*stretching*
Now this feels more like it. Excuse me as I make myself at home.
It's just a relief to finally be free from the social confines of Myspace and all the bullshit that it entails, now I can finally breathe!
I fucked up. Yes, I can admit it. When I started my page on my Myspace, all I was trying to do was tell my story. I just wanted to write and get feedback on some of the things I experienced on a regular basis. That includes the good, bad and ugly of be a walking Enigma. But, I let the socializing get to me. I entertained the clique-y-ness (yes, it's a word now) of it all. Soon I realized that I was no longer posting blogs of my truth, but blogs of my acceptable truth.
The more my friend's list grew, the more I found myself trying to write things that I knew my "friends" would accept and agree with. Sometimes I left out the grittiest details so that it would be easier for them to digest. It was still my truth, but an edited edition - and that's just not therapeutic enough for me.
Just like when I posted my first Myspace blog, right now I have no boyfriend and no female friends to talk to. I have no where to put the feelings that I have consuming me. I have no one to bounce my thoughts off of. No sounding board.
And ya'll . . . I can't. hold. this shit. in!
I don't want to be known. I don't need a major following or the blogspot.com equivalent of "kudos". I just want to tell my truth. I want other girls to read my words and know that they are not the only ones with feelings of hopelessness. I'm not a therapist. But I'm pretty good at self-diagnosis. It's my hope that by diagnosing myself on here, I can help someone else see themselves in a new light.
Those are my intentions. And what follows, is my story. . .
Now this feels more like it. Excuse me as I make myself at home.
It's just a relief to finally be free from the social confines of Myspace and all the bullshit that it entails, now I can finally breathe!
I fucked up. Yes, I can admit it. When I started my page on my Myspace, all I was trying to do was tell my story. I just wanted to write and get feedback on some of the things I experienced on a regular basis. That includes the good, bad and ugly of be a walking Enigma. But, I let the socializing get to me. I entertained the clique-y-ness (yes, it's a word now) of it all. Soon I realized that I was no longer posting blogs of my truth, but blogs of my acceptable truth.
The more my friend's list grew, the more I found myself trying to write things that I knew my "friends" would accept and agree with. Sometimes I left out the grittiest details so that it would be easier for them to digest. It was still my truth, but an edited edition - and that's just not therapeutic enough for me.
Just like when I posted my first Myspace blog, right now I have no boyfriend and no female friends to talk to. I have no where to put the feelings that I have consuming me. I have no one to bounce my thoughts off of. No sounding board.
And ya'll . . . I can't. hold. this shit. in!
I don't want to be known. I don't need a major following or the blogspot.com equivalent of "kudos". I just want to tell my truth. I want other girls to read my words and know that they are not the only ones with feelings of hopelessness. I'm not a therapist. But I'm pretty good at self-diagnosis. It's my hope that by diagnosing myself on here, I can help someone else see themselves in a new light.
Those are my intentions. And what follows, is my story. . .
1 comment:
I just want to say that this is EXACTLY why I moved on over to blogger. Tired of feeling like I need to write for other people.
And even though I've developed a lot of readers over here, I still don't give a damn if I get one comment or 12. I like it that way. Just writing for the writer inside of me, instead of for kudos. It was hard to resist on myspace though, but after a while it became a bunch of BS and I was like, "Damn, I surely didnt start blogging for friends. I have enough of those in real life!" lol
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