Talk about a bad habit....

Yea so, I had the PLEASURE of seeing "Obama" last night. Let's just say I'll be having alot of flashbacks similar to this*:

....Including  Carrie's "D'oh!" moment at the end.

*sighs*

If ever there was a time to get a sex session on film.... SMH...I can't even...mmm...mmm...mmm......

Introducing: "The Boyfriend" {Pt. Deux}

After he has my number stored in his phone, he gives my phone back to me, tells me he'll text me in 10 minutes and peels off, busts a uwey and speeds in the opposite direction. I just stand there annoyed that he managed to do it to me again. Fifteen minutes later, I'm sitting on the bus and I get a text that reads, "So when are you going to let me lick you". I suck my teeth b/c I know that he means lick my face and not anywhere interesting and so  I text him back, "See?? Childish shit like this is the reason why you didn't have my new number. Please stop wasting my unlimited texts with this juvenile bullshit!!!"

We honestly go back and forth texting like this for a few days. Him asking to see me or asking why I stopped calling and me reminding him in great detail why I'm not beat. After about a week of this he calls and tells me that he likes me and yada, yada, yada but I wouldn't sleep with him so he never put real effort into getting me. What kind of high school shit is that??? Uh...duh...ever think that you not making any real effort is why I have no interest in sleeping with you??? 'Ole backwards as nicca. Smch

Anyway, we'd go out a few times after that, but I was so caught up in TK* that I henstly didn't study 'Boyfriend" to much. He became my boyfriend one day while we were on the phone and he was running on and on about...well..I don't really remember b/c I wasn't listening "shrug". But anyway, I cut him off and told him that if he expected me to sit and listen to him bitch and moan about every little thing that went wrong in his everyday life, he would have to be my boyfriend. I also told him that I would from then on introduce myself as his girlfriend to anyone he introduced me too and get just as crazy as a girlfriend would should he do any thing I deemed unboyfriend like. He obliged.

He also started to act like an actual boyfriend for a few weeks there..until...The Facebook Fiasco. SMH

*sighs*

Now, "Boyfriend" and I had actually become facebook friends about two weeks after I saw him that day by the bus stop. The first time I go to look at his page I see that he is listed as "In a Relationship" with some young looking girl named Nataya. So, being that he always up in my grill, I question him about it. He tells me that he doesn't mess with her anymore but he doesn't know how to take it down so he gotta wait for his cousin to come do it, yada, yada, yada. I see it for what it is (a bunch of bullshit) but I don't really care seeing as how at this time"TK" and I are still soaking up the sheets something proper. So I drop it and less than a week later he takes his relationshp status down completely. I guess he assumed that I would take this as confirmation that he and old girl weren't together anymore. Silly boy...the fact that he took it down completely let me know they were still together, otherwise he would have listed his status as "single". But, I let him think he got that one. As the weeks go on, he's really getting into this whole "boyfriend" role: sending me texts telling me he loves me misses me, is thinking about me, blah, blah, blah.

Around this time is when I decided that I would stop dealing with "TK's" lying ass and become an evil vixen, so I turn my evil on and start to facebook flirt with him. He facebook flirts back and I start to think maybe he did stop messing with her after all since he doesn't seem to be afraid of the fact that we can both see each other on his page. Turns out, he was just stupid and didn't think that far in advance. So sad... I send him a notification to list the two of us in a relationship as a test and he drags his ass accepting it.

While perusing his page one day, I notice that Nataya has left comments on some of his threads that would make it seem as if they were still together, or, at the very least still cool. For instance, there was a comment some chick left on one of his pics that said how sexy he looked. Right underneath that was a comment from Nataya (The "ex") saying for 'Boyfriend" to "check his groupies". Both comments were left after I told him he was my boyfriend and waaay after the two of them had allegedly broken up mind you.

Now, a few weeks prior, we were arguing over him not getting the drawers and we were saying we should just call the whole thing off and he told me "I'll just go back to my ex that never did anything to me and that I left to see what was up with you". Ok, so if you and this girl were just fine until one day you broke up with her unexpectedely, why is she still so ok with it that 1- she's still your friend on facebook and 2- she's stilll leaving comments as if she loves you? Shouldn't her face still be somewhere buried in a pillow with tears flowing from her eyes? And didn't you tell me before that ya'll had been broken up before we even started to speak again so how did you leave her for me??? Anyway, I keep all of this to myself and secretly plot to bring him down. I learned along time ago to not let the enemy know all that I know or my next move.

So he tells me about a trip he had planned already to the Poconos and asks me to come. I decline (like he knew I would). I don't hear from him from Friday when he left until the Sunday when he gets back. He tells me he didn't get service up there and, on top of that, he forgot his phone charger at home so his battery died. Smch Yea, whatever nicca.

He gets back and he has a trip planned for the following weekend as well. (all of these plans were made months in advance) so his week is spent getting prepared for the cruise. I see him here and there. He leaves on Friday (the same night that I was chillin with Obama (click the link if u missed that) so I didn't get to see him before he left. He calls me Saturday  and we talk and he tells me how mad he is that he didn't have time to see me all week and that when he gets back I'm staying with him. *blank stare/yawn* . Anyway, I go on facebook after we get off the phone and see that his "ex" has written, "FU!!!! And I'm so serious!" on his wall. I call him back and ask why shorty is mad. He says, "I don't know and I don't give a fuck!". He says it with such conviction and a bass in his voice that I didn't even know he had, that I drop it. I check again about an hour later and see that she has now written, "I love you MORE!!!". I hit the "like" button and send him a text that says,  "I see you still on your bullshit. You can play those games without me. No need to respond. Dueces."

The next morning I get to work and see that 'Boyfriend's" "ex" has sent me a friend request on facebook.....

To be continued....

P.s- What does that pic have to do with the story? That is Motomoto form Madagascar 2. "Boyfriend" remind me of him- Big and Sexy. lol I actually called him Moto as a pet name at the height of our "relationship"

*He called me from a blocked number about a week ago talmbout, "What up" like shit was sweet. When I didn't give him the enthusiasm I guess he'd become accustomed to, he told me he'd call me back. Haven't heard from him since...

Introducing: "The Boyfriend"

So remember that part in the movie "Norbit" when Resputia and Norbit first met and she was like, 'You got a boyfriend, Norbit? Well, you do now!!"" Yea, that's pretty much what I did to "Boyfriend". Not because he was so great and I wanted him on my team, but because I had known him for years and he never made a move and I got tired of him wasting my time. Let me start from the beginning...

It was December of 2005 or 2006 and my son was in NC with his sperm donor for the Christmas break*. I was walking to get me something to eat one night and I heard a car horn honking. Not to be conceited, but I'm used to this and I usually just ignore whatever rude ass is honking for my attention like I'm some street walking hooker. This guy takes my ignoring him as a sign that he should stick his head out the window and tell me how good I look. I keep walking and pay him no mind. He drives about a block ahead of me, stops his car (in the middle of the street), gets out with his cell in his hand and yells to me that he's not moving until I give him my number and it better be the right one (his exact words). Now, I've always been the type to try my best to avoid scenes, I hate for people to look at me so you'll rarely catch me yelling in public or doing something that would draw eyes to me. So please believe him doing this mortified me to no end...there were at least three cars behind him that couldn't go around him because of oncoming traffic in the other lane. So, I gave him my number and he stood there and did not move his car until he dialed my cell and saw that the number was valid. Yes, I got jacked for my number and amazingly it was not his last time doing this...

Anywho, he and I started to speak on the phone and I got the impression that he was an MOB (money over bitches) kinda dude. He was always "working"** and didn't really seem interested in spending anytime getting to know me, despite the fact that we would sometimes spend hours on the phone. Somehow he became a constant figure in my life despite me seeing him only sporadically. And usually when I did see him it would be him calling to see if I was home because he was around my block. I'd then go downstairs and either sit in the car with him and shoot the shit for a little while (if my son was asleep) or just stand at my front door so he could get a quick hug or something. He wasn't allowed in my house because I didn't want him meeting my son.

He always seemed extremely young minded to me despite being just one year my junior. Sure he had money and cars and all of that, so financially he was mature, but emotionally ...well...he was kind of retarded in that area. I got the feeling that I intimidated him and that made me self-conscious. He would always compliment me on how pretty I was but it always sounded more like an accusation than a compliment: "Yo! You are so fucking pretty!" . He won me over one day when were on the phone a little after midnight and he was around a bunch of his friends with a shitload of noise in the background. He was saying how he was so busy and didn't have a moment to himself and I was like, "We'll you need to find time to come give me a hug." I'd had a rough day and I really did need a hug, but I was just bullshitting when I said it to him, figuring that there was no way he come- especially considering that at the time we were talking he was two cities and at least 30 minutes away. So, to make my demand even more outlandish, I said "Yea, come give me a hug...and bring me a pint of Shrimp Lo Mein w/ extra veggies...and extra soy sauce..ooh..and a twix..ooh ooh and a quart of milk for my son's breakfast in the morning....oh yea and a pepsi- bottle not canned..." Just to be funny. I honestly thought that with all the noise in the back and him carrying on at least two other convos, he wouldn't even hear me, much less oblige. To my surprise, he called me about 45 minutes later and told me to come outside. As soon as I opened the door, he grabbed my in his arms and gave me the longest, strongest hug he had ever given me., Then, before I could say anything he handed me a bag with everything I'd asked for in it. Silly as it seems, that right there let me know that I just may have pegged him wrong and perhaps he wasn't all "money over broads" after all.

We went on like this for a few months and in that time he got more comfortable with touching me. (this was at least a year into us knowing one another. We'd never had sex and he really never acted like it was something he wanted to do). I would get mad because he would hug me and then try to lick my face. It was like a joke to him, but it grossed me out and we'd stop talking for months on end after that. Petty, I know, but it REALLY grossed me out and I'd asked him repeatedly not to do it. Plus, it was creepy. *shivers* And every time he did it was if he’d only done it because he couldn’t stop himself. He always said that I did “something weird to him”.

During one of our stints of not talking, he called me (after 3-4 months) and let me know that he would be going "away"*** for a year or so. He and I started talking again casually and I found out he had a girlfriend. If memory serves me correctly, I think his daughter's mother (they weren't together) had called my phone and tried to start some fuckery thinking that I was his girlfriend, "Keisha". Now, it wasn't the fact that he was seeing someone that bothered me; it was that I felt bamboozled somehow because he never struck me as the have-a-girlfriend type. He just always seemed so...high school. As if he and all of his stupid ass friends thought girls were icky. *shrugs*

Anyway, he "went away" and we'd write letters to one another. In one of the letters I let him know how I felt about him having a girl and that I was confused as to what I was in his life for. He then let me know about all of these "feelings" he had for me, despite the fact that the two of them were still together. Somehow, he managed to get some sort of work release thing where he was able to leave the cage and go to work during the day. He also managed to have access to a car to do this and started to pick me up from work and take me to me to get my son through the week. I remember me starting a bunch of "where is this going?" conversations with him that led no where. After awhile, Mr. Big came back into the picture and I stopped being beat to play with him so we lost contact. I had seen him around and whenever he'd ask for my number I'd go into a big spiel about him wasting my time and it usually ended with us leaving without exchanging contact info again.

I think I went about a year without seeing him until the end of last year when my son and I were walking to the bus stop one morning and I heard a horn honking as we crossed the street. As usual, I ignored it until I heard a man's voice call my name. I turned around and in the driver's seat of one of those vans that pick up and drop off the elderly and disabled to their doctors was "Boyfriend". I was actually pleasantly surprised to see him. Since I was in a rush to catch our bus, I gave him my new number (I change cell numbers quite often). He called me about 20 minutes later and we got caught up. We started talking regularly again and I told him as often as I could that I would not be letting him waste my time this go around. We went out to dinner and movies a few times, and I even decided that he could actually come in my house and chill every now and then. Even still, I noticed that he seemed to have very little time for me. So, when I moved out of my apartment in May and changed all of my numbers, he was one of the people that didn't make the cut and I virtually dropped off the face of the Earth to him.

Come to think of it, the specific thing that solidified me not keeping him around was a convo we'd had. He had told me when we started talking again that he was looking for a new apartment. Then he didn’t mention it again until a few months later when out of no where, he told me he'd moved into the apartment building on the corner of my block. At first I thought he was bullshittng, but he kept saying how he needed to clean the place up so that he could move his stuff in and would I come up the block some time that weekend to help him and he was very convincing. The convo about his apartment lasted about an hour… just for him to then tell me that he was just joking and was still looking for an apartment. What?!?!? You mean you wasted my time again??? A whole conversation about a lie?? Are you kidding me? Who does that??? So yea, that was the main reason he didn't make the cut when I moved.

Fast forward to early July of this year, I'm at the bus stop and this baby blue Benz stops in front of me. I ignore it and after awhile, the passenger side winow rolls down and lo and behold, it's "Boyfriend" (usually he drives a black Acura, I still have no clue how many/ and what kind of cars he has total). Anyway, the first words out his mouth are "I've been looking all over for you!" Knowing that he knows where my mom lives and that I was just a few blocks away from her house (since this is where I moved to), I was immediately creeped out. Was this motherfreaker just driving around aimlessly looking for me???? At this point I was standing near the passenger side door as we were talking and I'd had my phone in my hand. Somehow along our convo-which consisted mainly of him asking why I dropped off radar and me telling him all the ways he'd wasted my time- I'd rested my arms on the door. Before I could even realize it, he had snatched my phone out of my hand and was dialing his number from my phone so that he could have my new number. Dammit, jacked again...!!!!

To be continued....

* (I know it seems as if I never have my son, but that's the farthest thing from the truth. Fact of the matter is, his donor is a waste of the skin that covers his body but that's another blog...)

**Yes, drugs.

***Yes, jail.

Pieces of Me

First things first, as you can see I made some changes to the place. After my recent discovery of how trifling I've become my newfound independence from expectations, I realized I’m feeling less cute, giggly girl and more sexy, seductive woman. So I kinda wanted my blog to have a black lacquer, glass, leather, bachelorette vibe, and less of a cozy bubblegum one, feel me? Hope you guys likey…

Moving on…

So when I started this blog, I knew that one of the main things I wanted to do on here was to finally acknowledge the ambiguity that is me. I am such a walking contradiction that it even amazes me sometimes. Like everyone else, I have so many hats that I wear on a daily basis. As the youngest of four daughters, with the closest in age being 9yrs my senior, I am the perpetual baby of my family. Growing up it was if I had four moms instead of a mom and 3 sisters. By the time I was in 4th or 5th grade they were all living on their own and doing their own thing, so it was just me, my mom and my step dad. This left me virtually up to my own devices since my mom was pretty much done with the whole “mothering” thing after my sisters. Hell, she had my oldest sister when she was 17, so I can kinda understand her saying fuck it  being less hands on with me. I learned early on that as long as I did what I was supposed to: made good grades, respected my elders, didn't walk around acting like a hood rat, etc, I could basically do whatever  pleased.

One would think that my older, wiser sisters would see this and come in and pick up some of the slack. Nope. They were busy running the streets starting careers and families of their own. Now, don't get me wrong, the sister closest to me in age, "Kim" was around..hell her and my oldest kinda took turns moving back home whenever things got too tough in the real world. But anyway, yea, Kim was around, but her job was to spoil me. She made sure I saw all the latest movies, had spending money and name brand bags. But the whole woman-to-woman talk stuff...yea, never got any of that. In fact, to this day I don't talk to my sisters about sex and I give 'Kim" the look whenever she talks about her and her husband. Yes, our relationship has gone from little sister/big sister to a more adult relationship but...well...she ain't ready. I keep telling her, if you keep trying to tell me abuot your sex life, I promise you I'll tell you about mine and I doubt if you really wanna know that much about me. lol

But yea, I don’t talk to my sisters about my dating life at all and I have an unspoken understanding with them that my outside life is what it is and what it is is none of their beeswax. I also don’t curse around them (or my mom of course) despite the fact that I have one of the foulest mouths EVER. I lost it in front of "Kim" and my mom one time while I was cursing out my sister's babydaddy's mother when I was 17 (another story for another day), so they know what I'm capable of, but I feel as if speaking to them like I do my friends would be disrespectful, no matter how old I am. I feel this changing VERY soon, but for now, 'tis what it is.

I say all of that to say that this Enigma that you guys get a glimpse of is me at my rawest. Lately I have noticed that *insert government name here* and Enigma are becoming the same person and I am loving it.

I'm finally moving away from what is "safe: and exploring a more adventurous life that I'd previously been too "good" to partake in. Prime example, being the uber girlie-girl that I am, I have a standing appointment with Tony Li to get my nails and my toeses did. Usually, I'm a french tip girl all the way. But the last time I went in, I got a purple solar stone set on my nails and then this past weekend I went back and decided that my toes were feeling more hot pink and less french:

Ain't they sparkly???

Everything real, I only got this color on my toes b/c it's winter and my feet stay covered.

 I doubt that even the wild and crazy free me would do this in the flip-flop wearing summer. lol And yes, the fact that they don't match is yet another "new" for me.

*Follow me on Twitter:  www.twitter.com/enigmawho

Sooo... I'm on Twitter now...

Care to "follow" me?

http://twitter.com/Enigmawho ....You're ALL invited!!!

Chow for now...some blogs to come later...

Oh yea...

I just wanna say...I see that I now have 25 followers...I remember when I only had 3...so yea...for the record...I like, I appreciate ya'll and shit...even if most most of ya'll fuckers don't comment. :)

Introducing: The High School Sweetie

So yesterday on facebook I had the pleasure of chatting with my highschool sweetheart who is now a "saved man". He's married with a kabillion kids now, but just a litle less than a year ago he was sniffing around talmbout he was divorced from his wife, wanted to give us another chance, yada yada, yada.  I guess I didn't show as much enthusiasm about rekindling a relationship that had been over for more than a decade, so he got mad and stopped calling. He and his wife "remarried" in Septmember. But I have serious doubts that they ever even seperated. He was just missing me and tryna get the drawers so he said what he thought would work. What he failed to realize is that I'm only a slut when I want to be and that's usualy when I'm penis-deprived for a certain amount of time and steller penis is made aavailable. Then I let my freak flag wave. But, since I didn't not recall him making the Top Five (Dead or Alive) list of past lovers, I wasn't really beat. Plus, I was too mature for him when I was 16 and he was 19, and rom the convos we'd had it didn't appear that much had changed. But, despite that, I was prepared to be friends with him, especially since our communication has been very spotty in the last few years. That was mainly due to the fact that he felt as if I wasn't supposed too have a baby by anyone other than him. This despite the fact that he and I broke up when I was 17 and I didn't have my son until I was 21. But whatever.

Anyway, he and I got into a convo about church and it was quite interesting. It is my belief that if you remove the bible from the equation, many Christians lose their argument. I'll probably get into that more in a future post. But I just realized I'm tired. So until the next time....

I rocks with "Obama" but I ain't no politician

Yesterday I finally chilled with Obama after bullshitting on meeting up with him for like two weeks straight. We didn't have any set plans ..more like we agreed to meet up and take it from there, but we knew drinking and chiefing would be involved. So he comes to get me and lees than twenty minutes later his sister calls him to come get her and his niece from across town. He has her on speaker as he tells her that he has his friend, a girl, in the car already. I hold my breath for her to say something slick but she doesn't. He agrees to come get her and we drive that way.

For the whole ride my stomach is in knots because I absolutely HATE meeting the chicks of the family of a guy I'm just fucking with on a superficial level. I always expect there to be attitude coming from them. So we go get them and as we're waiting for his sister and niece to come downstairs he tells me how close they are and even shows me that in his phone, his sister is listed as "Wifey". Now I'm really feeling anxious like damn...this chick gonna get in here and be on some other shit since I'm some random chick that she's never heard about before and he's damn near her man.

Anyway, they get in the car and his neice is like 16 yrs old, oh great, she prolly some sassy ass too, I think. He introduces us and everything is cool. I'm thinking to myself, "Ok, I can get through this little ten minute ride back to her crib." Well the tee hee hee is on me as somehow along the ride to drop them off, they come up with the brilliant idea that we're all gonna stop at the liquor store, get a big bottle of Pinnacle vodka (great stuff btw) and some chief and chill at her house for a minute. Ok...whatever...I prepare myself for the bullshit to come.

We get in and I see his sister is the true definition of hood chick*...she's like 30...with a 16 yr old daughter...an eyebrow piercing, the half shave hair-do..tatoos...alladat. But, much to my surprise, she is cool as hell!!! The whole time I'm there people are dropping in from next door, her dude comes by and sits and drinks with us, the weed man** comes by to drop off our shit and stays to chief with us..we start talking about Chris Brown/ Rhianna and I'm really enjoying myself. Obama and I are flirting and I'm remembering why I liked him so much, even though he and I never chilled in a public setting before, but I'm liking seeing this side of him. The sister's next door neighbor is this 18 yr old Puerto Rican kid who just got home from doing a couple of months and I can tell that he really looks up to Obama..(both figuratively and literally seeing as how Obama is like 6"6). As dude is talking he mentions how he really wishes he was home to go to Obama's baby shower. I hear this and look at Obama who is in the midst of rolling an el and refuses to look up and lock eyes with me. I make a mental note to dig into that topic with him later. Then his sister gets back from changing her clothes and we all start talking and she mentions in passing him having a baby on the way, but she says it like a question like, "You know he has a baby on the way, right?" and points to him as she says it. She doesn't do this in way as if she's ratting on him or trying to play me, more like she was in the middle of telling the story (of how she's trying to stay out of trouble and is much calmer than she used to be otherwise she'd fuck his babymomma to be up daily).I tell her, "No, I didn't know that but I'm gonna talk to him about that later" and I give him the side eye. He just smiles his Obama smile and the convo goes on.

A few hours go by and we leave out to drop his sister at this card game, he and I decide not to go in since neither one of us are gamblers and we drive around and talk. All nite I had been pretty much threatening him that we were beefing, so he knew I would have some shit to get off my chest. Now the issue with him having a child on the way is that he and I discussed the fact that he still didn't have children and he said something to the affect of nah, not yet and mentioned that he was waiting on the right person. Tchnically he didn't lie (unless you want to call it lying by omission, which I do) but there were plenty of times to mention his child to me...especially since she is set to arrive into the world in less than three weeks. He said he was gonna tell me when we saw each other, he just didn't have a chance since we hadn't really been alone all night. As we talk I also learn that he lives with the mother-to-be. Ok, I get it set in my head that we'll just be cool and chill...especially since I wasn't interested in a actually sleeping with him again...that is..until we were parked outside my house and he brushed the air out of my face and traced my collar bone with his fingers and then I remembered my favoritest part about him..he is a fantabulous kisser. So...we ended up making out in his car. :/

He called me this morning to make sure I was ok (I had told him last night that vodka gives me a hangover the next morning) and we made plans to meet up. Yea, I know...as a member of the she woman man haters club I should leave that man be and make him go home to his pregnant girlfriend during the times that he's trying to spend with me...but you know what, I won't. *shrugs*

I won't sleep with him (because I have no desire to) but I will chill with him and I will kiss him and let him feel me up from time to time if the mood so hits me. I'm learning how to date without putting all of my eggs into one basket and this will do just fine for me. Especially since I have a boyfriend now (that will probably be the next post b/c I've gotta get dressed to take my niece to the movies).

But yea, I'll still mess with him. and the beautiful part is that now I have a valid excuse for being a total cock tease, without having to tell him that he sucks in bed. So win, win for me. Plus, since I know what it is from the door, he doesn't have to worry about me blowing up his spot with his girl. Win win for everyone (except his girl, but him not spending the times with me does not mean he'd necessarily be home with her so whatever)

Ta ta for now...

*I have a friend that I'll call Brooklyn being as that is where he is from...anyway he and I have been knowing each other for a few years now and we have a homie/lover/friend relationship/ I told him that b4 I ever get married I need to have a threesome and he will be the due, so we both tend to let each other know when we stumble upon a chick that would suit both out fancies to round out our threesome. As I was sitting next to Obama at sister's house, Brooklyn text me to see what I was up to and I let him know I had a new girl crus and that even though she was hood, she was thick and she was bad (not bad meaning bad but bad meaning good ha ha ). He asked me to send a pic but, duh, I couldn't do that. Now I'm wondering how I can get Obama's sister to be in a threesome with me and my dude without her brother finding out. SMH

**Speaking of the wed man...this nigga started talking and in the midst of my own high I thought he was getting amped for a party he was going to ...and he was saying how he'd just popped and E pill and had had some Remy and was feeling ready to pop something... I thought he was talking about smashing some chick...but...when I zoned in and actually listened to what he was saying...this nigga wsa talking about going to look for some dude iwho had did something to his boy so they coiud kill him.WTF...he blew everybody high and then left. I could feel the hole room breath a sigh of relief when that door closed behind him.

SMH

Mi Vida LOCA!!!!!!!!

Fin.

So "The Killer" and I are done. I saw him yesterday and he lied to me about something really minor. I'm old enough and wise enough to know that when dudes lie about minor shit, it's usually to cover up major shit. I don't have the time, energy or patience.

Him lying in conjunction with how "us" have been lately ...yea, I'm deciding to throw in the towel now- when I'm confident I can do so without breaking down from it. I can get over him quick right now because shit's been off for a few weeks anyway and I've been putting the ice blocks around my heart(that he'd melted) back up slowly since it started mentally preparing to have to get over him. The fortress is almost fully rebuilt, my friends, let us rejoice and be glad in it.

There's no doubt in my mind that there's someone else, and I'm not sitting around while he plays us both. Nope, she wins the loser, not I. What was the lie you ask? He popped up with a new car out of nowhere...then proceeded to wash and wax that bitch with me sitting in it. One thing "The Killer" is definitely not is anyone's stunt dummy so I knew it wasn't "his boy's" as he had told me the night before when he'd said he'd come get me and I declined. I asked him who's car it was this time (assuming it was the same car from the night before, "his boys'" and he instead said it was a rental. Ummm....rental car keys don't usually have price cards for Stop and Shop and Shoprite on the keyring. Fuck I look like believing that bullshit??? Further investigation revealed a registration with a chick's name on it. A name that I'd heard in passing before while he and I were on the phone and one of his nephews asked him where Prada (his dog) was. He responded at "N***'s house". I ignored it then because N*** could have been a number of females in his family. And, to be all the way real , he was never my man, nr I his girl and if we started sharing stories of how many other people we were dealing with besides each other, I'm sure my numbers would have matched his. *kanye shrug* Hey, we were never a couple.

But if that was the case, and N*** was a family member (as I'd assumed originally), why blatantly lie to my face??? So after I see the registration, I ask him how long he's had the "rental" he tells me a few days and he and his brother have been sharing it...and he has it until Tuesday or Wednesday....oh so you just gonna keep on lying right to my face, huh? Ok, cool.

I let him know that I wasn't buying it and he tried to flip shit and get mad on some "If it was some chick car I'd just tell you blah blah bah." Whoa...who said anything about a chick? lol Dude, please stop trying to convince yourself that you're "that Dude". You know, the guy that will tell chicks shit straight up because he knows he's doing shit on the up and up and he's not trying to play with any one's feelings. You. Are. Not. Him. You are a snake. Period.

I can't be with someone that can look me dead in my eye and lie to me. Crazy thing is, it's not the being lied to part that fucks with me as much as it the insulting my intelligence part. Don't do that. Two things I've never been called in my entire life is stupid and ugly. Please don't take my intelligence for granted and please don't have me waste my pretty on you. I'm done letting "The Killer" do both.

On to the next one.

Sorry boys, the bitch is back.

Coming up...."Introducing "Victim #1" aka "Enigma's New Boytoy"...yea....

Me & Kanye, man...f*cking GENIUSES

Some thoughts of the last hour or so:

I wonder if the reason Mr. Big was so ok with introducing me to the "chief" was because he knew I would need it to help me get over him

I think I'm going to be a mean, cruel bitch and make boys cry. I'll be all nice at first and make them fall in love with me (married or not)* and fuck their life up real slow like. Make them be so in love wit the kid that they leave wife(y). Then, soon as I got them where I want them, I'll diss 'em and be like "You left that good woman for my trifling ass???? You stoopid!" and smh and give them the ill gas face. Yep, I wanna make boys cry....

When my parents get back in from the grocery store, my first words to them is going to have to be "Don't worry despite what it smells like, the house was never in any real jeopardy of getting burned down." ( I just reaaaalllllllyyyy wanted some cookies.)

Speaking of which...here's some real fat girl shit for you . You know Pillsbury cookie dough that comes ready to bake? Yea, well I baked 4** and ate one raw.

Yum.

I am just as fucked up as I wanted to be right now. I had a rough day. Had to go out and get me a pregnancy test at lunch. It was negative and trust your girl went and got a 12-pack of Magnums. (Yes, TK and I always use them (seriously) but there was a malfunction about two months back and then my cycle got funny on me. But, like I said it, was negative. I'll just say this, ain't nothing like those few hours before you decide it's time for you to finally take the test. All the shit that you think about. SMH... and then the simultaneous relief and disappointment you feel once it's negative. Ain't nothing like that....

Speaking of TK, I'm getting real tired of his black ass.

I read somewhere that you should make the curse words pretty with symbols and shit so that people with a block at work can still read your blog from their jobs. I tried.... I say fuck that *kanye shrug*

Haha...today my white, dorky frat-boy co-worker was telling us about his weekend, said he'd gone to a spa with his roommate (they're straight). When we gave him the side eye he said ""Well we didn't massage each other." What?! That's not usually how it's done in spas anyway...but ookaaaay!!! LMAO! Me think the boy doth protest too much! lol

OMG! These cookies are everything I want in life and more!!! nom nom nom nom***

Time to chow. Later!!!!

*Yea, I said it

**I lie...it was actually FIVE

*nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom