Introducing: The Street Fighter {Pt. Deux}/ Random Chick

Clickity click here for part one.

The next day, Street Fighter calls me and we have maybe a one hour conversation where I learned quite a few things about him:

1- He has THREE children, all girls, randing in age from 3-14.

2- His 14 yr old is living in Florida with her mom buts wants to come live with him and he told her "when I find me a good woman you can come back". {WHAT THE FUCK?}

3- Street Fighter is by noooo means the brightest bulb in the box nor the sharpest knife in the drawer. In fact, he's kinda dumber than a bag of really dumb rocks.

4- Though he is clearly in shape, over the phone he sounds as if he weighs 400+ pounds and someone is holding his head under water. He probably sounds like this in person too, but the music in the bar has probably helped in me not noticing. That and the many shots of Jeremiah on Fire! lol

5- He dominates the conversation, but really says absolutely nothing!

At this point I realize that giving him my number was a mistake since there's no possible way for me to ever even consider dating him. You know, since that whole communication thing is pretty important to me. We get off of the phone and I call my bestie, "T" who informs me that I better do what I gotta due because she ain't about to be turned away from Barbara's. lol

The next day, Monday night, I get a call from a number I don't recognize. I think nothing of it and send it to voicemail.

On Tuesday, Street Fighter and I are texting our convo goes like this:

(ripped straight from my cell)

Street Fighter: 'What,s up bab"

Me: "Nothin much. How are you?"

Street Fighter: "I,am ok today but I went you"

Me (fighting the urge to write something insuling back like "You went with me where?" Instead I write): "You keep saying that but you can't tell me what it is you want from me"

Street Fighter: "what I went is to make love to you and went you to be with me." (yes he really kept spelling "want" as "went") *sigh*

Me: You don't even know me tho

Street Fighter: I know enough to be with you (no he doesn't)

Me: Well I don't know enough about you (and what I do know ain't good homie)

Street Fighter: Well you sood know by now

Me: How? I only see you at the bar when you're working

Street Fighter: "That,s y you sood see me mor" (yes, he continued to use a comma as an apostrophe and spelled "should" as "sood" again)

Me: "U've never asked to c me tho

Street Fighter: "I all way,s what to see you that,s y i call you all the time" (Yes, that is exactly how he wrote it)

At that point I just stopped reponding because quite frankly his lack of respect for the English language and the rules of punctuation was pissing me off to the highest level of pisstivity.

The next day I get this text from the same number that I had ignored the call from on Monday night:

"Street Fighter said he don't foot u like him cuz u always foot wit ur friends" (yes, the word "foot" was randomly placed within the text like that.) I don't respond and I figure that the number belongs to random chick from the bar before aka Street Fighter's friend. I'm automatically disgusted thinking this grown ass man is on some real grammar school type ish and I ain't got the time. Like seriously was he sitting there telling her to text that crap to me? Cause how old is everybody here? Smch

The next day I get a call again from the number and this time I answer it and put my phone on mute. I hear a girl's voice telling a kid to go get some cereal (it's like 9pm on a Wednesday btw). She then says "Hello" as if she just remembered she'd made a call and I hang up. The hell would we have to talk about?????

The next day get a text from her with a picture of some chick laying down in a bed completely topless, nips and all showing. The text said something about the girl spreading HIV all over east and westside (don't know where the hell that is since that does not describe the areas of my city at all). The text gives the girl's full name and asks that I forward it to everyone I know so that she doesn't get them too since she likes guys and girls. Now I'm pissed. Like how the hell does this chick think it's ok to send porn to some strange woman's phone??? Plus, what the hell I look like forwarding that? For all I know the chick is completely innocent of what she's been accused of and someone is just trying to spread nasty rumors about her. I delete the texts and me and my bestie decide that Street Fighter must go, but in a way as to not get us banned from Barbara's forever.

Two days later random chick sends me a text that read: "Can you send a pic of you so that I can have it so when you call I could see you i gadgu a new phone and don't have any pic no more in the phone". *Sigh* 1- I don't call you, so right there your whole theory as to why you need my pic is debunked. 2- You never had a pic of me in your phone- new phone or not. Again, I ignore her.

We do our usual bar hop the next weekend (the same day I fried Sweet Black Pipe some chicken  ) and Street Fighter calls me while we're at the Sticky Rug and I ask him why he gave old girl my number. He tells me he don't know what I'm talking about and I tell him I'll be there in a lil while and we'll talk about it then. My friend Egypt hears all this and says that random chick had her number as well and that she'd gotten the feeling that 'ole girl was kind clingy. This sets my side eye off something serious and I started to think maybe Street Fighter didn't give her my number after all, maybe my "friend" Egypt did.

We get to Barbara's and again Street Fighter is profuesly denying giving her my number and is saying he doesn't know why she'd be calling me either. Whatever. I let it go for the night and coninue to enjoy myself. (that is until we are heading to the pizza parlor at the end of the night and Egypt asks me for a kiss then gets mad when I decline causing me to spazz out yelling. SMH Another story, for another blog entry on another day...)

The next day, Sunday, I decide enough is enough and I text old girl and ask "Who is this and how did you get my number" to which she replies, "Old Girl and you gave it to me." I swear that text right there was my equivelient to "The call is coming from inside the house." lol I start trying going back to that night to see when I could have possibly given her my number. Then I remember a very important fact- I'm not beat> There is no way on God's green Earth that I gave any random looking chick my number. Uh uh..it ain't happen. Anyone that knows me knows at least this one fact: I don't trust chicks and I don't need anymore friends. Point blank. Now I will admit to have a bi-curious side to me, however, i don't use my pimp hand for memebers of the same sex. And IF I ever did, it would be on a chick that I thought was a certified banger. The fact that I insist on labeling old girl as "random chick" or "old girl" {lol} speaks volumes to the fact that looks-wise she failed is average at best.  I conferred with my bestie and she called bullshit at just the thought.  Clearly someone is trying to bamboozle me. I'm really just not sure if it's my "friend" Egypt or Street Fighter at this point tho.

My bestie also suggested that old girl might be a lil smitten with the kid. Always a Modest Molly*, I shot down that theory with the quickness. But, that was before I received yet another text from old girl, this time inviting me to her upcoming birthday bash where she says all invited should "be on yur Best I will be having a few CELEBS coming thur to Celebrate with..." and included this pic:

  

I think now is definately a good time for me to be scared. lol But I also think that, should she call/text me again, I am well within my bitch boundaries to give her a good what for.

As for Street Fighter, he text me today wanting to know "Win we going to sin time togith". lmao Dumber than  a bag of dumb ass rocks, ain't he? lol

At first I said I wanted to go eat, but my bestie helped me realize that I'd then have to talk to him. Since I have no intentions on being sober during our "date" and since I have been wanting to see Alice in Wonderland higher than a high kite, I told him I wanna see that instead. Now, if he declines, I'll be able to be like, "OMG, you're so selfish and not at all attentive to my needs and because of this we can just never be!" *insert dramatic exit here* lol Either way, trust ya girl will have a story to tell...and really, that's what it's all about ain't it?

Later my lovlies!

* Ha!! Modest Molly my ass!!!!! What I need to due is olearn how to turn all this sexy off!!! lol Just kidding...but seriously tho...

Introducing: The Street Fighter

The Street Fighter is one of the bouncers at Barbara's. He stands at about 6"4 and is a fairly decent looking guy besides that fact that he has a mustache a little thicker than I like and I only see him in his "bouncer gear". Nontheless, when he started flirting with me a month or so ago, I knew he'd be asking for my number soon. In my head, this worked out great since I'm trying to date more "corny" guys as opposed to thugs. Plus, dating the bouncer can only work in mine and my friends' favor- Right? lol (Wrong.)

About a month ago he gave me his business card. According to the card he's a construction contractor. Ok, cool. But, I didn't call. I'm kinda old-school that way. I feel like the guys should make the first move (and had I not been so inebriated, I probably would have told him that instead of actually taking the card.) But anyway, when I saw him (at Barbara's) the next time, we had a chance to chat. Now mind you, we were in the bar, I was under the influence of not only liquor but chief as well and the music was hella loud. Someone should have told him that that was not the time to try to have a even semi-serious conversation with me, but he did anyway. Our convo went something like this:

Street Fighter: So yea blah, blah, blah, blah blah, something, something, something...I'm just waiting on this guy to accept my challenge and then we'll see what happens.

Drunk & Hot Girl ME: Your challenege? To tap dance????

Street Fighter: No, to fight for the championship belt. (hence his nickname)

Drunk & Hot Girl ME: Oh. *wrinkles face* I thought you did construction, not karate

Street Fighter: I don't do karate

Drunk & Hot Girl  ME: But you just said...

Street Fighter: *takes out and gives me business card AGAIN* I'm a contractor. I do it all construction wise.

Drunk & Hot Girl ME: Oh!!! Do you change lightbulbs? I just moved and my light fixtures are too high

Street Fighter: laughs

I then give him the card back and let him know that I don't wanna keep taking them to put my chewed-up gum in b/c they probably cost him a grip since they had color and everything (I'm drunk remember? lol) So then I put my number in his phone and walk away. (real talk, I was pissed because he laughed at me needing my light bulb changed. I was dead ass serious and drunk lol

Anyway, he eventually calls me but it was like a few days after my dad passed and I really wasn't in the mod to kick it.  He called again a few days leter and we had the chance to get to know one another, but he chose to spend the time telling me all of his friends' business. (<_<) The main one he seemed to talk about is some female friend of his. He tells me all of her business, the dude's she started messing with business, why they haven't had sex yet, that the dude sells drugs, just a bunch of stuff that I did not need to know. He gossiped so much, in fact, that I made a mental note to not tell him (or have him witness) anything I would not want spread around.

The next time I see him is actually the same night that I gave Sweet Black Pipe my number. We get to Barbara's and it's a DJ night which means they have a $5 cover at the door. As I go to pay, Street Fighter comes out of nowhere and tells the owner, who's at the door taking money, that I'm with him and I get in free. Ok, 1/2 a cool point for him. He'd have gotten a whole one had he let my girl in free too. lol Anyway, we (my friend "T" and I) get inside and see that our friend "Egypt"(E)*  is already there and talking to some random chick at the bar. I don't pay much attention to this because E make no secret of the fact that she's bi and always on the prowl.  I order my drink and start dancing to the music. I may have had a short convo with the chick sitting with E, but definitely nothing major since my focus was on getting as buzzed as possible and shaking my bon bon as hard as I could.

I make my way to the back to use the restroom and Street Fighter, who's working the back door grabs me up. He tells me that the random chick sitting with E is the friend he's always talking about and he calls her and points to me so that she can see the chick he's now in love with (his words). I stay and talk to him for a minute and then I go off to a corner by myself and dance. I see Egypt heading straight for me looking like she wants to dance and I stop dancing and go back to where "T" is sitting with the random girl. This time I'm already zoning so I'm not really talking to anyone. I make another run to the ladies' room about half an hour later and I feel someone put something in my hand and hear a deep voice tell me, "I saw this and thought about you my little butterfly". I look down and it's a little drawstring jewelry bag with a butterfly bracelet (below) in it. I look up and see the Street Fighter walking away.

I'm impressed....until he begins to text me.

p.s. He's actually listed in my phone as Street Fighter and his ringer is "Everybody was Kung Fu fighting.... lmao

To be continued....

*I've known her since I was like 11. Egypt is in love with me and scares me. There will be a blog dedicate dto her and her antics very soon.

Introducing: The Sticky Rug, Barbara's and The NightLite [Enigma likes her yak}

Ok, So before I can introduce you guys to The Street Fighter, I think it’s important to first introduce the watering holes that I frequent so that it all kinda makes sense. Let me start off by saying I am not a club girl. In fact, I HATE clubs. It’s too much for me. What I do love, however, are bars. It’s more of an intimate atmosphere and for the most part, you know most of the people there. Plus you get to play your own music- double plus for a music snob like me.

That being said, when my girls (whom I will also introduce to you all in the coming weeks) and I decide to get together and go out, our night usually goes Sticky Rug>Barbara’s and sometimes the NightLite.*

The Sticky Rug

This is usually where we go to get the party started. It is definitely the epitome of a hole-in-the-wall dive, but we love it. There’s a pool table when you first walk in, a friendly, older gentleman bartender that loves when we come in and a sticky rug (hence our nickname for it) lol . The bartender/owner there, James, calls us the “Light ‘em up girls” because when we come in we order shots of Jeremiah Weed on Fire (pictured above) and drink it while it’s lit. For the most part, the crowd there is older (I’m talking 40+) with a few young heads (like us) sprinkled in. we like to go there b/c the likelihood of us getting shot is low (which is definitely a risk you take when bar hopping in the hood) and we can go there without worrying about getting dressed up (unless we’re their pre-gaming for an actual party or event that we heading to later in the evening). The Sticky Rug is like our very own Cheers and it hasn’t disappointed yet. Another plus for that place is that most of the drinks are $2.50. Heeeeeey! There was that one incident where OG came by to buy us drinks and this old lady he went to school with tried to play me to the left and take him home. That was the night I whispered in his ear "You kow I'm crazy and I've been drinking AND I got my girls in tow. You better get this bitch before I cancel her ass"...perhaps I'll tell that story another day. lol 

Barbara’s

The second spot we usually hit this is where it’s poppin more often then not. Though this place resembles The Sticky Rug during the week as far as the age of the crowd, come Saturday night the age group ranges anywhere from 21 and all the way up. This is where the negroes and negrettes come to be seen and put on their finest hood attire. Sometimes they have a DJ, but DJ or not it’s usually packed and alive unless there’s a party going on somewhere else. Because of this, the likelihood of getting shot is like 5x’s greater than at the Sticky Rug (which is why unlike at the sticky rug, this place has bouncers at the door checking id’s and patting folk down), but we tend to have a spidey sense as to when it’s time to bounce. Usually when the bouncers announce that they’re not letting anyone else in is when we get our last round in plastic cups and head out b/c we know some idiot is gonna be mad enough to shoot up the place if they or their man’s n’em can’t get in.

The NightLite

Now this is our home bar. Right around the corner from the pj’s where my friends and I grew up, The NightLite is where all the ppl from our old neighborhood tend to celebrate their birthdays. My friends and I, for the most part are kind of snobbish when it comes to our old hood. We have all moved out and on to better things and we tend to not really kick it with the ppl from our old hood that haven’t. The guys are all (bigtime) drug dealers and are usually trying to make one of us their next babymomma (despite the fact that their married or otherwise in a long-term relationship. And the chicks tend to suck their teeth at us b/c we’re ding good and not too beat for them. “Stuck up is what I believe they call us. Ah well…anywho, despite alladat, when we go there to party it is all love. That place is truly like going home. The likelihood of getting shot is just as great here as it is at Barbara’s but for some reason, collectively we feel safer there, like somehow we know that the dude we grew up with would somehow make sure we made it to our car safely. We have also collectively agreed that we have no reason to truly believe this, but hey, it makes us feel safe enough to drink there. Lmao

After the Nitelite is usually Alice’s, the diner where everyone who was at the local bars comes to eat. We call it club Alice’s because it is like Barbara’s on steroids with pancakes and burgers instead of drinks. It gets so bad that sometimes you can’t even find a park/table/etc. Oh yea, and the likelihood of getting shot is THE GREATEST here since this is where ppl from different hoods in the city usually come to get their grub on after partying at their local hot spot. Plus it's on a main street that leads to our neighboring city and you just never know. Sometimes we just say ‘eff it” and head to the pizza parlor instead.

So there you have it. On the days when me and my girls just kinda wanna chill and drink, this is our schedule.

Now that that’s done, I will introduce you to The Street Fighter….in the next blog lol

BTW- Sweet Black Pipe and I met at The Sticky Rug

* The names of the bars have been changed to protect my identity and exact location. Some of ya'll seem cool but you anonymous folk tend to creep me out. lol But seriously...

Introducing: Sweet Black Pipe {and Big Sexy}

Hey, hey, hey everyone. I know I had made an entire list of blogs that I needed to write. But since my blogging time seems to be limited, they'll hav eto be spaced apart instead of the onslaught of 5/6 at a time like I wante dto do.


So first things first, like I mentioned before, my dad (stepfather of 25 yrs) passed away on February 23rd. It happened so suddenly that I don't think I'll ever really come to grips with it. For right now I'm managing. I feel like I've been on auto-pilot since that night- I notice that if I watch a tv show on my DVR, I have to go back and watch it again because somehow, though I thought I was giving it my full attention, I somehow missed chunks of the show.IDK. I have an entire blog that I want to write but not now...I'm just not ready yet.

Moving on to a lighter subject...MENS!!!

So I met a new dude, "Sweet Black Pipe". (explanation of the name coming shortly) I met him at the hole-in-the-wall bar that my friends and I like to go to. I'd seen him a few times in there talking to one of my friends, but never really paid much attention to him. A few weeks ago, I noticed him looking at me and we had a nice, flirty convo (that included me grabbing on his chest and his huge arms in a semi-drunken daze) that went no where. The weekend after that, my friends took me out for shots to toast my dad whom they all knew and loved, at that same bar. This time even tho I saw Sweet Black Pipe in there, he and I didn't talk much. I did, however, began talking to another dude and gave him my number. We shall call this dude Big Sexy cause, well...he is. We had a really good convo and I actually looked forward to hearing from him. That was on a Friday. Fast forward to the morning of the following Friday at approximately 7:34 am and Big Sexy texts me a msg "Good morning gorgeous". This is Big Sexy from the bar. Remember me?" I text him back, "Yea, thought you'd forgotten about me" or something to that effect, and got no response. That night we go back to the bar and he's in there...and so is Sweet Black Pipe.

This time I notice that the two of them know each other as they spend most of the night talking. I had already made up my mind that Big Sexy would get no play from me since he waited so long to use my number, didn't respond to my text and then barely acknowledged me when he saw me at the bar that night. Coincidently Sweet Black Pipe was impressing more and more. He not only gave up his seat at the packed bar, but made another man get up so my friend and I could sit together as well. So he and I begin taking and he tells me that his cousin is interested in me as well. Confused I ask who and lo and behold his cousin, his so-close-they're-damn-near-brothers cousin is none other then Big Sexy. Never one to like confusion or too much drama, I immediately tell him that I'd given dude my number but he'd blown it and I tell him how Big Sexy blew it so that he would not make the same mistake. Sweet Black Pipe and I continue talking and we seem to be impressing each other more and more. At one point during our intimate chat, I hear a booming voice call my name. I look over and it's Big Sexy. I give him the "what up?" head nod and he booms something else. I say "Huh?" since we're right next to the jukebox and the music is blaring. He puts up his arms, says something else and then nods his head and says (what I assume is ) "Aiight". Meanwhile, Sweet Black Pipe gets me and my friend another drink. Now, under normal circumstances, I would feel some type of way about the situation b/c from the outside looking in, I could be looking like a certified scrag*. However, I'd already had it in my head that Big Sexy was not the right fit for me. Aside from his apparent lack of attention to my needs (I need attention, lots and lots of attention), he had been cutting up in the bar all night- singing all loud and drawing attention to himself. Call it what you want, but I'm the only attention whore allowed in my male/female relationships. Apparent cries for attention is just unsexy in my book, especially from men.

Anywho, when I knew me and my girl were about to head out to the next bar, I wrote my number on a napkin with the full intent on giving it to Sweet Black Pipe on my way out, if he asked. If not, then he too would have blown it with me. So, we gather our things and make our way past him to the door, he stops me and hands me his cell to enter my number. I hand him the napkin and tell him to keep up and make my exit. He texts me two hours later asking if me and my girl were good. I tell him yea and that I'll call him when I got home so that we could sit on the phone and have a drunken convo. (yea, ya girl was fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked up by that point). Of course I get home and immediately pass out. lol

The next morning, I get a text from Sweet Black Pipe asking if I'd like breakfast and that he's a great cook. Still a lil queasy but wanting to see him I say yea and that I'll come to him (Oh yea, I inherited my dad's car. God really has jokes when it comes to me. Like, "Oh, you want a car bitch? Ok.") SMH.

Anyway, I tell him I'd like corned beef hash and eggs and that I'll be there in an hour. I get casual cute and get to his house right on time. While we're eating we interview one another which is when this convo took place:

ME: So...your a plumber?

SBP: (smiling and showing his straight pearly whites) Yes, I lay pipe

ME *blush*: Oh really?

SBP: Yes, Sweet. Black. Pipe.

If he didn't have my interest before that, TRUST he had it from then on. lol

We eat, watch a gory movie on Syfy and I head out. I see him that night at the same bar and we acknowledge each other but don't talk too much. The next morning he texts me asking if I was up and moving stuff yet and if I needed help . ( I had told him that my couch was being delivered and since I'd been sleeping on my bed in the living room and my still-unpacked boxes were taking up the space in my bedroom, I had a lot of moving to do before the delivery men came at 10 with my couch.) I tell him yes and for him to give me about fifteen minutes to "get pretty". He gets there in 20 and does everything by himself and tells me to sit down. Less than ten minutes after he gets everything situated, the delivery guys ring the bell. IDk what I would have done without him considering how hungover I was. lol

Now, if you remember the post before last, I seemed a lil unsure of SBP. Well here's why. I didn't speak to or hear from him for the entire week following that. He'd text me that day (Sunday). But a text I'd sent during the week asking how work was going went unresponded (shut up, it's a word now lol). I spent all week acting like I was auditioning for the sequel to "He's Just Not That Into You"- asking my friends why he didn't call and going over our convos to try to figure out if it was something I said. Then I remembered that Big Sexy had text me "Good morning" on Monday at 6:57am and figured that maybe Sweet Pipe was stepping aside. (never responded to Big Sexy btw . Another strike for him was the times he did text me. A text to a girl you just met b4 12 on a weekday? Who does that???).

That was until Sweet Black Pipe text me on Friday saying it was rainy and asking if I wanted to lay up. I had plans with Obama already so I declined but told him I'd catch up with him Saturday. He tells me he wants me to fry him some chicken and I agree. Saturday he comes with trees and beer in tow and I fry up some chicken and we watch a Lifetime movie. Things get a lil hot and heavy by accident and he ends up getting a taste, but I nip it in the bud before it gets too far and we agree that cuddling is dangerous. lol That night I see him at the bar and he pretty much ignores me as he and Big Sexy play pool. The next afternoon he texts me that "dinner is ready. Let me know when you ready to eat" I tell him 3-ish and he say it'll be best if I come to him. I do and he's hooked up mac n cheese, cabbage and baked turkey chops and steak. We eat and watch the Cavs vs. Celtics game and I get to stepping. Before I leave I say "so I guess I wont be hearing from you this week." to which he replies "It is what it is" and laughs.

That phrase fucks with me b/c I know when I say it, I'm pretty much saying, 'This is how shit is right now, either get down with it or step the fuck off". He'd explained that he works long hours during the week and that's why I don't really hear from him. That's all fine and good, just as long as he knows all of my cookies stay n the jar until he gets a better schedule for me. I NEED ATTENTION DAMMIT. and who work so hard that they can't even send a text AT ALL throughout the week???

Now yes, he has told me that he has "friends" but no significant other, and has been sex-less for almost two months and that he lives alone and I am always welcome to come by. I kinda feel like he's trying to carry me with the whole 'It is what it is" line, but then again, why give me an open invite to his crib and let me know he's damn near always there? IDK. But what I DO know is no drawers shall he get until I get more time. Until then, I'll enjoy my (weekend) personal chef.

BTW: He's about 5"11, very well toned body, chocolate, nice smile, smells good, HUGE arms, doesn't mind watching Lifetime movies, worked as a chef for quite a few years and has been a plumber for the last twenty. Oh yea...and he's 45, but does not look a day over 35.  Plus, he's a ornball, which is good considering I have put myself in Thug Rehab. And apparently has sweet black pipe....

Anyway...what say you regarding this being MIA (M-F) bull and the subsequent "It is what it is" .  Am I missing something here????

* I learned this from my 14 yr old niece a few weeks ago. Apparently, a Scrag (n.) - is one who encompasses all of the characteristics of a jerk, whore, bitch, slut, and genuinely horrible person. Can be either male or female.

You know what really grinds my gears????

People who only follow/comment on blogs in order to get people to comment/follow theirs. I guess it's because I personally gives not a tiny fuck if I have readers or not. (even though I adore and appreciate you all (*_*) But seriously, I don't write this stuff for whatever reaction I may get. I write so that I can release and so that I have a place to keep a record of this stage in my life.

Now I'm not knocking those who blog purely for the number of views/comments/followers that they receive. HOWEVER, I think it's rude as fuck to leave a comment on someone else's blog whoring yourself for followers. That "I'm following you, so you follow me" , like I just saw on  Khaki's blog is some ole bullshit. No, I will not follow you simply because you are following me. I will, however, glady "follow" you if I enjoy what the fuck it is you write.

*sigh*

End Rant.

P.S- I may be a tad bitchy due to the Sweet Pipe situation not going as I would like so excuse me. More on that later tho.

Tata for now 

Coming Soon...

I know, I know…I’ve been quite the Neglectful Nancy, haven’t I? I apologize, really I do. The upside, however, is that while I have been NOT been updating this blog as I should,  I HAVE been sure to get myself into lots of trife situations to entertain you all. Lol Ok, maybe not all are so trife, but I do guarantee that my judgmental readers will have something to judge and my fellow trife readers will have something to lol and smh at. :)

Unfortunately I can’t fill you all in right now as “they” are still insisting that I actually work when I come to work. But, perhaps if I can manage to stay sober this weekend I’ll post a blog or two or ten. We’ll see…

In the meantime this is what you can look forward to*:

1- “Introducing: Sweet Black Pipe and Big Sexy” (possible new boo and his cousin who was/(is?) also a potential new boo)**

2- “Intoducing: “Egypt” (my very own molester/stalker/single white female-ish friend since childhood and her drunken antics) *shivers*

3- “This Can’t Possibly be Good for My Daddy Issues” {My father (biological) died when I was 11, but my DAD of 25 yrs passed away last week} *sigh*

4- “The House of Enigma” (I moved into a new crib on the 1st of Feb)

5- “In Love with Obama?” (yea, about that…) *hangs head in shame*

6- "The Final Chapter of OG (Older-Gentleman Friend) and Enigma” (Yea, that pretty much says it all..) *dusts shoulder off*

7- "Thug addict Rehab"

Tata for now my lovelies!!!

*The titles of the blogs listed are subject to change with my mood, but I will try to keep on topic as much as possible.

**I did promise you a little trife, didn’t I? lol

Cuz I'm a pothole? Sooooo............

I love that commercial. lol

Anywho...how the hell ya'll doin out there????

Alot has gone one but it has all been so sporadic that I can't even begin to write about it all right now. (these fuckers at work actually expect me to WORK now. Wtf? lol )

Anywho...until I can formulate my thoughts and transform them into a blog, I figured I'd let you guys dictate my next blog. Anything you wanna know that I haven't covered on here? Ask and ye shall receive an answer. You can either post the question in the comments section of this blog or email me at enigmajones08@gmail.com. NO TOPIC IS OFF LIMITS.

Later folks!

p.s. Did I ever say Happy New Year??? I don't think so but yea, Happy New Year's lol

IHATECHU

This is my son's father, Lucifer------->

I hate him so much. Sometime I just sit and think about how much I hate him and plot ways to kill him without doing any time. Only thing is, if something ever did really happen to the fucker under questionable circumstance, I'd be the very first person questioned. NOT because I'm the only one that hates him with the venom of a million venomous rattle snakes, but because I tell anyone who would listen how I'd like for him to not be alive anymore..including Lucifer himself. Now, yes, I do know how horrible it is to wish death on some one...and i have been so distraught over this that I actually cried hysterically to my sister over the phone one day because I hated him so much and I needed her to pray with me for the hatred to be removed from my heart. So, yea...I'm working on it. In fact, I had come to the conclusion before that perhaps it would be best if he just was a man about it and offed himself. you know, fall on his sword so to speak...the world would be a much greater place without him and his kids (3 by three different women) would at least get social security...which is more than they get from him while he's alive. But, now I'm feeling liek he is a real live evil do-er and it i smy duty to wipe him off the face of the Earth once and for all for the greater good of all mankind. *shrugs*

Now…for those of you who are thinking ‘Well you knew he was like that before you had his baby..” I say, Fuck ya’ll, ya’ll don’t know my life!!!! Lol Nah, but in ALL honestly, I was bamboozled. When I met him he had a five yr old daughter that he adored and who was always with him, his own apt and TWO jobs. TWO WEEKS before I found out I was pregnant I looked at him and decided I couldn’t mess with him any more cause at that moment he was high and looked like an absolute crack head. It was like I saw my future with him at that exact moment and I needed to run very far away from it. When I found out I had a baby on the way I let him know and told him that he could have or leave any parts of raising the baby that he wanted. He decided he wanted in. We worked on “us” and when I was 4 months he left me for an older woman who bought him shit. (Not even any shade, he himself said THAT was the reason). He then dropped of f the face of the earth and became her boy toy full time and acted as a dad to her two kids and I got over my broken heart, trekked back and forth to college taking classes and working. He called me out of the blue when I was almost six and a half months and had nothing productive to say or contribute to my pregnancy. I delivered my son prematurely less than a week later and yes I blame his ass for that. He made my body unwelcoming to my baby with the all of the emotions he stirred in me and my baby wanted out.

Through out my son’s life he has come and gone whenever he felt like it. My son is VERY aware of who his father is and even spends summers with him. (More like with his father’s girlfriend as his father whores around but still) The best way for me to demonstrate why I hate him would be to give you some examples of his character so that you guys can all have sympathy for me and want to help me rid the world of him:

When my son was born he was in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). Only immediate family member where allowed in this area and the hospital issued wrist bands to those allowed access- only two per family. Seeing as how I was a young (21), unwed college student, my mother was the second person with the wrist band. The day after my son’s birthday, my mom gave the wrist bad to Lucifer who came up ONE time to see my son (through out his entire 80 day stay) and then took the wrist band off…and eventually gave it back to my mom. Said he could stand to see his son laid up in no incubator.

When my son was released from the hospital, 80 days after his birth, I stayed home to take care for him and applied for welfare (my semester of school was over and I took the following semester off.) I lived off of saving and welfare for three months and then got a job. My mom watched the bay for me. In August, my mother couldn’t watch him anymore and his father acted as if he couldn’t either (even tho I said “watch him and I’ll work, you don’t have to pay me anything in child support). So I quite my job. Two months after quitting saving was running low…I told Lucifer that the baby needed walking shoes. He told me he was gonna be in his cousin’s wedding the following month and needed his money for that and that I couldn’t get blood from a turnip. My response? I can’t but I bet child support can. Apparently you need “the man” to help you get your priorities straight. It took me a week before I got a chance to file for child support and tell me why they already had a case pending listing ME as the defendant. This sucka had tried to be one step ahead of me by suing ME for visitation…dumbass…I still filed for support and made sure every day he asked for was when he had my son.

On one of he requested weekend… he picked my son up to have for the weekend and then bought him back fur hours later talmbout he and his girlfriend hadn’t been alone in awhile to have sex and they needed that night together.

What else…what else…?

Oh yea…he broke up with the chick he left me for when he went to visit his mom in NC and found another sucka “woman” with more money to support him. Then he up and moved to NC…did I mention BOTH his kids live in JERSEY???

He got ole girl pregnant within a month…and was BARELY fully broken up from chick he left me for.

He started having my son for the summer vacations after that and it would be his mom that my son stayed with mostly.

ALL OF THIS TIME MY CHILD SUPPORT PAYMENT HAVE BEEN SPORADIC B/C THE NIGGA REFUSES TO KEEP A JOB!!!

He calls my son about as often as he does make payment ..which ain’t much at all.

Fastforward to this summer (my son is 7 at this time). He and his now fiancé say they want my baby to stay down for the school. Year. Now this was something I’d actually told Lucifer when my son was born. When he turned five, I wanted Lucifer to be the sole guardian because I can’t teach a boy how to be a man. He agreed…but never got his shit together. So in the summer he and his “fiancé” were having a good week (cause Lord know every OTHER week they were breaking up their ghetto Brady bunch- {she has two kids from a previous relation ship, he has two and they have a child together}. Anyway, during this time they convince me that they wanted him to stay and everything was rainbows glitter down there. Their “wedding” was planned for August 14th; I told the fiancé that if he actually married her, my son could stay because that would be a very clear indication that he was a changed man. August 14th comes and goes…no wedding…in fact…they break up. *gasp*

Then Lucifer says he’ll be sending my son home.

THEN…less than a week later… Lucifer calls and gives me this speech about how he’s moving out on his own and still wants my son to stay down there. Fine. He tells me he needs me to send school clothes for him. I do.

THEN he says that he didn’t get the job he thought he would, so my son is coming home, but he’s gonna send for him in NOVEMBER.

Five minutes later he leaves a msg saying that he’s a man and he’ll work it out…my son is staying…he just needs his birth certificate and social security card to apply for this low income apt complex near his mom.

Fine I send that out AND a letter stating that he was to act as his legal guardian on my behalf since his name isn’t on the birth certificate.

Then he calls and says my baby has to come home. This time I say, “No. I send the paper. He’s your responsibility now.” I do this, because I didn’t want my bay back home, but because I knew he would try to bring him back then conveniently “forget” to bring back the docs and would no doubt claim my son as his dependent. Not I said the cat. I say “Nah, you got him now.” Click.

Then he calls and leaves a msg saying ‘U right, he can stay. Not cause you said so, but because I know what I gotta do as a man”. Smch

THEN he calls me AGAIN less than half an hour and leaves a msg saying I just wanted my son down there so I could run around in the bars and fuck niggas and that he know what the fuck he gotta do and I need to just work with him. And he gonna come to JC and “do what he gotta do” Mind you all this time I’ve agreed to whatever he’s asked.

After this message, I call his mother and she tells me that the “fiancé” mealticket girlfriend is moving from North Carolina to Georgia and said that my son couldn’t come along. Apparently, Lucifer wanted to follow his bread and butter…only son be damned. Makes sense…She then tells me that she and her husband want my son to stay down there with them (where he spent most of the summer anyway) and that we’ll let Lucifer think that he’s getting his way and that they’ll come up to visit in the beginning of September, pretend to drop my son off, and then take him right back down to NC with them

In November he left a msg on my moms phone saying that hi smother did drugs and he didn’t want my son down there with her and that I just had to be patient and he would’ve came and got him by now. I stopped listening, but my mom later told me that he also said he was going to sign away his parental rights. Sign them away to whom, idk…still patiently waiting on those papers.

Since November he’s been calling his mom’s phone to talk to my son asking about his teacher and what time he gets out of school and that he’ll see him soon,. As if he’s plotting to come and kidnap my son. I made it clear to his moms that I would treat him like a stranger if he did.. Amber alerts and all and that she should let him know he don’t wanna give me a reason.

On Christmas, his mother tells me that he called there for my son and said ‘merry Christmas…I’m gonna whoop your ass when I see you”. When my son asked why, Lucifer told him it was because he had a smart mouth. What was so smart about my son’s mouth? In the conversation they had had prior, Lucifer told my son that he was gonna come get him in a few months and my son said he didn’t want to go with him.

Oh yea..and remeber that whole situation with my ex-sister?  Yea, well it seems that after Lucifer called her husband he somehow forgot about his reasoning for calling and pretty much let dude convince him that it was nothing and that my son was just a big baby and I had him spoiled. Dude also gave very false info about how I was alway sgoing out. This couldn't be farther from the truth. Not only did I not go ANY where when my son was with me, but often times I had my son AND my nephews. So where the fuck was I going????? Smch.

There was one more thing I wanted to add.....what....was...it.....????? Damn, I can't remember..screw it...I think that's enough for now anyway. WAIT I remember... I infiltrated his facebook page under an assumed name and found out that LUCIFER IS A MENTOR in the city I live in. There it was as his profile pic, him at a basketball court with a bunch of young boys. His caption read how kids are the future and need men to show them the way yada, yada, yada. Did I mention the date stamp on the pic was July 09...when my son was in  NC...and Lucifer came up here with his "fiance" for "business". So he left his actual kids in North Carolina where they had come to visit HIM, just so he could come to THEIR homes city and mentor youth??? WTF. When my son gets home I'm taking him to that mentoring program. Maybe he'll get Lucifer as a mentor and get to actually spend some quality time with the son of a bitch. Smch.

So yea….I hate that motherfucker.

***My aplogies for any typos, run-on sentences, etc...I was mad as hell writing this****