Pieces of Me

First things first, as you can see I made some changes to the place. After my recent discovery of how trifling I've become my newfound independence from expectations, I realized I’m feeling less cute, giggly girl and more sexy, seductive woman. So I kinda wanted my blog to have a black lacquer, glass, leather, bachelorette vibe, and less of a cozy bubblegum one, feel me? Hope you guys likey…

Moving on…

So when I started this blog, I knew that one of the main things I wanted to do on here was to finally acknowledge the ambiguity that is me. I am such a walking contradiction that it even amazes me sometimes. Like everyone else, I have so many hats that I wear on a daily basis. As the youngest of four daughters, with the closest in age being 9yrs my senior, I am the perpetual baby of my family. Growing up it was if I had four moms instead of a mom and 3 sisters. By the time I was in 4th or 5th grade they were all living on their own and doing their own thing, so it was just me, my mom and my step dad. This left me virtually up to my own devices since my mom was pretty much done with the whole “mothering” thing after my sisters. Hell, she had my oldest sister when she was 17, so I can kinda understand her saying fuck it  being less hands on with me. I learned early on that as long as I did what I was supposed to: made good grades, respected my elders, didn't walk around acting like a hood rat, etc, I could basically do whatever  pleased.

One would think that my older, wiser sisters would see this and come in and pick up some of the slack. Nope. They were busy running the streets starting careers and families of their own. Now, don't get me wrong, the sister closest to me in age, "Kim" was around..hell her and my oldest kinda took turns moving back home whenever things got too tough in the real world. But anyway, yea, Kim was around, but her job was to spoil me. She made sure I saw all the latest movies, had spending money and name brand bags. But the whole woman-to-woman talk stuff...yea, never got any of that. In fact, to this day I don't talk to my sisters about sex and I give 'Kim" the look whenever she talks about her and her husband. Yes, our relationship has gone from little sister/big sister to a more adult relationship but...well...she ain't ready. I keep telling her, if you keep trying to tell me abuot your sex life, I promise you I'll tell you about mine and I doubt if you really wanna know that much about me. lol

But yea, I don’t talk to my sisters about my dating life at all and I have an unspoken understanding with them that my outside life is what it is and what it is is none of their beeswax. I also don’t curse around them (or my mom of course) despite the fact that I have one of the foulest mouths EVER. I lost it in front of "Kim" and my mom one time while I was cursing out my sister's babydaddy's mother when I was 17 (another story for another day), so they know what I'm capable of, but I feel as if speaking to them like I do my friends would be disrespectful, no matter how old I am. I feel this changing VERY soon, but for now, 'tis what it is.

I say all of that to say that this Enigma that you guys get a glimpse of is me at my rawest. Lately I have noticed that *insert government name here* and Enigma are becoming the same person and I am loving it.

I'm finally moving away from what is "safe: and exploring a more adventurous life that I'd previously been too "good" to partake in. Prime example, being the uber girlie-girl that I am, I have a standing appointment with Tony Li to get my nails and my toeses did. Usually, I'm a french tip girl all the way. But the last time I went in, I got a purple solar stone set on my nails and then this past weekend I went back and decided that my toes were feeling more hot pink and less french:

Ain't they sparkly???

Everything real, I only got this color on my toes b/c it's winter and my feet stay covered.

 I doubt that even the wild and crazy free me would do this in the flip-flop wearing summer. lol And yes, the fact that they don't match is yet another "new" for me.

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