And then what had happened was...

As soon as my number was changed, I began to lose my entire mind. I missded he and knowing that he couldn't reach me over the telephone and I couldn't reach him...yea, it was all too much too soon.

I started doubting myself. "Should I have waited just a lil while longer? I mean, I am making the man choose between something he has always known that he wanted for his life and me...something he never planned on taking seriously. I couldn't have waited a whole damn week at least??" But then rational Enigma would kick in, "Shit I ain't ask him to move in, I just asked that he tell me how he feels about me. This nukka want me to be satisfied with only having parts of him and I can't even know how he really feels about me? I mean damn, I can get down with being a sucker for love, but I'll be damned if I'm a sucker for just some peen!" Hmph!

Anywho, both insane and rational Enigma got together and decided to call one of Obama's best friends - a mere two days after changing my number. The call was guised as me asking him about repairs he'd done to my car. I got "T" to call him on her phone on the three-way so that he woudln't have my new number and give it to Obama. To be clear, at that point I really just wanted to know if Obama had tried to call me or not. I still didn't necessarily want him to have my new number or give in without my demand (yes, demand) that he tell me his feelings for me being met. I just wanted to see if he knew my number was changed.

It became apparent one I told his friend who I was that Obama had in fact tried to call. His boy started laughing and was like , "Damn why you change your number on my boy?? You got this nigga walking around like somebody raped his damn dog!!" I told him that I was just trying to make it easier on Obama by removing myself from the situation since he couldn't to which he responded, "Ma, you're not doing him any favors by bouncing on him like that. trust me." I asked him about the brakes that I was told he had done. They were still squeaking and I needed him to take a look at them again. he told me he never did the brake because they didn't need to be done. Remembering the money that I had gave to Obama to get the repairs done, I asked old boy what he had done. When he couldn't tell me, I asked him to check with Obama and have him call back the number I just called him from, ("T"'s).

Well, "T" and I had a falling out as soon as Obama's friend hung up because she wanted me to flip my lid over the money/repairs (or lack thereof). Now, I did raise an eyebrow to dude telling me that the repairs that I had paid for and had been told were done, were NOT. However, I was waiting to hear from Obama to see where the money went and I told "T" as much. She kept saying that Obama had kept it and was trying to play me out, yada, yada, yada. I told her that I'd handed over hundreds to Obama to get things done for me when I couldn't and it had never been a problem before. So, I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and wait to hear from him what happened to the money.

Well, when I told her I'd handed hundreds over to him before, she told me not to say anything else to her about Obama because I was gonna do what I wanted to do anyway. (which is true) But uh...damn...you're supposed to be my "best" friend and your telling me that I can't talk to you about something going on in MY life because you don't agree with how calm I am about it?? I mean, not even because I asked for your advice and did something different, or because I'd been complaining about him taking money for me before, but because I wouldn't just automatically assume that the man who has never failed to look me in my eye and tell me the truth when it mattered most, or who has proven that if I need him, he's there, the man that I told you has always met me 50/50 on everything - something I can"t even say about YOU....I'm just supposed to believe he would steal such a small amount from me and for no damn good reason. Nah. So I ended our conversation with "I can't believe you of all people just told me not to talk to you about something because you don't agree with how I feel about my situation (remember, I never asked her shit about her opinion, nor did I tell her that what she was saying couldn't be true. I simply wanted to hear what this man- whom I loved most for his ability to be honest with me- had to say about the situation.) But I guess I'll talk to you later. (we've spoken twice since then-it's been about 3 weeks-and both convos were extremely awkward).

As much as I want to chalk her reaction up to her just looking out for me, it's really hard to do. She knows more than anyone all that he has done for me. That was the ONE time that anything janky ever came up him (possibly) trying to play me. Annnnd, the amount of money in question (I'd given him $150 to get FOUR things done to the car. The price was a blessing in itself since with parts and labor it would have been much more if it wasn't his boy dong it and if he didn't help him make the repairs) was no where near the amounts he has entrusted me with in the last few months - so why was she tripping?? Especially considering how the dude whose ass she had her head permanently implanted treats her in comparison.  I mean dude is straight up single - no kids no nothing yet he still shows no interest in making time for her. She has to beg him for penis, BEG HIM.... and that's even with her driving across town to pick him up and dropping him off afterwards. And MOST times he has her do all of that and stands her up with no call or nothing. Whic usually results in her blowing his phone up for hours on end unil he finally answers in front of allof his boys just to say some fouls sit to her so they can her it. Plus he's ugly..and broke...and just down-right MEAN to her. He talks to her like she's a whore and she let's him. When I take all of that into consideration, I really rack my brain as to why she'd feel so strongly about Obama. Jeaousy would be the obvious answer, but with my own ups and downs in love i question what sane person would envy my life at this point. But whatever.

Anyway, I'd soon have the answers I was looking for as Obama called me the next night. (I'd called his friend back that afternoon to give him my new number since it was looking like I wouldn't have access to "T""s phone anytime soon)

Side-Piece Blues

Ok, so if you all recall, Obama went back home to give his family another try the end of June. That shit hurt like hell, I swear.  But. at the same time, I was able to get myself into kind of a pilot mode where I was just kind of numb instead of hurting. I was only able to do that because I knew hoped that it was no where near the end of what ever it was that he and I were. He had already made too much of a presence in my life, so us not communicating at all was totally out of the question - for both of us.

However, there was absolutely no denying that our relationship had definitely changed. i went from waking up to him every morning and going to sleep caressing his back every night, to only seeing him once a week like we had in the beginning. At times, I didn't even get that. This was for the best, I know, especially since i was the main one to vocalize that I was a distraction to what he was trying to work on. It just hurt like a son-of-a-bitch for him to agree and begin to handle me accordingly. He also lost his phone around his time and refused to replace it because "she" often went thru his phone and he didn't want problems. So not only did I see him at BEST, once a week, I barely got to talk to him and when I did it had to be HIM that called ME. That time  perriod was some bullshit, but it had it's benefits.

In that time I was able to concentrate on my son and get him re-adjusted to being back in MOMMY's house. Sweet Black Pipe also played a role as "potential boo". He's still in the picture to an extent, but only as an extra  basket to hold a few eggs in. *shrugs*

Obama re-appeared significantly the week of my birthday (the last week in August).  We didn't discuss the status of his home life, but I deduced from the amount of time I was suddenly receiving (overnights included) that the warm, fuzzy feeling they'd experienced while the baby (who is just fine and preparing for her 1st birthday next month) was in the hospital had worn off. As far as he and I, it was like we never missed a beat. We fell right back into "us" immediately.

I went out with my girls on the night of my birthday (which damn near ended me in jail for the attempted murder of one of my closest and dearest childhood friends {Egypt}....sigh....another blog, another story...)

Anyway, Obama was waiting for me when they dropped me off at home and he and I spent the rest of the weekend, and most of that week together.....a week later, he was  gone again.

I know, I know...

I suck.

I dropped the bomb about Obama and then just dropped off the face of blogspot. My bad. Seriously. Work has just been more....work than usual. But rest assured. I am not somewhere crying my eyes our over a man that was never mine. The end of the tryst hurt, but we all know I cam into the situation with my eyes wide open and regardless of how it ended, it was a beautiful experience while it lasted. He is still around, just to a different extent. I know I can call him when I need something and he'll do whatever he can to make it happen or find someone who can if he can"t. At the end of the day, I'm happy with that.

Like I said, work has been a tad hectic lately....but even that is fine since it gives me ammo to go to my boss in January for my yearly review and demand more money. So yea, I;'m good.

My baby is home....I know I don"t usually talk too much about my role as "mommy" on here, and I have my reasons for that. But having him back is the best feeling ever. He's such a character! I don't see how I didn't lose my mind for the year that he was gone. Maybe I'll share a few stories with you guys abut my baby, we'll see...

"Sweet Black Pipe"has resurfaced...that's a whole blog in itself...coming soon.

I'm buying a laptop in the next week or so, so I should be able to give you guys a more detailed update soon.

In the meantime, I'd suggest watching a reality show or two to get your fuckery fix until I return. ;)

Oh yea, my sister (yea, that one) came home to visit this weekend. This makes only the second time I've seen her since our falling our. The first time being right after my dad passed. So yea, ummm...expect a blog on that soon as well....

Toodles snitches~! ;)

Release....

Editor's Note: During our last conversation I kept hesitating. He told me to tell him what was on my mind. I asked him what the point would be. He told me so that I could get it off my chest. I told him I have other ways of releasing.....

                            

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Unholy thoughts in a moral mind.

Carnal desires fading with emotions on overdrive….

Fire…and…desire?!?!?!?

It wasn’t suppose to ever get to this.

Since the kiss with which it began was oh so innocent

Who….is….this?!?!?

How dare you creep into my mental!

With thoughts of “pink” and other sentimentals

Who….let…..you ….. in?!?!?!?!

Because I know it was not me….

Not with these bricks of ice shielding my person ever so strategically…

Leave….me….be?!?!?!

But baby wait….is there nothing I can do to stop you from going?

Oh yea….guess for a moment I let myself believe that this moment of ours was not one stolen.

I will….let….you….go?!?!?!?

Just please not right at this moment.

What say you we lay in this blanket of lust and sin…just until our final atonement…?

*sigh*

Yes, love….I…guess…you’re…right?!?!?

What needs to be done now is evident.

Our feelings at this point? Irrelevant.

And….just… to… think….

      The kiss with which it began was oh so innocent....

…and the tear it ended with?

Just…

As…

Unexpected….

 

FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

his daughter is in the hospital right now and has been for the past two days with some sort of infection they detected in her urine right now she's getting all of these tests so they have to keep her there for most of the week Obama has been at the hospital most of the time and stayed there last night with his daughter's mother this morning he informed me that they had a long sit down and now he is cinfused and feels like he needs to try again to work things our with her for the sake of the chil I understand it and respecthim for it but given what he's tol dme about their relationship both pre and post chil I doubt if it will owrk he says he enjoys every minute with me and doesn"t want anything to change I told him I can"t go back to being what he does Friday nights after the club closes and he said he'd never expect me too I said well if your working on your family you should do away with the side pieces anyway He said I was never a sidepiece and was always more to him then that and he never meant for me to get hurt but he doesn"t want to drag me along in his shit Now I'm going to go to the river and hope the pain washes away with each wave i see...

Really doesn't really make ME any less trifling tho, now does it?

Obama and I are headed about 90mph in a very good direction.

I'm done being afraid of my attachment to him. Nope, no slash thru - I am attached to Obama. And I told him as much. And instead of hesitation, there was excitement. I mentioned begging afraid - of needing him and losing him, of my son getting attached - because I know he will - Obama is a good guy, a genuinely GOOD GUY...and my son is drawn to that...just like his mama...Instead of him telling me he'd fall back a little to avoid that, he told me he'd thought about the same thing. And was afraid himself of getting attached to my son. Especially since his daughter's mother has been threatening to keep him from her. …because she wants him to come back home - and he refuses - because they've "always had problems" and had broken up weeks before they found out she was pregnant. And they got back together the first few months, but realized there was no making it work. “And then you {I} came back into the picture.” And then his daughter was born. And there was more trying to make a "square peg fit into a triangle slot"...that is...until he starting realizing that I "was looking more and more like the perfect fit"...and that makes so much sense…because the grimy dude he appeared to be when we reconnected just didn’t match the gentleman that I always knew him to be….

I told him about my idea for a non-profit. That is usually the barometer by which I decide who I can be with. If I really feel comfortable with you, then I tell you about my biggest dream - starting my non-profit. How you react to it (excitement, indifference, etc) determines where we go from there and whether we could ever have a future. Not only did he get excited, but he told me he'd always wanted to do something for young boys - somehow sports related of course. It would fit perfectly with the idea I have. I admitted to him that I'd slacked off with working on it, and that I'd have to start from scratch because I'd lost the work I'd done on it thus far. He told me that I needed to "get back to working on it so that we can get married, open it up and pop out some more big head babies" That day at work, I started working on my dream again. Because of him. Later that night, he checked the numbers for the Power Ball and told me that if he won I could open my non-profit tomorrow.

He's going to be subletting an apartment starting next month...and his tournament in Mexico has been pushed back to the end of July…and his sister and I may go visit him down there for our birthday weekend in August...and we're planning a road trip to VA to see some of his fam and "we can even bring your son cause my cousin has a bunch of kids he can play with"

So I say all of that to say that for now, I'm going to stop being worried about where I land....

and

just

fall.......

" I keep you happy"

Yesterday I was on the phone chatting it up with my fave friend*, "T” about Obama and were trying to decide if I should end it all with him or not. That morning he’d driven me to work and he was telling me how his “baby moms” (he never calls her his girl around me. As if that somehow makes me forget that I know that's what she is) had went thru his pockets a few weeks ago and found something in his pocket that she didn’t want in the house. We, he’d told me because it pertained to the topic we were discussing, so he wasn’t just talking about her to be talking about her. Nonetheless, all I could keep thinking is. ‘Why weren’t your pants on?”. That right there just let’s me know for certain that shit has gone too far.

‘T” and I decided that I would just tell him not to bring her up around me a gain at all, and then I’ll just be cool with shit as it is. I really can’t complain everything’s kosher, two thumbs up, Ebert and Roeper**. I’ll just enjoy it for now and chill the fuck out.

He stayed over last night and this morning we were sitting around talking and watching tv before work and we were talking about an event that I’m going to this weekend. He asked me if I was taking a date with this hurt look on his face and I told him no. He said he’d want to go with me if I asked him but that he would have to double check his schedule and make sure he wouldn’t have his daughter. When he said that, I went into my usual “I-didn’t-sign-on-for-this-shit” speech that I give him whenever he can’t do what I want him too (which isn’t too often, but he and I agree that I deserve to bitch when I want since he gets to live a double life-drama free)

But while we were talking, he said something so simple, yet dead-on that made me really sit back, think, and shut the fuck up***: “I keep you happy” . And he does. I see him enough so that I don’t feel neglected (not since his week-long hiatus and the subsequent presentation of my “You-know-I-don’t-play,-I’ll-drop-off-the-face-of-the -Earth-on-your-ass-if-you-start-acting-fucked-up” speech). But we also give each other enough space so that when we do see each other, we’re usually missing one another’s company so much that things are usually very…mushy when get in the same room.

I can totally co-sign that he makes me happy. And I have decided, that’s more than enough for me.

\

The ways in which the universe works is amazing. This was the first song that came on went I opened up Pandora this morning:

*I’ve stopped calling her my best friend b/c that is misleading. She kinda sucks as a friend sometimes but I love her and she is my FAVORITE friend as I prefer her company of almost anyone else’s.
**Drake- "Over"
***I don't usually do this- EVER lol

"Daddy"

Disclaimer: So...you ever have a point that you want to make, but you're not quite sure what that point is? Yea, well...keep that in mind when you read the post below. I'm at work, bored and listeing to the radio. Twista's song "Wetter"came on and I started writing. *shrugs* I don't know what my point is, nor does this blog have any kind of order or any real ending....like I said, I did it at work and I've been distracted. Nonetheless, I'm posting it. Why? Because. lol Seriously tho...depending on the comments, I may be able to find my point elaborate.*

***********************************************************

I know that from the title you probably thought this would be the blog I’ve been saying I’d write in honor of my father, but it is not (still not ready). My father’s name was/is LJ, not Daddy. In fact, the word “daddy” has never held any real significance in my life other than in a sexual manner.

Allow me to elaborate….

Unlike most of my friends, my parents were married when they had me. I lived with them both until they divorced when I was four years old. My (biological) “father” then decided to move to North Carolina to be closer to his family and demanded that my mother allow him to take me.**

I stayed in NC with my (biological) “father” for almost a year. When I returned, my mother had begun dating a new man, my father. My (biological) “father” and I had a sporadic visitation schedule up until I was around nine or so. After that, I didn’t see him again at all and he died when I was twelve. He was in my life (consistently) for all of five years….the first five years. Needless to say, my memories of him (or of what I addressed him as) are distant memories.

LJ is the man who raised, fed, and protected me throughout my life and from whom I learned what a man is supposed to be. However, he has never been my “Daddy”. That word means nothing to me. Hearing it conjures up flashbacks of hot, sweaty nights with my penis of the moment, not memories of my father pushing me on a swing or taking me on a Daddy/daughter date.

“Daddy” is whoever is laying the pipe the right way at the moment. *shrugs*

I know this is a concept that many of you can’t understand or relate to, and that’s fine. But just because YOU don’t understand or can’t relate to it does not mean that it is some sick, twisted concept. Words are just that…words. When I call a dude “Daddy”, I don’t visualize my father. Now, don’t get me wrong, if you are someone who grew up calling your father/father figure “Daddy” I can understand your *pause* at hearing it used in a sexual connotation.

* What say you? My dislcaimer for the blog that has no point has no point you say? Yesterday was 4/20...that's all I'm sayin...don't expect too much from me today. :)

*this is one of the main reasons I allowed my son to go away for the past year with his paternal grandparents. The time I spent getting to know that side of my family was priceless and definitely a once in a lifetime chance for me to interact with them.

Responding to the Comments....

So I went to response to Suga and Sunshinestar on my last post, but realized that it turned into a mini blog, so here it is as a post of its very own.

I have no idea what Obama is doing, and I'm honestly trying not to think about it. After losing the first blog I wrote, I was so peeved that I left a few things out in the one that got posted. For starters, I did ask him what was up with all of the newfound QT and he told me that he just needed time to be on his own and he wouldn't be living with her anymore. I also asked how long I'd have so much attention and instead of answering me he said "What you don't want me around?". I know it was a stall tactic, but instead of pursuing it further I made the decision at that moment to just continue playing my position and be happy with the time I had instead of spending it worrying about when it would end. My bestie, "T" and I were talking one morning while he was still asleep and she asked me why I wasn't in the room snuggled up under him instead of on the couch talking to her. My automatic response with absolutely NO hesitation was "I don't love them hoes" and she knew exactly what I meant. Obama and I get along great together and, if we had pursued "us" when we first met, I could possibly be the lucky girl with his child that he lives with and cheats on. But alas, that was not in the cards. Now that we are in this....thing....that we are were? in, I know he and I will never have a relationship and I don't want that. However, since selfishness is ingrained in me, what I do want is for him to be able to come to me when I need/want him to. *shrugs* But it is what it is

Also, the night that he dropped by I told him that he was "inconvenient" and had a lot of baggage. IDK if that has anything to do with his ghost act lately, but hey...you just never know

More likely than anything else, he moved back in, however, that's never stopped him from calling me or texting me before, even when his phone was out of commision for awhile. In fact, yesterday I checked my voicemails and I had one from him from like a month ago (I don't check vmails often at all...clearly) and it was during the time that his phone was broken and he left me his...excuse me, their house number to call him. Like I've said before, he sucks at knowing the rules to having a sidepiece. I know where he lives AND the telephone number to reach him and his girl if I so choose to. Luckily for him, I truly have better things to do and our limitations were made clear early on...otherwise...shit would get real ugly real quick. lol

As for Street Fighter- I think he's just so dumb, he forgot that we weren't kicking it anymore. lol

Yo.

I just wrote an entire blog giving recaps on Sweet Black Pipe, Street Fighter and Obama and lost it due to a series of unfortunate computer events. Sigh So here's the recapped, recap:

Sweet Black Pipe- Done. I don't wanna kick it and he only wants sex. Saw him at the bar and he gave me a head nod. Guess he feels it's ok for his mouth to open while near my lady parts but not to say hello. *shrugs* Whatever.

Street Fighter- Still stupid, still texts me for some reason. Doesn't get a response and I haven't been to Barbara's in a few weeks so I haven't seen him. He can eat a dick too.

Obama- Stayed with me for the rest of the week until that Saturday. Had his daughter during the day and her mother was bullshitting with picking her up. Then something happened and he said she's done "some stupid shit" and he went out with his boys to blow steam. He was supposed to come to my house afterwards but didn't. The next day I text him and he replied that he'd "See me on the weekend". I deleted his number. That Wednesday he dropped by unannounced because he was "in the area" and stayed for about 15 minutes. I told him that I'd deleted his number and he got upset saying I was trying to cut him off* and "Oh, you must miss me" and "You wanna be a big baby" and was tcikling me and bear hugging me trying to make me laugh (it worked, I'm a sucker for a tickler). When he was leaving he said again that he'd see me on the weekend- that was the last I heard from him.

I haven't tried to call/text him because well.. I deleted his number. IDK what's going on with him but hopefully he's ok. That's all I really wanna say about that.

*I don't do well with goodbyes. Usually when I feel that my presence is no longer appreciated, or that I'm falling too fast for someone that means me no good, I make myself scarce. He knows this and he always tells me not to go rogue on him and cut him off. 

Obama Mania?

Ok, So I'm not in love with Obama, but for a minute there he was blurring the lines. I actually had to pull back from him and go awhile without seeing him because I felt like he was trying to confuse me. How you ask? Well it started one night when we were at my house watching a movie. My friends were going out and I had chose to stay in with Obama so that I could get me some. (yea, I said it).

Well, after a drink or two, I started feeling seeeeeexy (beyonce voice) and I went to to the bathroom only to descover that my "Auntie" had arrived two days early. I came out of the bathroom extremely upset. Like stomping-my-feet-and-yelling, "This is BULLSHIT" -upset. He asked what was wrong and like a big baby I told him I'd started my period and poked out my lip and said "I never get to have sex" (Yes, "Dramatic" is my middle name) and pouted even harder. He stood up, looked in my eyes, caressed my cheek with his thumb, kissed my forehead and said, "I don't come over here for sex, I come over for you, silly" and laughed.

Now in that split second, I loved him. I loved him with all of my heart and I thanked God for sending him my way. Then I remembered that he wasn't mine and I started to walk around the house finding something to where. He saw this and asked if I was going out and I said yea. He reponded with just an, "Oh." and got quiet. So I went over to him, hugged him and said, "Why, you wanna stay here and cuddle and talk about our feelings instead?" And laughed. I think I actualluy hurt his feelings because he didn't even respond, he just finished smoking, watched me transfrom from "sweatpants, hair tied, chillin with no make-up on" to 'Party, party, party, let's all get wasted" and then waited outside with me until "T" came to pick  me up. Looking back, I know he was sitting there liek WTF?!? but dude....c'mon....let's not make this something its not and could never be. Not only are you in a relationship that includes a newborn, but you've succeeded in letting me kno wthat I could NEVER trust you. It is what it is.*kanye shrug*

Now had I gotten sucked into whatever it was he was doing, I'd be in a clusterfuck of emotions right now. Especially considering how he doted on me after my dad passed. He called me numerous times a day, everyday to check on me and would ask me if I wanted company because he "couldn't handle thinking about me at home alone". I declined and made sure I only saw him on the weekends and only on Friday or Saturday. Never both and never more than that.

The last time we slept together he was saying relationshipy stuff like, "You missed Daddy, didn't you" and "This ___got my name all over it don't it?". Now, I think the reason for this was from him realizing that he's the only person I've been sleeping with and it going to his head. But still...his ass needs to get focused before I fall in love and ish becomes a problem. *sigh*

It also doesn't help that he comes in replacing lightbulbs and whatnot and taking out garbage and stuffs. He even mentioned something about moving into a studio apartment (which I ignored). All I know is he needs to get focused and remember what this is: A jumpoff situation. I'll do my part to make sure ish don't get out of hand, but I'mma really need him to get it together.

I think it would be easier for me if he wasn't someone that I would deal with on another level, but he is. When we first started talking, a few years ago, I put him in the potential boo category- which is why it took me so long to sleep with him back then. The fact that I genuinely like him is a problem- which is why I need for someone else to take up my time so that I don't get caught up into he and I too much.

*sigh* and smh  

I know, I know...I could just stop sleeping with and seeing him, right? But really, what's the fun in that??? Plus the sex is soooooooooo good. So. Good.

Introducing: Sweet Black Pipe {and Big Sexy}

Hey, hey, hey everyone. I know I had made an entire list of blogs that I needed to write. But since my blogging time seems to be limited, they'll hav eto be spaced apart instead of the onslaught of 5/6 at a time like I wante dto do.


So first things first, like I mentioned before, my dad (stepfather of 25 yrs) passed away on February 23rd. It happened so suddenly that I don't think I'll ever really come to grips with it. For right now I'm managing. I feel like I've been on auto-pilot since that night- I notice that if I watch a tv show on my DVR, I have to go back and watch it again because somehow, though I thought I was giving it my full attention, I somehow missed chunks of the show.IDK. I have an entire blog that I want to write but not now...I'm just not ready yet.

Moving on to a lighter subject...MENS!!!

So I met a new dude, "Sweet Black Pipe". (explanation of the name coming shortly) I met him at the hole-in-the-wall bar that my friends and I like to go to. I'd seen him a few times in there talking to one of my friends, but never really paid much attention to him. A few weeks ago, I noticed him looking at me and we had a nice, flirty convo (that included me grabbing on his chest and his huge arms in a semi-drunken daze) that went no where. The weekend after that, my friends took me out for shots to toast my dad whom they all knew and loved, at that same bar. This time even tho I saw Sweet Black Pipe in there, he and I didn't talk much. I did, however, began talking to another dude and gave him my number. We shall call this dude Big Sexy cause, well...he is. We had a really good convo and I actually looked forward to hearing from him. That was on a Friday. Fast forward to the morning of the following Friday at approximately 7:34 am and Big Sexy texts me a msg "Good morning gorgeous". This is Big Sexy from the bar. Remember me?" I text him back, "Yea, thought you'd forgotten about me" or something to that effect, and got no response. That night we go back to the bar and he's in there...and so is Sweet Black Pipe.

This time I notice that the two of them know each other as they spend most of the night talking. I had already made up my mind that Big Sexy would get no play from me since he waited so long to use my number, didn't respond to my text and then barely acknowledged me when he saw me at the bar that night. Coincidently Sweet Black Pipe was impressing more and more. He not only gave up his seat at the packed bar, but made another man get up so my friend and I could sit together as well. So he and I begin taking and he tells me that his cousin is interested in me as well. Confused I ask who and lo and behold his cousin, his so-close-they're-damn-near-brothers cousin is none other then Big Sexy. Never one to like confusion or too much drama, I immediately tell him that I'd given dude my number but he'd blown it and I tell him how Big Sexy blew it so that he would not make the same mistake. Sweet Black Pipe and I continue talking and we seem to be impressing each other more and more. At one point during our intimate chat, I hear a booming voice call my name. I look over and it's Big Sexy. I give him the "what up?" head nod and he booms something else. I say "Huh?" since we're right next to the jukebox and the music is blaring. He puts up his arms, says something else and then nods his head and says (what I assume is ) "Aiight". Meanwhile, Sweet Black Pipe gets me and my friend another drink. Now, under normal circumstances, I would feel some type of way about the situation b/c from the outside looking in, I could be looking like a certified scrag*. However, I'd already had it in my head that Big Sexy was not the right fit for me. Aside from his apparent lack of attention to my needs (I need attention, lots and lots of attention), he had been cutting up in the bar all night- singing all loud and drawing attention to himself. Call it what you want, but I'm the only attention whore allowed in my male/female relationships. Apparent cries for attention is just unsexy in my book, especially from men.

Anywho, when I knew me and my girl were about to head out to the next bar, I wrote my number on a napkin with the full intent on giving it to Sweet Black Pipe on my way out, if he asked. If not, then he too would have blown it with me. So, we gather our things and make our way past him to the door, he stops me and hands me his cell to enter my number. I hand him the napkin and tell him to keep up and make my exit. He texts me two hours later asking if me and my girl were good. I tell him yea and that I'll call him when I got home so that we could sit on the phone and have a drunken convo. (yea, ya girl was fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked up by that point). Of course I get home and immediately pass out. lol

The next morning, I get a text from Sweet Black Pipe asking if I'd like breakfast and that he's a great cook. Still a lil queasy but wanting to see him I say yea and that I'll come to him (Oh yea, I inherited my dad's car. God really has jokes when it comes to me. Like, "Oh, you want a car bitch? Ok.") SMH.

Anyway, I tell him I'd like corned beef hash and eggs and that I'll be there in an hour. I get casual cute and get to his house right on time. While we're eating we interview one another which is when this convo took place:

ME: So...your a plumber?

SBP: (smiling and showing his straight pearly whites) Yes, I lay pipe

ME *blush*: Oh really?

SBP: Yes, Sweet. Black. Pipe.

If he didn't have my interest before that, TRUST he had it from then on. lol

We eat, watch a gory movie on Syfy and I head out. I see him that night at the same bar and we acknowledge each other but don't talk too much. The next morning he texts me asking if I was up and moving stuff yet and if I needed help . ( I had told him that my couch was being delivered and since I'd been sleeping on my bed in the living room and my still-unpacked boxes were taking up the space in my bedroom, I had a lot of moving to do before the delivery men came at 10 with my couch.) I tell him yes and for him to give me about fifteen minutes to "get pretty". He gets there in 20 and does everything by himself and tells me to sit down. Less than ten minutes after he gets everything situated, the delivery guys ring the bell. IDk what I would have done without him considering how hungover I was. lol

Now, if you remember the post before last, I seemed a lil unsure of SBP. Well here's why. I didn't speak to or hear from him for the entire week following that. He'd text me that day (Sunday). But a text I'd sent during the week asking how work was going went unresponded (shut up, it's a word now lol). I spent all week acting like I was auditioning for the sequel to "He's Just Not That Into You"- asking my friends why he didn't call and going over our convos to try to figure out if it was something I said. Then I remembered that Big Sexy had text me "Good morning" on Monday at 6:57am and figured that maybe Sweet Pipe was stepping aside. (never responded to Big Sexy btw . Another strike for him was the times he did text me. A text to a girl you just met b4 12 on a weekday? Who does that???).

That was until Sweet Black Pipe text me on Friday saying it was rainy and asking if I wanted to lay up. I had plans with Obama already so I declined but told him I'd catch up with him Saturday. He tells me he wants me to fry him some chicken and I agree. Saturday he comes with trees and beer in tow and I fry up some chicken and we watch a Lifetime movie. Things get a lil hot and heavy by accident and he ends up getting a taste, but I nip it in the bud before it gets too far and we agree that cuddling is dangerous. lol That night I see him at the bar and he pretty much ignores me as he and Big Sexy play pool. The next afternoon he texts me that "dinner is ready. Let me know when you ready to eat" I tell him 3-ish and he say it'll be best if I come to him. I do and he's hooked up mac n cheese, cabbage and baked turkey chops and steak. We eat and watch the Cavs vs. Celtics game and I get to stepping. Before I leave I say "so I guess I wont be hearing from you this week." to which he replies "It is what it is" and laughs.

That phrase fucks with me b/c I know when I say it, I'm pretty much saying, 'This is how shit is right now, either get down with it or step the fuck off". He'd explained that he works long hours during the week and that's why I don't really hear from him. That's all fine and good, just as long as he knows all of my cookies stay n the jar until he gets a better schedule for me. I NEED ATTENTION DAMMIT. and who work so hard that they can't even send a text AT ALL throughout the week???

Now yes, he has told me that he has "friends" but no significant other, and has been sex-less for almost two months and that he lives alone and I am always welcome to come by. I kinda feel like he's trying to carry me with the whole 'It is what it is" line, but then again, why give me an open invite to his crib and let me know he's damn near always there? IDK. But what I DO know is no drawers shall he get until I get more time. Until then, I'll enjoy my (weekend) personal chef.

BTW: He's about 5"11, very well toned body, chocolate, nice smile, smells good, HUGE arms, doesn't mind watching Lifetime movies, worked as a chef for quite a few years and has been a plumber for the last twenty. Oh yea...and he's 45, but does not look a day over 35.  Plus, he's a ornball, which is good considering I have put myself in Thug Rehab. And apparently has sweet black pipe....

Anyway...what say you regarding this being MIA (M-F) bull and the subsequent "It is what it is" .  Am I missing something here????

* I learned this from my 14 yr old niece a few weeks ago. Apparently, a Scrag (n.) - is one who encompasses all of the characteristics of a jerk, whore, bitch, slut, and genuinely horrible person. Can be either male or female.