Quite the pickle I've gotten myself into....

As I mentioned in my last post, Obama stayed the night at my house on Friday night (his birthday). The next day he called his sister (yes, the one I have a crush on) and while they were talking I heard him say, "Nah she took the key before I even left". Always one to take heed to the context clues around me, I realized that the reason he was able to stay over and spend most of the following day with me is because his girlfriend kicked him out. Ok, whatever.

He leaves sometime in the afternoon and tells me he'll try to come back that night but may not because he's suppose to go to some club in South Jersey with his cousin. Ok...again...whatever. I don't see him that night, but Sunday afternoon he calls and asks if I wanna see him that night. I say sure and he's there in less than an hour. I call out Monday (it was a looooooooooong night *insert cheese grin here* ) and we spend most of Monday morning layed up.

Later that afternnon, after he'd left, I was talking to my bestie telling her how I was getting attached confused and that I really wanted him to come back that night too, but at the same time I didn't want to start to expect him to come. Lo and behold as soon as she and I got off the phone, he called and said he was on his way.

Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech

My atttitude immediately changed once he and I got off of the phone. Ok, so at first it was nice that he was around so much and I am was actually starting to get a tad attached. But, now I'm more on it like "Negro is you trying to move in with me on the low?!" A night or two was fine....fun even....but uh.....THREE nights? Shouldn't you and wifey be done worked out ya'll's issues by now? *screw face*

When I left out this morning he was in the shower and yelled, "See you later" to which I replied "Cool". Now, even tho I am cool with it, part of me is on pause. I mean, how long is this going to be? And what happens when they finally do work it out and he can go back?

I have no problem with letting him stay a few nights until things get worked out, but if I get too used to having him around....well that'll just spell T-R-O-U-B-L-E for everyone involved. Plus, he continues to blur the lines, like wanting to cuddle at night, and trying to treat me like his girl instead of the sidepiece that I am.

I mean, doesn't he know the rules??? You don't stay overnight with the sidepiece or give her any inkling that she is more than a hole for you to fill. Doing anything more than that is just asking for some shit.

My bestie said that if he comes back tonite then he's mine and I should treat him as such. lol Instead I'll just ask him "what up wit dat?" and see what he has to say.

SMH at it all...

Obama Mania?

Ok, So I'm not in love with Obama, but for a minute there he was blurring the lines. I actually had to pull back from him and go awhile without seeing him because I felt like he was trying to confuse me. How you ask? Well it started one night when we were at my house watching a movie. My friends were going out and I had chose to stay in with Obama so that I could get me some. (yea, I said it).

Well, after a drink or two, I started feeling seeeeeexy (beyonce voice) and I went to to the bathroom only to descover that my "Auntie" had arrived two days early. I came out of the bathroom extremely upset. Like stomping-my-feet-and-yelling, "This is BULLSHIT" -upset. He asked what was wrong and like a big baby I told him I'd started my period and poked out my lip and said "I never get to have sex" (Yes, "Dramatic" is my middle name) and pouted even harder. He stood up, looked in my eyes, caressed my cheek with his thumb, kissed my forehead and said, "I don't come over here for sex, I come over for you, silly" and laughed.

Now in that split second, I loved him. I loved him with all of my heart and I thanked God for sending him my way. Then I remembered that he wasn't mine and I started to walk around the house finding something to where. He saw this and asked if I was going out and I said yea. He reponded with just an, "Oh." and got quiet. So I went over to him, hugged him and said, "Why, you wanna stay here and cuddle and talk about our feelings instead?" And laughed. I think I actualluy hurt his feelings because he didn't even respond, he just finished smoking, watched me transfrom from "sweatpants, hair tied, chillin with no make-up on" to 'Party, party, party, let's all get wasted" and then waited outside with me until "T" came to pick  me up. Looking back, I know he was sitting there liek WTF?!? but dude....c'mon....let's not make this something its not and could never be. Not only are you in a relationship that includes a newborn, but you've succeeded in letting me kno wthat I could NEVER trust you. It is what it is.*kanye shrug*

Now had I gotten sucked into whatever it was he was doing, I'd be in a clusterfuck of emotions right now. Especially considering how he doted on me after my dad passed. He called me numerous times a day, everyday to check on me and would ask me if I wanted company because he "couldn't handle thinking about me at home alone". I declined and made sure I only saw him on the weekends and only on Friday or Saturday. Never both and never more than that.

The last time we slept together he was saying relationshipy stuff like, "You missed Daddy, didn't you" and "This ___got my name all over it don't it?". Now, I think the reason for this was from him realizing that he's the only person I've been sleeping with and it going to his head. But still...his ass needs to get focused before I fall in love and ish becomes a problem. *sigh*

It also doesn't help that he comes in replacing lightbulbs and whatnot and taking out garbage and stuffs. He even mentioned something about moving into a studio apartment (which I ignored). All I know is he needs to get focused and remember what this is: A jumpoff situation. I'll do my part to make sure ish don't get out of hand, but I'mma really need him to get it together.

I think it would be easier for me if he wasn't someone that I would deal with on another level, but he is. When we first started talking, a few years ago, I put him in the potential boo category- which is why it took me so long to sleep with him back then. The fact that I genuinely like him is a problem- which is why I need for someone else to take up my time so that I don't get caught up into he and I too much.

*sigh* and smh  

I know, I know...I could just stop sleeping with and seeing him, right? But really, what's the fun in that??? Plus the sex is soooooooooo good. So. Good.

Talk about a bad habit....

Yea so, I had the PLEASURE of seeing "Obama" last night. Let's just say I'll be having alot of flashbacks similar to this*:

....Including  Carrie's "D'oh!" moment at the end.

*sighs*

If ever there was a time to get a sex session on film.... SMH...I can't even...mmm...mmm...mmm......

"Better than love, we made delicious"*

So TK and I had a chance to reconnect for a few hours last night. As I stated before, there's been a serious lull in our situationship** for the past month or so. I've seen him very rarely and we speak less often. (all his fault...not to point fingers or place blame or anything, but yea...definitely all his fault.) Luckily, I'd say in the last week or so our communication has gotten back on track to being like it was initially, but there are still some kinks to be worked out.

Anwho, we met up last night after he insisted that we "had to bring some things to the table". Ok, cool. Honestly I was thinking this would be the..."Things just haven't been the same/I met someone else/I'm not ready for all of this" convo. Oh, quite the contrary, this dude hit me with the "What are your intentions towards me" line. And was serious. As if I was the one who had been bs-9ng for the past few weeks. Smch. Now, like I said, our recent disconnect has been ALL his fault (again, not to point fingers or anything), so that was the very last thing I was expecting to hear.

So he goes on to tell me how he's tired of being a whore (actually he used the words "young bachelor" but I called bullshit on that and demanded he call it what it was). So he goes on to tell me how even though he flirts and likes the attention that his lifestyle brings him, he hasn't been sleeping with anyone else and he's feeling like he's ready for more. He also tells me how his last girlfriend was a good woman and he f*cked that up and he's not prepared to push another good woman (moi) out of his life. No decisions were made, but we discussed alot and will have part 2 to the discussion later on tonite.

The purpose of this blog (and title and pic) actually have to do with something that TK bought up in our talk. He said he started to know that there was something "there" with us after the second or third time we ever had sex. It was honestly the craziest thing I'd ever experienced myself as well.

It was about a month into us chilling with one another and we were going at it heavy. The lights were off, the radio was playing Ne-Yo's version of MJ's "Lady in My Life" and TK was killing it (pun intended) About ten minutes in, something changed drastically. We were no longer just two people who had met just a month or so ago who were gratifying their animalistic urges. As if someone had flipped a switch, we went from just having sex, to making passionate love.

Now, the crazy thing is...I felt the change immediately and I remember thinking "OMG...I wonder if he knows that he's making love to me". We finished and got our selves cleaned up and were just laying in the after glow (that's the name of the painting up top btw) . He started talking about something...what, I can't remember. But as he was talking I grabbed my cell and sent him a text that read, "I felt you making love to me." A few second later his cell rang and he read my text, smiled, looked me in the eye and said "Indeed, true***".

He then went on to tell me that he'd NEVER made love, or even attempted to make love to a woman before and that the fact that I felt it was crazy to him.

When we talked about it last night, I let him know that that had never happened to me either. I'd never felt anyone make love to me. What I didn't tell him was the follow-up to that. Now, I've been in many relationships where the word "love" was thrown around extensively. And yes, all of these "loving" relationships included sex. But even when my partner would tell me he loved me as we were entwined, I still didn't feel it like I did with TK. The "making love" aspect was more so implied with them moreso than anything else. But with TK, it was so blatant and evident and unexpected and welcomed that I'd even go so far as to admit that it almost made me misty eyed. (I say almost b/c I hate girls that cry during sex and I would never.)

I thought about it last night as I lay in my bed and I concluded that the men I'd been "in love" with never gave me themselves whole-heartedly. (I say this mostly because of specific circumstances of the relationships/men themselves, not just b/c of what I experienced with TK) Anyway, I've deduced that what TK and I experienced that night was possible solely because he opened up to me. Even if for that 15-20 minute time span, I had him (and he me had, had me he..he had me tongue-tied****) I had him in a way that no other woman ever has and he made me experience something no other man ever has.

Either God's tryna tell me sumthin' or He's just d*cking with me for kicks and giggles...I guess we'll see...

*For those who don't know, that's a verse from my favoritiest song ever, "Love Rain" by Jill Scott.

** I saw a commenter on one of Suga's posts use that to describe a situationship where it's like a relationship but sans the actual commitment.

***He says that alot lol

**** Another verse from Love Rain, seriously, that song is the ish ppl

Introducing: "The Killer" (TK)

It is I folks, back and ready to spill some serious tea. First and foremost, thanks to everyone who responded to my last blog regarding the situation with my sister. After that email, she sent yet another where she took the situation WAY too far. I emailed her back privately and let her know that she'd won whatever war she was waging against me because I refuse to get that grimy with my own flesh and blood. She then apologized, but I didn't respond. I just don't see me getting over what she wrote and I'm ok with it. I haven't given it a second thought really. But she will be missed....

*dusts shoulders off*

Moving on...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------


I have a new boo.

*waits as the thunderous applause dies down from the crowd*

I met him a few weeks ago while out lunching with my ladies (read drinking with my homies). I must say, it was my most drunkenness moment of the entire summer. I had seen dude around our local haven of hedonism about two weekends in a row. My partner-in-crime knows him and would chit chat with him whenever we came out for air. (He always seemed to be outside). Anywho, this night in particular, I had already had 1 or 3 too many (yes, BEFORE we even hit the bar. Don't judge me. My Bday is in August and I GO HARD all month....even tho this was still JULY... but don't. judge.me!! lol). My girl had one of my hands and was leading me into the bar...(yes, i already needed an escort)... and we passed him. For some reason it was like I'd seen him for the very first time and I yelled "OOH HE'S CA-YUTE!!". Dumb loud and ghetto as all shit- totally out of my character. So loud that he heard me, locked eyes with me, then smiled and winked as my homie continued to pull me towards the bar. As this happened, my other homegirl who had been ahead of us heard me and said "Yea, and he has a BIG one."" I then turned back to him and said right in his face, "HE DOES?!?!?!?!?". Again, DUMB LOUD. SMH

*hangs head in shame while trying not to giggle*

So we go in, have some drinks and then come out for air. He sees me and comes over and kicks it with us and then he and I walk off and have a convo. Not sure what we talked about because I was already so gone, but I do remember him asking for and receiving my number.

Fast forward a few days and he calls to see if I'll be coming out, I decline. I knew I wanted him as my new booty call, but not so soon. Plus, according to my homie, he's a whore, so I really wasn't interested as much in the light of day as I had been that (drunken) night.

A few more days go by and he calls again. This time I accept his offer to come out for drinks and meet him at the local haven of hedonism for some shots. I had expected that the night would end with me bent over his couch instead it ended with us taking a long walk in the park, holding hands and talking about EVERYthing. At one point I told him to stop looking at me a certain way (all lovey dovey) and he asked why. I told him he was confusing me. he asked how so. I said "Because initially, I just wanted a new buck fuddy, but now I actually want to hear the thing you have to say". To which he replied that we'd both come into it with the same intentions, but that he too was (pleasantly) surprised by how things turned out and wanted to see where it would go.

I've spoken to and/or seen him everyday since.

All is not good in the hood tho, because even though the vibe is definitely there and our blossoming feelings are definitely mutual, there is SOOOO much shit with him.

For starters, he is the sole reason why I am no long a "recovering" thug addict and have officially fallen off the wagon. It's like I went into rehab for weed, came out cured just to start a heroin addiction. SMH Dude is a thug indeed, he even has the tat across his abs a'la Tupac (whom he favors heavily)

Besides being a certified cutie, he is incredibly attentive to my needs. All I have to do is think it and he's already doing it. If I think, "I am so fucking thirsty!!!", I look up and he's handing me a cool refreshing beverage. At first I thought it was a fluke, but he has yet to NOT do this.

Also, he takes care of me. Not monetarily speaking necessarily, but in general. He makes sure I'm ok. I can go as far as to say that if I was stranded on a deserted island with him, I would break a sweat because I'd know he'd make sure I survived and was ok. He gives me an overwhelming sense of security that I have NEVER had before in ANY relationship (friends, family and lovers)

In fact, if I am to go by Dr. Steve Harvey's ...huh? what's that you say? Steve Harvey ISN"T a doctor??? Oh, well, if I go by what Steve says about the 3 P's of a man's love. Dude is on point.

He professes: He sees me in his future. There's no doubt about this as he tells me constantly. There was even an instance where he was telling his dude how I had him thrown. And I quote " I'm thinking she's the truth, my dude, she could . She's keeping me out of trouble because I'd rather be in here chilling with her than in the streets. And even when i am out there, I'm busy thinking about shorty and what she doing." Plus, it doesn't hurt that I've met his mom (who made it a point to tell me how major that alone is, as well as a couple of his sisters and brothers (his family is HUGE) and he even trusted me to look after one of his beloved dogs.

He protects: Let's just say Lucifer will watch how he speaks to me on the phone form now on, solely do to new dude.

He provides: He has made it quite clear that if I need it, he's got it, and he's more than willing to share it. I've yet to accept, but I know the offer is there.


But, I must admit, iPause at the fact that out relationship has already gone beyond just sex as was my initial intentions. I've given two of my girlfriends the contingency plan for when it all falls down with him: One is to drink with me until I can't even muster the energy to say "when", and the other will rub my hair as I lay on her lap and cry my heart out. I've already fallen too far, too soon and I feel like I have no control over slowing it down. And honestly, I don't want to slow it down. I want to just "coast with it" and hope it comes out ok.

But, his lifestyle....he's almost too much thug for me....

Plus, he and I have a connection that we discovered about 3 weeks ago. I'm not ready to say what it is, but I will say that he has had a direct affect on my life from my teens to adulthood, as well as how I have behaved with every boyfriend I have had since i was 13. Ironically enough, he is the reason why iPause at dealing with him due to his lifestyle because of things I've experience in my past (due to him) that I don't want to experience again.

I had to make a decision as to whether I would deal with him at all because of our connection. Clearly, i decided to continue our love affair, but I made a deal with myself that I would only do so if I thought we had a future together. I can't have a superficial relationship with him. iCan't. So, we have decided to ride it out, and give our all.

*sigh*

Yet another factor, he told me that his sister has a house in Hawaii that she wants him to come and look after. He told her that he would have an answer by the end of the summer. About a week after we met, he told me about it and said he would love to be able to bring a lady with him and wondered if i would come if we had progressed by then. Amazingly, I didn't hesitate before I said "Yes". (huh?) Yea. Well, summer is almost over. He hasn't decided if he's going or not, but he made it clear that wherever he goes, I have an invite and a ticket to join him. I told him I'd go with him to Hawaii if he gave me an open-ended return ticket home. He agreed and asked about my son and would it be a problem for me to bring him with us (my son is with his dad for the next school year) I said I wouldn't bring my son initially, but that I'd send for him when I felt we as a couple were stable enough. (Did I mention that he has already met my son? I showed him a pic and he insisted that he'd seen him before. Since my baby has always been only with me or family, I narrowed it down to his Great Aunt's house who used to babysit. Apparently new dude used to date the great aunt's daughter a few years back and remembers my son being there when he visited. Knew his name and everything without me telling him and said, "That's a cool ass kid you got there" )

*swoons/sighs*

We'll see where this goes...


BTW... his name, for blog purposes, is The Killer (TK)...I have my reasons...

Enigma & Mr. Big: Break-Up #1 of 1,650,880,540

Mr. Big and I continued to talk and get to know one another as the months passed and before long we made it official. I was living at home with my mother at the time and once my semester was over I realized that she and I could no longer co-exist peacefully. We definitely needed space. My oldest sister lived in East Bumblefuck, GA and was due to give birth to my nephew at any minute. I saw this as the perfect chance to put some distance between myself and my menopausal ass mother. Another one of my sister’s had just been STRONGLY “encouraged” by her doctor to take a much needed hiatus form her job, so she, myself and my child made plans to head south.

As expected, I felt some hesitation at leaving my newly blossoming relationship, but I had spent a greater part of my previous relationship catering to the wants and needs of the very guys that had broke my heart, so this time around, I was going to do what made ME happy and whomever I was with would just need to fall in line or roll the fuck out. To my delight, Mr. Big chose to fall in line.

We discussed my departure at length, the summer was just starting and I made it a point to let him know that if he felt he couldn’t keep the snake in the cage while I was gone, he should just let me know and we could call the whole thing off. He assured me that a few weeks was nothing and he’d be here waiting when I returned. *swoon*

Mr. Big and I talked on the phone several times a day every day while I was gone. Everything seemed fine until they clearly weren’t anymore. I asked him about the vibe change that I was feeling. I can remember the conversation just as clearly as if it just happened yesterday. I was standing on my sister’s balcony looking at the remains of a tree that had been struck by lightening in a thunderstorm just the day before. My newborn nephew had been home from the hospital for just a few days and I was in the process of making his bottles when Mr. Big had called, so I still had the spoon in my hand that I’d used to fish out the nipples from the boiling water.

I focused all of my attention and energy on that burned up tree trunk as he told me about how his kids’ mother had been going hard at trying to get him back. He then paused and let out a loud exasperated sigh. To this I responded, and it’s working. Not a question, more like just the obviously outcome. Love had never worked out for me before, so I had become used to the fact that it never would-no matter how right it seemed to feel. He said yes and we said our goodbyes. That was the end of me and Mr. Big.

A few days later I received a call from my financial aid advisor at my school telling me that they had not received a signed form indicating that I was accepting my financial aid package for the upcoming semester. After being told that this was something I would have to do in person and fax would not suffice, I booked a flight home to handle my business. Being that I was only going to be gone for a day or two, I left my son with my sisters and hopped flew home.

I was able to get my business at the school handled in less than 30 minutes and then realized that I was home and baby-free for the first time in awhile—time to get BUCKWILD. Lol I called up an older gentleman friend of mine who did the best magic tricks I’d ever seen- he could make the liquor in my cup appear again and again without me ever having to even think about my wallet! Lol He picked me up that night and we headed to the same bar in which I’d met Mr. Big. Now, let me be clear, the night that he and I went was in the middle of the week. The bar had more of a happy hour after work feel to it the night we went as opposed to the “Thug Night” extravaganza that it had a reputation for being on the weekends. So never in my mind did I think we’d run into Mr. Big there. But . . . we did. Older gentleman and I had been at the bar for all of 30 minutes when I got up to use the ladies room. It was on my way back to my seat that I noticed Mr. Big’s best friend sitting just a few stools down and right beside him. . . . yep, Mr. Big. Now though he and I were no longer together, and for all intents and purposes, he broke up with me, part of me felt guilty for being there. Or at least I did until he made a big show of sending some floozy across from me a drink to get my attention.

Done with the games, I whispered in my older gentleman friend’s ear that I was ready to get out of there and he and I made our way to the exit. He dropped me off home soon after and I could not get Mr. Big off of my mind. For some reason I was extremely concerned that he would think that I’d been seeing this guy while he and I were together and that was the farthest from the truth. I tried to fight it, but the urge to call him was too strong. So I did. But, forever a game player, I hung up after only letting the phone ring twice-just long enough so that my number would show on his cell’s caller id. My thinking was that if he wanted to talk, he’d call back, if not. . . .I never got a chance to finish that thought because my ringing phone interrupted it.

I could tell right away that he was tight. So I said the only thing that I could really think of, which was the God’s honest truth. “I called you because I wanted you to know that he bought me home and that’s it.” I could hear him loosen up on the other end of the phone. He then went on to tell me how angry he felt seeing me with someone else. He said his friend kept looking at him weird as hell because he’d never seen Mr. Big loose his cool over a female like that-ever. I told him how I didn’t expect him to be there and I didn’t go there to rub anything in his face. We both laughed when he replied ‘Well, I damn sure sent that drink to rub it in your face”. I asked what he was doing and he said he was at the all-night supermarket buying cereal and that he was coming to me as soon as he left there. I didn’t protest.

I’d been sitting in my dark living room while was talking to him, and still hadn’t made a move to turn on the lights or the television by the time he’d gotten there. I let him into the darkness and sat on the couch. He was still standing up trying to let his eyes adjust when something animalistic* came over me. I absolutely had to taste him. We had had sex many times since that first night, but I had had yet to open up too much sexually with him. I felt myself losing control as I reached for his belt buckle and undress him. I couldn’t stop myself. Once I pulled his pants down, I just sat back and admired the outline of his legs in the darkness. He had the most perfectly toned legs I’d ever seen. I moved in closer to him and just inhaled. I couldn’t believe that I was actually turned on by the sheer essence of him. I finally fulfilled the desire to taste him and we then made love on my mother’s couch. I can honestly say that from that night on. . . I was hooked.

* In hindsight, I'm thinking that maybe, just maybe, the animal in me was coaxed out by those shots of henny I'd had at the bar just a few short hrs ago! lol

*sigh* So can we talk?

Alright ya’ll I know I was dead ass wrong for starting a blog and then just letting the shit accumulate cobwebs. But trust me, I have a good excuse. What, you ask? I have been boo’d up and loving every milli second of it. But, just like a friend who stops going out with the girls on a reg when she gets new peen in her life, here I am writing and begging for forgiveness now that my boo is gone. :(

So, in my effort to move on and (hopefully) get this guy out of my system for once and for all (hopefully) *crossing fingers* I figured I need to do what so many do and blog it the fuck out from the beginning. Yep, the entire twisted tale that not even Myspace got the privilege of reading.

*sigh*

Here goes. . . .
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------The Begining of Enigma and Mr. Big: A Series of Unfortunate Events
It had been about six month since Ex-Fiance and I had broken up and I was doing what most would have in my situation: pAAArtying like a rock star!!! Now, prior to this breakup, I had been a fan of the notion that the best way to get over one guy is to get under another one, but this time I was trying the whole “me-time” thing. So guys were the furthest thing from my mind as long as I had a row dog and the bars were serving long island ice teas for cheap in the hood.

So I was oblivious to the guy across the bar from me who’s been staring since I sat down and who decided to leave at the precise moment that my bestie and I “slow motioned*” our way to the car. Just as I was about to slide into the passenger side seat, I heard something I very rarely hear from the opposite sex trying to holla: “Excuse me gorgeous. Do you mind if I take up a minute of your time?”. Simple? Absolutely. But when your used to hearing “I’m saying tho shorty what’s really good wit’ you???” ANYthing else sounds sexy.

So, I responded in a way I usually don’t. I actually stopped and gave dude an audience. Now, I must admit, he was not my type when I first laid eyes on him. He was big like I like ‘em, but I just wasn’t completely impressed by his face upon first glance. But, I liked his conversation and we exchanged numbers. He called me about an hour later. Now, usually this would have annoyed me, but again, his words had me. . .impressed. He said he’d only called me so soon after getting the number because he’s learned that certain woman believe the man should make the first call (and I do). Then he said that since he’d gotten that out of the way, the next call would have to be initiated by me and if he did not hear back from me he’d take it as a loss and keep it moving. If ever there were a “gotcha bitch” moment, that was his as far as I’m concerned! I called him the next day and we stayed on the phone for hours talking as if we had known each other for years. We had the most interesting and personal conversation I had EVER had with a member of the opposite sex. Talking to him came so easily for me, I really found my self saying things to him that I’d never said to anyone else, nor that I’d allowed myself to think. It just seemed so easy with him. I think it also helped that at that point, I was so “not beat” for the penis-havers that I truly spoke my mind with him. He got “Enigma” from day one, not a representative.

We continued to speak on the phone for the rest of the week and then one day he called and I told him I was at the bar (of course) where we’d met. He told me he was just a few blocks away and that he’d pick me up. He came in with one of his boys and the four of us (I had two girlfriends there with me) had a round. Now, let me take a minute to fill ya’ll in on a lil secret: I had been at the bar for at least an hour before the guys arrived and I had long since threw away that whole “don’t mix liquors” rule. (Remember this. it plays a part in how the night ends up)

Anywho, he and I eventually leave. We get to the car and he tells me that it’s his mother’s. ok, fine. I can deal with that. Once inside I take note of the air freshener around the rear view mirror that says “Princess” and the car seat in the back. Now, during our initial getting-to-know-you convo, he’d told me how he had two chirren by the same woman and that she and he had split after she cheated and he found out. H.S sweetheart gone bad and all that otha stuff. Ok, fine. I wasn’t planning on marrying the dude, so his baggage didn’t bother me. In fact, I’d decided that he would be the lucky guy to benefit from my 6-month drought. Ya girl was HORNY!!!! So much so that as he was talking about what it was about me that made him holla, I cut him and said “Cut the bullshit, you stopped me because you saw me and wanted to smash”. As he sat there with his mouth open trying not to smile at my brazenness, I continued “Ain’t no way you were in that bar, chugging henny and thinking about how interesting you thought my conversation would be. You wanna hit, so don’t bullshit me let’s make it do what it do.” ( I know. . *hangs head in shame* but that’s where I was at the time. I didn’t want to sit and talk about the future or anything, I wanted sex and he was there and did I mention I wanted sex?)

Twenty minutes later we’re in the hotel room making out heavily. He eventually goes down on me and I was excited because he almost it (I had to teach him to swallow during our later meetings) made me cum. At that point, only one guy had ever made me orgasm, no one else had even come close. So I knew that he had potential. I was only further impressed once he put on a condom and we got down to it. ‘Ole boy was blessed and knew what he was doing with it. Good combo. Mama was please. Lol

About 10 minutes into it, he stopped and said he had to use the bathroom. When he came back, he told me how he’d been to the doctor earlier that week and that he’d been having problems keeping it up do to it I can’t remember exactly what it was that he said was wrong, but I remember he said he had to drink lots of cranberry juice and we went back and forth with me asking questions making sure it wasn't an STI..it was more of a urinary thing. Anywho, we laid there talking for a minute just naked, happy and free until . . . . . remember my sidebar before about mixing drinks? Yea, they all turned on me at the same time. I flew to the bathroom and spent the next 10-15 minutes alternating between pooping and throwing up. Gross, I know. Now the kicker is, I am SUCH a girly-girl when it comes to certain thing (burping, farting, etc) and the thought of doing any of those things in front of a guy used to make my left eye twitch and my ass itch just a little, until Mr. Big. I didn’t feel embarrassed about the night’s events at all and he didn’t seem to hold anything against me. We were. . chill, real chill. And vice versa, the whole, “I gotta pee” thing didn’t make me look at him any differently. Somehow I truly believed that he was just having a bad night.

When I came bathroom, I let him know that I wasn't feeling well and that I needed to go home. As we got our stuff together and walked out to the car, I remember thinking, “Mmm, I’ve definitely gotta try him again!” He dropped me and called me twenty minutes later to see if I was feeling any better. (I wasn’t—lesson learned! Lol)


To be continued. . . . .




*I’m not sure why, but for some reason whenever I get drunk, Juvenile’s song Slow Motion is on repeat in my head.