Ugliness in Hip Hop: Hurricane Chris

I’ve been trying not to make a big deal out of this, but it’s weighing too heavy on my brain not to. I am so tried of the ugly mofo’s with money talking about women as if we are just as expendable as the latest pair of Jordan (cause we all know they’ll be a newer, more prettier pair out in just another month). Now usually I just ignore the lyrics in rap music. Being from the hood, I see chicks just like the ones the rappers bash on a daily basis. Yes, rap is ridiculously misogynistic; however some of us give them more than enough material. If we did better, perhaps rappers would. Having said that, I also recognize that there are MANY women out here who are the polar opposite of the females who are out here scheming, popping out babies and being just scallywags in general. Women who are beautiful inside and out, humorous, ambitions, intelligent, creativity, and just all around good women looking for a good MAN. Yet, we all get grouped into the same basket of messy as far as some men are concerned (namely these oogly rappers that inspired this blog).

The part that confuses me is that these rappers (and the guys on the street who drink the kool-aid and think that they too can treat women any old kind of way despite the fact that they have not a record deal, iced-out BIG ASS CHAIN medallion, or even a minimum-wage job to offer said women)…..*sighs*…as I was saying, the part that confuses me is that these fu*kers think that they deserve a women that looks like Halle Berry. Yes, “Hurricane Chris”, this ones for you. Have you looked in a mirror? Ever? Do you see yourself? The Department of Treasury and the Federal Reserve does not print enough money for Halle Berry or any sane person to not only stomach that alien face of your, but put up with the bulls*t that speweth from your mouth. Seeing the video for the song “Playa’s Rock” is what first made me take notice of the bulls*t that is Hurricane Chris:

Everythang was cool we was feeling each otha

Chillin in the jacuzzi just water no bubbles

You know me I keep it gutta

Hit it until you studda

Then she got there asking me questions

Like she was undercover

Like who was that lil chick that I let ride up in my ride

I'm a pimp so it ain't nothing for me to think of a lie

But I'd rather keep it real

And tell her just how I feel

Looky here if you see with with anotha chick

Then it's just what it is

You ain't my main dame

I just beat you out the frame

Baby I'm hurricane

You gotta stay in yo lane

Stick to the script of a pimp

And follow my gutta rules

And I u feel like u wanna leave

Then do what you do

Baby u think I'm goin cry

Just becuz I lost you

Everytime I loose one

I bounce back with 2

How you think I got you

Somebody got laid off

I'm a pimp I pimp a chicken

Until she get plaid out

I can't even put the whole song because it makes me want to throw sh*t all around. Last time I did that in my office, my boss didn't really approve, so I'm trying to be cool. But,all I really wanna know is, what Pinocchio lied to the child and told him he was hot???? I blame the girls of Louisiana for gassing his head up to the point where he is just down right delusional. He ain’t even make the Top 10 MC’s list. Seriously, who’s checking for him???? iCan’t

Now this rant isn't by any means to imply that good looking rappers and big name rappers have any more right to talk sh*t about women on their tracks. But, to keep it all the way 100, I'd tolerate that sh*t a whole lot more coming out of Method Man's or Common's mouth. Why? because I can see why they'd be cocky like that. Yes, all people have different tastes as far as apearances, but knowing what I know, I can't see how ANYone would look at Hurricane Chris and thinks "Mmm, mmm, mmm... I needs me a peice of that!"...especially if he wasn't the semi-known rapper that he is and talking the bullsh*t that he talks on his records. I can definately see Meth and Common getting draws in the hood, even if they were working at UPS and driving Hondas. (mainly cause I'd be the main one supplying them with the drawers, but I digress.)

Next up...Mr. Ross are you serious?

Now ain't this 'bout a ...

Following are random babblings from an extremely drunk, fed up chick..... (Don't judge me fu**ers)...

Next month marks one full year since I began my relationship with "The Chief". Since then I have been dependent on others to get me lifted. First it was Mr. Big, then it was "OG"(whom I haven't spoken to or heard from since we had an incident back in May *tee hee* another day, another day...), occasionally it would be my partner-in-crime and then it was The Killer. Whomever it was that bought "The Chief" and I together, it was never me just going to my local corner pharmacist and getting it myself. Now that all of the previously mentioned people are either dead to me or determined to stay in the house until she cops a new whip (I hate her for that by the way), I am doomed to go without. Fu**ed up thing is, when I didn't partake, EVERYone around me did and I was always the odd man out. Now that I DO get down, it seems like those I surround myself with either have to stay clean for some job or are trying to be "responsible" WTF?! This brings me to my next point...

I'm a backwards ass.... When my friends were out wildin' a few years back, I was at home making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, having "movie nights" watching all four seasons of "Dinasaurs" and helping the kid with his homework. Now that I have myself an entire school year off (the kid is a few states away staying with his paternal grandparent - long story), I find myself left to pAAArty alone. Even my partner-in-crime who, despite having a child way earlier than I, had a moms who didn't mind being her enabler and damn near raising her daughter for her (again, a long story). Anyway, even she is now at home doing the single mom thing (now with a whole new second baby that needs her attention.) All I wanna know is, when the hell did everybody grow up??? Is it so wrong that I wish she would be an irresponsible, neglecting f**k up for just one more year so we can run the streets together??? I don't wanna always have to depend on my flavor of the month to keep my nights occupied.I wanna party with my girls (the other ones are working non stop and/or boo'd up or pregnant) Ugggh. We can never all be in sync. Ain't that some old bullsh*t?!?!?!? I've only got another two good years to blame my reckless behavior on my twenties and only one of those will be without my baby's ever-impressionable eyes a'watchin" lol I NEED TO BE GETTING IT IN DAMMIIT!!! Too bad I'm not a people person, I'd have me a whole new crew of young chicks with no responsibilities what so ever to help me drain the bars and tease the boys. Speaking of boys...

The Killer has lost his ever loving mind. He's losing focus, so I've been backing off to teach him a lesson. Once he notices, I'm sure he'll get it together... lol (ok, that was a joke, but , truth be told, dude is the sole reason why I'm 3 sheets to the wind right now. I'll supply details later...if things get better with us...if not, I'll just never mention his a*s again. *Kanye shrug* That's how it be's sometimes...which leaves me no choice but to recognize the fact that....

I've noticed that I only like a guy if I have to do the chasing. I've had three guys recently damn near profess their undying love to me and I kinda just gave them the gas face and laughed. I really need to get over this issue that I have. Like if a guys comes on extra strong, I automatically assume he's out to get me because (I guess) I don't think I'm worthy enough to have them genuinely want me that much? Which is really kinda weird considering I happen to be one of the most conceited people I know...weird...just one more thing to be worked out in therapy, I guess ( when I can afford it, that is). Which reminds me...

I got a raise at work...not what I asked for, but a raise nonetheless..so Whoohoo?!? I'd say I'm in what they call the "golden handcuffs". I want to leave (ONLY b/c this is not the field I want to work in and I see no real room for growth.The job itself is just fine tho), yet I make just enough to keep me satisfied plus its so damned convenient. I may stay until I'm done with my Masters. We'll see...

My urge to "Chief" was so strong earlier that I literally wanted to cry. CRY. I won't go so far as to say I'm an addicted, but damned if I ain't headed in that direction. And it's not just the "high" part that I wanted. I longed to lick the blunt wrapper and roll up...wtf??? I know... *hangs head in shame while looking out the corner of my eye to see if anyone pulls out a bag out of pity for me* Which brings me to my next point....

Drug dealers suck!!!. I'm just saying, if you gonna sell D. Ruggs then sell D. Ruggs dammit. So tired of all this "I don't sell after 8pm" or "Call me back at whatever time". N*gga, you are a drug dealer...deal the fu*king drugs already!!! Smch

I think I may finally be sleepy... thank you Paul Masson!

'Nite people!

C'mon son/Enigma drives these niggas crazy

I got the funniest voicemail ever from this dude on Saturday. I had given him my number over the summer only to learn that he in the halfway house and had been out on a weekend pass when we met. We'd first met in July and his release date was for early September. Needless to say, the conversation that revealed that little tidbit was the last one he had with me where there was not much 'tude radiating from the other end. Even after my attitude change, he proceeded to do his best to woo me. This included sending me love notes. *insert blank stare here*

These "love notes" were actually "poems" inspired by yours truly. Notice the use of those there (" '') thingies? Yea? Well that's because them damned things weren't no effing poems, they were just a bunch of words on a piece of paper. I know, who am I to critique the work of a true arteest, right? We'll I'll dig one up for ya'll so ya'll can see what I mean. One that comes to mind started with "When I wake up in a flirtatious mood, yada, yada, yada" Just wait and see...ya boy can write some fuckery.

Anyway, he has proven that he got jokes, mostly without him even trying. Did I mention that he rarely calls me by the (fake) name that I gave him? Nope, old boy prefers to instead call me his little "Strawberry Shortcake flavor of the month" or his "Caramel Delight flavor of the month" or "Insert name of gooey delicious dessert treat here" followed by....you guessed it..."flavor of the month". To make it worse, he always talks to me in the sing-songy, whispery voice that is just weird considering that he's the size of Shrek.

First of all, who the F**K wants to be referred to as any body's "flavor of the month"??? Second of all, who the f**k gave you my number....wait...what's that you say??? I did??? Oh ... well.... why the f**k do you insist on calling when I've made it quite obvious that my favorite daydream is that of an anvil dropping on your head right in the middle of you reciting your "poetry" ???? smch

Anyway, the day they release him, he calls me and says "Hey my little Butterscotch Krumket flavor of the month. I'm home ...so now we can be together." BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I proceeded to laugh so hard and so loudly that the poor guy had no choice but to hang up.

SMH.

I know, I'm a bitch, but I have never once denied this, in fact, I often brag about it, so there :-P

You would think that he'd get sick of my shit once he was out and the amount of panties to conquer was limitless, but no, he kept on trying with me. He would call randomly, and ask me to meet him somewhere and my response would always be "I can't, I just washed my hair". (Yes, I know in my profile it says I pride myself on being a good liar, and I am. However, he wasn't even worth me wasting the good lies on.)

Anyway, last Friday he called me while I was at work and said he would be in my neck of the woods after work and wanted to know if we could meet for a sec. Now, since I had told him during our first meeting that one of the dudes who was know on the inside and out in civilization for being balls out NUTS (and who he seemed to be afraid of) was like a brother to me, I in no way felt threatened by dude, so I told him sure. He was supposed to be meeting with his attorney so I told him to call me when he was leaving the attorney's office. Since it would be about a 30 minute drive, i figured this would give me enough time to get re-dressed since I usually come home from work and get naked and hang up my half-wig.

So later that evening, as I'm shooting the shit with one of my nieces, he calls and says he's around the corner. I hate when people don't listen, don't you? Anyway, after giving him the teeth sucking of a lifetime, I tell him I'll be over in a minute. Now, I know some of you may be wondering why I even bothered. Well, honestly, I wanted to see him again to see if he was worth me ever speaking to again. I mean, there was a reason why I'd given him my number in the first place, right? (You know, besides the fact that at the time I didn't know he was convict or a loon).

So I walk around the corner and I see this dude walking towards my hood. Screeeeech. Pump the brakes, homie!!! The place I'd told him to meet me was around the corner and THREE BLOCKS AWAY from my hood. WTF was he doing RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER????

And had the nerve to still be walking like he was coming TO my hood. As if that wasn't grounds enough for me to get Kaycee, the local crack head to f**k him up, dude had the audacity, the unmitigated gall to be wearing RED sweatpants, a white tee w/ a RED long john shirt half on and a RED wave cap to top it off....?? Did I mention that i live in the H O O D??? Now, I don't give a fuck about any colors but those of gummi bears (i prefer the green ones) and condoms (if you can't fit the one in the gold wrappers, I am not the girl for you), but I am quite certain of many dudes in my area that do care very much so about colors. And who the hell rocks red sweatpants anyway???

I walk up on him figuring I'll just turn him around. When he sees me, he opens his arms for a hug and me, always a sucker for a bear hug from an actual live bear gives him one. My nostrils were immediately assaulted and my tiny nose hairs singed from the stench of beer coming off this dude. It smelled as if he'd took a bath in about 40 tall cans of Coors Light and then splashed on the finest Miller Light cologne he could find. I immediately put my hands up to his chest to back him up. When I did this he said "Here you go with this dumb shit..!" to which I replied "Nigga what???" He kept on saying "Nothin" and walked a little passed me towards the direction I had just come from. I, still in shock over his smell, was still facing the opposite direction with my mouth open when i felt him mush my head ever so gently and mumble "Something something BITCH" as he crossed the street and walked back in the direction he'd come from.

Still in shock I laughed loud as hell and told him that he had 20 seconds before I yelled for the goon squad (who were just around the corner out of sight). He didn't say anything else or turn around but the sight of seeing his big ass imitating a crack head at 3 in the morning* with that extremely brisk walk he was doing was PRICELESS. I didn't even bother to call on my dudes because they tend to go hard just for the fun of it and I really don't need any felony murder or conspiracy charges on my plate right now.

You would think that that would be the end of it...but no...you'd be wrong.

He called me ten minutes later (I don't know how, but he was already at the train station that was at least 15-20 minutes away by car, 30-45 minutes away by bus). He apologized profusely to which I replied "Nigga you must be out you're rabbit ass mind if you think shit is sweet. Call my phone again and see what happens" and hung up**.

Think it ends there? You'd again be wrong.

SMH

This Saturday I get a letter from him apologizing again and asking that I forgive him and that he never meant for me to see his "dark" (read: drunk) side and that he doesn't want to make an enemy of me. Mmmm hmmm....

Later that day, I get a call from a number I don't recognize. I ignore it and send it to voicemail and forget about it until I go to lunch today. So as I'm waiting on my order from my favorite little taco cart full of Mexicans, I finally remember and listen to the voicemail. It's Six Four and HE"S SINGING. I don't recognize the lyrics until he gets to the chorus and sings ''Hellllllooooo? Is it meeee you're looking foooooooorrrrrr...?????"

ROTFLMMFBAO!!!!

So

many

questions!!

Like... Who does that????, what guy under 35 do you know that knows the actual lyrics to a friggin;' Lionel Richard song??? Why would THAT be the song that makes him think about ME??? Who's watching him??? What slacker ass cleared him for release back into civilization????

iCan't. iWon't. and Dammit, iShouldn'thaveto!!!!!

SMH

I can't make this stuff up, man.. C"MON SON!!!

*You ever see a crack head walking the streets in the wee hours of the morning? I have no idea why, by they walk extremely fast. Funniest sight ever! lol

**I received this phone call while in the presence of my niece who, no doubt , now thinks...excuse me...knows that her Auntie is a "G" lol

A Teenage Love Affair (The End)

In no time at all "Pookie" and I had ditched our significant others and were back on track and together. This time things were different. In our short time apart, I had changed, and because of that, we changed. For starters, I stopped bringing an entourage with me to visit and he stopped having his crew there when I arrived. We were spending way more time alone with one another, a privilege we had not been afforded often when we were together prior. We also began to spend more time on the phone. I guess you can say our love affair matured.

We spent the next nine months or so as a certified couple. We still hadn't had sex and it seemed like a non-issue. There was one time when we'd set up a day/time to make it happen, but I got held up doing family stuff and by the time I got there his house was crowded. Amazingly we never rescheduled. I said before that I never knew of him having a girl brsides me and this time around was no different. I would come up at random times and he'd always be where he was supposed to be, doing what he was supposed to do. There was never an instance that I can remember of another girl calling my phone or anything and he never seemed to be hiding me, nor did he ever tell me that I couldn't come up there.

This new "grown-up" relationship that we had also ment that I was forced to meet the rest of his family that he stayed with (besides Moonie). This included his female cousin, Dawn. Dawn was Moonie's sister and maybe just a year younger than he was. For some reason, she never really took to me. I used to joke with my friends that she treated me like she was jealous that I got "Pookie" and she was stuck just being his cousin. Looking back, I think perhaps Dominique was her friend and this is what led to her nastiness...? IDK and there's no way for me to find out now, so...fuck it.

Anywho, Dawn never outright came out and said she didn't like me, she would just do things like tell me he wasn't there (when he was) when I called for him. This would usually lead to him calling me back two seconds later asking if I'd just called there for him. Or she'd have a million things she needed "Pookie" to do while I was there, thereby making it impossible for us to be alone.

I tried not to let her shit get too me too much and eventually found ways to avoid her all together. I noticed that if I called and asked for "Moonie" first, she'd just give him the phone with no problem, I'd then have him give "Pookie" the phone. Of the drama of a teenage life... smh

About eight months after we'd gotten back together something in "us" changed to where I felt like I needed to "test" him. Looking back, it doesn't make sense to me, and I want to chalk it up to being young and dumb. I'll have to look at my early volumes of diaries to try to recall what happened to make me feel that I could no longer trust him. But in any case, like I said, I felt like his devotion to me needed to be tested. So, me being a dummy, had one of my friends call him and act like she liked him. She used a fake name and pretended to know him thru a friend that messed with a friend of his. Needless to say, the situation got way out of control. The girl that I'd gotten to call him turned out to be a snake and stole his number without my knowledge and would call him behind my back. This of course took a toll on our relationship because he never mentioned his "mystery caller" to me, so he got the perpatual side eye from me from then on. Now, I knew that he'd never met up with her or anything, but still...(according to her they were talking on a regular basis and never once did he mention that he had a girlfriend.)

Around the same time, I started spending more time with a guy from my class. We were only friends (he was like 5'2, about 75 lbs soaking wet and with rocks in his pocket and his breath smelled like ass--so trust-nothing at all was popping with him). Anywho, I never made it a point to hide my friendship with this guy from "Pookie"" as there was no need to. "Pookie" didn't agree and he'd catch an attitude anytime I mentioned that I'd stayed after school with the guy or went to the mall with him or anything.

One night "Pookie" had called me. He'd said that he was headed back outside to play dice, but wanted to call me before it had gotten too late. Somehow we started arguing. I remember it as the worst argument we'd ever had, but that could just be because...

Like I said, we started arguing. I now think that maybe 'Pookie" took his guilt over talking to his "mystery caller" behind my back and tried to project that on me and blamed his new attitude on the time I was spending with my guy friend. Anywho, we argued. The only thing I remember about the specifics of the argument was when "Pookie" said "Well, I know when you can start spending more time with him...when I hang up."

He hung up, and that was the last time I ever spoke to him.

One thing I remember from the next day was me sitting in my living room looking at the fish tank and being angry that he'd never called me the night before to apologize. I had named one of the fish after him and at that moment I was so hurt and angry that I wished the fish would die. Somehow in my 13 year old mind, seeing that fish dead would make me feel better.

That night I called his house and Dawn answered the phone. When I asked to speak to him, she said ""Ricky died last night". I hung up disgusted that she would go so far with her games and just figured I'd speak to him the following day.

The next morning, I stopped at the diner across the street from my school to get a toasted bagel with cream cheese and jelly. While I was there I also bought the local paper. There on the very first page was a story entitled. "Killed over $5 He Didn't Scam". I read the article as I walked up the block to the school's entrance. As I got closer, my partner-in-crime at the time was walking towards me. I watched as her face went from happy to worried to panicked as she watched me drop the paper and start crying hysterically. She helped me into the school as she yelled for one of our other friend's to get our (8th grade) teacher.

Ricky Bradlee (my "Pookie") was shot and killed within an hour after he'd hung up on me.

Drugs Are Bad

Some of my thoughts from the last 24 hours:

I should totally become the world's first African-America, female serial sniper. My goal is to get all of my exes by shooting them in just one nut. I'd also shoot a couple of random guys just so that the connection is not just on me. I won't kill anyone cause like Madea said, they give you too much time for that. But I'm seriously thinking that the thought of the no-gooders walking around with half their nutsack blown off would TOTALLY be worth serving a few consecutive attempted murder sentences. And as if to confirm that this is my destiny, while looking for a pic for the blog, I stumbled across this ^^^ pic. *purple is only my most favoritest color in the whole wide world!* It's a sign I tell ya....

For some reason I cannot stop thinking the work "Doppelganger". I don't know why, but the word pops in my head at the randomest times and I have no choice but to say it aloud whenever it happens...weird...

I realized I may take my need to know too far. Saturday as I was walking across the street on my block, a woman in a truck asked me for directions to our community center. I recognized her face and started to say 'Hey, what's up, Lu" until I remembered that she doesn't know me. In fact, the only way I know her is from doing some "investigating" on Mr. Big a few years back using the interwebs. She wouldn't know me from a can of paint. Oh what a dangerous tool this world wide web is ...smh

The Killer and I were "building" last night into this morning ( I have not slept AT ALL and I still came to work like a good little worker mule). Anywho, we were "building" and I let him in on my sniper plans. I also told him that if I live to be 80 than I'll start poisoning people around me with tainted cookies and kill my neighbors slowly or something, you know, just because. He, always the thinker, mentioned jail time and the possibility of me being raped. My response? "That makes it even better!! How else will I get young, rock hard dick as an eighty year old woman? I can go in there and smut up the joint real good for my final days. Yay! lol I love that he "gets me" and my sick ass sense of humor. But that;s probably because I get his. because he then informed me that would "most def" fuck and 80 yr old woman. Talkin' bout he'd call Hugh Hefner afterwards bragging like, "Yea, I'll be like I broke that bitch hip, son!!! When was that last time you broke a bitch hip from fucking her?!?!?!?"

We're sick, I know*

I'm thinking of changing my name to Angela and not telling anyone and just ignoring anyone that fails to call me by my new name.

I may have a death wish...I threatened to "stab the shit" out of The Killer TWICE last night/this morning. I also remember telling him (within the first two weeks of us kicking it) that he bought out a violent side of me that I didn't know I had and that I often envision myself capping him and watching his head recoil back in slow motion as a bloody tooth escaped from betwixt his lips. Last night he just mushed me and told me to shut up and grab his dick. (we laughed as I shrugged my shoulders, grabbed his dick and layed my head on his chest as we layed there and talked about how disrespectful Tupac was on his single "I Hit "em Up")

SMH

So dysfunctional....

*No 80 year old women were harmed in the writing of this blog

Introducing: "Pookie" (A Teenage Love affair) Pt. Deux

I would like to re-write history and say that it took me a long time to get over "Pookie", but that just wouldn't be right. In reality, more so than any other emotion, I can vividly recall the extreme anger I felt. I think the main reason for me not being sad per se was because he was honest with me. In fact, sad as it is, I think he was THE ONLY man to ever be straight up with me and tell me to my face that he was leaving me for another woman. All of the others lied until I caught them with their dick in the cookie jar. I still had my in-school boo and I adjusted to not walking those 20 blocks much sooner than I even thought I would. I think the hardest part was knowing that Kat was still going up there and trying to find things to occupy my time while she was gone. (because I REFUSED to go back up there and risk seeing him.)

A few months went by and in that time I met a new dude. He wasn't that cute and he was dumber than a box of marbles, but he had a car, and I had places to go, so we worked out well. I didn't feel bad for using him for his whip because I knew that he was only trying to use me for sex. I held him off for as long as I could until the little girl lost in me said 'What the fuck is the point of holding out???' so I slept with him, it sucked and I didn't do it again. It seemed like after I realized the dick was trash, not even his shiny white car could keep my attention focused on him anymore. I started plotting how I'd break up with him and end our 2 month "relationship".

As if on cue, I received a call out of the blue from "Pookie" on day. He said that he had badgered Kat for my number because he missed me so much and wanted to get back together. When I questioned him about Dominique, he said that she was in NY staying with relatives for the summer and that she "knew what time it was" and wasn't returning any of his calls because she knew he was ready to break up with her.

Uh oh.... five o'clock... you know what that means... *pshooooooom*

To be continued....

Introducing: "Pookie" (A Teenage Love affair)

When I was in the seventh grade, my best friend at the time. "Kat" (who was two yrs my senior) had just gotten re-acquainted with her estranged dad and discovered that she had an older sister that lived in the same city as us. Let me say here that I was about 4 months shy of turning 13 around this time. I had lost both my virginity and my dad within the previous year, just months apart (another story for another day) I hadn't had sex since my first time, but that didn't stop me from being a boy crazy, hot-tailed little girl. I'm the baby of the family and was a fairly good kid. My older sisters were all out on their own and doing their own thing and my mom saw this as her opportunity to take a rest since I required minimal guidance (or so it appeared). I was living the good life- my sister made sure I stayed fresh, had spending money in my pocket and saw the latest movies and my mom made sure my room was fully equipped and the envy of my less-fortunate friends. As long as my grades stayed above average and i made curfew (which I didn't always manage to do), my mom gave me little to no boundaries.

Anywho, Kat and Oldersister developed a relationship and before long "Kat" and I were taking the approximately 20 block walk from our hood to visit "Kat's" older sister. At first it was just because we didn't have anything else to do and we knew that Kat's older sister would entertain us with stories of her live-in boyfriend and his crazy as friends. But, after a few weeks of us taking that daily trek after school and on weekends, we discovered an even better reason to make that block our second home...those crazy ass friends!!!. When I tell you that group was a preteen, boy-crazy girl's dream, I tell you all no lie. There were about six of them total and they were fione in their own right.

Live-In (about 26)- This was older sister's boyfriend and babydaddy. He was a cutie, but obviously off limits and a real family man, so we didn't see him much so we'll by right pass him to his little brother...

GreenEyes (about 17-18) - GreenEyes was Live-In's younger brother that lived right next door with the rest of Live-In's family. There family rolled deep... I think they had about 6 younger siblings, all extremely light and all with those green eyes. GreenEyes was probably the finest out of the whole crazy ass crew but that nigga was nuts. He once threw one of our friends down a flight of stairs for no reason at all, and tried to push my off of the side of a porch one day. (I was saved by his best friend and my boo, but still, he tried!!!). I quickly learned to stay clear of him an my boo let it be known that I was off limits as far as his antics.

Pookie *this was my actual pet name for him at the time* (about 18-19)- He was GreenEyes' best friend and lived in the apartment right next to Oldersister and Live-In. He was brown skin, about 6ft and had the sexiest, juiciest lips my 12 year old eyes had ever seen. He was more laid back than the rest of the crew and that intrigued me. It was not unusual for him to sit on the porch and shake his head as his friends showed their asses all up and down the block. You could tell that he was more mature than the rest of them and that probably had alot to do with the things he'd been thru in his young life. a life I didn't know much about save the knowledge that he was living with his Aunt and cousins because he'd "gotten in trouble". On maybe my second or third trip up to the block with Kat, he let the others know that he had his eye on me and made it his mission to make me his. It didn't take long for him to succeed.

Mooney (about 16-17)- He was Pookie's cousin and the silly one of the bunch, probably b/c he was the youngest. Mooney looked like his dad was Native American or something, his skin was a beautiful red tinted brown and he had the softest curliest jet black hair I had every seen on a black man. If he was around then we knew it wouldn't be long before our stomachs and cheeks were hurting from laughing so much. He and "Kat" soon developed a romance.

Black (about 21-22??)- Black was the OG of the group and in my personal opinion the cutest. He didn't even live on the block anymore, but came around every once in awhile just to remind folks that it was still his hood. lol Whenever he came thru, he and Mooney would keep us in stitches

There were a few others that dwindled in and out, but that was the core group of guys that Kat and I had in mind as we walk those 20 or so blocks every day. For the most part it was just the two of us going up there, but we had a few other girlfriends who would join us every now and then hoping to snag an older boo of their own.

Pookie and I developed a "relationship" that lasted about 4 months before things fell apart. I put the word relationship in quotes because it really only consisted of me going up there daily to see him and us hugging and laughing and kissing and chilling for a few hours each day. If I didn't go up there, I didn't see him. We didn't talk on the phone and there was no way his old ass was coming near my hood where an adult might catch wind of our torrid love affair. Plus, I had my in-school boo and I'm almost positive that he had other chicks too. . . especially since he and I never had sex and he never made it much of an issue.

Everything was fine until I walked up there by myself to see him one day and he invited me into the house. This in itself was weird as usually we spent out time together in the park down the street because his house was always crowded. Anywho, I go into the bedroom and there's a girl sitting on his bed. He tells me to have a seat and proceeds to tell me that the girl is Dominique, his new girlfriend. He said she was "there for him" and that he was sorry, yada, yada, yada. I storm out and he follows me to the front door. He tries to stop me from leaving so that he can apologize. He tells me he didn't mean to hurt me. I ask him "How long?". He tells me "About two weeks". I roll my eyes and punch his chest. I had just seen him two days ago and he was all over me, telling me how much he cared. I say "Well I'm sure you could have did something besides hugging and kissing all over me" and I leave out, slamming the door behind me.

Little did I know that that would not be my last time seeing him...nor would it be my last time losing him...

To be continued....

iHeart Kanye {Messiness and All}

As unpopular as this statement may be today of all days, I totally stand by it. Was he wrong, out of line and just downright classless for shattering poor wittle Taylor’s first VMA acceptance speech? Absolutely. Was I surprised at such a move from him? NEGATIVE.

This is what the fuck he does. He does and says the things that people want but are too afraid (or classy/mature/sane) to do. I honestly can’t count the number of times I’ve been at home watching some bullshit go down on tv and think “Damn, I wish someone would go up there and snatch that mic (or flip a table or some other random act of tantrumy to protest an “injustice”)

Enter Yeezy.

He does it so I don’t have to.

I’m so confused as to how it is that this man could stand on live tv at the height of a national catastrophe and ride on the President of the United effing States and not receive as much as flack, but gets shunned for doing the same to a teenage country singer at a fucking music video award show. In both cases he was dead ass wrong and out of line, and yet the latter was what took it too far???? Huh? Where they do that at???

I’d be remiss to mention how some of my fairer-skinned counterparts took this as a prime example to take to the halls of twitterville to throw around the N-word all willy-nilly . I’d hate to even imply this…but it would APPEAR that SOME people look for ANY opportunity to use that word when it is at any other time unacceptable. Ijs ... one has to seriously wonder what the backlash would be if his target was say Fantasia instead of the chaste, virginal, Taylor Swift (who I happen to like as both a person(ality) and an artist, btw, so this has nothing to do with her personally)??? Would everyone still be so appalled and call for the man’s career to be over?? Eh.. who knows…maybe it isn’t a race thing at all…who knows...

And to those who say, "But blacks are appalled too" ... this is true. However, I just figure those blacks who are overly appalled and actually calling for people to stop supporting him are hypocrites. Why? Because these are probably the same people who cheered when he said "George Bush doesn't care about black people". So it's only ok for him to show his ass when you agree with him? Please. Get a grip. Messy is messy is messy. Period.

And when will someone wonder aloud how Yeezy got to even get on stage? (guess I just did, huh?). This man is known for wreaking havoc at award shows when shit don't go his way. Since "Love Lockdown" was nominated quite a number of times, you mean to tell me MTV didn't have not one Top Flight security guard waiting to shine a flashlight in his direction in case he moved from his seat? Yea, ok...

MTV had to have some inkling that Yeezy would act up, he's proven that he doesn't give a fuck 'bout their couch or their sponsors time and time again, has he not?

Plus, in his defense, that WAS some ‘ole bullshit. Lol I wanted to flip a chair over in protest of B getting jilted and I don’t even stan for her or know her like that. What if she was your peoples and got played?? I’m not saying he was right…I’m just saying I understand. If that had been my homie, I prolly would’ve acted a fool too… ESPECIALLY if I had a belly full of yak and was wearing a leather shirt in 90 degree weather.

What say you?

Introducing: "The Killer" (TK)

It is I folks, back and ready to spill some serious tea. First and foremost, thanks to everyone who responded to my last blog regarding the situation with my sister. After that email, she sent yet another where she took the situation WAY too far. I emailed her back privately and let her know that she'd won whatever war she was waging against me because I refuse to get that grimy with my own flesh and blood. She then apologized, but I didn't respond. I just don't see me getting over what she wrote and I'm ok with it. I haven't given it a second thought really. But she will be missed....

*dusts shoulders off*

Moving on...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------


I have a new boo.

*waits as the thunderous applause dies down from the crowd*

I met him a few weeks ago while out lunching with my ladies (read drinking with my homies). I must say, it was my most drunkenness moment of the entire summer. I had seen dude around our local haven of hedonism about two weekends in a row. My partner-in-crime knows him and would chit chat with him whenever we came out for air. (He always seemed to be outside). Anywho, this night in particular, I had already had 1 or 3 too many (yes, BEFORE we even hit the bar. Don't judge me. My Bday is in August and I GO HARD all month....even tho this was still JULY... but don't. judge.me!! lol). My girl had one of my hands and was leading me into the bar...(yes, i already needed an escort)... and we passed him. For some reason it was like I'd seen him for the very first time and I yelled "OOH HE'S CA-YUTE!!". Dumb loud and ghetto as all shit- totally out of my character. So loud that he heard me, locked eyes with me, then smiled and winked as my homie continued to pull me towards the bar. As this happened, my other homegirl who had been ahead of us heard me and said "Yea, and he has a BIG one."" I then turned back to him and said right in his face, "HE DOES?!?!?!?!?". Again, DUMB LOUD. SMH

*hangs head in shame while trying not to giggle*

So we go in, have some drinks and then come out for air. He sees me and comes over and kicks it with us and then he and I walk off and have a convo. Not sure what we talked about because I was already so gone, but I do remember him asking for and receiving my number.

Fast forward a few days and he calls to see if I'll be coming out, I decline. I knew I wanted him as my new booty call, but not so soon. Plus, according to my homie, he's a whore, so I really wasn't interested as much in the light of day as I had been that (drunken) night.

A few more days go by and he calls again. This time I accept his offer to come out for drinks and meet him at the local haven of hedonism for some shots. I had expected that the night would end with me bent over his couch instead it ended with us taking a long walk in the park, holding hands and talking about EVERYthing. At one point I told him to stop looking at me a certain way (all lovey dovey) and he asked why. I told him he was confusing me. he asked how so. I said "Because initially, I just wanted a new buck fuddy, but now I actually want to hear the thing you have to say". To which he replied that we'd both come into it with the same intentions, but that he too was (pleasantly) surprised by how things turned out and wanted to see where it would go.

I've spoken to and/or seen him everyday since.

All is not good in the hood tho, because even though the vibe is definitely there and our blossoming feelings are definitely mutual, there is SOOOO much shit with him.

For starters, he is the sole reason why I am no long a "recovering" thug addict and have officially fallen off the wagon. It's like I went into rehab for weed, came out cured just to start a heroin addiction. SMH Dude is a thug indeed, he even has the tat across his abs a'la Tupac (whom he favors heavily)

Besides being a certified cutie, he is incredibly attentive to my needs. All I have to do is think it and he's already doing it. If I think, "I am so fucking thirsty!!!", I look up and he's handing me a cool refreshing beverage. At first I thought it was a fluke, but he has yet to NOT do this.

Also, he takes care of me. Not monetarily speaking necessarily, but in general. He makes sure I'm ok. I can go as far as to say that if I was stranded on a deserted island with him, I would break a sweat because I'd know he'd make sure I survived and was ok. He gives me an overwhelming sense of security that I have NEVER had before in ANY relationship (friends, family and lovers)

In fact, if I am to go by Dr. Steve Harvey's ...huh? what's that you say? Steve Harvey ISN"T a doctor??? Oh, well, if I go by what Steve says about the 3 P's of a man's love. Dude is on point.

He professes: He sees me in his future. There's no doubt about this as he tells me constantly. There was even an instance where he was telling his dude how I had him thrown. And I quote " I'm thinking she's the truth, my dude, she could . She's keeping me out of trouble because I'd rather be in here chilling with her than in the streets. And even when i am out there, I'm busy thinking about shorty and what she doing." Plus, it doesn't hurt that I've met his mom (who made it a point to tell me how major that alone is, as well as a couple of his sisters and brothers (his family is HUGE) and he even trusted me to look after one of his beloved dogs.

He protects: Let's just say Lucifer will watch how he speaks to me on the phone form now on, solely do to new dude.

He provides: He has made it quite clear that if I need it, he's got it, and he's more than willing to share it. I've yet to accept, but I know the offer is there.


But, I must admit, iPause at the fact that out relationship has already gone beyond just sex as was my initial intentions. I've given two of my girlfriends the contingency plan for when it all falls down with him: One is to drink with me until I can't even muster the energy to say "when", and the other will rub my hair as I lay on her lap and cry my heart out. I've already fallen too far, too soon and I feel like I have no control over slowing it down. And honestly, I don't want to slow it down. I want to just "coast with it" and hope it comes out ok.

But, his lifestyle....he's almost too much thug for me....

Plus, he and I have a connection that we discovered about 3 weeks ago. I'm not ready to say what it is, but I will say that he has had a direct affect on my life from my teens to adulthood, as well as how I have behaved with every boyfriend I have had since i was 13. Ironically enough, he is the reason why iPause at dealing with him due to his lifestyle because of things I've experience in my past (due to him) that I don't want to experience again.

I had to make a decision as to whether I would deal with him at all because of our connection. Clearly, i decided to continue our love affair, but I made a deal with myself that I would only do so if I thought we had a future together. I can't have a superficial relationship with him. iCan't. So, we have decided to ride it out, and give our all.

*sigh*

Yet another factor, he told me that his sister has a house in Hawaii that she wants him to come and look after. He told her that he would have an answer by the end of the summer. About a week after we met, he told me about it and said he would love to be able to bring a lady with him and wondered if i would come if we had progressed by then. Amazingly, I didn't hesitate before I said "Yes". (huh?) Yea. Well, summer is almost over. He hasn't decided if he's going or not, but he made it clear that wherever he goes, I have an invite and a ticket to join him. I told him I'd go with him to Hawaii if he gave me an open-ended return ticket home. He agreed and asked about my son and would it be a problem for me to bring him with us (my son is with his dad for the next school year) I said I wouldn't bring my son initially, but that I'd send for him when I felt we as a couple were stable enough. (Did I mention that he has already met my son? I showed him a pic and he insisted that he'd seen him before. Since my baby has always been only with me or family, I narrowed it down to his Great Aunt's house who used to babysit. Apparently new dude used to date the great aunt's daughter a few years back and remembers my son being there when he visited. Knew his name and everything without me telling him and said, "That's a cool ass kid you got there" )

*swoons/sighs*

We'll see where this goes...


BTW... his name, for blog purposes, is The Killer (TK)...I have my reasons...