"Must not have been paying attention..."

...I stepped right on in it, didn't even notice how deep I was..."

Even while it was happening,. I'd chalked my birthday and the days immediately following it up as my birthday present from him. It all just seemed kind of deliberate, as if he'd  maybe started an argument or something with her just so that he wouldn't have to explain his absence for those days, but who knows. We still spoke and saw each other as frequently following those days of my B-Day cupcaking bliss, but with less overnights. This went on for about two weeks before the realization finally hit me: I had definitely fell in love with this man.

Now to say that this shocked me is an understatement. I mean I was actually texting my friends msgs like:

"I LOVE this nigga?!?!? Why the f@*k didn't ya'll hoes tell me?????" 

Now I had been saying it to them for awhile...(that I loved him)...but when I said it, it was more of a that's-the-dude-I-can't-stop-thinking-about-and-would-rather-chill-with-than-any-other-dude kinda way. Not in the I'mma-marry-this-nigga kinda way.

I can pinpoint the EXACT moment that my feelings became clear to me (those on my facebook friend's list can attest to that) and the reason is so simply: he was honest with me. Even though he knew the truth would hurt me and (potentially) jeopardize what ever it is that we have. But he looked me in the eye and told me the truth anyway. That is all I have ever asked of the men that I allow in because it is the one thing that I can guarantee that they will receive from me. I have NEVER experienced my request actually being granted...and without any arm-bending or food -poisoning whatsoever.

Between that and everything else that rocks about him,  I really didn't stand a chance.

The moment I realized how I really felt about him, I told him to hurry up and finish the drink he had been nursing because I needed to tell him something and he needed to be drunk to hear it. ( so dramatic, I know) Somehow we got *ahem* distracted and never got around to me telling him. However, while we were...uh..."ya know"-ing, he stopped mid-stroke, looked me in the eye and said, "You love me don"t you?" Of course, I confessed.

But...he never said it back.

I honestly don't know the EXACT sequence of event from there on. But to the best of my recollection, he and I continued to be ok (for the most part) for maybe another week until all of a sudden I barely saw/heard from him. I think I went about a week and a half with no contact (he STILL had not gotten a phone to replace the one he'd lost months ago. Even after I'd bitched and moaned about it for weeks.) It got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and told him point blank, "Love me or leave me the fcuk alone!" I told him how it hurt me to, in essence, be in love by myself. Especially seeing as how he had yet to respond to me professing my love to him - AFTER he'd asked me point-blank. I felt like a sucker. An exposed sucker to be exact. I felt like he played me. Like he was just a heart-collecter, and now that he knew I loved him, he knew he could get away with even more bullshit without worrying about losing me.

I told him I needed for him to tbe he one to end contact because, in all honesty, I did not feel as if I was strong enough to be the one to walk away. He told me straight up that I was bugging if I thought he'd really leave me alone. I told him then I would have no choice but to change my number and end all contact with him for awhile. He laughed and said, "So I'm just supposed to not call you?1?" That doesn't even sound right coming out my mouth".

I told him since he was having such a hard time choosing where to be, he should just leave me alone and focus on his family since that was what really was important in all of this. He told me that doing that WOULD be choosing and asked what made me think it would be just that easy for HIM to walk away from ME. That was honestly something I hadn't even considered. I honestly couldn't understand why he seemed so tormented when the solution seemed so clear to me. You want your daughter to have her family. I am not apart of that family. I am the weakest link - goodbye.

I told him it was over. Period. We made love again and I told him it would be the last time. He asked if I would ignore his calls, I told him that I would try my very best to. He said it wouldn't stop him from calling. I asked him for the umpteenthed time to NOT call me and to give me some time. When  he called me the. very. next. day. I answered. We chit-chatted. When it come time for us to hang up, he told me he'd call me the next day. I told him NOT to bother calling me unless it was to give me a day/time when we would meet face-to-face so that he could tell me in great detail, how HE felt about ME. He said ok and that was that.

He did not call the next day. Or the next...or...the...next. I changed my number five days after our last conversation. I felt as if I would go insane less quickly if I could trick my mind into believing that he was trying to call, I'd just changed my number too soon. Instead of what was probably closer to reality: Perhaps I had become too much of a liability as a side- dish. In my head he was laughing with his friends about me and saying thngs like, "Feelings? That is not what this was supposed to turn into. This bitch tryna make me choose?? Nah, I'm out!!"  I mean, if I had a penis, that would probably be what I would do (clearly I'd be just as trifling as a dude) *kanye shrug*

But...as time would tell...that is soooo totally NOT how he felt about me AT AL.

To be continued.... {Sorry Suga. :)}

Introducing: Egypt

Egypt and I grew up in the same building. Two years my junior, I kind of looked to her as my protege, seeing as how I just knew I was the shit I was the person who showed her that there was a whole life beyond the building that we grew up in.

I was about 12/13 (which made her 10/11) and wanted to make that twenty-block trek to see my "Pookie". "Kat" was on punishment for missing curfew the last time we'd been up there and I was dreading having to go up there by myself. I went downstairs, fully prepare to suck it up and go lone when I saw young Egypt sitting in the lobby. I swear it was like a lightbulb had went of in my head. I was suddenly seeing this girl in a whole new light. She was a cute kid and I knew she was smart since her mom had me tutor her a few months prior. I figured she'd go up there and fit right in with the guys. I asked her if she wanted to come with me to see my boyfriend and she agreed. I suggested she go upstairs and get fresh (couldn't roll up there with no bum chick lol) and then we were off.

That was it. That was all I did.**

Because I was such a good kid, Egypt's mom had no problem with us being friends and Egypt soon became part of my "crew". Most of the time we were walking to see "Pookie" and his friends, but we spent just as much time holed up in one of our apartments blasting music and eating each others' parents out of house and home.

One day, "Kat", Egypt, myself and another snake-eyed bitch crew member* were chilling at my house. "Kat" and I decided we wanted to go to the store for snacks but Egypt and the snake-eyed bitch other chick didn't feel like coming, so me and Kat left them in my room watching tv. When we got back, my mom stopped us before we got to my room and said she wanted to talk to us. We all sit at the table and my mom goes into the spiel about us being at the age of experimenting, yada, yada, yada. Me and 'Kat" look at each other, laugh and ask my mom what she's talking about. My mom then tells us that she went into my room, not realizing that Egypt and the snake-eyed bitch other chick was still there and walked ino the two of them in my bed going at it like lovers. Me and "Kat" went from being shocked to straight up appalled when my mom then asked if "Kat" and I liked girls too. I think our genuine "wtf" expressions were enough to convince her as she dismissed us with a warning to watch the other two and make sure they didn't try to get us to do anything "strange" lol

"Kat" and I continued to be friends with them, but kind of at a distance. Around the same time, "Kat" and Egypt started to befriend another girl in our building, "T". 'T" and I had been play partners when we were like 6/7 but hadn't really spent much time as we got older because she went to a different elementry school than the rest of us.

One day the three of us: Egypt, "T" and I were supposed to go out and Egypt's mother was tripping saying she couldn't come out. Typical on-the-move teenagers, "T" and I chalked dueces and told Egypt we'd catch her on the flip side and proceeded to the mall. When we got back, we went to my house and listened to music. That pretty much solidified she and I as friends. Her mom was damn near never home, which gave her as much freedom as I had and she was my age, so I didn't have to contantly be concerned as to whether or not I was "turning her out". lol In turn, I had all the hot shit at my house as far as music, movies, etc. My room was a teenage girl's dream. I had even transform the floor of my closet into a "phone booth" with huge pillows. Needless to say, our friendship worked out perfectly. lol

That was eight grade, when I was 13.

A few things happened in the years following that, Egypt and her mom moved to a different part of the city, "Kat" and I stopped speaking, " I lost "Pookie", "Kat" and I fought (the day before my eight grade graduation), "Kat" and her mom moved to North Carolina, I started high school at a private school (sans crew for the first time), I started dating my high school sweetheart, AND my favorite sister moved back home and had a baby for me to flood with kisses.

Somehow when the dust cleared from all of those events, Egypt and I were no longer as close as we used to be. In fact, I barely saw her since most of my after-school time went to my boyfriend and newborn niece and the free time I did have for "girl-talk" was spent with "T" who still lived in my building and went to a cooler school than mine with a football team. (my school was a brain school- no footbal team and our girls' bb team was waaaay better than the guys. lol). Egypt and I never had a falling out or anything, I just kind moved on. I was at the new school meeting all of these new people, and she was still in grammar school trying to finish up seventh grade. *shrugs*.

I know it may sound heartless, but , in my defense, I didn't really see any of my friends, and not for nothing, Egypt didn't exactly reach out to me either. Plus, I know she wasn't totally alone. While I was boo'd up, "T" and a new crew member, Q would go to Egypt's house all of the time.

Oh no, wait. I lied. Egypt did reach out to me during my junior (her freshman) year in high school. My HS Sweetheart and I had just gone thru a whole ordeal with him telling me he'd made a mistake that resulted with a baby that could possibly be his. As we waited the three weeks for the test to confirm or deny, I got a call from Egypt out of the blue.

ME: Hello? *confused at this random as number on my caller id*

Egypt *in her new-found-i'm-finally-in-high school-chicken-head voice*: Enigmaaaaa! You know "HS Sweetie" got a baaaabyyyy?

ME: Hi Egypt., long time no hear. No, we don't know that- we're still waiting on the test-

Egypt *cutting me off*: Uh huuuuh. I'm holding her right now. Oh my gaaaaaaaawd!!!!! She looks just like HS. Sweetie***!

Me: Wow. *hangs up*

So yea, that's when I first realized that despite out years as BFF's, I could no longer look at Egypt as a certified friend nor assume that she would ever have my best interest in mind. I would have never done it that way- especially not from the chick's house. But that's just me.

Unfortunately, that was not the last time I would have to side-eye one of her moves or question  her motives.

To be continued....

* Remember the "friend" I had call "Pookie"? Yea, that was that bitch....

**Remember this as it will come up later.

***No, the baby was not his and we stayed together until the day of my graduation and broke-up for other reasons. Perhaps I'll blog about that one day....

Introducing: "The Boyfriend" {Pt. Deux}

After he has my number stored in his phone, he gives my phone back to me, tells me he'll text me in 10 minutes and peels off, busts a uwey and speeds in the opposite direction. I just stand there annoyed that he managed to do it to me again. Fifteen minutes later, I'm sitting on the bus and I get a text that reads, "So when are you going to let me lick you". I suck my teeth b/c I know that he means lick my face and not anywhere interesting and so  I text him back, "See?? Childish shit like this is the reason why you didn't have my new number. Please stop wasting my unlimited texts with this juvenile bullshit!!!"

We honestly go back and forth texting like this for a few days. Him asking to see me or asking why I stopped calling and me reminding him in great detail why I'm not beat. After about a week of this he calls and tells me that he likes me and yada, yada, yada but I wouldn't sleep with him so he never put real effort into getting me. What kind of high school shit is that??? Uh...duh...ever think that you not making any real effort is why I have no interest in sleeping with you??? 'Ole backwards as nicca. Smch

Anyway, we'd go out a few times after that, but I was so caught up in TK* that I henstly didn't study 'Boyfriend" to much. He became my boyfriend one day while we were on the phone and he was running on and on about...well..I don't really remember b/c I wasn't listening "shrug". But anyway, I cut him off and told him that if he expected me to sit and listen to him bitch and moan about every little thing that went wrong in his everyday life, he would have to be my boyfriend. I also told him that I would from then on introduce myself as his girlfriend to anyone he introduced me too and get just as crazy as a girlfriend would should he do any thing I deemed unboyfriend like. He obliged.

He also started to act like an actual boyfriend for a few weeks there..until...The Facebook Fiasco. SMH

*sighs*

Now, "Boyfriend" and I had actually become facebook friends about two weeks after I saw him that day by the bus stop. The first time I go to look at his page I see that he is listed as "In a Relationship" with some young looking girl named Nataya. So, being that he always up in my grill, I question him about it. He tells me that he doesn't mess with her anymore but he doesn't know how to take it down so he gotta wait for his cousin to come do it, yada, yada, yada. I see it for what it is (a bunch of bullshit) but I don't really care seeing as how at this time"TK" and I are still soaking up the sheets something proper. So I drop it and less than a week later he takes his relationshp status down completely. I guess he assumed that I would take this as confirmation that he and old girl weren't together anymore. Silly boy...the fact that he took it down completely let me know they were still together, otherwise he would have listed his status as "single". But, I let him think he got that one. As the weeks go on, he's really getting into this whole "boyfriend" role: sending me texts telling me he loves me misses me, is thinking about me, blah, blah, blah.

Around this time is when I decided that I would stop dealing with "TK's" lying ass and become an evil vixen, so I turn my evil on and start to facebook flirt with him. He facebook flirts back and I start to think maybe he did stop messing with her after all since he doesn't seem to be afraid of the fact that we can both see each other on his page. Turns out, he was just stupid and didn't think that far in advance. So sad... I send him a notification to list the two of us in a relationship as a test and he drags his ass accepting it.

While perusing his page one day, I notice that Nataya has left comments on some of his threads that would make it seem as if they were still together, or, at the very least still cool. For instance, there was a comment some chick left on one of his pics that said how sexy he looked. Right underneath that was a comment from Nataya (The "ex") saying for 'Boyfriend" to "check his groupies". Both comments were left after I told him he was my boyfriend and waaay after the two of them had allegedly broken up mind you.

Now, a few weeks prior, we were arguing over him not getting the drawers and we were saying we should just call the whole thing off and he told me "I'll just go back to my ex that never did anything to me and that I left to see what was up with you". Ok, so if you and this girl were just fine until one day you broke up with her unexpectedely, why is she still so ok with it that 1- she's still your friend on facebook and 2- she's stilll leaving comments as if she loves you? Shouldn't her face still be somewhere buried in a pillow with tears flowing from her eyes? And didn't you tell me before that ya'll had been broken up before we even started to speak again so how did you leave her for me??? Anyway, I keep all of this to myself and secretly plot to bring him down. I learned along time ago to not let the enemy know all that I know or my next move.

So he tells me about a trip he had planned already to the Poconos and asks me to come. I decline (like he knew I would). I don't hear from him from Friday when he left until the Sunday when he gets back. He tells me he didn't get service up there and, on top of that, he forgot his phone charger at home so his battery died. Smch Yea, whatever nicca.

He gets back and he has a trip planned for the following weekend as well. (all of these plans were made months in advance) so his week is spent getting prepared for the cruise. I see him here and there. He leaves on Friday (the same night that I was chillin with Obama (click the link if u missed that) so I didn't get to see him before he left. He calls me Saturday  and we talk and he tells me how mad he is that he didn't have time to see me all week and that when he gets back I'm staying with him. *blank stare/yawn* . Anyway, I go on facebook after we get off the phone and see that his "ex" has written, "FU!!!! And I'm so serious!" on his wall. I call him back and ask why shorty is mad. He says, "I don't know and I don't give a fuck!". He says it with such conviction and a bass in his voice that I didn't even know he had, that I drop it. I check again about an hour later and see that she has now written, "I love you MORE!!!". I hit the "like" button and send him a text that says,  "I see you still on your bullshit. You can play those games without me. No need to respond. Dueces."

The next morning I get to work and see that 'Boyfriend's" "ex" has sent me a friend request on facebook.....

To be continued....

P.s- What does that pic have to do with the story? That is Motomoto form Madagascar 2. "Boyfriend" remind me of him- Big and Sexy. lol I actually called him Moto as a pet name at the height of our "relationship"

*He called me from a blocked number about a week ago talmbout, "What up" like shit was sweet. When I didn't give him the enthusiasm I guess he'd become accustomed to, he told me he'd call me back. Haven't heard from him since...

Introducing: "The Boyfriend"

So remember that part in the movie "Norbit" when Resputia and Norbit first met and she was like, 'You got a boyfriend, Norbit? Well, you do now!!"" Yea, that's pretty much what I did to "Boyfriend". Not because he was so great and I wanted him on my team, but because I had known him for years and he never made a move and I got tired of him wasting my time. Let me start from the beginning...

It was December of 2005 or 2006 and my son was in NC with his sperm donor for the Christmas break*. I was walking to get me something to eat one night and I heard a car horn honking. Not to be conceited, but I'm used to this and I usually just ignore whatever rude ass is honking for my attention like I'm some street walking hooker. This guy takes my ignoring him as a sign that he should stick his head out the window and tell me how good I look. I keep walking and pay him no mind. He drives about a block ahead of me, stops his car (in the middle of the street), gets out with his cell in his hand and yells to me that he's not moving until I give him my number and it better be the right one (his exact words). Now, I've always been the type to try my best to avoid scenes, I hate for people to look at me so you'll rarely catch me yelling in public or doing something that would draw eyes to me. So please believe him doing this mortified me to no end...there were at least three cars behind him that couldn't go around him because of oncoming traffic in the other lane. So, I gave him my number and he stood there and did not move his car until he dialed my cell and saw that the number was valid. Yes, I got jacked for my number and amazingly it was not his last time doing this...

Anywho, he and I started to speak on the phone and I got the impression that he was an MOB (money over bitches) kinda dude. He was always "working"** and didn't really seem interested in spending anytime getting to know me, despite the fact that we would sometimes spend hours on the phone. Somehow he became a constant figure in my life despite me seeing him only sporadically. And usually when I did see him it would be him calling to see if I was home because he was around my block. I'd then go downstairs and either sit in the car with him and shoot the shit for a little while (if my son was asleep) or just stand at my front door so he could get a quick hug or something. He wasn't allowed in my house because I didn't want him meeting my son.

He always seemed extremely young minded to me despite being just one year my junior. Sure he had money and cars and all of that, so financially he was mature, but emotionally ...well...he was kind of retarded in that area. I got the feeling that I intimidated him and that made me self-conscious. He would always compliment me on how pretty I was but it always sounded more like an accusation than a compliment: "Yo! You are so fucking pretty!" . He won me over one day when were on the phone a little after midnight and he was around a bunch of his friends with a shitload of noise in the background. He was saying how he was so busy and didn't have a moment to himself and I was like, "We'll you need to find time to come give me a hug." I'd had a rough day and I really did need a hug, but I was just bullshitting when I said it to him, figuring that there was no way he come- especially considering that at the time we were talking he was two cities and at least 30 minutes away. So, to make my demand even more outlandish, I said "Yea, come give me a hug...and bring me a pint of Shrimp Lo Mein w/ extra veggies...and extra soy sauce..ooh..and a twix..ooh ooh and a quart of milk for my son's breakfast in the morning....oh yea and a pepsi- bottle not canned..." Just to be funny. I honestly thought that with all the noise in the back and him carrying on at least two other convos, he wouldn't even hear me, much less oblige. To my surprise, he called me about 45 minutes later and told me to come outside. As soon as I opened the door, he grabbed my in his arms and gave me the longest, strongest hug he had ever given me., Then, before I could say anything he handed me a bag with everything I'd asked for in it. Silly as it seems, that right there let me know that I just may have pegged him wrong and perhaps he wasn't all "money over broads" after all.

We went on like this for a few months and in that time he got more comfortable with touching me. (this was at least a year into us knowing one another. We'd never had sex and he really never acted like it was something he wanted to do). I would get mad because he would hug me and then try to lick my face. It was like a joke to him, but it grossed me out and we'd stop talking for months on end after that. Petty, I know, but it REALLY grossed me out and I'd asked him repeatedly not to do it. Plus, it was creepy. *shivers* And every time he did it was if he’d only done it because he couldn’t stop himself. He always said that I did “something weird to him”.

During one of our stints of not talking, he called me (after 3-4 months) and let me know that he would be going "away"*** for a year or so. He and I started talking again casually and I found out he had a girlfriend. If memory serves me correctly, I think his daughter's mother (they weren't together) had called my phone and tried to start some fuckery thinking that I was his girlfriend, "Keisha". Now, it wasn't the fact that he was seeing someone that bothered me; it was that I felt bamboozled somehow because he never struck me as the have-a-girlfriend type. He just always seemed so...high school. As if he and all of his stupid ass friends thought girls were icky. *shrugs*

Anyway, he "went away" and we'd write letters to one another. In one of the letters I let him know how I felt about him having a girl and that I was confused as to what I was in his life for. He then let me know about all of these "feelings" he had for me, despite the fact that the two of them were still together. Somehow, he managed to get some sort of work release thing where he was able to leave the cage and go to work during the day. He also managed to have access to a car to do this and started to pick me up from work and take me to me to get my son through the week. I remember me starting a bunch of "where is this going?" conversations with him that led no where. After awhile, Mr. Big came back into the picture and I stopped being beat to play with him so we lost contact. I had seen him around and whenever he'd ask for my number I'd go into a big spiel about him wasting my time and it usually ended with us leaving without exchanging contact info again.

I think I went about a year without seeing him until the end of last year when my son and I were walking to the bus stop one morning and I heard a horn honking as we crossed the street. As usual, I ignored it until I heard a man's voice call my name. I turned around and in the driver's seat of one of those vans that pick up and drop off the elderly and disabled to their doctors was "Boyfriend". I was actually pleasantly surprised to see him. Since I was in a rush to catch our bus, I gave him my new number (I change cell numbers quite often). He called me about 20 minutes later and we got caught up. We started talking regularly again and I told him as often as I could that I would not be letting him waste my time this go around. We went out to dinner and movies a few times, and I even decided that he could actually come in my house and chill every now and then. Even still, I noticed that he seemed to have very little time for me. So, when I moved out of my apartment in May and changed all of my numbers, he was one of the people that didn't make the cut and I virtually dropped off the face of the Earth to him.

Come to think of it, the specific thing that solidified me not keeping him around was a convo we'd had. He had told me when we started talking again that he was looking for a new apartment. Then he didn’t mention it again until a few months later when out of no where, he told me he'd moved into the apartment building on the corner of my block. At first I thought he was bullshittng, but he kept saying how he needed to clean the place up so that he could move his stuff in and would I come up the block some time that weekend to help him and he was very convincing. The convo about his apartment lasted about an hour… just for him to then tell me that he was just joking and was still looking for an apartment. What?!?!? You mean you wasted my time again??? A whole conversation about a lie?? Are you kidding me? Who does that??? So yea, that was the main reason he didn't make the cut when I moved.

Fast forward to early July of this year, I'm at the bus stop and this baby blue Benz stops in front of me. I ignore it and after awhile, the passenger side winow rolls down and lo and behold, it's "Boyfriend" (usually he drives a black Acura, I still have no clue how many/ and what kind of cars he has total). Anyway, the first words out his mouth are "I've been looking all over for you!" Knowing that he knows where my mom lives and that I was just a few blocks away from her house (since this is where I moved to), I was immediately creeped out. Was this motherfreaker just driving around aimlessly looking for me???? At this point I was standing near the passenger side door as we were talking and I'd had my phone in my hand. Somehow along our convo-which consisted mainly of him asking why I dropped off radar and me telling him all the ways he'd wasted my time- I'd rested my arms on the door. Before I could even realize it, he had snatched my phone out of my hand and was dialing his number from my phone so that he could have my new number. Dammit, jacked again...!!!!

To be continued....

* (I know it seems as if I never have my son, but that's the farthest thing from the truth. Fact of the matter is, his donor is a waste of the skin that covers his body but that's another blog...)

**Yes, drugs.

***Yes, jail.

I rocks with "Obama" but I ain't no politician

Yesterday I finally chilled with Obama after bullshitting on meeting up with him for like two weeks straight. We didn't have any set plans ..more like we agreed to meet up and take it from there, but we knew drinking and chiefing would be involved. So he comes to get me and lees than twenty minutes later his sister calls him to come get her and his niece from across town. He has her on speaker as he tells her that he has his friend, a girl, in the car already. I hold my breath for her to say something slick but she doesn't. He agrees to come get her and we drive that way.

For the whole ride my stomach is in knots because I absolutely HATE meeting the chicks of the family of a guy I'm just fucking with on a superficial level. I always expect there to be attitude coming from them. So we go get them and as we're waiting for his sister and niece to come downstairs he tells me how close they are and even shows me that in his phone, his sister is listed as "Wifey". Now I'm really feeling anxious like damn...this chick gonna get in here and be on some other shit since I'm some random chick that she's never heard about before and he's damn near her man.

Anyway, they get in the car and his neice is like 16 yrs old, oh great, she prolly some sassy ass too, I think. He introduces us and everything is cool. I'm thinking to myself, "Ok, I can get through this little ten minute ride back to her crib." Well the tee hee hee is on me as somehow along the ride to drop them off, they come up with the brilliant idea that we're all gonna stop at the liquor store, get a big bottle of Pinnacle vodka (great stuff btw) and some chief and chill at her house for a minute. Ok...whatever...I prepare myself for the bullshit to come.

We get in and I see his sister is the true definition of hood chick*...she's like 30...with a 16 yr old daughter...an eyebrow piercing, the half shave hair-do..tatoos...alladat. But, much to my surprise, she is cool as hell!!! The whole time I'm there people are dropping in from next door, her dude comes by and sits and drinks with us, the weed man** comes by to drop off our shit and stays to chief with us..we start talking about Chris Brown/ Rhianna and I'm really enjoying myself. Obama and I are flirting and I'm remembering why I liked him so much, even though he and I never chilled in a public setting before, but I'm liking seeing this side of him. The sister's next door neighbor is this 18 yr old Puerto Rican kid who just got home from doing a couple of months and I can tell that he really looks up to Obama..(both figuratively and literally seeing as how Obama is like 6"6). As dude is talking he mentions how he really wishes he was home to go to Obama's baby shower. I hear this and look at Obama who is in the midst of rolling an el and refuses to look up and lock eyes with me. I make a mental note to dig into that topic with him later. Then his sister gets back from changing her clothes and we all start talking and she mentions in passing him having a baby on the way, but she says it like a question like, "You know he has a baby on the way, right?" and points to him as she says it. She doesn't do this in way as if she's ratting on him or trying to play me, more like she was in the middle of telling the story (of how she's trying to stay out of trouble and is much calmer than she used to be otherwise she'd fuck his babymomma to be up daily).I tell her, "No, I didn't know that but I'm gonna talk to him about that later" and I give him the side eye. He just smiles his Obama smile and the convo goes on.

A few hours go by and we leave out to drop his sister at this card game, he and I decide not to go in since neither one of us are gamblers and we drive around and talk. All nite I had been pretty much threatening him that we were beefing, so he knew I would have some shit to get off my chest. Now the issue with him having a child on the way is that he and I discussed the fact that he still didn't have children and he said something to the affect of nah, not yet and mentioned that he was waiting on the right person. Tchnically he didn't lie (unless you want to call it lying by omission, which I do) but there were plenty of times to mention his child to me...especially since she is set to arrive into the world in less than three weeks. He said he was gonna tell me when we saw each other, he just didn't have a chance since we hadn't really been alone all night. As we talk I also learn that he lives with the mother-to-be. Ok, I get it set in my head that we'll just be cool and chill...especially since I wasn't interested in a actually sleeping with him again...that is..until we were parked outside my house and he brushed the air out of my face and traced my collar bone with his fingers and then I remembered my favoritest part about him..he is a fantabulous kisser. So...we ended up making out in his car. :/

He called me this morning to make sure I was ok (I had told him last night that vodka gives me a hangover the next morning) and we made plans to meet up. Yea, I know...as a member of the she woman man haters club I should leave that man be and make him go home to his pregnant girlfriend during the times that he's trying to spend with me...but you know what, I won't. *shrugs*

I won't sleep with him (because I have no desire to) but I will chill with him and I will kiss him and let him feel me up from time to time if the mood so hits me. I'm learning how to date without putting all of my eggs into one basket and this will do just fine for me. Especially since I have a boyfriend now (that will probably be the next post b/c I've gotta get dressed to take my niece to the movies).

But yea, I'll still mess with him. and the beautiful part is that now I have a valid excuse for being a total cock tease, without having to tell him that he sucks in bed. So win, win for me. Plus, since I know what it is from the door, he doesn't have to worry about me blowing up his spot with his girl. Win win for everyone (except his girl, but him not spending the times with me does not mean he'd necessarily be home with her so whatever)

Ta ta for now...

*I have a friend that I'll call Brooklyn being as that is where he is from...anyway he and I have been knowing each other for a few years now and we have a homie/lover/friend relationship/ I told him that b4 I ever get married I need to have a threesome and he will be the due, so we both tend to let each other know when we stumble upon a chick that would suit both out fancies to round out our threesome. As I was sitting next to Obama at sister's house, Brooklyn text me to see what I was up to and I let him know I had a new girl crus and that even though she was hood, she was thick and she was bad (not bad meaning bad but bad meaning good ha ha ). He asked me to send a pic but, duh, I couldn't do that. Now I'm wondering how I can get Obama's sister to be in a threesome with me and my dude without her brother finding out. SMH

**Speaking of the wed man...this nigga started talking and in the midst of my own high I thought he was getting amped for a party he was going to ...and he was saying how he'd just popped and E pill and had had some Remy and was feeling ready to pop something... I thought he was talking about smashing some chick...but...when I zoned in and actually listened to what he was saying...this nigga wsa talking about going to look for some dude iwho had did something to his boy so they coiud kill him.WTF...he blew everybody high and then left. I could feel the hole room breath a sigh of relief when that door closed behind him.

SMH

Mi Vida LOCA!!!!!!!!

Fin.

So "The Killer" and I are done. I saw him yesterday and he lied to me about something really minor. I'm old enough and wise enough to know that when dudes lie about minor shit, it's usually to cover up major shit. I don't have the time, energy or patience.

Him lying in conjunction with how "us" have been lately ...yea, I'm deciding to throw in the towel now- when I'm confident I can do so without breaking down from it. I can get over him quick right now because shit's been off for a few weeks anyway and I've been putting the ice blocks around my heart(that he'd melted) back up slowly since it started mentally preparing to have to get over him. The fortress is almost fully rebuilt, my friends, let us rejoice and be glad in it.

There's no doubt in my mind that there's someone else, and I'm not sitting around while he plays us both. Nope, she wins the loser, not I. What was the lie you ask? He popped up with a new car out of nowhere...then proceeded to wash and wax that bitch with me sitting in it. One thing "The Killer" is definitely not is anyone's stunt dummy so I knew it wasn't "his boy's" as he had told me the night before when he'd said he'd come get me and I declined. I asked him who's car it was this time (assuming it was the same car from the night before, "his boys'" and he instead said it was a rental. Ummm....rental car keys don't usually have price cards for Stop and Shop and Shoprite on the keyring. Fuck I look like believing that bullshit??? Further investigation revealed a registration with a chick's name on it. A name that I'd heard in passing before while he and I were on the phone and one of his nephews asked him where Prada (his dog) was. He responded at "N***'s house". I ignored it then because N*** could have been a number of females in his family. And, to be all the way real , he was never my man, nr I his girl and if we started sharing stories of how many other people we were dealing with besides each other, I'm sure my numbers would have matched his. *kanye shrug* Hey, we were never a couple.

But if that was the case, and N*** was a family member (as I'd assumed originally), why blatantly lie to my face??? So after I see the registration, I ask him how long he's had the "rental" he tells me a few days and he and his brother have been sharing it...and he has it until Tuesday or Wednesday....oh so you just gonna keep on lying right to my face, huh? Ok, cool.

I let him know that I wasn't buying it and he tried to flip shit and get mad on some "If it was some chick car I'd just tell you blah blah bah." Whoa...who said anything about a chick? lol Dude, please stop trying to convince yourself that you're "that Dude". You know, the guy that will tell chicks shit straight up because he knows he's doing shit on the up and up and he's not trying to play with any one's feelings. You. Are. Not. Him. You are a snake. Period.

I can't be with someone that can look me dead in my eye and lie to me. Crazy thing is, it's not the being lied to part that fucks with me as much as it the insulting my intelligence part. Don't do that. Two things I've never been called in my entire life is stupid and ugly. Please don't take my intelligence for granted and please don't have me waste my pretty on you. I'm done letting "The Killer" do both.

On to the next one.

Sorry boys, the bitch is back.

Coming up...."Introducing "Victim #1" aka "Enigma's New Boytoy"...yea....

Introducing: "Pookie" (A Teenage Love affair)

When I was in the seventh grade, my best friend at the time. "Kat" (who was two yrs my senior) had just gotten re-acquainted with her estranged dad and discovered that she had an older sister that lived in the same city as us. Let me say here that I was about 4 months shy of turning 13 around this time. I had lost both my virginity and my dad within the previous year, just months apart (another story for another day) I hadn't had sex since my first time, but that didn't stop me from being a boy crazy, hot-tailed little girl. I'm the baby of the family and was a fairly good kid. My older sisters were all out on their own and doing their own thing and my mom saw this as her opportunity to take a rest since I required minimal guidance (or so it appeared). I was living the good life- my sister made sure I stayed fresh, had spending money in my pocket and saw the latest movies and my mom made sure my room was fully equipped and the envy of my less-fortunate friends. As long as my grades stayed above average and i made curfew (which I didn't always manage to do), my mom gave me little to no boundaries.

Anywho, Kat and Oldersister developed a relationship and before long "Kat" and I were taking the approximately 20 block walk from our hood to visit "Kat's" older sister. At first it was just because we didn't have anything else to do and we knew that Kat's older sister would entertain us with stories of her live-in boyfriend and his crazy as friends. But, after a few weeks of us taking that daily trek after school and on weekends, we discovered an even better reason to make that block our second home...those crazy ass friends!!!. When I tell you that group was a preteen, boy-crazy girl's dream, I tell you all no lie. There were about six of them total and they were fione in their own right.

Live-In (about 26)- This was older sister's boyfriend and babydaddy. He was a cutie, but obviously off limits and a real family man, so we didn't see him much so we'll by right pass him to his little brother...

GreenEyes (about 17-18) - GreenEyes was Live-In's younger brother that lived right next door with the rest of Live-In's family. There family rolled deep... I think they had about 6 younger siblings, all extremely light and all with those green eyes. GreenEyes was probably the finest out of the whole crazy ass crew but that nigga was nuts. He once threw one of our friends down a flight of stairs for no reason at all, and tried to push my off of the side of a porch one day. (I was saved by his best friend and my boo, but still, he tried!!!). I quickly learned to stay clear of him an my boo let it be known that I was off limits as far as his antics.

Pookie *this was my actual pet name for him at the time* (about 18-19)- He was GreenEyes' best friend and lived in the apartment right next to Oldersister and Live-In. He was brown skin, about 6ft and had the sexiest, juiciest lips my 12 year old eyes had ever seen. He was more laid back than the rest of the crew and that intrigued me. It was not unusual for him to sit on the porch and shake his head as his friends showed their asses all up and down the block. You could tell that he was more mature than the rest of them and that probably had alot to do with the things he'd been thru in his young life. a life I didn't know much about save the knowledge that he was living with his Aunt and cousins because he'd "gotten in trouble". On maybe my second or third trip up to the block with Kat, he let the others know that he had his eye on me and made it his mission to make me his. It didn't take long for him to succeed.

Mooney (about 16-17)- He was Pookie's cousin and the silly one of the bunch, probably b/c he was the youngest. Mooney looked like his dad was Native American or something, his skin was a beautiful red tinted brown and he had the softest curliest jet black hair I had every seen on a black man. If he was around then we knew it wouldn't be long before our stomachs and cheeks were hurting from laughing so much. He and "Kat" soon developed a romance.

Black (about 21-22??)- Black was the OG of the group and in my personal opinion the cutest. He didn't even live on the block anymore, but came around every once in awhile just to remind folks that it was still his hood. lol Whenever he came thru, he and Mooney would keep us in stitches

There were a few others that dwindled in and out, but that was the core group of guys that Kat and I had in mind as we walk those 20 or so blocks every day. For the most part it was just the two of us going up there, but we had a few other girlfriends who would join us every now and then hoping to snag an older boo of their own.

Pookie and I developed a "relationship" that lasted about 4 months before things fell apart. I put the word relationship in quotes because it really only consisted of me going up there daily to see him and us hugging and laughing and kissing and chilling for a few hours each day. If I didn't go up there, I didn't see him. We didn't talk on the phone and there was no way his old ass was coming near my hood where an adult might catch wind of our torrid love affair. Plus, I had my in-school boo and I'm almost positive that he had other chicks too. . . especially since he and I never had sex and he never made it much of an issue.

Everything was fine until I walked up there by myself to see him one day and he invited me into the house. This in itself was weird as usually we spent out time together in the park down the street because his house was always crowded. Anywho, I go into the bedroom and there's a girl sitting on his bed. He tells me to have a seat and proceeds to tell me that the girl is Dominique, his new girlfriend. He said she was "there for him" and that he was sorry, yada, yada, yada. I storm out and he follows me to the front door. He tries to stop me from leaving so that he can apologize. He tells me he didn't mean to hurt me. I ask him "How long?". He tells me "About two weeks". I roll my eyes and punch his chest. I had just seen him two days ago and he was all over me, telling me how much he cared. I say "Well I'm sure you could have did something besides hugging and kissing all over me" and I leave out, slamming the door behind me.

Little did I know that that would not be my last time seeing him...nor would it be my last time losing him...

To be continued....

An Open Letter to "Mr. Big"

I had the unexpected pleasure of seeing a picture of Her today and, all hating aside, I am not impressed. I can see what it was that drew you to her though (didn’t we always joke about how you love the chickens?) lol From her blunt-blackened lips to her bra-less, saggy breasts, to the blotches on her exposed "cleavage" that heavily resemble smudges of newspaper ink {wash much, bitch? I keed lol} she is all that you desire and more (the rooster haircut was more than even I had bargained for). Being able to put a face to all of the many . . . interesting . . .things you’ve already told me about her has opened my eyes quite a bit.

As much as I hate to play prophet (though a facebook quiz I recently took confirmed that prophesy is my calling) I can see your future clearly. In another year or so, Her will be pregnant with your child (well, this won’t actually be able to be confirmed until the DNA test results are in, but let’s hope for the best, mmkay?) and two years from now you’ll be racking your brain trying to figure out how you got yet another Bonequisha-esque, hoodrat chick pregnant. You’ll be at home with all of your little “chicken nuggets” while Her is out at the club dropping it like it’s hot right next to your first babymom’s (whom I affectionately have dubbed “Chicken Hut”)

Now I understand why you and I could not be. Despite your claims that Chicken Hut’s hoodrat ways came as a shock to you (even tho in the every next breath you told me how she was 14yrs. old drinking 40’s when you met her), I can now see that that is what you like. It’s ok, really. As much as they enjoy it, not every man can handle a real woman. Some men need their woman to be out in the clubs every night, neglecting their kids, flirting with their best friends and taking days off from work so that the can get high. I now understand why our deep discussions on everything from the best rapper dead or alive to gentrification to the state of the black family or our mutual interests in the works of W.E.B Dubois, Karl Marx and Herbert Spencer or us being able to go from homies to lovers to confidants to (respectful) debating opponents was not enough for me to preserve your affections. I can now see why despite my ability to “ride” for you (without you even being my man for most of our time knowing each other) and notwithstanding the fact that my strength was something you have always complimented me on (along with my mothering skills, cooking abilities and oral techniques . . . but I digress). As I was saying, in spite of the fact that you labeled me “The BEST, hands down” in my sexual abilities, today I can clearly see why it was Her that you chose and not I . . . .


You sir, are a pussy.