*Written for Myspace on 4/18/08*
***************************************
I'm a snitch.
I am.
I'm the youngest of four daughters, hell, for the first few years of my life, snitching was my only source of income. One of my sisters' boyfriends had a nosy ass moms who used to pay me for dirt on them, And me, being the eager entrepreneur, provided her with all the dirt she could shovel. That is, until my sister got a job. Sorry Mrs. B, but inflation's a bitch and she was talking big dollars plus candy. So, I switched teams and began getting paid not to snitch.
Some things never change.
Here I am, damn near 10 years later and I'm still getting paid not to break up happy homes (Read: tell on niggas.)
SMH
Fucked up part is, I don't play fair. I never have. But I make it a point to let muthafuckers know this from the door, "I tell, nigga!!!". And I'm picky about what I tell. My thug addiction has left me open to witness first-hand some things that are just wrong, immoral and yes, got damned illegal. But I don't tell on my boos.
But my neighbor, the one with the dog that he neglects and that I adopted and that was barking in the back yard all night for three fucking days straight? Yes, that nigga got the cops called him. Those little bad ass crooks-in-training who thought they could steal a car and hide out on my block like my neighbors and I wouldn't think four 12-yr-old, rusty-nail smelling bastids driving around in a Honda wasn't odd. Yep, dialed the cops from my cell as I stood in front of one of them giving him the death stare that I'm famous for. "Lucifer" who thought he could move to another state and start a new family while being thousands of dollars in arrears with child support and then send my baby a post card saying "Hey". Yep, took that return address and went straight to child support with it. And lastly, guys who know that I know that they have a girl/wife/baby momma that they shack up with and yet still insist on being up in my face. .. yep, I tells on them too!
But, as I stated before, I don't play fair. So yes, I'll entertain them and take what ever they give and let them try their best to wine and dine my panties off, all the while believing that I will be the down ass side chick who's just cool with them going home to someone else at night.
Until I get bored and/or she calls me.
Then, it's fair game. I'm telling 'errthing. Fuck I gots to lie for? Especially if my only real crime is taking advantage of the kindness of strangers stupidity of cheaters?
My ex-fiancé {he is only called this because he bought a ring and proposed. We never had an actual engagement and you'll see why in about 5 seconds}, a man who left me for another chick, proposed while he was still with said chick, (priceless!) and continued to call and profess his undying love for me even after the two of them moved in together, produced a child and all that other ghetto love crap, learned of my snitch status the hard way.
Recently, after about a year or so of us not speaking or seeing each other at all., he resurfaced. Since my Mr. is currently unavailable (I put that as a link so that you lazy bastards who have yet to request and subscribe to my other page can do so now and get the full story). I entertained the ex-fiance when he called a few weeks ago. He called out of the blue one night and rather than cutting him up the entire time like I usually do, I took a different route.When he went throught the "How's my lil' man doing?" crap that he usually does ( I shouldn't really call it crap though seeing as how he was with me when TLC2 was born and for the first two years of his life and has been more of a father financially to TLC2 than "Lucifer" even after we split, but I digress)
Anywho, when he started asking about TLC2, I played the "Lord what is I gon' do?" card and started bitching about tuition and T-ball fess and uniforms, rada, rada, rada. 3 days later, tuition paid.
Now, his girl friend and I have the same relationship any 2 females in our situation would have. In the beginning, I hated her for being a home-wrecking skank whore and she pitied/hated me for being the bitch her man kept running back or, as he his version went, the "crazy ex who couldn't let go". Then, as I began to get him out my system, I hated her for being a clueless skank whore who couldn't keep her man on his leash and she hated me for being the bitch her man kept running back to. Now, I'm amused by her for being a dumb, enabling skant whore who still can't keep her man on his leash but now is worse because she has to know that he really ain't shit but she's so afraid of losing that second income that she plays dumb like she don't know he's still a whore and couldn't possibly give a fuck about anyone but himself and his daughter and who is getting exactly what she deserves because she should have listened when ppl said "the way you get him is the way you lose him". And, in return she hates me for being the bitch her man keeps running back to who really doesn't even want him anymore but is willing to take his money and make him pay for being the sole reason that the winter of "03 is but a blur of tears and Tylenol pm.
So, long story short. She called me.
Her: Who dis'?
Me (laughing a hearty laugh and knowing exactly who it is since I'm with "Rocky" and I know it bet not be a bitch about him because I will gut a bitch like a fish if it is): Umm. . . Tasha, I think you have the wrong number.
Her: What? Who the fuck is this and how you know me?
Me: It's me Tasha. It's always me. No matter what you do . . . he just insists on keeping in contact with me. I tried to tell you. . .
Her: I know this is not no fucking "Enigma".
Me: The one and only. Now, what can I do for you?
Her: Just tell me if ya'll fucking.
Me (laughing): Oh no, we're definitely not fucking.
Her: So why the fuck is he calling you?
Me: Damn, funny how the tables turn, huh? Remember back when it was me asking you this and you said "Cause that's my dude", all the while fucking his brains out? Wow. . .
Her: So if ya'll not fucking, why is he calling you so much. This number is in here like ten fucking times.
Me: I know right? That nigga be beat as hell calling me all the fucking time, You need to get his ass a chew toy to keep him busy while you at work, shit!
Her: Alright look, I know we did you dirty back then, but the game is different this time around, we got a family and shit.
Me: silence.
Her: Hello?
Me: Yea, I'm here.
Her: Did you hear me?
Me: Yea, I heard that bullshit, I'm just trying to figure out why we're still on the phone.
Her: I just need to know what's going on.
Me: I'm not sure what you wanna know. I already told you I'm not fucking him. My days of sharing that dick with you are long gone. Trust.
Her (sounding defeated and truly confused): I just don't understand why he keeps calling you. He said ya'll were thru and that he didn't give a fuck about you. So why is he still blowing up your phone and shit?!?!?
Silence
Her: HELLO!
Me: Uh uh. . see now. . .don't start wit' that yelling shit cause you will get off this phone with a bruised ass ego. I already told you, I don't know what you want to hear and frankly this convo ain't nearly as amusing as I initially thought it would be so. . .
Her: Alright. Just tell me this. Have ya'll gone out or anything?
Me: "Out"? Hell to the naw, my boyfriend would choke the shit outta me if he heard I was walking the street with some nigga. Hell no!
Her: So why . . .
Me (actually starting to feel kind of sorry for the girl): Listen, he just checks in every now and then to see if me and my son are alright, that's all.
Her: Yea, I figured that, but why??? Why the fuck he worried about your house when he here. It ain't his responsibility to be looking in on ya'll like ya'll his family. That's not even his fucking baby!!
Me (taking a deep breathe, any trace of sympathy now gone because for some reason that shit hit a nerve): Alright listen, whether you want to acknowledge it or not, dude still sees us, me and my baby, as his family. And I doubt if he's going to stop trying to take care of us and make sure we're alright anytime soon. Now if I were you, I'd be less concerned about figuring out why he's still checking in on me and really try and ponder why it that your rent for this month is going to have to wait to get paid until next payday and what he did with that $930 instead.
Her: What? He gave you money???
Me (realizing that I have my own man and issues to worry about and frankly getting tired of holding the phone and kinda mad that I'm now going to have to rewind and start the episode of "Dirt" all over again cause this bitch can't control her emotions): Tasha I gotta go because I don't even want to compromise being the bigger person by rubbing shit all in your face as some kind of revenge. I'd be dead ass wrong for pointing out how ironic it is that when the two of you started fucking around, you made it a point to rub those funky ass air force ones that he bought you in my face and now here you are, 3 yrs later with your heart all invested in this nigga, a kid and still no ring and a late fee for your rent cause your man want to be paying tuition bills for kids he ain't even make and shit. I gotta go. But be sure to tell him I said "thanx" when he comes home.
Click.
She called back but I didn't answer.
He has since called to. He left me a message saying that he knew it was going to happen because even though he knew better than to store name and number in his phone, her seeing the number sooo many times and it not being stored was what tipped her off. He apologized for her calling and said it was fucked up that I told cause I could've just hung up on her. Apparently, he's going to let shit cool down for a few weeks before he tries to call me again, but I can just email him if me or TLC2 need anything and that it be easier for him to get shit to me if I would just be cool if she ever called again. (Cause apparently he has no plans on not keeping in touch with me)
SMH
Some niggas never. fucking. learn. . .
Fin.
***************************************
I'm a snitch.
I am.
I'm the youngest of four daughters, hell, for the first few years of my life, snitching was my only source of income. One of my sisters' boyfriends had a nosy ass moms who used to pay me for dirt on them, And me, being the eager entrepreneur, provided her with all the dirt she could shovel. That is, until my sister got a job. Sorry Mrs. B, but inflation's a bitch and she was talking big dollars plus candy. So, I switched teams and began getting paid not to snitch.
Some things never change.
Here I am, damn near 10 years later and I'm still getting paid not to break up happy homes (Read: tell on niggas.)
SMH
Fucked up part is, I don't play fair. I never have. But I make it a point to let muthafuckers know this from the door, "I tell, nigga!!!". And I'm picky about what I tell. My thug addiction has left me open to witness first-hand some things that are just wrong, immoral and yes, got damned illegal. But I don't tell on my boos.
But my neighbor, the one with the dog that he neglects and that I adopted and that was barking in the back yard all night for three fucking days straight? Yes, that nigga got the cops called him. Those little bad ass crooks-in-training who thought they could steal a car and hide out on my block like my neighbors and I wouldn't think four 12-yr-old, rusty-nail smelling bastids driving around in a Honda wasn't odd. Yep, dialed the cops from my cell as I stood in front of one of them giving him the death stare that I'm famous for. "Lucifer" who thought he could move to another state and start a new family while being thousands of dollars in arrears with child support and then send my baby a post card saying "Hey". Yep, took that return address and went straight to child support with it. And lastly, guys who know that I know that they have a girl/wife/baby momma that they shack up with and yet still insist on being up in my face. .. yep, I tells on them too!
But, as I stated before, I don't play fair. So yes, I'll entertain them and take what ever they give and let them try their best to wine and dine my panties off, all the while believing that I will be the down ass side chick who's just cool with them going home to someone else at night.
Until I get bored and/or she calls me.
Then, it's fair game. I'm telling 'errthing. Fuck I gots to lie for? Especially if my only real crime is taking advantage of the kindness of strangers stupidity of cheaters?
My ex-fiancé {he is only called this because he bought a ring and proposed. We never had an actual engagement and you'll see why in about 5 seconds}, a man who left me for another chick, proposed while he was still with said chick, (priceless!) and continued to call and profess his undying love for me even after the two of them moved in together, produced a child and all that other ghetto love crap, learned of my snitch status the hard way.
Recently, after about a year or so of us not speaking or seeing each other at all., he resurfaced. Since my Mr. is currently unavailable (I put that as a link so that you lazy bastards who have yet to request and subscribe to my other page can do so now and get the full story). I entertained the ex-fiance when he called a few weeks ago. He called out of the blue one night and rather than cutting him up the entire time like I usually do, I took a different route.When he went throught the "How's my lil' man doing?" crap that he usually does ( I shouldn't really call it crap though seeing as how he was with me when TLC2 was born and for the first two years of his life and has been more of a father financially to TLC2 than "Lucifer" even after we split, but I digress)
Anywho, when he started asking about TLC2, I played the "Lord what is I gon' do?" card and started bitching about tuition and T-ball fess and uniforms, rada, rada, rada. 3 days later, tuition paid.
Now, his girl friend and I have the same relationship any 2 females in our situation would have. In the beginning, I hated her for being a home-wrecking skank whore and she pitied/hated me for being the bitch her man kept running back or, as he his version went, the "crazy ex who couldn't let go". Then, as I began to get him out my system, I hated her for being a clueless skank whore who couldn't keep her man on his leash and she hated me for being the bitch her man kept running back to. Now, I'm amused by her for being a dumb, enabling skant whore who still can't keep her man on his leash but now is worse because she has to know that he really ain't shit but she's so afraid of losing that second income that she plays dumb like she don't know he's still a whore and couldn't possibly give a fuck about anyone but himself and his daughter and who is getting exactly what she deserves because she should have listened when ppl said "the way you get him is the way you lose him". And, in return she hates me for being the bitch her man keeps running back to who really doesn't even want him anymore but is willing to take his money and make him pay for being the sole reason that the winter of "03 is but a blur of tears and Tylenol pm.
So, long story short. She called me.
Her: Who dis'?
Me (laughing a hearty laugh and knowing exactly who it is since I'm with "Rocky" and I know it bet not be a bitch about him because I will gut a bitch like a fish if it is): Umm. . . Tasha, I think you have the wrong number.
Her: What? Who the fuck is this and how you know me?
Me: It's me Tasha. It's always me. No matter what you do . . . he just insists on keeping in contact with me. I tried to tell you. . .
Her: I know this is not no fucking "Enigma".
Me: The one and only. Now, what can I do for you?
Her: Just tell me if ya'll fucking.
Me (laughing): Oh no, we're definitely not fucking.
Her: So why the fuck is he calling you?
Me: Damn, funny how the tables turn, huh? Remember back when it was me asking you this and you said "Cause that's my dude", all the while fucking his brains out? Wow. . .
Her: So if ya'll not fucking, why is he calling you so much. This number is in here like ten fucking times.
Me: I know right? That nigga be beat as hell calling me all the fucking time, You need to get his ass a chew toy to keep him busy while you at work, shit!
Her: Alright look, I know we did you dirty back then, but the game is different this time around, we got a family and shit.
Me: silence.
Her: Hello?
Me: Yea, I'm here.
Her: Did you hear me?
Me: Yea, I heard that bullshit, I'm just trying to figure out why we're still on the phone.
Her: I just need to know what's going on.
Me: I'm not sure what you wanna know. I already told you I'm not fucking him. My days of sharing that dick with you are long gone. Trust.
Her (sounding defeated and truly confused): I just don't understand why he keeps calling you. He said ya'll were thru and that he didn't give a fuck about you. So why is he still blowing up your phone and shit?!?!?
Silence
Her: HELLO!
Me: Uh uh. . see now. . .don't start wit' that yelling shit cause you will get off this phone with a bruised ass ego. I already told you, I don't know what you want to hear and frankly this convo ain't nearly as amusing as I initially thought it would be so. . .
Her: Alright. Just tell me this. Have ya'll gone out or anything?
Me: "Out"? Hell to the naw, my boyfriend would choke the shit outta me if he heard I was walking the street with some nigga. Hell no!
Her: So why . . .
Me (actually starting to feel kind of sorry for the girl): Listen, he just checks in every now and then to see if me and my son are alright, that's all.
Her: Yea, I figured that, but why??? Why the fuck he worried about your house when he here. It ain't his responsibility to be looking in on ya'll like ya'll his family. That's not even his fucking baby!!
Me (taking a deep breathe, any trace of sympathy now gone because for some reason that shit hit a nerve): Alright listen, whether you want to acknowledge it or not, dude still sees us, me and my baby, as his family. And I doubt if he's going to stop trying to take care of us and make sure we're alright anytime soon. Now if I were you, I'd be less concerned about figuring out why he's still checking in on me and really try and ponder why it that your rent for this month is going to have to wait to get paid until next payday and what he did with that $930 instead.
Her: What? He gave you money???
Me (realizing that I have my own man and issues to worry about and frankly getting tired of holding the phone and kinda mad that I'm now going to have to rewind and start the episode of "Dirt" all over again cause this bitch can't control her emotions): Tasha I gotta go because I don't even want to compromise being the bigger person by rubbing shit all in your face as some kind of revenge. I'd be dead ass wrong for pointing out how ironic it is that when the two of you started fucking around, you made it a point to rub those funky ass air force ones that he bought you in my face and now here you are, 3 yrs later with your heart all invested in this nigga, a kid and still no ring and a late fee for your rent cause your man want to be paying tuition bills for kids he ain't even make and shit. I gotta go. But be sure to tell him I said "thanx" when he comes home.
Click.
She called back but I didn't answer.
He has since called to. He left me a message saying that he knew it was going to happen because even though he knew better than to store name and number in his phone, her seeing the number sooo many times and it not being stored was what tipped her off. He apologized for her calling and said it was fucked up that I told cause I could've just hung up on her. Apparently, he's going to let shit cool down for a few weeks before he tries to call me again, but I can just email him if me or TLC2 need anything and that it be easier for him to get shit to me if I would just be cool if she ever called again. (Cause apparently he has no plans on not keeping in touch with me)
SMH
Some niggas never. fucking. learn. . .
Fin.
1 comment:
Damn! See broads gotta learn the hard way.
Went thru something similar with my ex and this new broad/chicken head that he couldn get enough of. I finally let go...and whaddaya know? everytime he called, she's calling right after him blowing my phone up, not understanding why he won't leave me along. Some females can be so damn dumb.
This was hilarious though:
"Me: Yea, I heard that bullshit, I'm just trying to figure out why we're still on the phone."
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