"Daddy"

Disclaimer: So...you ever have a point that you want to make, but you're not quite sure what that point is? Yea, well...keep that in mind when you read the post below. I'm at work, bored and listeing to the radio. Twista's song "Wetter"came on and I started writing. *shrugs* I don't know what my point is, nor does this blog have any kind of order or any real ending....like I said, I did it at work and I've been distracted. Nonetheless, I'm posting it. Why? Because. lol Seriously tho...depending on the comments, I may be able to find my point elaborate.*

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I know that from the title you probably thought this would be the blog I’ve been saying I’d write in honor of my father, but it is not (still not ready). My father’s name was/is LJ, not Daddy. In fact, the word “daddy” has never held any real significance in my life other than in a sexual manner.

Allow me to elaborate….

Unlike most of my friends, my parents were married when they had me. I lived with them both until they divorced when I was four years old. My (biological) “father” then decided to move to North Carolina to be closer to his family and demanded that my mother allow him to take me.**

I stayed in NC with my (biological) “father” for almost a year. When I returned, my mother had begun dating a new man, my father. My (biological) “father” and I had a sporadic visitation schedule up until I was around nine or so. After that, I didn’t see him again at all and he died when I was twelve. He was in my life (consistently) for all of five years….the first five years. Needless to say, my memories of him (or of what I addressed him as) are distant memories.

LJ is the man who raised, fed, and protected me throughout my life and from whom I learned what a man is supposed to be. However, he has never been my “Daddy”. That word means nothing to me. Hearing it conjures up flashbacks of hot, sweaty nights with my penis of the moment, not memories of my father pushing me on a swing or taking me on a Daddy/daughter date.

“Daddy” is whoever is laying the pipe the right way at the moment. *shrugs*

I know this is a concept that many of you can’t understand or relate to, and that’s fine. But just because YOU don’t understand or can’t relate to it does not mean that it is some sick, twisted concept. Words are just that…words. When I call a dude “Daddy”, I don’t visualize my father. Now, don’t get me wrong, if you are someone who grew up calling your father/father figure “Daddy” I can understand your *pause* at hearing it used in a sexual connotation.

* What say you? My dislcaimer for the blog that has no point has no point you say? Yesterday was 4/20...that's all I'm sayin...don't expect too much from me today. :)

*this is one of the main reasons I allowed my son to go away for the past year with his paternal grandparents. The time I spent getting to know that side of my family was priceless and definitely a once in a lifetime chance for me to interact with them.

What's that saying...?

Yesterday I was talking with my new "Chief" dealer, Shorty Doowop and I realized just how much of a sore thumb I am once I get to talking in an intimate setting. Ya see, I met Shorty Doowop thru a friend. When he finally met me face to face, I was always on my way to some bar or somewhere to party. Now, I'd seen him giving me "the look" but I ignored it. Yesterday, I stopped by his place to pick up a lil sumthin', sumthin' on my way home from work. he seemed surprised that I actually had a full ime job liek a real grown-up and he started to ask me questions. Well, through out the convo he learned the following:

-My parents were together for 25 yrs with not one major argument and only death separated them

-I have 3 older sisters, all of whom have CAREERS, husbands and if not a degree (or two in one instance) then they are currently in school.

-I have a college degree and fully intend on going for my Master's and ultimately my PHD.

- I currently am not working in my CAREER, however my current position makes me a vital part of my company as a whole and as the ONLY black woman (and only 1 of 2 blacks in general) my work is often scrutinized a lil more than the rest, but no one can deny that I'm damn good at what I do. Also, my boss must have some faith in my intelligence as i am responsible for reviewing legal docs from anywhere from 2- 20 pages long and when I'm done, I tell him to sign and he does- no questions asked.

-I volunteer in my community

-I have a proposal for a non-profit that I've been working on for a few years now

He was a lil shocked. He told me that when he first met me, he just figured I was another chick running the streets, laying on her ass all day and neglecting her kid(s). :/ I say all of that to say, you don't know anyone until you KNOW, them. Remember that.

Responding to the Comments....

So I went to response to Suga and Sunshinestar on my last post, but realized that it turned into a mini blog, so here it is as a post of its very own.

I have no idea what Obama is doing, and I'm honestly trying not to think about it. After losing the first blog I wrote, I was so peeved that I left a few things out in the one that got posted. For starters, I did ask him what was up with all of the newfound QT and he told me that he just needed time to be on his own and he wouldn't be living with her anymore. I also asked how long I'd have so much attention and instead of answering me he said "What you don't want me around?". I know it was a stall tactic, but instead of pursuing it further I made the decision at that moment to just continue playing my position and be happy with the time I had instead of spending it worrying about when it would end. My bestie, "T" and I were talking one morning while he was still asleep and she asked me why I wasn't in the room snuggled up under him instead of on the couch talking to her. My automatic response with absolutely NO hesitation was "I don't love them hoes" and she knew exactly what I meant. Obama and I get along great together and, if we had pursued "us" when we first met, I could possibly be the lucky girl with his child that he lives with and cheats on. But alas, that was not in the cards. Now that we are in this....thing....that we are were? in, I know he and I will never have a relationship and I don't want that. However, since selfishness is ingrained in me, what I do want is for him to be able to come to me when I need/want him to. *shrugs* But it is what it is

Also, the night that he dropped by I told him that he was "inconvenient" and had a lot of baggage. IDK if that has anything to do with his ghost act lately, but hey...you just never know

More likely than anything else, he moved back in, however, that's never stopped him from calling me or texting me before, even when his phone was out of commision for awhile. In fact, yesterday I checked my voicemails and I had one from him from like a month ago (I don't check vmails often at all...clearly) and it was during the time that his phone was broken and he left me his...excuse me, their house number to call him. Like I've said before, he sucks at knowing the rules to having a sidepiece. I know where he lives AND the telephone number to reach him and his girl if I so choose to. Luckily for him, I truly have better things to do and our limitations were made clear early on...otherwise...shit would get real ugly real quick. lol

As for Street Fighter- I think he's just so dumb, he forgot that we weren't kicking it anymore. lol

Yo.

I just wrote an entire blog giving recaps on Sweet Black Pipe, Street Fighter and Obama and lost it due to a series of unfortunate computer events. Sigh So here's the recapped, recap:

Sweet Black Pipe- Done. I don't wanna kick it and he only wants sex. Saw him at the bar and he gave me a head nod. Guess he feels it's ok for his mouth to open while near my lady parts but not to say hello. *shrugs* Whatever.

Street Fighter- Still stupid, still texts me for some reason. Doesn't get a response and I haven't been to Barbara's in a few weeks so I haven't seen him. He can eat a dick too.

Obama- Stayed with me for the rest of the week until that Saturday. Had his daughter during the day and her mother was bullshitting with picking her up. Then something happened and he said she's done "some stupid shit" and he went out with his boys to blow steam. He was supposed to come to my house afterwards but didn't. The next day I text him and he replied that he'd "See me on the weekend". I deleted his number. That Wednesday he dropped by unannounced because he was "in the area" and stayed for about 15 minutes. I told him that I'd deleted his number and he got upset saying I was trying to cut him off* and "Oh, you must miss me" and "You wanna be a big baby" and was tcikling me and bear hugging me trying to make me laugh (it worked, I'm a sucker for a tickler). When he was leaving he said again that he'd see me on the weekend- that was the last I heard from him.

I haven't tried to call/text him because well.. I deleted his number. IDK what's going on with him but hopefully he's ok. That's all I really wanna say about that.

*I don't do well with goodbyes. Usually when I feel that my presence is no longer appreciated, or that I'm falling too fast for someone that means me no good, I make myself scarce. He knows this and he always tells me not to go rogue on him and cut him off.