IHATECHU

This is my son's father, Lucifer------->

I hate him so much. Sometime I just sit and think about how much I hate him and plot ways to kill him without doing any time. Only thing is, if something ever did really happen to the fucker under questionable circumstance, I'd be the very first person questioned. NOT because I'm the only one that hates him with the venom of a million venomous rattle snakes, but because I tell anyone who would listen how I'd like for him to not be alive anymore..including Lucifer himself. Now, yes, I do know how horrible it is to wish death on some one...and i have been so distraught over this that I actually cried hysterically to my sister over the phone one day because I hated him so much and I needed her to pray with me for the hatred to be removed from my heart. So, yea...I'm working on it. In fact, I had come to the conclusion before that perhaps it would be best if he just was a man about it and offed himself. you know, fall on his sword so to speak...the world would be a much greater place without him and his kids (3 by three different women) would at least get social security...which is more than they get from him while he's alive. But, now I'm feeling liek he is a real live evil do-er and it i smy duty to wipe him off the face of the Earth once and for all for the greater good of all mankind. *shrugs*

Now…for those of you who are thinking ‘Well you knew he was like that before you had his baby..” I say, Fuck ya’ll, ya’ll don’t know my life!!!! Lol Nah, but in ALL honestly, I was bamboozled. When I met him he had a five yr old daughter that he adored and who was always with him, his own apt and TWO jobs. TWO WEEKS before I found out I was pregnant I looked at him and decided I couldn’t mess with him any more cause at that moment he was high and looked like an absolute crack head. It was like I saw my future with him at that exact moment and I needed to run very far away from it. When I found out I had a baby on the way I let him know and told him that he could have or leave any parts of raising the baby that he wanted. He decided he wanted in. We worked on “us” and when I was 4 months he left me for an older woman who bought him shit. (Not even any shade, he himself said THAT was the reason). He then dropped of f the face of the earth and became her boy toy full time and acted as a dad to her two kids and I got over my broken heart, trekked back and forth to college taking classes and working. He called me out of the blue when I was almost six and a half months and had nothing productive to say or contribute to my pregnancy. I delivered my son prematurely less than a week later and yes I blame his ass for that. He made my body unwelcoming to my baby with the all of the emotions he stirred in me and my baby wanted out.

Through out my son’s life he has come and gone whenever he felt like it. My son is VERY aware of who his father is and even spends summers with him. (More like with his father’s girlfriend as his father whores around but still) The best way for me to demonstrate why I hate him would be to give you some examples of his character so that you guys can all have sympathy for me and want to help me rid the world of him:

When my son was born he was in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). Only immediate family member where allowed in this area and the hospital issued wrist bands to those allowed access- only two per family. Seeing as how I was a young (21), unwed college student, my mother was the second person with the wrist band. The day after my son’s birthday, my mom gave the wrist bad to Lucifer who came up ONE time to see my son (through out his entire 80 day stay) and then took the wrist band off…and eventually gave it back to my mom. Said he could stand to see his son laid up in no incubator.

When my son was released from the hospital, 80 days after his birth, I stayed home to take care for him and applied for welfare (my semester of school was over and I took the following semester off.) I lived off of saving and welfare for three months and then got a job. My mom watched the bay for me. In August, my mother couldn’t watch him anymore and his father acted as if he couldn’t either (even tho I said “watch him and I’ll work, you don’t have to pay me anything in child support). So I quite my job. Two months after quitting saving was running low…I told Lucifer that the baby needed walking shoes. He told me he was gonna be in his cousin’s wedding the following month and needed his money for that and that I couldn’t get blood from a turnip. My response? I can’t but I bet child support can. Apparently you need “the man” to help you get your priorities straight. It took me a week before I got a chance to file for child support and tell me why they already had a case pending listing ME as the defendant. This sucka had tried to be one step ahead of me by suing ME for visitation…dumbass…I still filed for support and made sure every day he asked for was when he had my son.

On one of he requested weekend… he picked my son up to have for the weekend and then bought him back fur hours later talmbout he and his girlfriend hadn’t been alone in awhile to have sex and they needed that night together.

What else…what else…?

Oh yea…he broke up with the chick he left me for when he went to visit his mom in NC and found another sucka “woman” with more money to support him. Then he up and moved to NC…did I mention BOTH his kids live in JERSEY???

He got ole girl pregnant within a month…and was BARELY fully broken up from chick he left me for.

He started having my son for the summer vacations after that and it would be his mom that my son stayed with mostly.

ALL OF THIS TIME MY CHILD SUPPORT PAYMENT HAVE BEEN SPORADIC B/C THE NIGGA REFUSES TO KEEP A JOB!!!

He calls my son about as often as he does make payment ..which ain’t much at all.

Fastforward to this summer (my son is 7 at this time). He and his now fiancé say they want my baby to stay down for the school. Year. Now this was something I’d actually told Lucifer when my son was born. When he turned five, I wanted Lucifer to be the sole guardian because I can’t teach a boy how to be a man. He agreed…but never got his shit together. So in the summer he and his “fiancé” were having a good week (cause Lord know every OTHER week they were breaking up their ghetto Brady bunch- {she has two kids from a previous relation ship, he has two and they have a child together}. Anyway, during this time they convince me that they wanted him to stay and everything was rainbows glitter down there. Their “wedding” was planned for August 14th; I told the fiancé that if he actually married her, my son could stay because that would be a very clear indication that he was a changed man. August 14th comes and goes…no wedding…in fact…they break up. *gasp*

Then Lucifer says he’ll be sending my son home.

THEN…less than a week later… Lucifer calls and gives me this speech about how he’s moving out on his own and still wants my son to stay down there. Fine. He tells me he needs me to send school clothes for him. I do.

THEN he says that he didn’t get the job he thought he would, so my son is coming home, but he’s gonna send for him in NOVEMBER.

Five minutes later he leaves a msg saying that he’s a man and he’ll work it out…my son is staying…he just needs his birth certificate and social security card to apply for this low income apt complex near his mom.

Fine I send that out AND a letter stating that he was to act as his legal guardian on my behalf since his name isn’t on the birth certificate.

Then he calls and says my baby has to come home. This time I say, “No. I send the paper. He’s your responsibility now.” I do this, because I didn’t want my bay back home, but because I knew he would try to bring him back then conveniently “forget” to bring back the docs and would no doubt claim my son as his dependent. Not I said the cat. I say “Nah, you got him now.” Click.

Then he calls and leaves a msg saying ‘U right, he can stay. Not cause you said so, but because I know what I gotta do as a man”. Smch

THEN he calls me AGAIN less than half an hour and leaves a msg saying I just wanted my son down there so I could run around in the bars and fuck niggas and that he know what the fuck he gotta do and I need to just work with him. And he gonna come to JC and “do what he gotta do” Mind you all this time I’ve agreed to whatever he’s asked.

After this message, I call his mother and she tells me that the “fiancé” mealticket girlfriend is moving from North Carolina to Georgia and said that my son couldn’t come along. Apparently, Lucifer wanted to follow his bread and butter…only son be damned. Makes sense…She then tells me that she and her husband want my son to stay down there with them (where he spent most of the summer anyway) and that we’ll let Lucifer think that he’s getting his way and that they’ll come up to visit in the beginning of September, pretend to drop my son off, and then take him right back down to NC with them

In November he left a msg on my moms phone saying that hi smother did drugs and he didn’t want my son down there with her and that I just had to be patient and he would’ve came and got him by now. I stopped listening, but my mom later told me that he also said he was going to sign away his parental rights. Sign them away to whom, idk…still patiently waiting on those papers.

Since November he’s been calling his mom’s phone to talk to my son asking about his teacher and what time he gets out of school and that he’ll see him soon,. As if he’s plotting to come and kidnap my son. I made it clear to his moms that I would treat him like a stranger if he did.. Amber alerts and all and that she should let him know he don’t wanna give me a reason.

On Christmas, his mother tells me that he called there for my son and said ‘merry Christmas…I’m gonna whoop your ass when I see you”. When my son asked why, Lucifer told him it was because he had a smart mouth. What was so smart about my son’s mouth? In the conversation they had had prior, Lucifer told my son that he was gonna come get him in a few months and my son said he didn’t want to go with him.

Oh yea..and remeber that whole situation with my ex-sister?  Yea, well it seems that after Lucifer called her husband he somehow forgot about his reasoning for calling and pretty much let dude convince him that it was nothing and that my son was just a big baby and I had him spoiled. Dude also gave very false info about how I was alway sgoing out. This couldn't be farther from the truth. Not only did I not go ANY where when my son was with me, but often times I had my son AND my nephews. So where the fuck was I going????? Smch.

There was one more thing I wanted to add.....what....was...it.....????? Damn, I can't remember..screw it...I think that's enough for now anyway. WAIT I remember... I infiltrated his facebook page under an assumed name and found out that LUCIFER IS A MENTOR in the city I live in. There it was as his profile pic, him at a basketball court with a bunch of young boys. His caption read how kids are the future and need men to show them the way yada, yada, yada. Did I mention the date stamp on the pic was July 09...when my son was in  NC...and Lucifer came up here with his "fiance" for "business". So he left his actual kids in North Carolina where they had come to visit HIM, just so he could come to THEIR homes city and mentor youth??? WTF. When my son gets home I'm taking him to that mentoring program. Maybe he'll get Lucifer as a mentor and get to actually spend some quality time with the son of a bitch. Smch.

So yea….I hate that motherfucker.

***My aplogies for any typos, run-on sentences, etc...I was mad as hell writing this****

Now ain't this 'bout a ...

Following are random babblings from an extremely drunk, fed up chick..... (Don't judge me fu**ers)...

Next month marks one full year since I began my relationship with "The Chief". Since then I have been dependent on others to get me lifted. First it was Mr. Big, then it was "OG"(whom I haven't spoken to or heard from since we had an incident back in May *tee hee* another day, another day...), occasionally it would be my partner-in-crime and then it was The Killer. Whomever it was that bought "The Chief" and I together, it was never me just going to my local corner pharmacist and getting it myself. Now that all of the previously mentioned people are either dead to me or determined to stay in the house until she cops a new whip (I hate her for that by the way), I am doomed to go without. Fu**ed up thing is, when I didn't partake, EVERYone around me did and I was always the odd man out. Now that I DO get down, it seems like those I surround myself with either have to stay clean for some job or are trying to be "responsible" WTF?! This brings me to my next point...

I'm a backwards ass.... When my friends were out wildin' a few years back, I was at home making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, having "movie nights" watching all four seasons of "Dinasaurs" and helping the kid with his homework. Now that I have myself an entire school year off (the kid is a few states away staying with his paternal grandparent - long story), I find myself left to pAAArty alone. Even my partner-in-crime who, despite having a child way earlier than I, had a moms who didn't mind being her enabler and damn near raising her daughter for her (again, a long story). Anyway, even she is now at home doing the single mom thing (now with a whole new second baby that needs her attention.) All I wanna know is, when the hell did everybody grow up??? Is it so wrong that I wish she would be an irresponsible, neglecting f**k up for just one more year so we can run the streets together??? I don't wanna always have to depend on my flavor of the month to keep my nights occupied.I wanna party with my girls (the other ones are working non stop and/or boo'd up or pregnant) Ugggh. We can never all be in sync. Ain't that some old bullsh*t?!?!?!? I've only got another two good years to blame my reckless behavior on my twenties and only one of those will be without my baby's ever-impressionable eyes a'watchin" lol I NEED TO BE GETTING IT IN DAMMIIT!!! Too bad I'm not a people person, I'd have me a whole new crew of young chicks with no responsibilities what so ever to help me drain the bars and tease the boys. Speaking of boys...

The Killer has lost his ever loving mind. He's losing focus, so I've been backing off to teach him a lesson. Once he notices, I'm sure he'll get it together... lol (ok, that was a joke, but , truth be told, dude is the sole reason why I'm 3 sheets to the wind right now. I'll supply details later...if things get better with us...if not, I'll just never mention his a*s again. *Kanye shrug* That's how it be's sometimes...which leaves me no choice but to recognize the fact that....

I've noticed that I only like a guy if I have to do the chasing. I've had three guys recently damn near profess their undying love to me and I kinda just gave them the gas face and laughed. I really need to get over this issue that I have. Like if a guys comes on extra strong, I automatically assume he's out to get me because (I guess) I don't think I'm worthy enough to have them genuinely want me that much? Which is really kinda weird considering I happen to be one of the most conceited people I know...weird...just one more thing to be worked out in therapy, I guess ( when I can afford it, that is). Which reminds me...

I got a raise at work...not what I asked for, but a raise nonetheless..so Whoohoo?!? I'd say I'm in what they call the "golden handcuffs". I want to leave (ONLY b/c this is not the field I want to work in and I see no real room for growth.The job itself is just fine tho), yet I make just enough to keep me satisfied plus its so damned convenient. I may stay until I'm done with my Masters. We'll see...

My urge to "Chief" was so strong earlier that I literally wanted to cry. CRY. I won't go so far as to say I'm an addicted, but damned if I ain't headed in that direction. And it's not just the "high" part that I wanted. I longed to lick the blunt wrapper and roll up...wtf??? I know... *hangs head in shame while looking out the corner of my eye to see if anyone pulls out a bag out of pity for me* Which brings me to my next point....

Drug dealers suck!!!. I'm just saying, if you gonna sell D. Ruggs then sell D. Ruggs dammit. So tired of all this "I don't sell after 8pm" or "Call me back at whatever time". N*gga, you are a drug dealer...deal the fu*king drugs already!!! Smch

I think I may finally be sleepy... thank you Paul Masson!

'Nite people!

C'mon son/Enigma drives these niggas crazy

I got the funniest voicemail ever from this dude on Saturday. I had given him my number over the summer only to learn that he in the halfway house and had been out on a weekend pass when we met. We'd first met in July and his release date was for early September. Needless to say, the conversation that revealed that little tidbit was the last one he had with me where there was not much 'tude radiating from the other end. Even after my attitude change, he proceeded to do his best to woo me. This included sending me love notes. *insert blank stare here*

These "love notes" were actually "poems" inspired by yours truly. Notice the use of those there (" '') thingies? Yea? Well that's because them damned things weren't no effing poems, they were just a bunch of words on a piece of paper. I know, who am I to critique the work of a true arteest, right? We'll I'll dig one up for ya'll so ya'll can see what I mean. One that comes to mind started with "When I wake up in a flirtatious mood, yada, yada, yada" Just wait and see...ya boy can write some fuckery.

Anyway, he has proven that he got jokes, mostly without him even trying. Did I mention that he rarely calls me by the (fake) name that I gave him? Nope, old boy prefers to instead call me his little "Strawberry Shortcake flavor of the month" or his "Caramel Delight flavor of the month" or "Insert name of gooey delicious dessert treat here" followed by....you guessed it..."flavor of the month". To make it worse, he always talks to me in the sing-songy, whispery voice that is just weird considering that he's the size of Shrek.

First of all, who the F**K wants to be referred to as any body's "flavor of the month"??? Second of all, who the f**k gave you my number....wait...what's that you say??? I did??? Oh ... well.... why the f**k do you insist on calling when I've made it quite obvious that my favorite daydream is that of an anvil dropping on your head right in the middle of you reciting your "poetry" ???? smch

Anyway, the day they release him, he calls me and says "Hey my little Butterscotch Krumket flavor of the month. I'm home ...so now we can be together." BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I proceeded to laugh so hard and so loudly that the poor guy had no choice but to hang up.

SMH.

I know, I'm a bitch, but I have never once denied this, in fact, I often brag about it, so there :-P

You would think that he'd get sick of my shit once he was out and the amount of panties to conquer was limitless, but no, he kept on trying with me. He would call randomly, and ask me to meet him somewhere and my response would always be "I can't, I just washed my hair". (Yes, I know in my profile it says I pride myself on being a good liar, and I am. However, he wasn't even worth me wasting the good lies on.)

Anyway, last Friday he called me while I was at work and said he would be in my neck of the woods after work and wanted to know if we could meet for a sec. Now, since I had told him during our first meeting that one of the dudes who was know on the inside and out in civilization for being balls out NUTS (and who he seemed to be afraid of) was like a brother to me, I in no way felt threatened by dude, so I told him sure. He was supposed to be meeting with his attorney so I told him to call me when he was leaving the attorney's office. Since it would be about a 30 minute drive, i figured this would give me enough time to get re-dressed since I usually come home from work and get naked and hang up my half-wig.

So later that evening, as I'm shooting the shit with one of my nieces, he calls and says he's around the corner. I hate when people don't listen, don't you? Anyway, after giving him the teeth sucking of a lifetime, I tell him I'll be over in a minute. Now, I know some of you may be wondering why I even bothered. Well, honestly, I wanted to see him again to see if he was worth me ever speaking to again. I mean, there was a reason why I'd given him my number in the first place, right? (You know, besides the fact that at the time I didn't know he was convict or a loon).

So I walk around the corner and I see this dude walking towards my hood. Screeeeech. Pump the brakes, homie!!! The place I'd told him to meet me was around the corner and THREE BLOCKS AWAY from my hood. WTF was he doing RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER????

And had the nerve to still be walking like he was coming TO my hood. As if that wasn't grounds enough for me to get Kaycee, the local crack head to f**k him up, dude had the audacity, the unmitigated gall to be wearing RED sweatpants, a white tee w/ a RED long john shirt half on and a RED wave cap to top it off....?? Did I mention that i live in the H O O D??? Now, I don't give a fuck about any colors but those of gummi bears (i prefer the green ones) and condoms (if you can't fit the one in the gold wrappers, I am not the girl for you), but I am quite certain of many dudes in my area that do care very much so about colors. And who the hell rocks red sweatpants anyway???

I walk up on him figuring I'll just turn him around. When he sees me, he opens his arms for a hug and me, always a sucker for a bear hug from an actual live bear gives him one. My nostrils were immediately assaulted and my tiny nose hairs singed from the stench of beer coming off this dude. It smelled as if he'd took a bath in about 40 tall cans of Coors Light and then splashed on the finest Miller Light cologne he could find. I immediately put my hands up to his chest to back him up. When I did this he said "Here you go with this dumb shit..!" to which I replied "Nigga what???" He kept on saying "Nothin" and walked a little passed me towards the direction I had just come from. I, still in shock over his smell, was still facing the opposite direction with my mouth open when i felt him mush my head ever so gently and mumble "Something something BITCH" as he crossed the street and walked back in the direction he'd come from.

Still in shock I laughed loud as hell and told him that he had 20 seconds before I yelled for the goon squad (who were just around the corner out of sight). He didn't say anything else or turn around but the sight of seeing his big ass imitating a crack head at 3 in the morning* with that extremely brisk walk he was doing was PRICELESS. I didn't even bother to call on my dudes because they tend to go hard just for the fun of it and I really don't need any felony murder or conspiracy charges on my plate right now.

You would think that that would be the end of it...but no...you'd be wrong.

He called me ten minutes later (I don't know how, but he was already at the train station that was at least 15-20 minutes away by car, 30-45 minutes away by bus). He apologized profusely to which I replied "Nigga you must be out you're rabbit ass mind if you think shit is sweet. Call my phone again and see what happens" and hung up**.

Think it ends there? You'd again be wrong.

SMH

This Saturday I get a letter from him apologizing again and asking that I forgive him and that he never meant for me to see his "dark" (read: drunk) side and that he doesn't want to make an enemy of me. Mmmm hmmm....

Later that day, I get a call from a number I don't recognize. I ignore it and send it to voicemail and forget about it until I go to lunch today. So as I'm waiting on my order from my favorite little taco cart full of Mexicans, I finally remember and listen to the voicemail. It's Six Four and HE"S SINGING. I don't recognize the lyrics until he gets to the chorus and sings ''Hellllllooooo? Is it meeee you're looking foooooooorrrrrr...?????"

ROTFLMMFBAO!!!!

So

many

questions!!

Like... Who does that????, what guy under 35 do you know that knows the actual lyrics to a friggin;' Lionel Richard song??? Why would THAT be the song that makes him think about ME??? Who's watching him??? What slacker ass cleared him for release back into civilization????

iCan't. iWon't. and Dammit, iShouldn'thaveto!!!!!

SMH

I can't make this stuff up, man.. C"MON SON!!!

*You ever see a crack head walking the streets in the wee hours of the morning? I have no idea why, by they walk extremely fast. Funniest sight ever! lol

**I received this phone call while in the presence of my niece who, no doubt , now thinks...excuse me...knows that her Auntie is a "G" lol

A Teenage Love Affair (The End)

In no time at all "Pookie" and I had ditched our significant others and were back on track and together. This time things were different. In our short time apart, I had changed, and because of that, we changed. For starters, I stopped bringing an entourage with me to visit and he stopped having his crew there when I arrived. We were spending way more time alone with one another, a privilege we had not been afforded often when we were together prior. We also began to spend more time on the phone. I guess you can say our love affair matured.

We spent the next nine months or so as a certified couple. We still hadn't had sex and it seemed like a non-issue. There was one time when we'd set up a day/time to make it happen, but I got held up doing family stuff and by the time I got there his house was crowded. Amazingly we never rescheduled. I said before that I never knew of him having a girl brsides me and this time around was no different. I would come up at random times and he'd always be where he was supposed to be, doing what he was supposed to do. There was never an instance that I can remember of another girl calling my phone or anything and he never seemed to be hiding me, nor did he ever tell me that I couldn't come up there.

This new "grown-up" relationship that we had also ment that I was forced to meet the rest of his family that he stayed with (besides Moonie). This included his female cousin, Dawn. Dawn was Moonie's sister and maybe just a year younger than he was. For some reason, she never really took to me. I used to joke with my friends that she treated me like she was jealous that I got "Pookie" and she was stuck just being his cousin. Looking back, I think perhaps Dominique was her friend and this is what led to her nastiness...? IDK and there's no way for me to find out now, so...fuck it.

Anywho, Dawn never outright came out and said she didn't like me, she would just do things like tell me he wasn't there (when he was) when I called for him. This would usually lead to him calling me back two seconds later asking if I'd just called there for him. Or she'd have a million things she needed "Pookie" to do while I was there, thereby making it impossible for us to be alone.

I tried not to let her shit get too me too much and eventually found ways to avoid her all together. I noticed that if I called and asked for "Moonie" first, she'd just give him the phone with no problem, I'd then have him give "Pookie" the phone. Of the drama of a teenage life... smh

About eight months after we'd gotten back together something in "us" changed to where I felt like I needed to "test" him. Looking back, it doesn't make sense to me, and I want to chalk it up to being young and dumb. I'll have to look at my early volumes of diaries to try to recall what happened to make me feel that I could no longer trust him. But in any case, like I said, I felt like his devotion to me needed to be tested. So, me being a dummy, had one of my friends call him and act like she liked him. She used a fake name and pretended to know him thru a friend that messed with a friend of his. Needless to say, the situation got way out of control. The girl that I'd gotten to call him turned out to be a snake and stole his number without my knowledge and would call him behind my back. This of course took a toll on our relationship because he never mentioned his "mystery caller" to me, so he got the perpatual side eye from me from then on. Now, I knew that he'd never met up with her or anything, but still...(according to her they were talking on a regular basis and never once did he mention that he had a girlfriend.)

Around the same time, I started spending more time with a guy from my class. We were only friends (he was like 5'2, about 75 lbs soaking wet and with rocks in his pocket and his breath smelled like ass--so trust-nothing at all was popping with him). Anywho, I never made it a point to hide my friendship with this guy from "Pookie"" as there was no need to. "Pookie" didn't agree and he'd catch an attitude anytime I mentioned that I'd stayed after school with the guy or went to the mall with him or anything.

One night "Pookie" had called me. He'd said that he was headed back outside to play dice, but wanted to call me before it had gotten too late. Somehow we started arguing. I remember it as the worst argument we'd ever had, but that could just be because...

Like I said, we started arguing. I now think that maybe 'Pookie" took his guilt over talking to his "mystery caller" behind my back and tried to project that on me and blamed his new attitude on the time I was spending with my guy friend. Anywho, we argued. The only thing I remember about the specifics of the argument was when "Pookie" said "Well, I know when you can start spending more time with him...when I hang up."

He hung up, and that was the last time I ever spoke to him.

One thing I remember from the next day was me sitting in my living room looking at the fish tank and being angry that he'd never called me the night before to apologize. I had named one of the fish after him and at that moment I was so hurt and angry that I wished the fish would die. Somehow in my 13 year old mind, seeing that fish dead would make me feel better.

That night I called his house and Dawn answered the phone. When I asked to speak to him, she said ""Ricky died last night". I hung up disgusted that she would go so far with her games and just figured I'd speak to him the following day.

The next morning, I stopped at the diner across the street from my school to get a toasted bagel with cream cheese and jelly. While I was there I also bought the local paper. There on the very first page was a story entitled. "Killed over $5 He Didn't Scam". I read the article as I walked up the block to the school's entrance. As I got closer, my partner-in-crime at the time was walking towards me. I watched as her face went from happy to worried to panicked as she watched me drop the paper and start crying hysterically. She helped me into the school as she yelled for one of our other friend's to get our (8th grade) teacher.

Ricky Bradlee (my "Pookie") was shot and killed within an hour after he'd hung up on me.

Introducing: "Pookie" (A Teenage Love affair) Pt. Deux

I would like to re-write history and say that it took me a long time to get over "Pookie", but that just wouldn't be right. In reality, more so than any other emotion, I can vividly recall the extreme anger I felt. I think the main reason for me not being sad per se was because he was honest with me. In fact, sad as it is, I think he was THE ONLY man to ever be straight up with me and tell me to my face that he was leaving me for another woman. All of the others lied until I caught them with their dick in the cookie jar. I still had my in-school boo and I adjusted to not walking those 20 blocks much sooner than I even thought I would. I think the hardest part was knowing that Kat was still going up there and trying to find things to occupy my time while she was gone. (because I REFUSED to go back up there and risk seeing him.)

A few months went by and in that time I met a new dude. He wasn't that cute and he was dumber than a box of marbles, but he had a car, and I had places to go, so we worked out well. I didn't feel bad for using him for his whip because I knew that he was only trying to use me for sex. I held him off for as long as I could until the little girl lost in me said 'What the fuck is the point of holding out???' so I slept with him, it sucked and I didn't do it again. It seemed like after I realized the dick was trash, not even his shiny white car could keep my attention focused on him anymore. I started plotting how I'd break up with him and end our 2 month "relationship".

As if on cue, I received a call out of the blue from "Pookie" on day. He said that he had badgered Kat for my number because he missed me so much and wanted to get back together. When I questioned him about Dominique, he said that she was in NY staying with relatives for the summer and that she "knew what time it was" and wasn't returning any of his calls because she knew he was ready to break up with her.

Uh oh.... five o'clock... you know what that means... *pshooooooom*

To be continued....