It is I folks, back and ready to spill some serious tea. First and foremost, thanks to everyone who responded to my last blog regarding the situation with my sister. After that email, she sent yet another where she took the situation WAY too far. I emailed her back privately and let her know that she'd won whatever war she was waging against me because I refuse to get that grimy with my own flesh and blood. She then apologized, but I didn't respond. I just don't see me getting over what she wrote and I'm ok with it. I haven't given it a second thought really. But she will be missed....
*dusts shoulders off*
Moving on...
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I have a new boo.
*waits as the thunderous applause dies down from the crowd*
I met him a few weeks ago while out lunching with my ladies (read drinking with my homies). I must say, it was my most drunkenness moment of the entire summer. I had seen dude around our local haven of hedonism about two weekends in a row. My partner-in-crime knows him and would chit chat with him whenever we came out for air. (He always seemed to be outside). Anywho, this night in particular, I had already had 1 or 3 too many (yes, BEFORE we even hit the bar. Don't judge me. My Bday is in August and I GO HARD all month....even tho this was still JULY... but don't. judge.me!! lol). My girl had one of my hands and was leading me into the bar...(yes, i already needed an escort)... and we passed him. For some reason it was like I'd seen him for the very first time and I yelled "OOH HE'S CA-YUTE!!". Dumb loud and ghetto as all shit- totally out of my character. So loud that he heard me, locked eyes with me, then smiled and winked as my homie continued to pull me towards the bar. As this happened, my other homegirl who had been ahead of us heard me and said "Yea, and he has a BIG one."" I then turned back to him and said right in his face, "HE DOES?!?!?!?!?". Again, DUMB LOUD. SMH
*hangs head in shame while trying not to giggle*
So we go in, have some drinks and then come out for air. He sees me and comes over and kicks it with us and then he and I walk off and have a convo. Not sure what we talked about because I was already so gone, but I do remember him asking for and receiving my number.
Fast forward a few days and he calls to see if I'll be coming out, I decline. I knew I wanted him as my new booty call, but not so soon. Plus, according to my homie, he's a whore, so I really wasn't interested as much in the light of day as I had been that (drunken) night.
A few more days go by and he calls again. This time I accept his offer to come out for drinks and meet him at the local haven of hedonism for some shots. I had expected that the night would end with me bent over his couch instead it ended with us taking a long walk in the park, holding hands and talking about EVERYthing. At one point I told him to stop looking at me a certain way (all lovey dovey) and he asked why. I told him he was confusing me. he asked how so. I said "Because initially, I just wanted a new buck fuddy, but now I actually want to hear the thing you have to say". To which he replied that we'd both come into it with the same intentions, but that he too was (pleasantly) surprised by how things turned out and wanted to see where it would go.
I've spoken to and/or seen him everyday since.
All is not good in the hood tho, because even though the vibe is definitely there and our blossoming feelings are definitely mutual, there is SOOOO much shit with him.
For starters, he is the sole reason why I am no long a "recovering" thug addict and have officially fallen off the wagon. It's like I went into rehab for weed, came out cured just to start a heroin addiction. SMH Dude is a thug indeed, he even has the tat across his abs a'la Tupac (whom he favors heavily)
Besides being a certified cutie, he is incredibly attentive to my needs. All I have to do is think it and he's already doing it. If I think, "I am so fucking thirsty!!!", I look up and he's handing me a cool refreshing beverage. At first I thought it was a fluke, but he has yet to NOT do this.
Also, he takes care of me. Not monetarily speaking necessarily, but in general. He makes sure I'm ok. I can go as far as to say that if I was stranded on a deserted island with him, I would break a sweat because I'd know he'd make sure I survived and was ok. He gives me an overwhelming sense of security that I have NEVER had before in ANY relationship (friends, family and lovers)
In fact, if I am to go by Dr. Steve Harvey's ...huh? what's that you say? Steve Harvey ISN"T a doctor??? Oh, well, if I go by what Steve says about the 3 P's of a man's love. Dude is on point.
He professes: He sees me in his future. There's no doubt about this as he tells me constantly. There was even an instance where he was telling his dude how I had him thrown. And I quote " I'm thinking she's the truth, my dude, she could . She's keeping me out of trouble because I'd rather be in here chilling with her than in the streets. And even when i am out there, I'm busy thinking about shorty and what she doing." Plus, it doesn't hurt that I've met his mom (who made it a point to tell me how major that alone is, as well as a couple of his sisters and brothers (his family is HUGE) and he even trusted me to look after one of his beloved dogs.
He protects: Let's just say Lucifer will watch how he speaks to me on the phone form now on, solely do to new dude.
He provides: He has made it quite clear that if I need it, he's got it, and he's more than willing to share it. I've yet to accept, but I know the offer is there.
But, I must admit, iPause at the fact that out relationship has already gone beyond just sex as was my initial intentions. I've given two of my girlfriends the contingency plan for when it all falls down with him: One is to drink with me until I can't even muster the energy to say "when", and the other will rub my hair as I lay on her lap and cry my heart out. I've already fallen too far, too soon and I feel like I have no control over slowing it down. And honestly, I don't want to slow it down. I want to just "coast with it" and hope it comes out ok.
But, his lifestyle....he's almost too much thug for me....
Plus, he and I have a connection that we discovered about 3 weeks ago. I'm not ready to say what it is, but I will say that he has had a direct affect on my life from my teens to adulthood, as well as how I have behaved with every boyfriend I have had since i was 13. Ironically enough, he is the reason why iPause at dealing with him due to his lifestyle because of things I've experience in my past (due to him) that I don't want to experience again.
I had to make a decision as to whether I would deal with him at all because of our connection. Clearly, i decided to continue our love affair, but I made a deal with myself that I would only do so if I thought we had a future together. I can't have a superficial relationship with him. iCan't. So, we have decided to ride it out, and give our all.
*sigh*
Yet another factor, he told me that his sister has a house in Hawaii that she wants him to come and look after. He told her that he would have an answer by the end of the summer. About a week after we met, he told me about it and said he would love to be able to bring a lady with him and wondered if i would come if we had progressed by then. Amazingly, I didn't hesitate before I said "Yes". (huh?) Yea. Well, summer is almost over. He hasn't decided if he's going or not, but he made it clear that wherever he goes, I have an invite and a ticket to join him. I told him I'd go with him to Hawaii if he gave me an open-ended return ticket home. He agreed and asked about my son and would it be a problem for me to bring him with us (my son is with his dad for the next school year) I said I wouldn't bring my son initially, but that I'd send for him when I felt we as a couple were stable enough. (Did I mention that he has already met my son? I showed him a pic and he insisted that he'd seen him before. Since my baby has always been only with me or family, I narrowed it down to his Great Aunt's house who used to babysit. Apparently new dude used to date the great aunt's daughter a few years back and remembers my son being there when he visited. Knew his name and everything without me telling him and said, "That's a cool ass kid you got there" )
*swoons/sighs*
We'll see where this goes...
BTW... his name, for blog purposes, is The Killer (TK)...I have my reasons...
*dusts shoulders off*
Moving on...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have a new boo.
*waits as the thunderous applause dies down from the crowd*
I met him a few weeks ago while out lunching with my ladies (read drinking with my homies). I must say, it was my most drunkenness moment of the entire summer. I had seen dude around our local haven of hedonism about two weekends in a row. My partner-in-crime knows him and would chit chat with him whenever we came out for air. (He always seemed to be outside). Anywho, this night in particular, I had already had 1 or 3 too many (yes, BEFORE we even hit the bar. Don't judge me. My Bday is in August and I GO HARD all month....even tho this was still JULY... but don't. judge.me!! lol). My girl had one of my hands and was leading me into the bar...(yes, i already needed an escort)... and we passed him. For some reason it was like I'd seen him for the very first time and I yelled "OOH HE'S CA-YUTE!!". Dumb loud and ghetto as all shit- totally out of my character. So loud that he heard me, locked eyes with me, then smiled and winked as my homie continued to pull me towards the bar. As this happened, my other homegirl who had been ahead of us heard me and said "Yea, and he has a BIG one."" I then turned back to him and said right in his face, "HE DOES?!?!?!?!?". Again, DUMB LOUD. SMH
*hangs head in shame while trying not to giggle*
So we go in, have some drinks and then come out for air. He sees me and comes over and kicks it with us and then he and I walk off and have a convo. Not sure what we talked about because I was already so gone, but I do remember him asking for and receiving my number.
Fast forward a few days and he calls to see if I'll be coming out, I decline. I knew I wanted him as my new booty call, but not so soon. Plus, according to my homie, he's a whore, so I really wasn't interested as much in the light of day as I had been that (drunken) night.
A few more days go by and he calls again. This time I accept his offer to come out for drinks and meet him at the local haven of hedonism for some shots. I had expected that the night would end with me bent over his couch instead it ended with us taking a long walk in the park, holding hands and talking about EVERYthing. At one point I told him to stop looking at me a certain way (all lovey dovey) and he asked why. I told him he was confusing me. he asked how so. I said "Because initially, I just wanted a new buck fuddy, but now I actually want to hear the thing you have to say". To which he replied that we'd both come into it with the same intentions, but that he too was (pleasantly) surprised by how things turned out and wanted to see where it would go.
I've spoken to and/or seen him everyday since.
All is not good in the hood tho, because even though the vibe is definitely there and our blossoming feelings are definitely mutual, there is SOOOO much shit with him.
For starters, he is the sole reason why I am no long a "recovering" thug addict and have officially fallen off the wagon. It's like I went into rehab for weed, came out cured just to start a heroin addiction. SMH Dude is a thug indeed, he even has the tat across his abs a'la Tupac (whom he favors heavily)
Besides being a certified cutie, he is incredibly attentive to my needs. All I have to do is think it and he's already doing it. If I think, "I am so fucking thirsty!!!", I look up and he's handing me a cool refreshing beverage. At first I thought it was a fluke, but he has yet to NOT do this.
Also, he takes care of me. Not monetarily speaking necessarily, but in general. He makes sure I'm ok. I can go as far as to say that if I was stranded on a deserted island with him, I would break a sweat because I'd know he'd make sure I survived and was ok. He gives me an overwhelming sense of security that I have NEVER had before in ANY relationship (friends, family and lovers)
In fact, if I am to go by Dr. Steve Harvey's ...huh? what's that you say? Steve Harvey ISN"T a doctor??? Oh, well, if I go by what Steve says about the 3 P's of a man's love. Dude is on point.
He professes: He sees me in his future. There's no doubt about this as he tells me constantly. There was even an instance where he was telling his dude how I had him thrown. And I quote " I'm thinking she's the truth, my dude, she could . She's keeping me out of trouble because I'd rather be in here chilling with her than in the streets. And even when i am out there, I'm busy thinking about shorty and what she doing." Plus, it doesn't hurt that I've met his mom (who made it a point to tell me how major that alone is, as well as a couple of his sisters and brothers (his family is HUGE) and he even trusted me to look after one of his beloved dogs.
He protects: Let's just say Lucifer will watch how he speaks to me on the phone form now on, solely do to new dude.
He provides: He has made it quite clear that if I need it, he's got it, and he's more than willing to share it. I've yet to accept, but I know the offer is there.
But, I must admit, iPause at the fact that out relationship has already gone beyond just sex as was my initial intentions. I've given two of my girlfriends the contingency plan for when it all falls down with him: One is to drink with me until I can't even muster the energy to say "when", and the other will rub my hair as I lay on her lap and cry my heart out. I've already fallen too far, too soon and I feel like I have no control over slowing it down. And honestly, I don't want to slow it down. I want to just "coast with it" and hope it comes out ok.
But, his lifestyle....he's almost too much thug for me....
Plus, he and I have a connection that we discovered about 3 weeks ago. I'm not ready to say what it is, but I will say that he has had a direct affect on my life from my teens to adulthood, as well as how I have behaved with every boyfriend I have had since i was 13. Ironically enough, he is the reason why iPause at dealing with him due to his lifestyle because of things I've experience in my past (due to him) that I don't want to experience again.
I had to make a decision as to whether I would deal with him at all because of our connection. Clearly, i decided to continue our love affair, but I made a deal with myself that I would only do so if I thought we had a future together. I can't have a superficial relationship with him. iCan't. So, we have decided to ride it out, and give our all.
*sigh*
Yet another factor, he told me that his sister has a house in Hawaii that she wants him to come and look after. He told her that he would have an answer by the end of the summer. About a week after we met, he told me about it and said he would love to be able to bring a lady with him and wondered if i would come if we had progressed by then. Amazingly, I didn't hesitate before I said "Yes". (huh?) Yea. Well, summer is almost over. He hasn't decided if he's going or not, but he made it clear that wherever he goes, I have an invite and a ticket to join him. I told him I'd go with him to Hawaii if he gave me an open-ended return ticket home. He agreed and asked about my son and would it be a problem for me to bring him with us (my son is with his dad for the next school year) I said I wouldn't bring my son initially, but that I'd send for him when I felt we as a couple were stable enough. (Did I mention that he has already met my son? I showed him a pic and he insisted that he'd seen him before. Since my baby has always been only with me or family, I narrowed it down to his Great Aunt's house who used to babysit. Apparently new dude used to date the great aunt's daughter a few years back and remembers my son being there when he visited. Knew his name and everything without me telling him and said, "That's a cool ass kid you got there" )
*swoons/sighs*
We'll see where this goes...
BTW... his name, for blog purposes, is The Killer (TK)...I have my reasons...
6 comments:
Oh jesus, the killer done kilt it, resurrected it, and kilt it again, ALREADY?
Dont you hate when relationships move so fast that they scare you? Good luck honey. I know the feeling.
Indeed he has Suga, indeed he has. *sighs*
I absolutely hate how fast things are moving and every morning when I leave his house (yea-EVERY MORNING) I say that I'm going to stay away for at least a few days. That lasts all of a few hours until about lunch or so when I get a text from him saying "I'm seeing you tonite right, you know I can't sleep with out you". I hate being a mushy ass girl sometimes!!!!
You have a great blog here, I will definitely be following and putting in my 2 cents. And how and da hell do you juggle all those things(kid, college, emotions)?
So what does he sell weed or something a little stronger...it was written all upin this post that he is up in that type of lifestyle. What is with that thug appeal, I've had that before.
I say this where do you see him in a few years?
I think that is the question more so than where does he see you in his futire, where do you see him going? and where do you see yourself with hi in the future?
Be careful not to let the killer dick and feelings, distract you from your initial feelings, is he too much of a thug?
Awwww so sweet. I hope things work out for you. LOL@ you preparing for your breakup ritual with your friends ahead of time! Dont be so pessimistic just take it slow...I'm interested to know what this connection is, guess I'll know in due time. Good Luck!
@ Te Te0 Thanks...and I drink alot! lol Nah, actually my life has gotten alol less hectic. I only have one more class for school, I moved back home and my son is staying with his paternal grandparents for a few months while I get it together. I was thisclose to losing it a few months back, but once I moved hoime and had the stress of bills/survival lifted things started to look up.
@ YB and DL- Even tho the peen is GREAT, that's not actually why I call him The Killer (even tho he does indeed kill IT) lol. He sells narcotics and I'll leave it at that. I don't know what it is about thug appeal either but I and damn sure a thug addict. SMH
I can see him in my future as long as he does what he says he will which is give up his "thug life" in the next few months. iPause because I've read enough hood books to kno0w that that's what they ALL say. He sems serious tho. If he does it, then he and I jave the potential to go "all the way" we'll see. I have actually pulled back from him a little in the last two weeks or so. He's going thru some changes with "business" and I need to slow my emotions down some. We'll see what happens...and yes, he is too much of a thug but I'm more drawn to that actually then turned off by it at this point.
IntrospectiveGoddess--Soon, I promise. It's a dosey tho...like soem shit you'd read in a hood novel. SMH My fucking life....
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