Have a Happy Period

******Disclaimer---as suggested from the title, this blog contains information about "girly" issues and may be unsuitable for punk ass men who don't like to discuss periods and all things involving the words" feminine hygiene"*****



A few days ago, one of my more annoying co-workers/supervisors announced that she was going to the drug store for a "girl emergency" (yes-she announced this. . see why she's labeled annoying?) Anywho, when she returns, she tells me and another of our co-workers, Kristyn about this product that has "changed her adult life" (yep-she's pretty dramatic too). Somehow, I lost the war between Kristyn and myself of who could look the least interested and therefore have her shut her fucking mouth. So I somehow get cornered by this woman and try my best to think happy thoughts to drown out the sound of "angry me " yelling "JUST CHOKE THAT BITCH!" until I heard the words, "and you can still have sex with them". Huh? Yes, the mere mention of the word sex had me completely enthralled in whatever else was about to escape this woman's lips. What was this crazed woman speaking of? Instead Softcups!.

Now, I must admit, she lost me for just a moment when she said you can keep them in for up to 12 hours, because I immediately thought "you nasty bitch. . .!" . But then she re-iterated the main point that first drew my attention: YOU CAN STILL HAVE SEX!"

She then puts something in a purple wrapper and a tiny booklet in my hand and tells me that you use it just like a diaphragm and for me not to knock it 'til I try it. I take the items and place them in my bag thinking, "I'm not using this shit! For all I know three months from now I'll see one of those lawyer commercials that start off "Have you or someone you know experienced itching and burning of the cervix accompanied by a greenish tint to the vagina since using "Instead Softcups?"

So in my pocket it remained . . . that is until my "Auntie." came on the same day that me and my dude made plans to get some serious grown-up time in. I went to the internet to do a quick research surf and came away with all the infor I needed before finally concluding, "Fuck it, I'm horny" before snatching the little purple packet off of my dresser. i inserted it a few hours before my dude was supposed to come so that I could get adjusted to it by myself for awhile. I was pleased to realize that there was no adjustment time needed, as it went in quick and easy and I could not feel a thing.

I went back and forth to the bathroom every 10 minutes or so just to make sure there was no leakage. No disappointments there. The only thing that did concern me was that I could feel the rib of the Softcup with my finger and I wondered whether he would feel this once we were "doing it". Once he came, I let him in on the situation- just in case there was a malfunction of some sort - and we went on with our night.

The final verdict. . .

This product (app. $7.99 for a 14ct box) has forever changed my life!

No, seriosly, though. . it has. . .

I absolutely recommend this product to any female who, like myself, feels like those 3-5 "lady days" out of each month just sucks all of the fun out of having a nice big, black,thick, long schlong waiting patiently for the "well" to drip it's last crimson drip.

So here are some of the basics for the lazies who won't research themselves:

Instructions (straight from their website)
1. To insert, squeeze the opposite sides of the rim together.
2. Insert Instead completely into the vagina.
3. Instead molds itself to your unique internal shape, creating a personal fit.
4. To remove Instead, simply hook your finger under the rim and slowly pull.


Warnings (straight from their website)

Do not use Instead if you are using an intrauterine device - IUD, as there is risk of dislodging, displacing or removing the IUD by pulling on the IUD string when removing Instead.

If you have ever had Toxic Shock Syndrome - TSS, do not use Instead or any other internally worn products.

Maximum wear time is twelve hours.

Instead must be changed after 12 hours.

Never reuse Instead, since doing so may expose you to the risk of vaginal infection.

Immediately following childbirth, miscarriage, or termination of pregnancy, consult your physician before using Instead.

Instead is not a contraceptive and does not provide protection against sexually transmitted diseases.

If you or your sexual partner develop burning, itching, pain, or swelling in the genital area or discomfort with urination, discontinue using all internal protection and contact your physician.

If you have problems removing Instead, you can contact your physician.

For those who are interested, Walgreens.com has about 40 reviews on the softcup from women who have used them. The deciding factor for me was reading some of the reviews on different sites and seeing that some women had been using them for 10+ years.
From what I can tell from my one time using it, the pros and cons seem to be as follows:



PROS

- You can still have sex
-they can be worn for up to 12 hrs (I personally would not do this, but to each their own)
- You can still have sex
- You can still have sex

CONS

- The removal/disposal process is messy. I plan to only do this at home.
- There is a slight chance that your vagina will turn green


*For more info, check out their page www.myspace.com/instead


*Please note that the above blog is strictly suggestive. I hold no medical degree whatsoever and cannot endorse anything as medically sound because of this. Furthermore, I have no ties to the company Instead and can in no way be deemed liable should your vagina turn green *

They are sooo gonna fire my black ass!

I started my current job in September '07 after damn near a year of sucking on the unemployment and welfare nipple. That shit was the worse! I remember seeing other chicks on their way to work complaining and think "Damn, that ungrateful bitch! If I had me a job I wouldn't never, not ever take it for granted" Ha! Fast forward to now and I am so. fucking.thru! Ok, let me take you from the beginning of my affiliation with "B Bros Tech" (BBT) (so not the real name, but I'm sure you figured that out).



Anyways, last August I get a call from a guy calling in response to my posted resume. Cool. We set up a time/date for an interview and I'm stoked. Mainly my excitement was due to the fact that I had just started working my "CWEP" and the shit was for the birds. For those of you wondering wtf a c-wep is, that's the name given to the "volunteer" activity that you do for 40hrs a week in order to receive your monthly aid of $322 and $281 in food stamps. Ntways, I had been working at the Office of Community Development (OCD) for the city that I live in for about two weeks when I got the interview for (BBT) Initially I had figured that I'd work at OCD for about a month and do such a fantabulous job that they'd have no choice but to hire me. When I got the call for the interviews, though, Ms. Oh-So Rational chimed in and said, "Bitch please! You don't know if these motherfuckers in here is gon' hire you. You need to be going where they talking 'bout them dollars and stop trippin' wit' yo' broke ass!" (yea, Ms. Oh-So Rational is also Ghetto Ass SHiT!) lol

So I took the interview and left OCD the day after I got confirmation for the "BBT". Now when he told me that I had the job, my boss, "Mr. B" also told me that he had a trip to Italia planned and since he wanted to be there when I started, my actual start date would be about three weeks from the time of our our conversation. I figured, cool. That would give me a chance to do whatever running around I had to do. Plus, it wold give me a chance get the youngin' ready for the first day of Kindergarten.

Now let me cut in here and let you guys know my relationship with my boss from day one. During the interview we'd come to the negotiation of the salary. Now, I was broke as hell during this time and looking for anything. I had listed my desired salary as $12/hr. Wet behind the ears as far as negotiating, I somehow left out of their with a salary of 10.50/hr (pennies, I know). So after I'd had a chance to do the calculations on the way home, I emailed him immediately and got it up to $11/hr (which I now realize is the figure he had in his head the whole time).

Anywho, when my start date got nearer, I realized that my child's first few days of school would be half days, and would therefore interfere with my work schedule. I emailed my soon-to-be-boss again and explained the situation and asked that my start date be pushed back a week,. he obliged.

I'm sure at this point he was thinking "this girl's gonna be trouble" (shit, I know I would've.)

Fast forward six and half months later and my list of demands have grown more outlandish. For starters, my hours were supposed to be from 9am-5:30pm. About two weeks after I'd started, i told him I couldn't work until 9:30 and would need to leave by 5pm to pick up my child from aftercare. he obliged. Then, when my new semester of school began, I told him that I had an 8 am class that I need in order to graduate and that I would not be able to get to work by 9am on Mondays, Tuesdays and Friday. He said "Fine, Enigma". So now, most days I'm rolling in there anywhere between 9:30 and 10 am.

The kicker is that I'm constantly calling out. When I say constantly, I'm talking like once a week. The really fucked up part is, my performance is like the worst in my department. I had originally been hired to help in the admin department, but they were short on sales people, so he put me there instead.

I know I suck at sales. I hate the thought of trying to convince someone to buy something from me because it's like getting paid to beg. My pride is too much for that shit. But, I agreed to the position because what we were selling were people. If you think of the way a temp agency works, then "BBT" is pretty much the same way. Only differences are that we only supply IT techs and majority of them are from India. My job as a sales person was to post their resume online and try to get them contract jobs with major firms like Lehman, Goldman, etc.

In the midst of me sucking at it and having the lowest numbers each week during our meetings, I decided to write my boss an email reminding him of my 6-month mark. (after 6 months I was told I'd go salaried and receive an increase). Now, given my poor performance and inability to work the required hours, I had the audacity and unmitigated gall to demand a raise. lol The real head knocker? He gave me about a dollar short of what I asked for and changed my position to the one I was hired for initially. So in essence I now get paid more to do less work. :)

I'm stumped as to why I haven't gotten canned yet. I think they keep me around as the token black girl. Majority of the company is Indian (dot, not feather) and the only other black person is the creepy middle-aged man that smells like stale peppermint and moth balls. But he's been with "BBT" from the start of the company and he brings in hella money for the company, so his presence is understandable. But my black ass? I don't do shit and yet they keep me here. (???). But fuck it, I'll ride it out for another 3 months or so, that will give me enough time to get my degree and start my career. (hopefully they won't fire me before the! lol)

Now that's better!

*stretching*

Now this feels more like it. Excuse me as I make myself at home.

It's just a relief to finally be free from the social confines of Myspace and all the bullshit that it entails, now I can finally breathe!

I fucked up. Yes, I can admit it. When I started my page on my Myspace, all I was trying to do was tell my story. I just wanted to write and get feedback on some of the things I experienced on a regular basis. That includes the good, bad and ugly of be a walking Enigma. But, I let the socializing get to me. I entertained the clique-y-ness (yes, it's a word now) of it all. Soon I realized that I was no longer posting blogs of my truth, but blogs of my acceptable truth.

The more my friend's list grew, the more I found myself trying to write things that I knew my "friends" would accept and agree with. Sometimes I left out the grittiest details so that it would be easier for them to digest. It was still my truth, but an edited edition - and that's just not therapeutic enough for me.

Just like when I posted my first Myspace blog, right now I have no boyfriend and no female friends to talk to. I have no where to put the feelings that I have consuming me. I have no one to bounce my thoughts off of. No sounding board.

And ya'll . . . I can't. hold. this shit. in!

I don't want to be known. I don't need a major following or the blogspot.com equivalent of "kudos". I just want to tell my truth. I want other girls to read my words and know that they are not the only ones with feelings of hopelessness. I'm not a therapist. But I'm pretty good at self-diagnosis. It's my hope that by diagnosing myself on here, I can help someone else see themselves in a new light.

Those are my intentions. And what follows, is my story. . .