Yea, so....I be trippin

So I went thru a phase last week where I thought the best thing for my sanity would b to stop seeing Obama. Not because he'd done anything wrong, mind you. But because he was doing everything right. I am falling for this dude and I feel like at any minute I'll text him to bring paper towels with him when he comes and he'll respond with "I'll see you on the weekend" and that's not something I'd be able to handle.

I was still all in my feelings that night/early morning when he did something that had me REALLY decide to call everything off. He had borrowed my car to go to a game about 20 minutes away and said he'd be back around 11/12-ish. I was at home and fell asleep early only to wake up to a text from he saying that they'd gone out after the game and he'd be in soon. He'd left the text at about 12:30 and by the time I saw it when I woke up it was almost 2am. I text him and got no response, so then I called. It rung about seven times and went to voicemail - this never happens, he always answers when I cal and the one or two times he hasn’t he has either called me right back or text me to let me know why he couldn’t talk on the phone at the moment. For the next hour I called and called and called. Sometimes the phone would ring once and go to voicemail, other times it would go straight to vm and a few times it just rang. Now, I know what your thinking, why so much, right? Well, for starters, every since "Pookie", I get extremely nervous about those I love care about being out at night and unheard from. I just needed to hear his voice to know that everything (him and my car) were ok. He finally called me back a lill after an hour later and said he was on his way. Twenty minutes later he showed up at my door, mumbled something inaudible and then proceeded to the shower. When he got out, he came over and laid his naked body on my as I watched tv on the couch. I told him I didn't want him on me and he tried to get me to come lay with him in the bedroom. Again, no thanks, I stayed on the couch. The next day, I got up and got dressed without waking him. In the midst of the commotion I was making, he woke up on his own and asked if I was gonna ever wake him up. I said no, and then proceeded to continue getting dressed. He came over and tried to make small talk with me, but I igged him. Then, he said "Fuck it then" and went back into the bedroom. ALL of this was new behavior from him to me. I left out without him (that was the first time in weeks that he and I did not leave out together. Usually we take one of our cars and he drops me off at work. This day I drove myself in my car). I also took all of the basketball stuff he had in my trunk, bought it upstairs and dumped it right inside the front door. He had that day off of work, so when he finally woke up and saw the stuff there, he called me and asked how I expected him to carry all of the stuff home. (his car has been in the shop since early last week). I told him that wasn't my concern and that I thought I was being considerate by leaving his things since I didn't know when I'd see him again. I think this caught him off guard, especially since he know I’ve chalked deuces to guys for less. When he got quiet, I told him to call me when he had something to say. He called me back a minute later and tried to explain how he was just so tired the night before and after the game the team went to eat and he'd gone to see his daughter and fell asleep holding her. He said he thought his daughter's mother was playing on his phone but wasn't sure until he left out and saw how many times I called. I explained to him that the time he came in and where he was for that matter wasn’t what had me upset, it was that I didn't know where MY car was. In my head, he was laying in a ditch bleeding from the head as his attacker hit ignore on my calls and his attackers friends bashed in the windows to my car. In fact, once he called me and told me he was on his way, I was instantly sleepy again. I honestly just needed to know that my car would be in the front of my house when it came time for me to go to work. Nonetheless, I eventually realized that it was more than that that upset me - it was the fact that I was trapped in a bonified girlfriend scenario with NO BOYFRIEND. I would be remiss to add that he is a known cheater. Him going out and sleeping around is something I can't gripe bout since he isn't "mine" but my car??? Oh yea, I can gripe about that and its whereabouts alllllllll day.

So, I was really ready to cut him off. I felt like he was trying to play me and I told him as much right before I hung up on him. Ten minutes later I get a text from him saying: "I apologize. U been so good to me and a real sweetheart and know that I truly do appreciate you. I was completely wrong and I'm sorry." He then sent another about five minutes later that read: “I was mean and inconsiderate and I sincerely apologize!" I responded “Yes you were. Apology accepted.’ I sent another right after that that said "Don't do that shit again..." to which he responded: "Never! Promise."

And now after a weekend of making-up...let's just say we're right back on track. I did realize that I'd been focusing too much of my attention on him (that wholes eggs/basket theory) so I invited Sweet Black Pipe* to come watch a movie with me on Sunday. The movie sucked and I realized that Sweet Pipe is an uber jerk and pompous ass to boot. *shrugs* He did help me in deciding what to cook for dinner last night tho - blackened salmon, linguini in a light mushroom sauce and spinach with strawberry cupcakes w/cream cheese frosting for dessert....Obama loved it. lol

* I'd seen him about a week ago when Obama and I were at the courthouse fighting a parking ticket. He said he'd been busy due to a bunc of things going on with his teenage son getting into trouble and had been meaning to call. He called a few days later and basically tole me that he was so bent on trying to get me into bed because of the friends I kept and that he figure they were smuts so I must be one too. For the record, my friends are not smuts (and I told him as much). However, he told me a tidbit about a friend of a friend and ...well...let's just say I'm not even mad at him for thinking he could smut me out.

Introducing: Egypt

Egypt and I grew up in the same building. Two years my junior, I kind of looked to her as my protege, seeing as how I just knew I was the shit I was the person who showed her that there was a whole life beyond the building that we grew up in.

I was about 12/13 (which made her 10/11) and wanted to make that twenty-block trek to see my "Pookie". "Kat" was on punishment for missing curfew the last time we'd been up there and I was dreading having to go up there by myself. I went downstairs, fully prepare to suck it up and go lone when I saw young Egypt sitting in the lobby. I swear it was like a lightbulb had went of in my head. I was suddenly seeing this girl in a whole new light. She was a cute kid and I knew she was smart since her mom had me tutor her a few months prior. I figured she'd go up there and fit right in with the guys. I asked her if she wanted to come with me to see my boyfriend and she agreed. I suggested she go upstairs and get fresh (couldn't roll up there with no bum chick lol) and then we were off.

That was it. That was all I did.**

Because I was such a good kid, Egypt's mom had no problem with us being friends and Egypt soon became part of my "crew". Most of the time we were walking to see "Pookie" and his friends, but we spent just as much time holed up in one of our apartments blasting music and eating each others' parents out of house and home.

One day, "Kat", Egypt, myself and another snake-eyed bitch crew member* were chilling at my house. "Kat" and I decided we wanted to go to the store for snacks but Egypt and the snake-eyed bitch other chick didn't feel like coming, so me and Kat left them in my room watching tv. When we got back, my mom stopped us before we got to my room and said she wanted to talk to us. We all sit at the table and my mom goes into the spiel about us being at the age of experimenting, yada, yada, yada. Me and 'Kat" look at each other, laugh and ask my mom what she's talking about. My mom then tells us that she went into my room, not realizing that Egypt and the snake-eyed bitch other chick was still there and walked ino the two of them in my bed going at it like lovers. Me and "Kat" went from being shocked to straight up appalled when my mom then asked if "Kat" and I liked girls too. I think our genuine "wtf" expressions were enough to convince her as she dismissed us with a warning to watch the other two and make sure they didn't try to get us to do anything "strange" lol

"Kat" and I continued to be friends with them, but kind of at a distance. Around the same time, "Kat" and Egypt started to befriend another girl in our building, "T". 'T" and I had been play partners when we were like 6/7 but hadn't really spent much time as we got older because she went to a different elementry school than the rest of us.

One day the three of us: Egypt, "T" and I were supposed to go out and Egypt's mother was tripping saying she couldn't come out. Typical on-the-move teenagers, "T" and I chalked dueces and told Egypt we'd catch her on the flip side and proceeded to the mall. When we got back, we went to my house and listened to music. That pretty much solidified she and I as friends. Her mom was damn near never home, which gave her as much freedom as I had and she was my age, so I didn't have to contantly be concerned as to whether or not I was "turning her out". lol In turn, I had all the hot shit at my house as far as music, movies, etc. My room was a teenage girl's dream. I had even transform the floor of my closet into a "phone booth" with huge pillows. Needless to say, our friendship worked out perfectly. lol

That was eight grade, when I was 13.

A few things happened in the years following that, Egypt and her mom moved to a different part of the city, "Kat" and I stopped speaking, " I lost "Pookie", "Kat" and I fought (the day before my eight grade graduation), "Kat" and her mom moved to North Carolina, I started high school at a private school (sans crew for the first time), I started dating my high school sweetheart, AND my favorite sister moved back home and had a baby for me to flood with kisses.

Somehow when the dust cleared from all of those events, Egypt and I were no longer as close as we used to be. In fact, I barely saw her since most of my after-school time went to my boyfriend and newborn niece and the free time I did have for "girl-talk" was spent with "T" who still lived in my building and went to a cooler school than mine with a football team. (my school was a brain school- no footbal team and our girls' bb team was waaaay better than the guys. lol). Egypt and I never had a falling out or anything, I just kind moved on. I was at the new school meeting all of these new people, and she was still in grammar school trying to finish up seventh grade. *shrugs*.

I know it may sound heartless, but , in my defense, I didn't really see any of my friends, and not for nothing, Egypt didn't exactly reach out to me either. Plus, I know she wasn't totally alone. While I was boo'd up, "T" and a new crew member, Q would go to Egypt's house all of the time.

Oh no, wait. I lied. Egypt did reach out to me during my junior (her freshman) year in high school. My HS Sweetheart and I had just gone thru a whole ordeal with him telling me he'd made a mistake that resulted with a baby that could possibly be his. As we waited the three weeks for the test to confirm or deny, I got a call from Egypt out of the blue.

ME: Hello? *confused at this random as number on my caller id*

Egypt *in her new-found-i'm-finally-in-high school-chicken-head voice*: Enigmaaaaa! You know "HS Sweetie" got a baaaabyyyy?

ME: Hi Egypt., long time no hear. No, we don't know that- we're still waiting on the test-

Egypt *cutting me off*: Uh huuuuh. I'm holding her right now. Oh my gaaaaaaaawd!!!!! She looks just like HS. Sweetie***!

Me: Wow. *hangs up*

So yea, that's when I first realized that despite out years as BFF's, I could no longer look at Egypt as a certified friend nor assume that she would ever have my best interest in mind. I would have never done it that way- especially not from the chick's house. But that's just me.

Unfortunately, that was not the last time I would have to side-eye one of her moves or question  her motives.

To be continued....

* Remember the "friend" I had call "Pookie"? Yea, that was that bitch....

**Remember this as it will come up later.

***No, the baby was not his and we stayed together until the day of my graduation and broke-up for other reasons. Perhaps I'll blog about that one day....

A Teenage Love Affair (The End)

In no time at all "Pookie" and I had ditched our significant others and were back on track and together. This time things were different. In our short time apart, I had changed, and because of that, we changed. For starters, I stopped bringing an entourage with me to visit and he stopped having his crew there when I arrived. We were spending way more time alone with one another, a privilege we had not been afforded often when we were together prior. We also began to spend more time on the phone. I guess you can say our love affair matured.

We spent the next nine months or so as a certified couple. We still hadn't had sex and it seemed like a non-issue. There was one time when we'd set up a day/time to make it happen, but I got held up doing family stuff and by the time I got there his house was crowded. Amazingly we never rescheduled. I said before that I never knew of him having a girl brsides me and this time around was no different. I would come up at random times and he'd always be where he was supposed to be, doing what he was supposed to do. There was never an instance that I can remember of another girl calling my phone or anything and he never seemed to be hiding me, nor did he ever tell me that I couldn't come up there.

This new "grown-up" relationship that we had also ment that I was forced to meet the rest of his family that he stayed with (besides Moonie). This included his female cousin, Dawn. Dawn was Moonie's sister and maybe just a year younger than he was. For some reason, she never really took to me. I used to joke with my friends that she treated me like she was jealous that I got "Pookie" and she was stuck just being his cousin. Looking back, I think perhaps Dominique was her friend and this is what led to her nastiness...? IDK and there's no way for me to find out now, so...fuck it.

Anywho, Dawn never outright came out and said she didn't like me, she would just do things like tell me he wasn't there (when he was) when I called for him. This would usually lead to him calling me back two seconds later asking if I'd just called there for him. Or she'd have a million things she needed "Pookie" to do while I was there, thereby making it impossible for us to be alone.

I tried not to let her shit get too me too much and eventually found ways to avoid her all together. I noticed that if I called and asked for "Moonie" first, she'd just give him the phone with no problem, I'd then have him give "Pookie" the phone. Of the drama of a teenage life... smh

About eight months after we'd gotten back together something in "us" changed to where I felt like I needed to "test" him. Looking back, it doesn't make sense to me, and I want to chalk it up to being young and dumb. I'll have to look at my early volumes of diaries to try to recall what happened to make me feel that I could no longer trust him. But in any case, like I said, I felt like his devotion to me needed to be tested. So, me being a dummy, had one of my friends call him and act like she liked him. She used a fake name and pretended to know him thru a friend that messed with a friend of his. Needless to say, the situation got way out of control. The girl that I'd gotten to call him turned out to be a snake and stole his number without my knowledge and would call him behind my back. This of course took a toll on our relationship because he never mentioned his "mystery caller" to me, so he got the perpatual side eye from me from then on. Now, I knew that he'd never met up with her or anything, but still...(according to her they were talking on a regular basis and never once did he mention that he had a girlfriend.)

Around the same time, I started spending more time with a guy from my class. We were only friends (he was like 5'2, about 75 lbs soaking wet and with rocks in his pocket and his breath smelled like ass--so trust-nothing at all was popping with him). Anywho, I never made it a point to hide my friendship with this guy from "Pookie"" as there was no need to. "Pookie" didn't agree and he'd catch an attitude anytime I mentioned that I'd stayed after school with the guy or went to the mall with him or anything.

One night "Pookie" had called me. He'd said that he was headed back outside to play dice, but wanted to call me before it had gotten too late. Somehow we started arguing. I remember it as the worst argument we'd ever had, but that could just be because...

Like I said, we started arguing. I now think that maybe 'Pookie" took his guilt over talking to his "mystery caller" behind my back and tried to project that on me and blamed his new attitude on the time I was spending with my guy friend. Anywho, we argued. The only thing I remember about the specifics of the argument was when "Pookie" said "Well, I know when you can start spending more time with him...when I hang up."

He hung up, and that was the last time I ever spoke to him.

One thing I remember from the next day was me sitting in my living room looking at the fish tank and being angry that he'd never called me the night before to apologize. I had named one of the fish after him and at that moment I was so hurt and angry that I wished the fish would die. Somehow in my 13 year old mind, seeing that fish dead would make me feel better.

That night I called his house and Dawn answered the phone. When I asked to speak to him, she said ""Ricky died last night". I hung up disgusted that she would go so far with her games and just figured I'd speak to him the following day.

The next morning, I stopped at the diner across the street from my school to get a toasted bagel with cream cheese and jelly. While I was there I also bought the local paper. There on the very first page was a story entitled. "Killed over $5 He Didn't Scam". I read the article as I walked up the block to the school's entrance. As I got closer, my partner-in-crime at the time was walking towards me. I watched as her face went from happy to worried to panicked as she watched me drop the paper and start crying hysterically. She helped me into the school as she yelled for one of our other friend's to get our (8th grade) teacher.

Ricky Bradlee (my "Pookie") was shot and killed within an hour after he'd hung up on me.

Introducing: "Pookie" (A Teenage Love affair) Pt. Deux

I would like to re-write history and say that it took me a long time to get over "Pookie", but that just wouldn't be right. In reality, more so than any other emotion, I can vividly recall the extreme anger I felt. I think the main reason for me not being sad per se was because he was honest with me. In fact, sad as it is, I think he was THE ONLY man to ever be straight up with me and tell me to my face that he was leaving me for another woman. All of the others lied until I caught them with their dick in the cookie jar. I still had my in-school boo and I adjusted to not walking those 20 blocks much sooner than I even thought I would. I think the hardest part was knowing that Kat was still going up there and trying to find things to occupy my time while she was gone. (because I REFUSED to go back up there and risk seeing him.)

A few months went by and in that time I met a new dude. He wasn't that cute and he was dumber than a box of marbles, but he had a car, and I had places to go, so we worked out well. I didn't feel bad for using him for his whip because I knew that he was only trying to use me for sex. I held him off for as long as I could until the little girl lost in me said 'What the fuck is the point of holding out???' so I slept with him, it sucked and I didn't do it again. It seemed like after I realized the dick was trash, not even his shiny white car could keep my attention focused on him anymore. I started plotting how I'd break up with him and end our 2 month "relationship".

As if on cue, I received a call out of the blue from "Pookie" on day. He said that he had badgered Kat for my number because he missed me so much and wanted to get back together. When I questioned him about Dominique, he said that she was in NY staying with relatives for the summer and that she "knew what time it was" and wasn't returning any of his calls because she knew he was ready to break up with her.

Uh oh.... five o'clock... you know what that means... *pshooooooom*

To be continued....

Introducing: "Pookie" (A Teenage Love affair)

When I was in the seventh grade, my best friend at the time. "Kat" (who was two yrs my senior) had just gotten re-acquainted with her estranged dad and discovered that she had an older sister that lived in the same city as us. Let me say here that I was about 4 months shy of turning 13 around this time. I had lost both my virginity and my dad within the previous year, just months apart (another story for another day) I hadn't had sex since my first time, but that didn't stop me from being a boy crazy, hot-tailed little girl. I'm the baby of the family and was a fairly good kid. My older sisters were all out on their own and doing their own thing and my mom saw this as her opportunity to take a rest since I required minimal guidance (or so it appeared). I was living the good life- my sister made sure I stayed fresh, had spending money in my pocket and saw the latest movies and my mom made sure my room was fully equipped and the envy of my less-fortunate friends. As long as my grades stayed above average and i made curfew (which I didn't always manage to do), my mom gave me little to no boundaries.

Anywho, Kat and Oldersister developed a relationship and before long "Kat" and I were taking the approximately 20 block walk from our hood to visit "Kat's" older sister. At first it was just because we didn't have anything else to do and we knew that Kat's older sister would entertain us with stories of her live-in boyfriend and his crazy as friends. But, after a few weeks of us taking that daily trek after school and on weekends, we discovered an even better reason to make that block our second home...those crazy ass friends!!!. When I tell you that group was a preteen, boy-crazy girl's dream, I tell you all no lie. There were about six of them total and they were fione in their own right.

Live-In (about 26)- This was older sister's boyfriend and babydaddy. He was a cutie, but obviously off limits and a real family man, so we didn't see him much so we'll by right pass him to his little brother...

GreenEyes (about 17-18) - GreenEyes was Live-In's younger brother that lived right next door with the rest of Live-In's family. There family rolled deep... I think they had about 6 younger siblings, all extremely light and all with those green eyes. GreenEyes was probably the finest out of the whole crazy ass crew but that nigga was nuts. He once threw one of our friends down a flight of stairs for no reason at all, and tried to push my off of the side of a porch one day. (I was saved by his best friend and my boo, but still, he tried!!!). I quickly learned to stay clear of him an my boo let it be known that I was off limits as far as his antics.

Pookie *this was my actual pet name for him at the time* (about 18-19)- He was GreenEyes' best friend and lived in the apartment right next to Oldersister and Live-In. He was brown skin, about 6ft and had the sexiest, juiciest lips my 12 year old eyes had ever seen. He was more laid back than the rest of the crew and that intrigued me. It was not unusual for him to sit on the porch and shake his head as his friends showed their asses all up and down the block. You could tell that he was more mature than the rest of them and that probably had alot to do with the things he'd been thru in his young life. a life I didn't know much about save the knowledge that he was living with his Aunt and cousins because he'd "gotten in trouble". On maybe my second or third trip up to the block with Kat, he let the others know that he had his eye on me and made it his mission to make me his. It didn't take long for him to succeed.

Mooney (about 16-17)- He was Pookie's cousin and the silly one of the bunch, probably b/c he was the youngest. Mooney looked like his dad was Native American or something, his skin was a beautiful red tinted brown and he had the softest curliest jet black hair I had every seen on a black man. If he was around then we knew it wouldn't be long before our stomachs and cheeks were hurting from laughing so much. He and "Kat" soon developed a romance.

Black (about 21-22??)- Black was the OG of the group and in my personal opinion the cutest. He didn't even live on the block anymore, but came around every once in awhile just to remind folks that it was still his hood. lol Whenever he came thru, he and Mooney would keep us in stitches

There were a few others that dwindled in and out, but that was the core group of guys that Kat and I had in mind as we walk those 20 or so blocks every day. For the most part it was just the two of us going up there, but we had a few other girlfriends who would join us every now and then hoping to snag an older boo of their own.

Pookie and I developed a "relationship" that lasted about 4 months before things fell apart. I put the word relationship in quotes because it really only consisted of me going up there daily to see him and us hugging and laughing and kissing and chilling for a few hours each day. If I didn't go up there, I didn't see him. We didn't talk on the phone and there was no way his old ass was coming near my hood where an adult might catch wind of our torrid love affair. Plus, I had my in-school boo and I'm almost positive that he had other chicks too. . . especially since he and I never had sex and he never made it much of an issue.

Everything was fine until I walked up there by myself to see him one day and he invited me into the house. This in itself was weird as usually we spent out time together in the park down the street because his house was always crowded. Anywho, I go into the bedroom and there's a girl sitting on his bed. He tells me to have a seat and proceeds to tell me that the girl is Dominique, his new girlfriend. He said she was "there for him" and that he was sorry, yada, yada, yada. I storm out and he follows me to the front door. He tries to stop me from leaving so that he can apologize. He tells me he didn't mean to hurt me. I ask him "How long?". He tells me "About two weeks". I roll my eyes and punch his chest. I had just seen him two days ago and he was all over me, telling me how much he cared. I say "Well I'm sure you could have did something besides hugging and kissing all over me" and I leave out, slamming the door behind me.

Little did I know that that would not be my last time seeing him...nor would it be my last time losing him...

To be continued....