Introducing: Sweet Black Pipe {and Big Sexy}

Hey, hey, hey everyone. I know I had made an entire list of blogs that I needed to write. But since my blogging time seems to be limited, they'll hav eto be spaced apart instead of the onslaught of 5/6 at a time like I wante dto do.


So first things first, like I mentioned before, my dad (stepfather of 25 yrs) passed away on February 23rd. It happened so suddenly that I don't think I'll ever really come to grips with it. For right now I'm managing. I feel like I've been on auto-pilot since that night- I notice that if I watch a tv show on my DVR, I have to go back and watch it again because somehow, though I thought I was giving it my full attention, I somehow missed chunks of the show.IDK. I have an entire blog that I want to write but not now...I'm just not ready yet.

Moving on to a lighter subject...MENS!!!

So I met a new dude, "Sweet Black Pipe". (explanation of the name coming shortly) I met him at the hole-in-the-wall bar that my friends and I like to go to. I'd seen him a few times in there talking to one of my friends, but never really paid much attention to him. A few weeks ago, I noticed him looking at me and we had a nice, flirty convo (that included me grabbing on his chest and his huge arms in a semi-drunken daze) that went no where. The weekend after that, my friends took me out for shots to toast my dad whom they all knew and loved, at that same bar. This time even tho I saw Sweet Black Pipe in there, he and I didn't talk much. I did, however, began talking to another dude and gave him my number. We shall call this dude Big Sexy cause, well...he is. We had a really good convo and I actually looked forward to hearing from him. That was on a Friday. Fast forward to the morning of the following Friday at approximately 7:34 am and Big Sexy texts me a msg "Good morning gorgeous". This is Big Sexy from the bar. Remember me?" I text him back, "Yea, thought you'd forgotten about me" or something to that effect, and got no response. That night we go back to the bar and he's in there...and so is Sweet Black Pipe.

This time I notice that the two of them know each other as they spend most of the night talking. I had already made up my mind that Big Sexy would get no play from me since he waited so long to use my number, didn't respond to my text and then barely acknowledged me when he saw me at the bar that night. Coincidently Sweet Black Pipe was impressing more and more. He not only gave up his seat at the packed bar, but made another man get up so my friend and I could sit together as well. So he and I begin taking and he tells me that his cousin is interested in me as well. Confused I ask who and lo and behold his cousin, his so-close-they're-damn-near-brothers cousin is none other then Big Sexy. Never one to like confusion or too much drama, I immediately tell him that I'd given dude my number but he'd blown it and I tell him how Big Sexy blew it so that he would not make the same mistake. Sweet Black Pipe and I continue talking and we seem to be impressing each other more and more. At one point during our intimate chat, I hear a booming voice call my name. I look over and it's Big Sexy. I give him the "what up?" head nod and he booms something else. I say "Huh?" since we're right next to the jukebox and the music is blaring. He puts up his arms, says something else and then nods his head and says (what I assume is ) "Aiight". Meanwhile, Sweet Black Pipe gets me and my friend another drink. Now, under normal circumstances, I would feel some type of way about the situation b/c from the outside looking in, I could be looking like a certified scrag*. However, I'd already had it in my head that Big Sexy was not the right fit for me. Aside from his apparent lack of attention to my needs (I need attention, lots and lots of attention), he had been cutting up in the bar all night- singing all loud and drawing attention to himself. Call it what you want, but I'm the only attention whore allowed in my male/female relationships. Apparent cries for attention is just unsexy in my book, especially from men.

Anywho, when I knew me and my girl were about to head out to the next bar, I wrote my number on a napkin with the full intent on giving it to Sweet Black Pipe on my way out, if he asked. If not, then he too would have blown it with me. So, we gather our things and make our way past him to the door, he stops me and hands me his cell to enter my number. I hand him the napkin and tell him to keep up and make my exit. He texts me two hours later asking if me and my girl were good. I tell him yea and that I'll call him when I got home so that we could sit on the phone and have a drunken convo. (yea, ya girl was fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked up by that point). Of course I get home and immediately pass out. lol

The next morning, I get a text from Sweet Black Pipe asking if I'd like breakfast and that he's a great cook. Still a lil queasy but wanting to see him I say yea and that I'll come to him (Oh yea, I inherited my dad's car. God really has jokes when it comes to me. Like, "Oh, you want a car bitch? Ok.") SMH.

Anyway, I tell him I'd like corned beef hash and eggs and that I'll be there in an hour. I get casual cute and get to his house right on time. While we're eating we interview one another which is when this convo took place:

ME: So...your a plumber?

SBP: (smiling and showing his straight pearly whites) Yes, I lay pipe

ME *blush*: Oh really?

SBP: Yes, Sweet. Black. Pipe.

If he didn't have my interest before that, TRUST he had it from then on. lol

We eat, watch a gory movie on Syfy and I head out. I see him that night at the same bar and we acknowledge each other but don't talk too much. The next morning he texts me asking if I was up and moving stuff yet and if I needed help . ( I had told him that my couch was being delivered and since I'd been sleeping on my bed in the living room and my still-unpacked boxes were taking up the space in my bedroom, I had a lot of moving to do before the delivery men came at 10 with my couch.) I tell him yes and for him to give me about fifteen minutes to "get pretty". He gets there in 20 and does everything by himself and tells me to sit down. Less than ten minutes after he gets everything situated, the delivery guys ring the bell. IDk what I would have done without him considering how hungover I was. lol

Now, if you remember the post before last, I seemed a lil unsure of SBP. Well here's why. I didn't speak to or hear from him for the entire week following that. He'd text me that day (Sunday). But a text I'd sent during the week asking how work was going went unresponded (shut up, it's a word now lol). I spent all week acting like I was auditioning for the sequel to "He's Just Not That Into You"- asking my friends why he didn't call and going over our convos to try to figure out if it was something I said. Then I remembered that Big Sexy had text me "Good morning" on Monday at 6:57am and figured that maybe Sweet Pipe was stepping aside. (never responded to Big Sexy btw . Another strike for him was the times he did text me. A text to a girl you just met b4 12 on a weekday? Who does that???).

That was until Sweet Black Pipe text me on Friday saying it was rainy and asking if I wanted to lay up. I had plans with Obama already so I declined but told him I'd catch up with him Saturday. He tells me he wants me to fry him some chicken and I agree. Saturday he comes with trees and beer in tow and I fry up some chicken and we watch a Lifetime movie. Things get a lil hot and heavy by accident and he ends up getting a taste, but I nip it in the bud before it gets too far and we agree that cuddling is dangerous. lol That night I see him at the bar and he pretty much ignores me as he and Big Sexy play pool. The next afternoon he texts me that "dinner is ready. Let me know when you ready to eat" I tell him 3-ish and he say it'll be best if I come to him. I do and he's hooked up mac n cheese, cabbage and baked turkey chops and steak. We eat and watch the Cavs vs. Celtics game and I get to stepping. Before I leave I say "so I guess I wont be hearing from you this week." to which he replies "It is what it is" and laughs.

That phrase fucks with me b/c I know when I say it, I'm pretty much saying, 'This is how shit is right now, either get down with it or step the fuck off". He'd explained that he works long hours during the week and that's why I don't really hear from him. That's all fine and good, just as long as he knows all of my cookies stay n the jar until he gets a better schedule for me. I NEED ATTENTION DAMMIT. and who work so hard that they can't even send a text AT ALL throughout the week???

Now yes, he has told me that he has "friends" but no significant other, and has been sex-less for almost two months and that he lives alone and I am always welcome to come by. I kinda feel like he's trying to carry me with the whole 'It is what it is" line, but then again, why give me an open invite to his crib and let me know he's damn near always there? IDK. But what I DO know is no drawers shall he get until I get more time. Until then, I'll enjoy my (weekend) personal chef.

BTW: He's about 5"11, very well toned body, chocolate, nice smile, smells good, HUGE arms, doesn't mind watching Lifetime movies, worked as a chef for quite a few years and has been a plumber for the last twenty. Oh yea...and he's 45, but does not look a day over 35.  Plus, he's a ornball, which is good considering I have put myself in Thug Rehab. And apparently has sweet black pipe....

Anyway...what say you regarding this being MIA (M-F) bull and the subsequent "It is what it is" .  Am I missing something here????

* I learned this from my 14 yr old niece a few weeks ago. Apparently, a Scrag (n.) - is one who encompasses all of the characteristics of a jerk, whore, bitch, slut, and genuinely horrible person. Can be either male or female.