"Must not have been paying attention..."

...I stepped right on in it, didn't even notice how deep I was..."

Even while it was happening,. I'd chalked my birthday and the days immediately following it up as my birthday present from him. It all just seemed kind of deliberate, as if he'd  maybe started an argument or something with her just so that he wouldn't have to explain his absence for those days, but who knows. We still spoke and saw each other as frequently following those days of my B-Day cupcaking bliss, but with less overnights. This went on for about two weeks before the realization finally hit me: I had definitely fell in love with this man.

Now to say that this shocked me is an understatement. I mean I was actually texting my friends msgs like:

"I LOVE this nigga?!?!? Why the f@*k didn't ya'll hoes tell me?????" 

Now I had been saying it to them for awhile...(that I loved him)...but when I said it, it was more of a that's-the-dude-I-can't-stop-thinking-about-and-would-rather-chill-with-than-any-other-dude kinda way. Not in the I'mma-marry-this-nigga kinda way.

I can pinpoint the EXACT moment that my feelings became clear to me (those on my facebook friend's list can attest to that) and the reason is so simply: he was honest with me. Even though he knew the truth would hurt me and (potentially) jeopardize what ever it is that we have. But he looked me in the eye and told me the truth anyway. That is all I have ever asked of the men that I allow in because it is the one thing that I can guarantee that they will receive from me. I have NEVER experienced my request actually being granted...and without any arm-bending or food -poisoning whatsoever.

Between that and everything else that rocks about him,  I really didn't stand a chance.

The moment I realized how I really felt about him, I told him to hurry up and finish the drink he had been nursing because I needed to tell him something and he needed to be drunk to hear it. ( so dramatic, I know) Somehow we got *ahem* distracted and never got around to me telling him. However, while we were...uh..."ya know"-ing, he stopped mid-stroke, looked me in the eye and said, "You love me don"t you?" Of course, I confessed.

But...he never said it back.

I honestly don't know the EXACT sequence of event from there on. But to the best of my recollection, he and I continued to be ok (for the most part) for maybe another week until all of a sudden I barely saw/heard from him. I think I went about a week and a half with no contact (he STILL had not gotten a phone to replace the one he'd lost months ago. Even after I'd bitched and moaned about it for weeks.) It got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and told him point blank, "Love me or leave me the fcuk alone!" I told him how it hurt me to, in essence, be in love by myself. Especially seeing as how he had yet to respond to me professing my love to him - AFTER he'd asked me point-blank. I felt like a sucker. An exposed sucker to be exact. I felt like he played me. Like he was just a heart-collecter, and now that he knew I loved him, he knew he could get away with even more bullshit without worrying about losing me.

I told him I needed for him to tbe he one to end contact because, in all honesty, I did not feel as if I was strong enough to be the one to walk away. He told me straight up that I was bugging if I thought he'd really leave me alone. I told him then I would have no choice but to change my number and end all contact with him for awhile. He laughed and said, "So I'm just supposed to not call you?1?" That doesn't even sound right coming out my mouth".

I told him since he was having such a hard time choosing where to be, he should just leave me alone and focus on his family since that was what really was important in all of this. He told me that doing that WOULD be choosing and asked what made me think it would be just that easy for HIM to walk away from ME. That was honestly something I hadn't even considered. I honestly couldn't understand why he seemed so tormented when the solution seemed so clear to me. You want your daughter to have her family. I am not apart of that family. I am the weakest link - goodbye.

I told him it was over. Period. We made love again and I told him it would be the last time. He asked if I would ignore his calls, I told him that I would try my very best to. He said it wouldn't stop him from calling. I asked him for the umpteenthed time to NOT call me and to give me some time. When  he called me the. very. next. day. I answered. We chit-chatted. When it come time for us to hang up, he told me he'd call me the next day. I told him NOT to bother calling me unless it was to give me a day/time when we would meet face-to-face so that he could tell me in great detail, how HE felt about ME. He said ok and that was that.

He did not call the next day. Or the next...or...the...next. I changed my number five days after our last conversation. I felt as if I would go insane less quickly if I could trick my mind into believing that he was trying to call, I'd just changed my number too soon. Instead of what was probably closer to reality: Perhaps I had become too much of a liability as a side- dish. In my head he was laughing with his friends about me and saying thngs like, "Feelings? That is not what this was supposed to turn into. This bitch tryna make me choose?? Nah, I'm out!!"  I mean, if I had a penis, that would probably be what I would do (clearly I'd be just as trifling as a dude) *kanye shrug*

But...as time would tell...that is soooo totally NOT how he felt about me AT AL.

To be continued.... {Sorry Suga. :)}

Since birds of a feather, trife together.....

I would like to introduce you all to my favorite people in the enitre world. If you think I'm a piece of work, wait until you check out, my homie,  The Head Mistress

Show her some love, follow/comment...just keep in mind, she will respond., so don't get crazy. *Bon qui qui voice*



As for me, trying something different with Obama this week. Update coming soon.... one way or another...

Currently Under Construction

"... too many times...I've been wrong... I guess being right... takes too
long..."

FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

his daughter is in the hospital right now and has been for the past two days with some sort of infection they detected in her urine right now she's getting all of these tests so they have to keep her there for most of the week Obama has been at the hospital most of the time and stayed there last night with his daughter's mother this morning he informed me that they had a long sit down and now he is cinfused and feels like he needs to try again to work things our with her for the sake of the chil I understand it and respecthim for it but given what he's tol dme about their relationship both pre and post chil I doubt if it will owrk he says he enjoys every minute with me and doesn"t want anything to change I told him I can"t go back to being what he does Friday nights after the club closes and he said he'd never expect me too I said well if your working on your family you should do away with the side pieces anyway He said I was never a sidepiece and was always more to him then that and he never meant for me to get hurt but he doesn"t want to drag me along in his shit Now I'm going to go to the river and hope the pain washes away with each wave i see...

Really doesn't really make ME any less trifling tho, now does it?

Obama and I are headed about 90mph in a very good direction.

I'm done being afraid of my attachment to him. Nope, no slash thru - I am attached to Obama. And I told him as much. And instead of hesitation, there was excitement. I mentioned begging afraid - of needing him and losing him, of my son getting attached - because I know he will - Obama is a good guy, a genuinely GOOD GUY...and my son is drawn to that...just like his mama...Instead of him telling me he'd fall back a little to avoid that, he told me he'd thought about the same thing. And was afraid himself of getting attached to my son. Especially since his daughter's mother has been threatening to keep him from her. …because she wants him to come back home - and he refuses - because they've "always had problems" and had broken up weeks before they found out she was pregnant. And they got back together the first few months, but realized there was no making it work. “And then you {I} came back into the picture.” And then his daughter was born. And there was more trying to make a "square peg fit into a triangle slot"...that is...until he starting realizing that I "was looking more and more like the perfect fit"...and that makes so much sense…because the grimy dude he appeared to be when we reconnected just didn’t match the gentleman that I always knew him to be….

I told him about my idea for a non-profit. That is usually the barometer by which I decide who I can be with. If I really feel comfortable with you, then I tell you about my biggest dream - starting my non-profit. How you react to it (excitement, indifference, etc) determines where we go from there and whether we could ever have a future. Not only did he get excited, but he told me he'd always wanted to do something for young boys - somehow sports related of course. It would fit perfectly with the idea I have. I admitted to him that I'd slacked off with working on it, and that I'd have to start from scratch because I'd lost the work I'd done on it thus far. He told me that I needed to "get back to working on it so that we can get married, open it up and pop out some more big head babies" That day at work, I started working on my dream again. Because of him. Later that night, he checked the numbers for the Power Ball and told me that if he won I could open my non-profit tomorrow.

He's going to be subletting an apartment starting next month...and his tournament in Mexico has been pushed back to the end of July…and his sister and I may go visit him down there for our birthday weekend in August...and we're planning a road trip to VA to see some of his fam and "we can even bring your son cause my cousin has a bunch of kids he can play with"

So I say all of that to say that for now, I'm going to stop being worried about where I land....

and

just

fall.......

Sooooo.....

"Obama" and I have been pretty cozy for the last few weeks. He's stayed over every day since the weekend before my "Oh Obama....*sigh*" post and it has been very....nice....having him around. If I wasn't attached  confused before, I most certainly am now.

I want to slow myself down, but, at the same time, I'm enjoying having him around. I guess the Universe has a way of working things out because he found out yesterday that he'll be in Mexico for a month* and he leaves next week. At least that time apart will give me a chance to put things in perspective and try to figure out what it is that we're doing now, what it is we both want, and where it is we go from here.

He asked me if I'd miss him and I told him "Fif!". I then asked him, jokingly, if I was supposed to wait for him while he was gone and he just looked me in my eye and said  "At this point I shouldn"t even have to answer that".

NOW I'm feeling fucked up. NOW I feel like I should have just ran the other way as soon as his sister told me about his daughter. NOW my conscious is fucking with me. It was one thing in my head when he and I were just using each other's bodies. But now that he seems to be ok with it being more...d'oh! 

He asked me to come down during his last weekend there and I said I'd think about it. He has a couple of places he wants us to vist this summer, so I have to see how I'll alot my vacation days.

Amazingly, the day he leaves is the same day that my son comes back home, so the timing works in my favor. I can give my son all of the time and attention he and I need after a year of him being gone without having to think about how to fit "Obama" in. 

Guess we'll see what happens from here....

*He plays semi- pro b-ball and even though he said he'd be retiring this year, his manager convinced him to play through the Summer.

They broke up...

...I fell asleep in his arms for the 10th night in a row last night and now I'm sitting here watching him install the AC that he insisted we had to get for the living room.



Oops...

" I keep you happy"

Yesterday I was on the phone chatting it up with my fave friend*, "T” about Obama and were trying to decide if I should end it all with him or not. That morning he’d driven me to work and he was telling me how his “baby moms” (he never calls her his girl around me. As if that somehow makes me forget that I know that's what she is) had went thru his pockets a few weeks ago and found something in his pocket that she didn’t want in the house. We, he’d told me because it pertained to the topic we were discussing, so he wasn’t just talking about her to be talking about her. Nonetheless, all I could keep thinking is. ‘Why weren’t your pants on?”. That right there just let’s me know for certain that shit has gone too far.

‘T” and I decided that I would just tell him not to bring her up around me a gain at all, and then I’ll just be cool with shit as it is. I really can’t complain everything’s kosher, two thumbs up, Ebert and Roeper**. I’ll just enjoy it for now and chill the fuck out.

He stayed over last night and this morning we were sitting around talking and watching tv before work and we were talking about an event that I’m going to this weekend. He asked me if I was taking a date with this hurt look on his face and I told him no. He said he’d want to go with me if I asked him but that he would have to double check his schedule and make sure he wouldn’t have his daughter. When he said that, I went into my usual “I-didn’t-sign-on-for-this-shit” speech that I give him whenever he can’t do what I want him too (which isn’t too often, but he and I agree that I deserve to bitch when I want since he gets to live a double life-drama free)

But while we were talking, he said something so simple, yet dead-on that made me really sit back, think, and shut the fuck up***: “I keep you happy” . And he does. I see him enough so that I don’t feel neglected (not since his week-long hiatus and the subsequent presentation of my “You-know-I-don’t-play,-I’ll-drop-off-the-face-of-the -Earth-on-your-ass-if-you-start-acting-fucked-up” speech). But we also give each other enough space so that when we do see each other, we’re usually missing one another’s company so much that things are usually very…mushy when get in the same room.

I can totally co-sign that he makes me happy. And I have decided, that’s more than enough for me.

\

The ways in which the universe works is amazing. This was the first song that came on went I opened up Pandora this morning:

*I’ve stopped calling her my best friend b/c that is misleading. She kinda sucks as a friend sometimes but I love her and she is my FAVORITE friend as I prefer her company of almost anyone else’s.
**Drake- "Over"
***I don't usually do this- EVER lol

Oh, Obama..... *sigh*

Nothing too new to update other than the fact that Obama still has me all kinds of confustrated.

I've been telling my homie that I need an interventon to help get me off this nigga because things are just getting worse better? worse. Not that anything bad has happened, in fact, it's just the opposite. Like him staying the night at my house at least two nights week now. Or that the sex has somehow gotten even better (I think that's due to a feeling or two creeping in, hence the worse/better confusion). Not only that but it would appear that he talks about me- ALOT to the people around him. Like last night he called his sister to remind her that the Cavs were playing and I heard him tell her that he was at my house. Not "this chick's house" or "my people's house"- he said my name and she knew exactly who he was talking about. Now even though I've met her before, it was ONE time MONTHS ago and I don't even remember her name. In fact, I don't recall us being properly introduced at all with names and stuff...

Anywho...not only did she know exactly who I was when he said my name, but she asked when I was having my homewarming party- yea, I haven't seen or spoken to her since I moved and especially not about a housewarming that I haven't even finalized plans for yet, but I have spoken to Obama about it....

We headed out to pick up some food after the game and I told him to drive because I was intoxicated. He noticed the car shaking a lil while he was driving and told me how he has a bunch of friends that are mechanics and would have one of them check it out. First he calls his cousin (who used to work with my dad and dated my sister and actually drove me {along with my sister}3 hours away to start college a few years back) and told him that he needed to know what dude would charge him to do the work. I guess his cousin asked if the work was for Obama's car and he said no it's for Enigma. Then Obama laughed and blushed at whatever ole boy said and then handed me the phone. I'm thinking dude is gionna ask me about the car, but instead he says "What you doing to my lil cousin yo?" and laughed. I asked him what he meant and he told me Obama's been acting "weird" since he and I linked back up. After talking for a lil while I realized who the cousin was. He laughed even harder when he realized I was his ex's lil sister and said "Yea, now I know that nigga in trouble fuckin around wit you." (not in a bad way- more like he assumes good-good runs in my family and Obama stands no chance against the powers of the p----)

Anyway, my point is that shit is feeling very not sidepieceish and I'm scared. Yes, I said it, I'm scared. I want to stop myself for falling for this dude but it's getting very hard. Every since the last time he went ghost on me, he's been on his best behavior with me. In fact, while I'm at work right now, he's off getting my car fixed and will be picking me up later.

This isn't feeling so casual anymore (to me anyway) ... :-/

*Sigh*

I blame ya'll...yea all of you readers who saw this coming and didn't try to remind me that chicks suck at seperating heart from lady parts. You guys suck.

Ok, I'm sorry...that was mean. you guys actually rock...I suck...haha...speaking of which...I'd sent Obama a text yesterday that said "U suck" and his repsonse was "U suck better." Stupid, I know, but it had me giggling all day.

Another pointless blog...don't say I never did anything to make your Friday go by just a tad bit quicker, mmkay?

Tata for now..

Oh wait- one more thing-

The other day I'd just gotten off of work and was running in the store real quick to get a paper when this dude tried to holla. He looked cute enough and his aproach was good enough (very respectful... and he called me gorgeous and I'm kinda shallow) so I was gonna give him my number. That is until his boy got out the car and started making his way to us. First dude lurked around on the passenger side of my car (me and the dude tryna holla were standing near the driver's side) His boy slowly made his way around the car until he was standing right next to us. I had given dude all but the last two digits of my number when his dude says in a low voice "You like threesomes?" I looked at him, then back at his boy who was still waiting for the last two digits of my number and chalked dueces to them both. The hell????? Is that what's acceptable these days?? I could see if I was at the bar and heard this...but in mid afternoon, still in my work gear and not a drink in site nor a bar table to dance on and this is what dudes think is ok to say to a lady?? And dude tryna holla didn't even attempt to check his boy, if not to defend the honor of a lady then AT LEAST for the biggest cockblock of the century.

So yea, I'm a lesbian now. 

Responding to the Comments....

So I went to response to Suga and Sunshinestar on my last post, but realized that it turned into a mini blog, so here it is as a post of its very own.

I have no idea what Obama is doing, and I'm honestly trying not to think about it. After losing the first blog I wrote, I was so peeved that I left a few things out in the one that got posted. For starters, I did ask him what was up with all of the newfound QT and he told me that he just needed time to be on his own and he wouldn't be living with her anymore. I also asked how long I'd have so much attention and instead of answering me he said "What you don't want me around?". I know it was a stall tactic, but instead of pursuing it further I made the decision at that moment to just continue playing my position and be happy with the time I had instead of spending it worrying about when it would end. My bestie, "T" and I were talking one morning while he was still asleep and she asked me why I wasn't in the room snuggled up under him instead of on the couch talking to her. My automatic response with absolutely NO hesitation was "I don't love them hoes" and she knew exactly what I meant. Obama and I get along great together and, if we had pursued "us" when we first met, I could possibly be the lucky girl with his child that he lives with and cheats on. But alas, that was not in the cards. Now that we are in this....thing....that we are were? in, I know he and I will never have a relationship and I don't want that. However, since selfishness is ingrained in me, what I do want is for him to be able to come to me when I need/want him to. *shrugs* But it is what it is

Also, the night that he dropped by I told him that he was "inconvenient" and had a lot of baggage. IDK if that has anything to do with his ghost act lately, but hey...you just never know

More likely than anything else, he moved back in, however, that's never stopped him from calling me or texting me before, even when his phone was out of commision for awhile. In fact, yesterday I checked my voicemails and I had one from him from like a month ago (I don't check vmails often at all...clearly) and it was during the time that his phone was broken and he left me his...excuse me, their house number to call him. Like I've said before, he sucks at knowing the rules to having a sidepiece. I know where he lives AND the telephone number to reach him and his girl if I so choose to. Luckily for him, I truly have better things to do and our limitations were made clear early on...otherwise...shit would get real ugly real quick. lol

As for Street Fighter- I think he's just so dumb, he forgot that we weren't kicking it anymore. lol

Yo.

I just wrote an entire blog giving recaps on Sweet Black Pipe, Street Fighter and Obama and lost it due to a series of unfortunate computer events. Sigh So here's the recapped, recap:

Sweet Black Pipe- Done. I don't wanna kick it and he only wants sex. Saw him at the bar and he gave me a head nod. Guess he feels it's ok for his mouth to open while near my lady parts but not to say hello. *shrugs* Whatever.

Street Fighter- Still stupid, still texts me for some reason. Doesn't get a response and I haven't been to Barbara's in a few weeks so I haven't seen him. He can eat a dick too.

Obama- Stayed with me for the rest of the week until that Saturday. Had his daughter during the day and her mother was bullshitting with picking her up. Then something happened and he said she's done "some stupid shit" and he went out with his boys to blow steam. He was supposed to come to my house afterwards but didn't. The next day I text him and he replied that he'd "See me on the weekend". I deleted his number. That Wednesday he dropped by unannounced because he was "in the area" and stayed for about 15 minutes. I told him that I'd deleted his number and he got upset saying I was trying to cut him off* and "Oh, you must miss me" and "You wanna be a big baby" and was tcikling me and bear hugging me trying to make me laugh (it worked, I'm a sucker for a tickler). When he was leaving he said again that he'd see me on the weekend- that was the last I heard from him.

I haven't tried to call/text him because well.. I deleted his number. IDK what's going on with him but hopefully he's ok. That's all I really wanna say about that.

*I don't do well with goodbyes. Usually when I feel that my presence is no longer appreciated, or that I'm falling too fast for someone that means me no good, I make myself scarce. He knows this and he always tells me not to go rogue on him and cut him off. 

Quite the pickle I've gotten myself into....

As I mentioned in my last post, Obama stayed the night at my house on Friday night (his birthday). The next day he called his sister (yes, the one I have a crush on) and while they were talking I heard him say, "Nah she took the key before I even left". Always one to take heed to the context clues around me, I realized that the reason he was able to stay over and spend most of the following day with me is because his girlfriend kicked him out. Ok, whatever.

He leaves sometime in the afternoon and tells me he'll try to come back that night but may not because he's suppose to go to some club in South Jersey with his cousin. Ok...again...whatever. I don't see him that night, but Sunday afternoon he calls and asks if I wanna see him that night. I say sure and he's there in less than an hour. I call out Monday (it was a looooooooooong night *insert cheese grin here* ) and we spend most of Monday morning layed up.

Later that afternnon, after he'd left, I was talking to my bestie telling her how I was getting attached confused and that I really wanted him to come back that night too, but at the same time I didn't want to start to expect him to come. Lo and behold as soon as she and I got off the phone, he called and said he was on his way.

Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech

My atttitude immediately changed once he and I got off of the phone. Ok, so at first it was nice that he was around so much and I am was actually starting to get a tad attached. But, now I'm more on it like "Negro is you trying to move in with me on the low?!" A night or two was fine....fun even....but uh.....THREE nights? Shouldn't you and wifey be done worked out ya'll's issues by now? *screw face*

When I left out this morning he was in the shower and yelled, "See you later" to which I replied "Cool". Now, even tho I am cool with it, part of me is on pause. I mean, how long is this going to be? And what happens when they finally do work it out and he can go back?

I have no problem with letting him stay a few nights until things get worked out, but if I get too used to having him around....well that'll just spell T-R-O-U-B-L-E for everyone involved. Plus, he continues to blur the lines, like wanting to cuddle at night, and trying to treat me like his girl instead of the sidepiece that I am.

I mean, doesn't he know the rules??? You don't stay overnight with the sidepiece or give her any inkling that she is more than a hole for you to fill. Doing anything more than that is just asking for some shit.

My bestie said that if he comes back tonite then he's mine and I should treat him as such. lol Instead I'll just ask him "what up wit dat?" and see what he has to say.

SMH at it all...

Half Baked

***Editor's Note: This was actually written on the 28th- (Sunday Night) but due to technical difficulties I couldn't post it then

I am sitting in my new apartment thinking about how, at this precise moment, I am feeling like the grown-butt-woman I knew and looked up too when I was a youngin. Just a few years ago I was looking at young women who had decent-paying full-time jobs, their own dope ass apartment and their kid (if they even had one) was always put together and she herself was never off-point appearance-wise. I am finally she. I still sometimes see chicks doing something I know for a fact is difficult to do, and wonder how they manage to pull it off so effortlessly (or at least succeed in portraying it to be such) not even realizing the difficult shit I face and conquer each day that other chicks (be they younger or not) try their damndest and can't pull off..

IDK....This blog post was supposed to be me telling ya'll that Friday was Obama's birthday and he spent the night and most of the following day with me, and him being on his way here right now, and me being confused again.

But, I'm high. And this is the blog you got, dammit.

Read it and weep bitches. Don't care if it don't make sense. Like I said I'm hiiiigggghhhh!!!

lmao

Obama Mania?

Ok, So I'm not in love with Obama, but for a minute there he was blurring the lines. I actually had to pull back from him and go awhile without seeing him because I felt like he was trying to confuse me. How you ask? Well it started one night when we were at my house watching a movie. My friends were going out and I had chose to stay in with Obama so that I could get me some. (yea, I said it).

Well, after a drink or two, I started feeling seeeeeexy (beyonce voice) and I went to to the bathroom only to descover that my "Auntie" had arrived two days early. I came out of the bathroom extremely upset. Like stomping-my-feet-and-yelling, "This is BULLSHIT" -upset. He asked what was wrong and like a big baby I told him I'd started my period and poked out my lip and said "I never get to have sex" (Yes, "Dramatic" is my middle name) and pouted even harder. He stood up, looked in my eyes, caressed my cheek with his thumb, kissed my forehead and said, "I don't come over here for sex, I come over for you, silly" and laughed.

Now in that split second, I loved him. I loved him with all of my heart and I thanked God for sending him my way. Then I remembered that he wasn't mine and I started to walk around the house finding something to where. He saw this and asked if I was going out and I said yea. He reponded with just an, "Oh." and got quiet. So I went over to him, hugged him and said, "Why, you wanna stay here and cuddle and talk about our feelings instead?" And laughed. I think I actualluy hurt his feelings because he didn't even respond, he just finished smoking, watched me transfrom from "sweatpants, hair tied, chillin with no make-up on" to 'Party, party, party, let's all get wasted" and then waited outside with me until "T" came to pick  me up. Looking back, I know he was sitting there liek WTF?!? but dude....c'mon....let's not make this something its not and could never be. Not only are you in a relationship that includes a newborn, but you've succeeded in letting me kno wthat I could NEVER trust you. It is what it is.*kanye shrug*

Now had I gotten sucked into whatever it was he was doing, I'd be in a clusterfuck of emotions right now. Especially considering how he doted on me after my dad passed. He called me numerous times a day, everyday to check on me and would ask me if I wanted company because he "couldn't handle thinking about me at home alone". I declined and made sure I only saw him on the weekends and only on Friday or Saturday. Never both and never more than that.

The last time we slept together he was saying relationshipy stuff like, "You missed Daddy, didn't you" and "This ___got my name all over it don't it?". Now, I think the reason for this was from him realizing that he's the only person I've been sleeping with and it going to his head. But still...his ass needs to get focused before I fall in love and ish becomes a problem. *sigh*

It also doesn't help that he comes in replacing lightbulbs and whatnot and taking out garbage and stuffs. He even mentioned something about moving into a studio apartment (which I ignored). All I know is he needs to get focused and remember what this is: A jumpoff situation. I'll do my part to make sure ish don't get out of hand, but I'mma really need him to get it together.

I think it would be easier for me if he wasn't someone that I would deal with on another level, but he is. When we first started talking, a few years ago, I put him in the potential boo category- which is why it took me so long to sleep with him back then. The fact that I genuinely like him is a problem- which is why I need for someone else to take up my time so that I don't get caught up into he and I too much.

*sigh* and smh  

I know, I know...I could just stop sleeping with and seeing him, right? But really, what's the fun in that??? Plus the sex is soooooooooo good. So. Good.

Introducing: Sweet Black Pipe {and Big Sexy}

Hey, hey, hey everyone. I know I had made an entire list of blogs that I needed to write. But since my blogging time seems to be limited, they'll hav eto be spaced apart instead of the onslaught of 5/6 at a time like I wante dto do.


So first things first, like I mentioned before, my dad (stepfather of 25 yrs) passed away on February 23rd. It happened so suddenly that I don't think I'll ever really come to grips with it. For right now I'm managing. I feel like I've been on auto-pilot since that night- I notice that if I watch a tv show on my DVR, I have to go back and watch it again because somehow, though I thought I was giving it my full attention, I somehow missed chunks of the show.IDK. I have an entire blog that I want to write but not now...I'm just not ready yet.

Moving on to a lighter subject...MENS!!!

So I met a new dude, "Sweet Black Pipe". (explanation of the name coming shortly) I met him at the hole-in-the-wall bar that my friends and I like to go to. I'd seen him a few times in there talking to one of my friends, but never really paid much attention to him. A few weeks ago, I noticed him looking at me and we had a nice, flirty convo (that included me grabbing on his chest and his huge arms in a semi-drunken daze) that went no where. The weekend after that, my friends took me out for shots to toast my dad whom they all knew and loved, at that same bar. This time even tho I saw Sweet Black Pipe in there, he and I didn't talk much. I did, however, began talking to another dude and gave him my number. We shall call this dude Big Sexy cause, well...he is. We had a really good convo and I actually looked forward to hearing from him. That was on a Friday. Fast forward to the morning of the following Friday at approximately 7:34 am and Big Sexy texts me a msg "Good morning gorgeous". This is Big Sexy from the bar. Remember me?" I text him back, "Yea, thought you'd forgotten about me" or something to that effect, and got no response. That night we go back to the bar and he's in there...and so is Sweet Black Pipe.

This time I notice that the two of them know each other as they spend most of the night talking. I had already made up my mind that Big Sexy would get no play from me since he waited so long to use my number, didn't respond to my text and then barely acknowledged me when he saw me at the bar that night. Coincidently Sweet Black Pipe was impressing more and more. He not only gave up his seat at the packed bar, but made another man get up so my friend and I could sit together as well. So he and I begin taking and he tells me that his cousin is interested in me as well. Confused I ask who and lo and behold his cousin, his so-close-they're-damn-near-brothers cousin is none other then Big Sexy. Never one to like confusion or too much drama, I immediately tell him that I'd given dude my number but he'd blown it and I tell him how Big Sexy blew it so that he would not make the same mistake. Sweet Black Pipe and I continue talking and we seem to be impressing each other more and more. At one point during our intimate chat, I hear a booming voice call my name. I look over and it's Big Sexy. I give him the "what up?" head nod and he booms something else. I say "Huh?" since we're right next to the jukebox and the music is blaring. He puts up his arms, says something else and then nods his head and says (what I assume is ) "Aiight". Meanwhile, Sweet Black Pipe gets me and my friend another drink. Now, under normal circumstances, I would feel some type of way about the situation b/c from the outside looking in, I could be looking like a certified scrag*. However, I'd already had it in my head that Big Sexy was not the right fit for me. Aside from his apparent lack of attention to my needs (I need attention, lots and lots of attention), he had been cutting up in the bar all night- singing all loud and drawing attention to himself. Call it what you want, but I'm the only attention whore allowed in my male/female relationships. Apparent cries for attention is just unsexy in my book, especially from men.

Anywho, when I knew me and my girl were about to head out to the next bar, I wrote my number on a napkin with the full intent on giving it to Sweet Black Pipe on my way out, if he asked. If not, then he too would have blown it with me. So, we gather our things and make our way past him to the door, he stops me and hands me his cell to enter my number. I hand him the napkin and tell him to keep up and make my exit. He texts me two hours later asking if me and my girl were good. I tell him yea and that I'll call him when I got home so that we could sit on the phone and have a drunken convo. (yea, ya girl was fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked up by that point). Of course I get home and immediately pass out. lol

The next morning, I get a text from Sweet Black Pipe asking if I'd like breakfast and that he's a great cook. Still a lil queasy but wanting to see him I say yea and that I'll come to him (Oh yea, I inherited my dad's car. God really has jokes when it comes to me. Like, "Oh, you want a car bitch? Ok.") SMH.

Anyway, I tell him I'd like corned beef hash and eggs and that I'll be there in an hour. I get casual cute and get to his house right on time. While we're eating we interview one another which is when this convo took place:

ME: So...your a plumber?

SBP: (smiling and showing his straight pearly whites) Yes, I lay pipe

ME *blush*: Oh really?

SBP: Yes, Sweet. Black. Pipe.

If he didn't have my interest before that, TRUST he had it from then on. lol

We eat, watch a gory movie on Syfy and I head out. I see him that night at the same bar and we acknowledge each other but don't talk too much. The next morning he texts me asking if I was up and moving stuff yet and if I needed help . ( I had told him that my couch was being delivered and since I'd been sleeping on my bed in the living room and my still-unpacked boxes were taking up the space in my bedroom, I had a lot of moving to do before the delivery men came at 10 with my couch.) I tell him yes and for him to give me about fifteen minutes to "get pretty". He gets there in 20 and does everything by himself and tells me to sit down. Less than ten minutes after he gets everything situated, the delivery guys ring the bell. IDk what I would have done without him considering how hungover I was. lol

Now, if you remember the post before last, I seemed a lil unsure of SBP. Well here's why. I didn't speak to or hear from him for the entire week following that. He'd text me that day (Sunday). But a text I'd sent during the week asking how work was going went unresponded (shut up, it's a word now lol). I spent all week acting like I was auditioning for the sequel to "He's Just Not That Into You"- asking my friends why he didn't call and going over our convos to try to figure out if it was something I said. Then I remembered that Big Sexy had text me "Good morning" on Monday at 6:57am and figured that maybe Sweet Pipe was stepping aside. (never responded to Big Sexy btw . Another strike for him was the times he did text me. A text to a girl you just met b4 12 on a weekday? Who does that???).

That was until Sweet Black Pipe text me on Friday saying it was rainy and asking if I wanted to lay up. I had plans with Obama already so I declined but told him I'd catch up with him Saturday. He tells me he wants me to fry him some chicken and I agree. Saturday he comes with trees and beer in tow and I fry up some chicken and we watch a Lifetime movie. Things get a lil hot and heavy by accident and he ends up getting a taste, but I nip it in the bud before it gets too far and we agree that cuddling is dangerous. lol That night I see him at the bar and he pretty much ignores me as he and Big Sexy play pool. The next afternoon he texts me that "dinner is ready. Let me know when you ready to eat" I tell him 3-ish and he say it'll be best if I come to him. I do and he's hooked up mac n cheese, cabbage and baked turkey chops and steak. We eat and watch the Cavs vs. Celtics game and I get to stepping. Before I leave I say "so I guess I wont be hearing from you this week." to which he replies "It is what it is" and laughs.

That phrase fucks with me b/c I know when I say it, I'm pretty much saying, 'This is how shit is right now, either get down with it or step the fuck off". He'd explained that he works long hours during the week and that's why I don't really hear from him. That's all fine and good, just as long as he knows all of my cookies stay n the jar until he gets a better schedule for me. I NEED ATTENTION DAMMIT. and who work so hard that they can't even send a text AT ALL throughout the week???

Now yes, he has told me that he has "friends" but no significant other, and has been sex-less for almost two months and that he lives alone and I am always welcome to come by. I kinda feel like he's trying to carry me with the whole 'It is what it is" line, but then again, why give me an open invite to his crib and let me know he's damn near always there? IDK. But what I DO know is no drawers shall he get until I get more time. Until then, I'll enjoy my (weekend) personal chef.

BTW: He's about 5"11, very well toned body, chocolate, nice smile, smells good, HUGE arms, doesn't mind watching Lifetime movies, worked as a chef for quite a few years and has been a plumber for the last twenty. Oh yea...and he's 45, but does not look a day over 35.  Plus, he's a ornball, which is good considering I have put myself in Thug Rehab. And apparently has sweet black pipe....

Anyway...what say you regarding this being MIA (M-F) bull and the subsequent "It is what it is" .  Am I missing something here????

* I learned this from my 14 yr old niece a few weeks ago. Apparently, a Scrag (n.) - is one who encompasses all of the characteristics of a jerk, whore, bitch, slut, and genuinely horrible person. Can be either male or female.

Coming Soon...

I know, I know…I’ve been quite the Neglectful Nancy, haven’t I? I apologize, really I do. The upside, however, is that while I have been NOT been updating this blog as I should,  I HAVE been sure to get myself into lots of trife situations to entertain you all. Lol Ok, maybe not all are so trife, but I do guarantee that my judgmental readers will have something to judge and my fellow trife readers will have something to lol and smh at. :)

Unfortunately I can’t fill you all in right now as “they” are still insisting that I actually work when I come to work. But, perhaps if I can manage to stay sober this weekend I’ll post a blog or two or ten. We’ll see…

In the meantime this is what you can look forward to*:

1- “Introducing: Sweet Black Pipe and Big Sexy” (possible new boo and his cousin who was/(is?) also a potential new boo)**

2- “Intoducing: “Egypt” (my very own molester/stalker/single white female-ish friend since childhood and her drunken antics) *shivers*

3- “This Can’t Possibly be Good for My Daddy Issues” {My father (biological) died when I was 11, but my DAD of 25 yrs passed away last week} *sigh*

4- “The House of Enigma” (I moved into a new crib on the 1st of Feb)

5- “In Love with Obama?” (yea, about that…) *hangs head in shame*

6- "The Final Chapter of OG (Older-Gentleman Friend) and Enigma” (Yea, that pretty much says it all..) *dusts shoulder off*

7- "Thug addict Rehab"

Tata for now my lovelies!!!

*The titles of the blogs listed are subject to change with my mood, but I will try to keep on topic as much as possible.

**I did promise you a little trife, didn’t I? lol

Talk about a bad habit....

Yea so, I had the PLEASURE of seeing "Obama" last night. Let's just say I'll be having alot of flashbacks similar to this*:

....Including  Carrie's "D'oh!" moment at the end.

*sighs*

If ever there was a time to get a sex session on film.... SMH...I can't even...mmm...mmm...mmm......

Introducing: "The Boyfriend" {Pt. Deux}

After he has my number stored in his phone, he gives my phone back to me, tells me he'll text me in 10 minutes and peels off, busts a uwey and speeds in the opposite direction. I just stand there annoyed that he managed to do it to me again. Fifteen minutes later, I'm sitting on the bus and I get a text that reads, "So when are you going to let me lick you". I suck my teeth b/c I know that he means lick my face and not anywhere interesting and so  I text him back, "See?? Childish shit like this is the reason why you didn't have my new number. Please stop wasting my unlimited texts with this juvenile bullshit!!!"

We honestly go back and forth texting like this for a few days. Him asking to see me or asking why I stopped calling and me reminding him in great detail why I'm not beat. After about a week of this he calls and tells me that he likes me and yada, yada, yada but I wouldn't sleep with him so he never put real effort into getting me. What kind of high school shit is that??? Uh...duh...ever think that you not making any real effort is why I have no interest in sleeping with you??? 'Ole backwards as nicca. Smch

Anyway, we'd go out a few times after that, but I was so caught up in TK* that I henstly didn't study 'Boyfriend" to much. He became my boyfriend one day while we were on the phone and he was running on and on about...well..I don't really remember b/c I wasn't listening "shrug". But anyway, I cut him off and told him that if he expected me to sit and listen to him bitch and moan about every little thing that went wrong in his everyday life, he would have to be my boyfriend. I also told him that I would from then on introduce myself as his girlfriend to anyone he introduced me too and get just as crazy as a girlfriend would should he do any thing I deemed unboyfriend like. He obliged.

He also started to act like an actual boyfriend for a few weeks there..until...The Facebook Fiasco. SMH

*sighs*

Now, "Boyfriend" and I had actually become facebook friends about two weeks after I saw him that day by the bus stop. The first time I go to look at his page I see that he is listed as "In a Relationship" with some young looking girl named Nataya. So, being that he always up in my grill, I question him about it. He tells me that he doesn't mess with her anymore but he doesn't know how to take it down so he gotta wait for his cousin to come do it, yada, yada, yada. I see it for what it is (a bunch of bullshit) but I don't really care seeing as how at this time"TK" and I are still soaking up the sheets something proper. So I drop it and less than a week later he takes his relationshp status down completely. I guess he assumed that I would take this as confirmation that he and old girl weren't together anymore. Silly boy...the fact that he took it down completely let me know they were still together, otherwise he would have listed his status as "single". But, I let him think he got that one. As the weeks go on, he's really getting into this whole "boyfriend" role: sending me texts telling me he loves me misses me, is thinking about me, blah, blah, blah.

Around this time is when I decided that I would stop dealing with "TK's" lying ass and become an evil vixen, so I turn my evil on and start to facebook flirt with him. He facebook flirts back and I start to think maybe he did stop messing with her after all since he doesn't seem to be afraid of the fact that we can both see each other on his page. Turns out, he was just stupid and didn't think that far in advance. So sad... I send him a notification to list the two of us in a relationship as a test and he drags his ass accepting it.

While perusing his page one day, I notice that Nataya has left comments on some of his threads that would make it seem as if they were still together, or, at the very least still cool. For instance, there was a comment some chick left on one of his pics that said how sexy he looked. Right underneath that was a comment from Nataya (The "ex") saying for 'Boyfriend" to "check his groupies". Both comments were left after I told him he was my boyfriend and waaay after the two of them had allegedly broken up mind you.

Now, a few weeks prior, we were arguing over him not getting the drawers and we were saying we should just call the whole thing off and he told me "I'll just go back to my ex that never did anything to me and that I left to see what was up with you". Ok, so if you and this girl were just fine until one day you broke up with her unexpectedely, why is she still so ok with it that 1- she's still your friend on facebook and 2- she's stilll leaving comments as if she loves you? Shouldn't her face still be somewhere buried in a pillow with tears flowing from her eyes? And didn't you tell me before that ya'll had been broken up before we even started to speak again so how did you leave her for me??? Anyway, I keep all of this to myself and secretly plot to bring him down. I learned along time ago to not let the enemy know all that I know or my next move.

So he tells me about a trip he had planned already to the Poconos and asks me to come. I decline (like he knew I would). I don't hear from him from Friday when he left until the Sunday when he gets back. He tells me he didn't get service up there and, on top of that, he forgot his phone charger at home so his battery died. Smch Yea, whatever nicca.

He gets back and he has a trip planned for the following weekend as well. (all of these plans were made months in advance) so his week is spent getting prepared for the cruise. I see him here and there. He leaves on Friday (the same night that I was chillin with Obama (click the link if u missed that) so I didn't get to see him before he left. He calls me Saturday  and we talk and he tells me how mad he is that he didn't have time to see me all week and that when he gets back I'm staying with him. *blank stare/yawn* . Anyway, I go on facebook after we get off the phone and see that his "ex" has written, "FU!!!! And I'm so serious!" on his wall. I call him back and ask why shorty is mad. He says, "I don't know and I don't give a fuck!". He says it with such conviction and a bass in his voice that I didn't even know he had, that I drop it. I check again about an hour later and see that she has now written, "I love you MORE!!!". I hit the "like" button and send him a text that says,  "I see you still on your bullshit. You can play those games without me. No need to respond. Dueces."

The next morning I get to work and see that 'Boyfriend's" "ex" has sent me a friend request on facebook.....

To be continued....

P.s- What does that pic have to do with the story? That is Motomoto form Madagascar 2. "Boyfriend" remind me of him- Big and Sexy. lol I actually called him Moto as a pet name at the height of our "relationship"

*He called me from a blocked number about a week ago talmbout, "What up" like shit was sweet. When I didn't give him the enthusiasm I guess he'd become accustomed to, he told me he'd call me back. Haven't heard from him since...

Introducing: "The Boyfriend"

So remember that part in the movie "Norbit" when Resputia and Norbit first met and she was like, 'You got a boyfriend, Norbit? Well, you do now!!"" Yea, that's pretty much what I did to "Boyfriend". Not because he was so great and I wanted him on my team, but because I had known him for years and he never made a move and I got tired of him wasting my time. Let me start from the beginning...

It was December of 2005 or 2006 and my son was in NC with his sperm donor for the Christmas break*. I was walking to get me something to eat one night and I heard a car horn honking. Not to be conceited, but I'm used to this and I usually just ignore whatever rude ass is honking for my attention like I'm some street walking hooker. This guy takes my ignoring him as a sign that he should stick his head out the window and tell me how good I look. I keep walking and pay him no mind. He drives about a block ahead of me, stops his car (in the middle of the street), gets out with his cell in his hand and yells to me that he's not moving until I give him my number and it better be the right one (his exact words). Now, I've always been the type to try my best to avoid scenes, I hate for people to look at me so you'll rarely catch me yelling in public or doing something that would draw eyes to me. So please believe him doing this mortified me to no end...there were at least three cars behind him that couldn't go around him because of oncoming traffic in the other lane. So, I gave him my number and he stood there and did not move his car until he dialed my cell and saw that the number was valid. Yes, I got jacked for my number and amazingly it was not his last time doing this...

Anywho, he and I started to speak on the phone and I got the impression that he was an MOB (money over bitches) kinda dude. He was always "working"** and didn't really seem interested in spending anytime getting to know me, despite the fact that we would sometimes spend hours on the phone. Somehow he became a constant figure in my life despite me seeing him only sporadically. And usually when I did see him it would be him calling to see if I was home because he was around my block. I'd then go downstairs and either sit in the car with him and shoot the shit for a little while (if my son was asleep) or just stand at my front door so he could get a quick hug or something. He wasn't allowed in my house because I didn't want him meeting my son.

He always seemed extremely young minded to me despite being just one year my junior. Sure he had money and cars and all of that, so financially he was mature, but emotionally ...well...he was kind of retarded in that area. I got the feeling that I intimidated him and that made me self-conscious. He would always compliment me on how pretty I was but it always sounded more like an accusation than a compliment: "Yo! You are so fucking pretty!" . He won me over one day when were on the phone a little after midnight and he was around a bunch of his friends with a shitload of noise in the background. He was saying how he was so busy and didn't have a moment to himself and I was like, "We'll you need to find time to come give me a hug." I'd had a rough day and I really did need a hug, but I was just bullshitting when I said it to him, figuring that there was no way he come- especially considering that at the time we were talking he was two cities and at least 30 minutes away. So, to make my demand even more outlandish, I said "Yea, come give me a hug...and bring me a pint of Shrimp Lo Mein w/ extra veggies...and extra soy sauce..ooh..and a twix..ooh ooh and a quart of milk for my son's breakfast in the morning....oh yea and a pepsi- bottle not canned..." Just to be funny. I honestly thought that with all the noise in the back and him carrying on at least two other convos, he wouldn't even hear me, much less oblige. To my surprise, he called me about 45 minutes later and told me to come outside. As soon as I opened the door, he grabbed my in his arms and gave me the longest, strongest hug he had ever given me., Then, before I could say anything he handed me a bag with everything I'd asked for in it. Silly as it seems, that right there let me know that I just may have pegged him wrong and perhaps he wasn't all "money over broads" after all.

We went on like this for a few months and in that time he got more comfortable with touching me. (this was at least a year into us knowing one another. We'd never had sex and he really never acted like it was something he wanted to do). I would get mad because he would hug me and then try to lick my face. It was like a joke to him, but it grossed me out and we'd stop talking for months on end after that. Petty, I know, but it REALLY grossed me out and I'd asked him repeatedly not to do it. Plus, it was creepy. *shivers* And every time he did it was if he’d only done it because he couldn’t stop himself. He always said that I did “something weird to him”.

During one of our stints of not talking, he called me (after 3-4 months) and let me know that he would be going "away"*** for a year or so. He and I started talking again casually and I found out he had a girlfriend. If memory serves me correctly, I think his daughter's mother (they weren't together) had called my phone and tried to start some fuckery thinking that I was his girlfriend, "Keisha". Now, it wasn't the fact that he was seeing someone that bothered me; it was that I felt bamboozled somehow because he never struck me as the have-a-girlfriend type. He just always seemed so...high school. As if he and all of his stupid ass friends thought girls were icky. *shrugs*

Anyway, he "went away" and we'd write letters to one another. In one of the letters I let him know how I felt about him having a girl and that I was confused as to what I was in his life for. He then let me know about all of these "feelings" he had for me, despite the fact that the two of them were still together. Somehow, he managed to get some sort of work release thing where he was able to leave the cage and go to work during the day. He also managed to have access to a car to do this and started to pick me up from work and take me to me to get my son through the week. I remember me starting a bunch of "where is this going?" conversations with him that led no where. After awhile, Mr. Big came back into the picture and I stopped being beat to play with him so we lost contact. I had seen him around and whenever he'd ask for my number I'd go into a big spiel about him wasting my time and it usually ended with us leaving without exchanging contact info again.

I think I went about a year without seeing him until the end of last year when my son and I were walking to the bus stop one morning and I heard a horn honking as we crossed the street. As usual, I ignored it until I heard a man's voice call my name. I turned around and in the driver's seat of one of those vans that pick up and drop off the elderly and disabled to their doctors was "Boyfriend". I was actually pleasantly surprised to see him. Since I was in a rush to catch our bus, I gave him my new number (I change cell numbers quite often). He called me about 20 minutes later and we got caught up. We started talking regularly again and I told him as often as I could that I would not be letting him waste my time this go around. We went out to dinner and movies a few times, and I even decided that he could actually come in my house and chill every now and then. Even still, I noticed that he seemed to have very little time for me. So, when I moved out of my apartment in May and changed all of my numbers, he was one of the people that didn't make the cut and I virtually dropped off the face of the Earth to him.

Come to think of it, the specific thing that solidified me not keeping him around was a convo we'd had. He had told me when we started talking again that he was looking for a new apartment. Then he didn’t mention it again until a few months later when out of no where, he told me he'd moved into the apartment building on the corner of my block. At first I thought he was bullshittng, but he kept saying how he needed to clean the place up so that he could move his stuff in and would I come up the block some time that weekend to help him and he was very convincing. The convo about his apartment lasted about an hour… just for him to then tell me that he was just joking and was still looking for an apartment. What?!?!? You mean you wasted my time again??? A whole conversation about a lie?? Are you kidding me? Who does that??? So yea, that was the main reason he didn't make the cut when I moved.

Fast forward to early July of this year, I'm at the bus stop and this baby blue Benz stops in front of me. I ignore it and after awhile, the passenger side winow rolls down and lo and behold, it's "Boyfriend" (usually he drives a black Acura, I still have no clue how many/ and what kind of cars he has total). Anyway, the first words out his mouth are "I've been looking all over for you!" Knowing that he knows where my mom lives and that I was just a few blocks away from her house (since this is where I moved to), I was immediately creeped out. Was this motherfreaker just driving around aimlessly looking for me???? At this point I was standing near the passenger side door as we were talking and I'd had my phone in my hand. Somehow along our convo-which consisted mainly of him asking why I dropped off radar and me telling him all the ways he'd wasted my time- I'd rested my arms on the door. Before I could even realize it, he had snatched my phone out of my hand and was dialing his number from my phone so that he could have my new number. Dammit, jacked again...!!!!

To be continued....

* (I know it seems as if I never have my son, but that's the farthest thing from the truth. Fact of the matter is, his donor is a waste of the skin that covers his body but that's another blog...)

**Yes, drugs.

***Yes, jail.