Yo.

I just wrote an entire blog giving recaps on Sweet Black Pipe, Street Fighter and Obama and lost it due to a series of unfortunate computer events. Sigh So here's the recapped, recap:

Sweet Black Pipe- Done. I don't wanna kick it and he only wants sex. Saw him at the bar and he gave me a head nod. Guess he feels it's ok for his mouth to open while near my lady parts but not to say hello. *shrugs* Whatever.

Street Fighter- Still stupid, still texts me for some reason. Doesn't get a response and I haven't been to Barbara's in a few weeks so I haven't seen him. He can eat a dick too.

Obama- Stayed with me for the rest of the week until that Saturday. Had his daughter during the day and her mother was bullshitting with picking her up. Then something happened and he said she's done "some stupid shit" and he went out with his boys to blow steam. He was supposed to come to my house afterwards but didn't. The next day I text him and he replied that he'd "See me on the weekend". I deleted his number. That Wednesday he dropped by unannounced because he was "in the area" and stayed for about 15 minutes. I told him that I'd deleted his number and he got upset saying I was trying to cut him off* and "Oh, you must miss me" and "You wanna be a big baby" and was tcikling me and bear hugging me trying to make me laugh (it worked, I'm a sucker for a tickler). When he was leaving he said again that he'd see me on the weekend- that was the last I heard from him.

I haven't tried to call/text him because well.. I deleted his number. IDK what's going on with him but hopefully he's ok. That's all I really wanna say about that.

*I don't do well with goodbyes. Usually when I feel that my presence is no longer appreciated, or that I'm falling too fast for someone that means me no good, I make myself scarce. He knows this and he always tells me not to go rogue on him and cut him off. 

Obama Mania?

Ok, So I'm not in love with Obama, but for a minute there he was blurring the lines. I actually had to pull back from him and go awhile without seeing him because I felt like he was trying to confuse me. How you ask? Well it started one night when we were at my house watching a movie. My friends were going out and I had chose to stay in with Obama so that I could get me some. (yea, I said it).

Well, after a drink or two, I started feeling seeeeeexy (beyonce voice) and I went to to the bathroom only to descover that my "Auntie" had arrived two days early. I came out of the bathroom extremely upset. Like stomping-my-feet-and-yelling, "This is BULLSHIT" -upset. He asked what was wrong and like a big baby I told him I'd started my period and poked out my lip and said "I never get to have sex" (Yes, "Dramatic" is my middle name) and pouted even harder. He stood up, looked in my eyes, caressed my cheek with his thumb, kissed my forehead and said, "I don't come over here for sex, I come over for you, silly" and laughed.

Now in that split second, I loved him. I loved him with all of my heart and I thanked God for sending him my way. Then I remembered that he wasn't mine and I started to walk around the house finding something to where. He saw this and asked if I was going out and I said yea. He reponded with just an, "Oh." and got quiet. So I went over to him, hugged him and said, "Why, you wanna stay here and cuddle and talk about our feelings instead?" And laughed. I think I actualluy hurt his feelings because he didn't even respond, he just finished smoking, watched me transfrom from "sweatpants, hair tied, chillin with no make-up on" to 'Party, party, party, let's all get wasted" and then waited outside with me until "T" came to pick  me up. Looking back, I know he was sitting there liek WTF?!? but dude....c'mon....let's not make this something its not and could never be. Not only are you in a relationship that includes a newborn, but you've succeeded in letting me kno wthat I could NEVER trust you. It is what it is.*kanye shrug*

Now had I gotten sucked into whatever it was he was doing, I'd be in a clusterfuck of emotions right now. Especially considering how he doted on me after my dad passed. He called me numerous times a day, everyday to check on me and would ask me if I wanted company because he "couldn't handle thinking about me at home alone". I declined and made sure I only saw him on the weekends and only on Friday or Saturday. Never both and never more than that.

The last time we slept together he was saying relationshipy stuff like, "You missed Daddy, didn't you" and "This ___got my name all over it don't it?". Now, I think the reason for this was from him realizing that he's the only person I've been sleeping with and it going to his head. But still...his ass needs to get focused before I fall in love and ish becomes a problem. *sigh*

It also doesn't help that he comes in replacing lightbulbs and whatnot and taking out garbage and stuffs. He even mentioned something about moving into a studio apartment (which I ignored). All I know is he needs to get focused and remember what this is: A jumpoff situation. I'll do my part to make sure ish don't get out of hand, but I'mma really need him to get it together.

I think it would be easier for me if he wasn't someone that I would deal with on another level, but he is. When we first started talking, a few years ago, I put him in the potential boo category- which is why it took me so long to sleep with him back then. The fact that I genuinely like him is a problem- which is why I need for someone else to take up my time so that I don't get caught up into he and I too much.

*sigh* and smh  

I know, I know...I could just stop sleeping with and seeing him, right? But really, what's the fun in that??? Plus the sex is soooooooooo good. So. Good.

IHATECHU

This is my son's father, Lucifer------->

I hate him so much. Sometime I just sit and think about how much I hate him and plot ways to kill him without doing any time. Only thing is, if something ever did really happen to the fucker under questionable circumstance, I'd be the very first person questioned. NOT because I'm the only one that hates him with the venom of a million venomous rattle snakes, but because I tell anyone who would listen how I'd like for him to not be alive anymore..including Lucifer himself. Now, yes, I do know how horrible it is to wish death on some one...and i have been so distraught over this that I actually cried hysterically to my sister over the phone one day because I hated him so much and I needed her to pray with me for the hatred to be removed from my heart. So, yea...I'm working on it. In fact, I had come to the conclusion before that perhaps it would be best if he just was a man about it and offed himself. you know, fall on his sword so to speak...the world would be a much greater place without him and his kids (3 by three different women) would at least get social security...which is more than they get from him while he's alive. But, now I'm feeling liek he is a real live evil do-er and it i smy duty to wipe him off the face of the Earth once and for all for the greater good of all mankind. *shrugs*

Now…for those of you who are thinking ‘Well you knew he was like that before you had his baby..” I say, Fuck ya’ll, ya’ll don’t know my life!!!! Lol Nah, but in ALL honestly, I was bamboozled. When I met him he had a five yr old daughter that he adored and who was always with him, his own apt and TWO jobs. TWO WEEKS before I found out I was pregnant I looked at him and decided I couldn’t mess with him any more cause at that moment he was high and looked like an absolute crack head. It was like I saw my future with him at that exact moment and I needed to run very far away from it. When I found out I had a baby on the way I let him know and told him that he could have or leave any parts of raising the baby that he wanted. He decided he wanted in. We worked on “us” and when I was 4 months he left me for an older woman who bought him shit. (Not even any shade, he himself said THAT was the reason). He then dropped of f the face of the earth and became her boy toy full time and acted as a dad to her two kids and I got over my broken heart, trekked back and forth to college taking classes and working. He called me out of the blue when I was almost six and a half months and had nothing productive to say or contribute to my pregnancy. I delivered my son prematurely less than a week later and yes I blame his ass for that. He made my body unwelcoming to my baby with the all of the emotions he stirred in me and my baby wanted out.

Through out my son’s life he has come and gone whenever he felt like it. My son is VERY aware of who his father is and even spends summers with him. (More like with his father’s girlfriend as his father whores around but still) The best way for me to demonstrate why I hate him would be to give you some examples of his character so that you guys can all have sympathy for me and want to help me rid the world of him:

When my son was born he was in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). Only immediate family member where allowed in this area and the hospital issued wrist bands to those allowed access- only two per family. Seeing as how I was a young (21), unwed college student, my mother was the second person with the wrist band. The day after my son’s birthday, my mom gave the wrist bad to Lucifer who came up ONE time to see my son (through out his entire 80 day stay) and then took the wrist band off…and eventually gave it back to my mom. Said he could stand to see his son laid up in no incubator.

When my son was released from the hospital, 80 days after his birth, I stayed home to take care for him and applied for welfare (my semester of school was over and I took the following semester off.) I lived off of saving and welfare for three months and then got a job. My mom watched the bay for me. In August, my mother couldn’t watch him anymore and his father acted as if he couldn’t either (even tho I said “watch him and I’ll work, you don’t have to pay me anything in child support). So I quite my job. Two months after quitting saving was running low…I told Lucifer that the baby needed walking shoes. He told me he was gonna be in his cousin’s wedding the following month and needed his money for that and that I couldn’t get blood from a turnip. My response? I can’t but I bet child support can. Apparently you need “the man” to help you get your priorities straight. It took me a week before I got a chance to file for child support and tell me why they already had a case pending listing ME as the defendant. This sucka had tried to be one step ahead of me by suing ME for visitation…dumbass…I still filed for support and made sure every day he asked for was when he had my son.

On one of he requested weekend… he picked my son up to have for the weekend and then bought him back fur hours later talmbout he and his girlfriend hadn’t been alone in awhile to have sex and they needed that night together.

What else…what else…?

Oh yea…he broke up with the chick he left me for when he went to visit his mom in NC and found another sucka “woman” with more money to support him. Then he up and moved to NC…did I mention BOTH his kids live in JERSEY???

He got ole girl pregnant within a month…and was BARELY fully broken up from chick he left me for.

He started having my son for the summer vacations after that and it would be his mom that my son stayed with mostly.

ALL OF THIS TIME MY CHILD SUPPORT PAYMENT HAVE BEEN SPORADIC B/C THE NIGGA REFUSES TO KEEP A JOB!!!

He calls my son about as often as he does make payment ..which ain’t much at all.

Fastforward to this summer (my son is 7 at this time). He and his now fiancé say they want my baby to stay down for the school. Year. Now this was something I’d actually told Lucifer when my son was born. When he turned five, I wanted Lucifer to be the sole guardian because I can’t teach a boy how to be a man. He agreed…but never got his shit together. So in the summer he and his “fiancé” were having a good week (cause Lord know every OTHER week they were breaking up their ghetto Brady bunch- {she has two kids from a previous relation ship, he has two and they have a child together}. Anyway, during this time they convince me that they wanted him to stay and everything was rainbows glitter down there. Their “wedding” was planned for August 14th; I told the fiancé that if he actually married her, my son could stay because that would be a very clear indication that he was a changed man. August 14th comes and goes…no wedding…in fact…they break up. *gasp*

Then Lucifer says he’ll be sending my son home.

THEN…less than a week later… Lucifer calls and gives me this speech about how he’s moving out on his own and still wants my son to stay down there. Fine. He tells me he needs me to send school clothes for him. I do.

THEN he says that he didn’t get the job he thought he would, so my son is coming home, but he’s gonna send for him in NOVEMBER.

Five minutes later he leaves a msg saying that he’s a man and he’ll work it out…my son is staying…he just needs his birth certificate and social security card to apply for this low income apt complex near his mom.

Fine I send that out AND a letter stating that he was to act as his legal guardian on my behalf since his name isn’t on the birth certificate.

Then he calls and says my baby has to come home. This time I say, “No. I send the paper. He’s your responsibility now.” I do this, because I didn’t want my bay back home, but because I knew he would try to bring him back then conveniently “forget” to bring back the docs and would no doubt claim my son as his dependent. Not I said the cat. I say “Nah, you got him now.” Click.

Then he calls and leaves a msg saying ‘U right, he can stay. Not cause you said so, but because I know what I gotta do as a man”. Smch

THEN he calls me AGAIN less than half an hour and leaves a msg saying I just wanted my son down there so I could run around in the bars and fuck niggas and that he know what the fuck he gotta do and I need to just work with him. And he gonna come to JC and “do what he gotta do” Mind you all this time I’ve agreed to whatever he’s asked.

After this message, I call his mother and she tells me that the “fiancé” mealticket girlfriend is moving from North Carolina to Georgia and said that my son couldn’t come along. Apparently, Lucifer wanted to follow his bread and butter…only son be damned. Makes sense…She then tells me that she and her husband want my son to stay down there with them (where he spent most of the summer anyway) and that we’ll let Lucifer think that he’s getting his way and that they’ll come up to visit in the beginning of September, pretend to drop my son off, and then take him right back down to NC with them

In November he left a msg on my moms phone saying that hi smother did drugs and he didn’t want my son down there with her and that I just had to be patient and he would’ve came and got him by now. I stopped listening, but my mom later told me that he also said he was going to sign away his parental rights. Sign them away to whom, idk…still patiently waiting on those papers.

Since November he’s been calling his mom’s phone to talk to my son asking about his teacher and what time he gets out of school and that he’ll see him soon,. As if he’s plotting to come and kidnap my son. I made it clear to his moms that I would treat him like a stranger if he did.. Amber alerts and all and that she should let him know he don’t wanna give me a reason.

On Christmas, his mother tells me that he called there for my son and said ‘merry Christmas…I’m gonna whoop your ass when I see you”. When my son asked why, Lucifer told him it was because he had a smart mouth. What was so smart about my son’s mouth? In the conversation they had had prior, Lucifer told my son that he was gonna come get him in a few months and my son said he didn’t want to go with him.

Oh yea..and remeber that whole situation with my ex-sister?  Yea, well it seems that after Lucifer called her husband he somehow forgot about his reasoning for calling and pretty much let dude convince him that it was nothing and that my son was just a big baby and I had him spoiled. Dude also gave very false info about how I was alway sgoing out. This couldn't be farther from the truth. Not only did I not go ANY where when my son was with me, but often times I had my son AND my nephews. So where the fuck was I going????? Smch.

There was one more thing I wanted to add.....what....was...it.....????? Damn, I can't remember..screw it...I think that's enough for now anyway. WAIT I remember... I infiltrated his facebook page under an assumed name and found out that LUCIFER IS A MENTOR in the city I live in. There it was as his profile pic, him at a basketball court with a bunch of young boys. His caption read how kids are the future and need men to show them the way yada, yada, yada. Did I mention the date stamp on the pic was July 09...when my son was in  NC...and Lucifer came up here with his "fiance" for "business". So he left his actual kids in North Carolina where they had come to visit HIM, just so he could come to THEIR homes city and mentor youth??? WTF. When my son gets home I'm taking him to that mentoring program. Maybe he'll get Lucifer as a mentor and get to actually spend some quality time with the son of a bitch. Smch.

So yea….I hate that motherfucker.

***My aplogies for any typos, run-on sentences, etc...I was mad as hell writing this****

Emotionally Unavailabe {DiAl mY hEaRt}*

Sorry, lovey-dovey Enigma can't come to the phone right now. Your calls for weekend getaways and trips to the circus with 'the kids' will not be answered at this time. I'm not available for long talks about your dreams of our tomorrow. I woke up a long time ago. . .your sleeping and dreaming alone, my dear.

Your calls for love and marriage cannot be completed at this time. Please, check the number you are dialing and try your call again. . .when the memories of past calls are not seared into my brain and when my voicemail box is not so full. Oh. . .did you think you were the only one dialing my number????? Sorry . . .I get calls everyday from people just like you trying to sell me dreams without sending me something in writing. . .yes, right now your in the same league as those damned telemarketers. .. trying to sell me something I don't want or need right now, just to fill your own quota and agenda. . .not today. I'll try to get back to you at my earliest convenience, but now just isn't the time.

Yes, I know that I have free-incoming. . .I'm only 25, so it costs me nothing to hear what you have to say... time is on my side. But, in all honesty, I don't want to waste my voice-mails on any unsolicited calls. . .they just confuse me. Perhaps you can draw me a picture and mail it to me since you can't reach me by phone. I'm much more responsive when the actions are shown as opposed to told to me. Yea. . .draw me a picture of that house that you'll buy me with the picket fence and 'the kids' playing in the yard that you just mowed. . .cause without that in front of me, I. just. can't. see .it.

Maybe you should just hang it up, and try your call at a later time. As much as I'd hate to have you forget my number. . .or decide that I'm not the woman you want to call. . . I'd understand. We have different long-distance services that need to be met, and frankly, all I'm doing is burning up your daytime minutes.

So, a word to the wise, try me again when you have the minutes to spare, b/c I don't want to be the reason that you miss out when a more-available woman tries to reach you. Please, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I don't want to ever speak to you, but when I'm ready, I'll call you. But until that time comes, don't be suprised if I'm emotionally unavailable.

*Originally written for Myspace on May 21, 2007

The Realest Shit I Ever Wrote: Mommie Dearest

**ENIGMA's NOTE: So yea...I started this blog on 12/1 and then finished it up today 12/14 (from where I say my sister hates to be babied). My sister went home to her husband on Dec. 6th and let me say the change has been drastic. I'm thinkig that maybe my mother can only actually "mother" one of us at a time. IDK...but things aren't as bad anymore. (even tho I still give her the side eye...fool me once dammit...**
***************************************

Yea so I'm having a moment right now. I just had a two minute crying session that started over a fried egg and ended with me finally realizing that perhaps my mother does not love me as much as she should. Shall we go back?

Ok, so my older sister (The one I am closest to) had surgery a few weeks back and has been recovering at my mom's house. Now even though my sister is nine years older than me, (and we have two others older than her), my mom has always, always, ALWAYS babied/favored her. For the most part I've ignored this because, well, my sister is kinda exceptionably loveable. I mean, she's my favoritest person in the world (next to my son) so why wouldn't she be my mom's fav too? But the problem is that my mother is so very blatant with her favoritism that it's hard to not feel fucked up about it. Especially since its usually the three of us that are together doing things since my oldest sister is always on the move and the other one recognized the favortism early on and now only fucks with my mom on a need-to/obligatory basis. So, whenever we decide to do things "as a family", its usually my mom, my sister and I and our children (she has a 14 yr old daughter) and I have the pleasure of witnessing the favoriteism first-hand.

Anyway, since my sister had the surgery, my mom has been on overdrive. Now, let me mention that my sister is in and out of the hospital all of the time and has alot of health issues that she constantly deals with. Last month, she had a hysterectomy as a last resort to getting a handle on her terrible mentrual cycle. So, of course, my mother's doting lately is very much so deserved. Weird enough, it was my sister who reminded me that the procedure she had done was very similar to a woman getting a C-Section and the recovery process is pretty much identical. Ready for the fun part? I had a C-Section when I had my son and NO ONE took care of me. I was living with my mom at the time and my son was still in the hospital when I was discharged (he was a preemie). At the time, my mother had stopped working and was helping her elderly aunt during the day. My sister came to get me from the hospital and bought me home. She had her own apartment at the time and had to go back to work. So the day I was discharged, four days after being cut open and delivering a premature child, I was at home, alone, fending for myself. I actually laid on my bed and cried for at least an hour after my sis dropped me off and I label that as my lonliest moment EVER in my life so far. And I was by myself everyday thereafter and still manage to drag my ass right back up to the hospital that same day to sit by my baby's incubater.

 Now, there is no doubt in my mind that if I had been my sister, my mom would have found a way to be there to take care of her. No. Doubt. At ALL. But, I never made a fuss about it.

And there are so many stories that I have like this, yet, I admit, that is the most severe. And the most painful now that I compare my experience to my sister's. The funny part is that my sister hates to be babied* and is as strong, if not stronger, than I, so it's not even a matter of my mom thinking my sister needs her more. It's just a blatant favortism.


*sigh*


Ok, so what led to this you ask? Last weekend (Sunday) I woke up hung over from Saturday night's events. I went downstairs where my sister was and my mom was in the kitchen and said she was making my sister a fried egg and asked if I wanted one. I jumped on the bandwagon and said yea figuring I needed something in my system, I was in no shape to cook or go out to get something, and this would be the ONLY time I could get my mom to cook at will like that. I eat my egg, go upstairs and sleep for a few hours. I get up later go down and I'm still feelng crappy so I asik my mom to make me another egg. Keep in mind I NEVER ask her to do ANYthing for me. She tells me to get out of here then says she'll do it in a minute. She makes the egg for me, I make a slice of toast and eat. I tell her thank you, give her kisses and go back to bed. Fastforward to earlier today when my sister tells me that my mother was bitching and complaining about making me the egg saying that I know damn well I could've done it myself, yada, yada, yada. WHAT???? A fucking fried egg??? The shit didn't even have cheese on it and I made my own damn toast and you complaining. SMCH.


I know that seems minor..but there's so much other shit that just makes this last straw. Like when I was thisclose to getting evicted from my apartment before, somehow managed to come up with 3 months back rent with no job and all I needed was $4oo in late fees or they were locking me out the next day. My mom had just gotten a refund check from school and I asked her if I could borrow it until my sister got paid the following week b/c she was going to loan me the money. My moms' response? "Do you really need it? I had plans for that money." *blank stare* Did I mention that they were going to LOCK ME OUT THE NEXT DAY??? Even my sister was like "I don't even know why you asked her, next time just come straight to me"
Gee, I don't knw I guess I was figuring that as my MOTHER she would help me being that she was perfectly able to and all. Silly me...

So yea...I'm bout tired of her shit....apartment hunting has officially begun...

*Or so she claims, but that's another blog. "Sister, Sister" blog coming soon...

Introducing: "The Boyfriend" {Pt. Deux}

After he has my number stored in his phone, he gives my phone back to me, tells me he'll text me in 10 minutes and peels off, busts a uwey and speeds in the opposite direction. I just stand there annoyed that he managed to do it to me again. Fifteen minutes later, I'm sitting on the bus and I get a text that reads, "So when are you going to let me lick you". I suck my teeth b/c I know that he means lick my face and not anywhere interesting and so  I text him back, "See?? Childish shit like this is the reason why you didn't have my new number. Please stop wasting my unlimited texts with this juvenile bullshit!!!"

We honestly go back and forth texting like this for a few days. Him asking to see me or asking why I stopped calling and me reminding him in great detail why I'm not beat. After about a week of this he calls and tells me that he likes me and yada, yada, yada but I wouldn't sleep with him so he never put real effort into getting me. What kind of high school shit is that??? Uh...duh...ever think that you not making any real effort is why I have no interest in sleeping with you??? 'Ole backwards as nicca. Smch

Anyway, we'd go out a few times after that, but I was so caught up in TK* that I henstly didn't study 'Boyfriend" to much. He became my boyfriend one day while we were on the phone and he was running on and on about...well..I don't really remember b/c I wasn't listening "shrug". But anyway, I cut him off and told him that if he expected me to sit and listen to him bitch and moan about every little thing that went wrong in his everyday life, he would have to be my boyfriend. I also told him that I would from then on introduce myself as his girlfriend to anyone he introduced me too and get just as crazy as a girlfriend would should he do any thing I deemed unboyfriend like. He obliged.

He also started to act like an actual boyfriend for a few weeks there..until...The Facebook Fiasco. SMH

*sighs*

Now, "Boyfriend" and I had actually become facebook friends about two weeks after I saw him that day by the bus stop. The first time I go to look at his page I see that he is listed as "In a Relationship" with some young looking girl named Nataya. So, being that he always up in my grill, I question him about it. He tells me that he doesn't mess with her anymore but he doesn't know how to take it down so he gotta wait for his cousin to come do it, yada, yada, yada. I see it for what it is (a bunch of bullshit) but I don't really care seeing as how at this time"TK" and I are still soaking up the sheets something proper. So I drop it and less than a week later he takes his relationshp status down completely. I guess he assumed that I would take this as confirmation that he and old girl weren't together anymore. Silly boy...the fact that he took it down completely let me know they were still together, otherwise he would have listed his status as "single". But, I let him think he got that one. As the weeks go on, he's really getting into this whole "boyfriend" role: sending me texts telling me he loves me misses me, is thinking about me, blah, blah, blah.

Around this time is when I decided that I would stop dealing with "TK's" lying ass and become an evil vixen, so I turn my evil on and start to facebook flirt with him. He facebook flirts back and I start to think maybe he did stop messing with her after all since he doesn't seem to be afraid of the fact that we can both see each other on his page. Turns out, he was just stupid and didn't think that far in advance. So sad... I send him a notification to list the two of us in a relationship as a test and he drags his ass accepting it.

While perusing his page one day, I notice that Nataya has left comments on some of his threads that would make it seem as if they were still together, or, at the very least still cool. For instance, there was a comment some chick left on one of his pics that said how sexy he looked. Right underneath that was a comment from Nataya (The "ex") saying for 'Boyfriend" to "check his groupies". Both comments were left after I told him he was my boyfriend and waaay after the two of them had allegedly broken up mind you.

Now, a few weeks prior, we were arguing over him not getting the drawers and we were saying we should just call the whole thing off and he told me "I'll just go back to my ex that never did anything to me and that I left to see what was up with you". Ok, so if you and this girl were just fine until one day you broke up with her unexpectedely, why is she still so ok with it that 1- she's still your friend on facebook and 2- she's stilll leaving comments as if she loves you? Shouldn't her face still be somewhere buried in a pillow with tears flowing from her eyes? And didn't you tell me before that ya'll had been broken up before we even started to speak again so how did you leave her for me??? Anyway, I keep all of this to myself and secretly plot to bring him down. I learned along time ago to not let the enemy know all that I know or my next move.

So he tells me about a trip he had planned already to the Poconos and asks me to come. I decline (like he knew I would). I don't hear from him from Friday when he left until the Sunday when he gets back. He tells me he didn't get service up there and, on top of that, he forgot his phone charger at home so his battery died. Smch Yea, whatever nicca.

He gets back and he has a trip planned for the following weekend as well. (all of these plans were made months in advance) so his week is spent getting prepared for the cruise. I see him here and there. He leaves on Friday (the same night that I was chillin with Obama (click the link if u missed that) so I didn't get to see him before he left. He calls me Saturday  and we talk and he tells me how mad he is that he didn't have time to see me all week and that when he gets back I'm staying with him. *blank stare/yawn* . Anyway, I go on facebook after we get off the phone and see that his "ex" has written, "FU!!!! And I'm so serious!" on his wall. I call him back and ask why shorty is mad. He says, "I don't know and I don't give a fuck!". He says it with such conviction and a bass in his voice that I didn't even know he had, that I drop it. I check again about an hour later and see that she has now written, "I love you MORE!!!". I hit the "like" button and send him a text that says,  "I see you still on your bullshit. You can play those games without me. No need to respond. Dueces."

The next morning I get to work and see that 'Boyfriend's" "ex" has sent me a friend request on facebook.....

To be continued....

P.s- What does that pic have to do with the story? That is Motomoto form Madagascar 2. "Boyfriend" remind me of him- Big and Sexy. lol I actually called him Moto as a pet name at the height of our "relationship"

*He called me from a blocked number about a week ago talmbout, "What up" like shit was sweet. When I didn't give him the enthusiasm I guess he'd become accustomed to, he told me he'd call me back. Haven't heard from him since...

I rocks with "Obama" but I ain't no politician

Yesterday I finally chilled with Obama after bullshitting on meeting up with him for like two weeks straight. We didn't have any set plans ..more like we agreed to meet up and take it from there, but we knew drinking and chiefing would be involved. So he comes to get me and lees than twenty minutes later his sister calls him to come get her and his niece from across town. He has her on speaker as he tells her that he has his friend, a girl, in the car already. I hold my breath for her to say something slick but she doesn't. He agrees to come get her and we drive that way.

For the whole ride my stomach is in knots because I absolutely HATE meeting the chicks of the family of a guy I'm just fucking with on a superficial level. I always expect there to be attitude coming from them. So we go get them and as we're waiting for his sister and niece to come downstairs he tells me how close they are and even shows me that in his phone, his sister is listed as "Wifey". Now I'm really feeling anxious like damn...this chick gonna get in here and be on some other shit since I'm some random chick that she's never heard about before and he's damn near her man.

Anyway, they get in the car and his neice is like 16 yrs old, oh great, she prolly some sassy ass too, I think. He introduces us and everything is cool. I'm thinking to myself, "Ok, I can get through this little ten minute ride back to her crib." Well the tee hee hee is on me as somehow along the ride to drop them off, they come up with the brilliant idea that we're all gonna stop at the liquor store, get a big bottle of Pinnacle vodka (great stuff btw) and some chief and chill at her house for a minute. Ok...whatever...I prepare myself for the bullshit to come.

We get in and I see his sister is the true definition of hood chick*...she's like 30...with a 16 yr old daughter...an eyebrow piercing, the half shave hair-do..tatoos...alladat. But, much to my surprise, she is cool as hell!!! The whole time I'm there people are dropping in from next door, her dude comes by and sits and drinks with us, the weed man** comes by to drop off our shit and stays to chief with us..we start talking about Chris Brown/ Rhianna and I'm really enjoying myself. Obama and I are flirting and I'm remembering why I liked him so much, even though he and I never chilled in a public setting before, but I'm liking seeing this side of him. The sister's next door neighbor is this 18 yr old Puerto Rican kid who just got home from doing a couple of months and I can tell that he really looks up to Obama..(both figuratively and literally seeing as how Obama is like 6"6). As dude is talking he mentions how he really wishes he was home to go to Obama's baby shower. I hear this and look at Obama who is in the midst of rolling an el and refuses to look up and lock eyes with me. I make a mental note to dig into that topic with him later. Then his sister gets back from changing her clothes and we all start talking and she mentions in passing him having a baby on the way, but she says it like a question like, "You know he has a baby on the way, right?" and points to him as she says it. She doesn't do this in way as if she's ratting on him or trying to play me, more like she was in the middle of telling the story (of how she's trying to stay out of trouble and is much calmer than she used to be otherwise she'd fuck his babymomma to be up daily).I tell her, "No, I didn't know that but I'm gonna talk to him about that later" and I give him the side eye. He just smiles his Obama smile and the convo goes on.

A few hours go by and we leave out to drop his sister at this card game, he and I decide not to go in since neither one of us are gamblers and we drive around and talk. All nite I had been pretty much threatening him that we were beefing, so he knew I would have some shit to get off my chest. Now the issue with him having a child on the way is that he and I discussed the fact that he still didn't have children and he said something to the affect of nah, not yet and mentioned that he was waiting on the right person. Tchnically he didn't lie (unless you want to call it lying by omission, which I do) but there were plenty of times to mention his child to me...especially since she is set to arrive into the world in less than three weeks. He said he was gonna tell me when we saw each other, he just didn't have a chance since we hadn't really been alone all night. As we talk I also learn that he lives with the mother-to-be. Ok, I get it set in my head that we'll just be cool and chill...especially since I wasn't interested in a actually sleeping with him again...that is..until we were parked outside my house and he brushed the air out of my face and traced my collar bone with his fingers and then I remembered my favoritest part about him..he is a fantabulous kisser. So...we ended up making out in his car. :/

He called me this morning to make sure I was ok (I had told him last night that vodka gives me a hangover the next morning) and we made plans to meet up. Yea, I know...as a member of the she woman man haters club I should leave that man be and make him go home to his pregnant girlfriend during the times that he's trying to spend with me...but you know what, I won't. *shrugs*

I won't sleep with him (because I have no desire to) but I will chill with him and I will kiss him and let him feel me up from time to time if the mood so hits me. I'm learning how to date without putting all of my eggs into one basket and this will do just fine for me. Especially since I have a boyfriend now (that will probably be the next post b/c I've gotta get dressed to take my niece to the movies).

But yea, I'll still mess with him. and the beautiful part is that now I have a valid excuse for being a total cock tease, without having to tell him that he sucks in bed. So win, win for me. Plus, since I know what it is from the door, he doesn't have to worry about me blowing up his spot with his girl. Win win for everyone (except his girl, but him not spending the times with me does not mean he'd necessarily be home with her so whatever)

Ta ta for now...

*I have a friend that I'll call Brooklyn being as that is where he is from...anyway he and I have been knowing each other for a few years now and we have a homie/lover/friend relationship/ I told him that b4 I ever get married I need to have a threesome and he will be the due, so we both tend to let each other know when we stumble upon a chick that would suit both out fancies to round out our threesome. As I was sitting next to Obama at sister's house, Brooklyn text me to see what I was up to and I let him know I had a new girl crus and that even though she was hood, she was thick and she was bad (not bad meaning bad but bad meaning good ha ha ). He asked me to send a pic but, duh, I couldn't do that. Now I'm wondering how I can get Obama's sister to be in a threesome with me and my dude without her brother finding out. SMH

**Speaking of the wed man...this nigga started talking and in the midst of my own high I thought he was getting amped for a party he was going to ...and he was saying how he'd just popped and E pill and had had some Remy and was feeling ready to pop something... I thought he was talking about smashing some chick...but...when I zoned in and actually listened to what he was saying...this nigga wsa talking about going to look for some dude iwho had did something to his boy so they coiud kill him.WTF...he blew everybody high and then left. I could feel the hole room breath a sigh of relief when that door closed behind him.

SMH

Mi Vida LOCA!!!!!!!!

Fin.

So "The Killer" and I are done. I saw him yesterday and he lied to me about something really minor. I'm old enough and wise enough to know that when dudes lie about minor shit, it's usually to cover up major shit. I don't have the time, energy or patience.

Him lying in conjunction with how "us" have been lately ...yea, I'm deciding to throw in the towel now- when I'm confident I can do so without breaking down from it. I can get over him quick right now because shit's been off for a few weeks anyway and I've been putting the ice blocks around my heart(that he'd melted) back up slowly since it started mentally preparing to have to get over him. The fortress is almost fully rebuilt, my friends, let us rejoice and be glad in it.

There's no doubt in my mind that there's someone else, and I'm not sitting around while he plays us both. Nope, she wins the loser, not I. What was the lie you ask? He popped up with a new car out of nowhere...then proceeded to wash and wax that bitch with me sitting in it. One thing "The Killer" is definitely not is anyone's stunt dummy so I knew it wasn't "his boy's" as he had told me the night before when he'd said he'd come get me and I declined. I asked him who's car it was this time (assuming it was the same car from the night before, "his boys'" and he instead said it was a rental. Ummm....rental car keys don't usually have price cards for Stop and Shop and Shoprite on the keyring. Fuck I look like believing that bullshit??? Further investigation revealed a registration with a chick's name on it. A name that I'd heard in passing before while he and I were on the phone and one of his nephews asked him where Prada (his dog) was. He responded at "N***'s house". I ignored it then because N*** could have been a number of females in his family. And, to be all the way real , he was never my man, nr I his girl and if we started sharing stories of how many other people we were dealing with besides each other, I'm sure my numbers would have matched his. *kanye shrug* Hey, we were never a couple.

But if that was the case, and N*** was a family member (as I'd assumed originally), why blatantly lie to my face??? So after I see the registration, I ask him how long he's had the "rental" he tells me a few days and he and his brother have been sharing it...and he has it until Tuesday or Wednesday....oh so you just gonna keep on lying right to my face, huh? Ok, cool.

I let him know that I wasn't buying it and he tried to flip shit and get mad on some "If it was some chick car I'd just tell you blah blah bah." Whoa...who said anything about a chick? lol Dude, please stop trying to convince yourself that you're "that Dude". You know, the guy that will tell chicks shit straight up because he knows he's doing shit on the up and up and he's not trying to play with any one's feelings. You. Are. Not. Him. You are a snake. Period.

I can't be with someone that can look me dead in my eye and lie to me. Crazy thing is, it's not the being lied to part that fucks with me as much as it the insulting my intelligence part. Don't do that. Two things I've never been called in my entire life is stupid and ugly. Please don't take my intelligence for granted and please don't have me waste my pretty on you. I'm done letting "The Killer" do both.

On to the next one.

Sorry boys, the bitch is back.

Coming up...."Introducing "Victim #1" aka "Enigma's New Boytoy"...yea....