remind myself that I am grown and therefore can do what I want. (i.e., have ice cream for lunch)

17.) Hearing the p-word used to label a woman’s “lady parts” used to make me cringe. Now I am forcing myself to get over it by saying the word as often as possible. (IDK why)

18.) I recently hosted an episode of “To Catch a Cheater” at my house with a lying ex and his girlfriend. Dude was NOT happy! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

19.) I the cause of a guy’s trip to the ER due to a broken appendage. He still walks kinda funny. . .

20.) I started cooking when I was about 6 or 7 and my sister actually ate my creations.

21.) I have fantastic investigative skills

22.) My son and I (unintentionally) have exactly the same amount of letters in our names (First-5, Middle-8, Last-11, Total-24)

23.) I’m running out of random PG-13 things to share with you guys

24.) I didn’t vote for Barack because he’s black. I voted for him because his WIFE is!

25.) I hold my farts in during the day and let them out when I’, asleep. (or so I’ve been told) lol