Let's finish the Mr. Big saga up, shall we? (Pt. I of II)

After seeing Mr. Big's status change to "In a Relationship", I stopped speaking to him for awhile. Somehow, on the day he actually came to do the exchange of belongings routine, we ended up "chiefing" and started talking casually again. (No, we didn't sex that night) I was, however, able to get some alone time with his blackberry (Yes, I know I shouldn't, but I do. I'm a work in progress) Anywho, I was able to read the more recent texts from his "Her" and found out that they were not in a relationship at the time. ( apparently him having two children was something she was not sure she was ready to deal with) Now the "Her" in question is someone that he and I spoke about often while we were boo loving. We both knew that the other had bench players in the background and we would talk about them often. "Her" was someone he described as a "chicken with a Masters". Yes, she had her degrees(s) but she was unemployed and if he text her at 12 noon asking what she was doing, her reply would usually be either "On *insert random hood block here* smoking with *insert random ghetto ass name of friend here*" or "Watching Jerry Springer". He'd told me that after “Her” bragged about how guys usually told her how bomb her sex was, he had to hold back from laughing in her face the first time they did it because it was so whack and her sex faces were so ugly. Also, among a host of other things, he often spoke about how he often had to give her the “bitch whatever!” side eye. Oh, and let's not forget the time he told me he'd picked her up to "cheif" and she left an "odor" in his car when she got out. (yea)

Now the two of them begin talking in July of last year. For the summer, he wild out and smutted the place up while I “dated”. By the time October rolled around, Mr. Big and I were on full on “boo boo” status. He was at my house most nights, we cooked together, laughed/cried about life together, played Xbox together, had bomb ass sex together and in November I convinced him that I wanted to meet the “Chief” and he made it happen. Christmas rolled around and we shopped for our children together, hell, I even wrapped his sons’ presents while he was at work. New Year’s Eve we bought 2009 in in the 69 position, together. Sometime between then and Valentine’s Day something happened. I remember one night he stood me up and then gave me a foogazy reason. That let me know that something or someone one was affecting his actions towards me. So about a week after he had been a no-show, we were standing in my kitchen cooking and I asked him the status of his “team”. He told me for the most part that it had been dismantled, but that “Her” and he had been talking more lately and were good friends. He said she had recently contacted him to “talk” and that they had been speaking again, but not having sex. I was visibly upset about this for a couple of reasons. For one, when we’d first started talking again, he had just gotten out of a long-term relationship with his sons’ mother and she had did him extremely dirty. I was there for him. I listened to him bitch about her, I gave him advice on how to handle his kids’ well-being. In essence, I was his fucking rock thru his hard time.

The two of us had never said we would be together. He never promised that once his shit was together it would be “us”. But I would be lying if I said that was not exactly what I believe in the back of my mind. I knew he had to mourn the end of the relationship and get back on his feet. I also knew that he and I being together would cause major issues with him, his sons’ mother and his sons (at one point in our relationship, I alerted his sons’ mother to the fact that he and I were together. The abridged version: he had told me they were broken up, I fell in love, I found out the truth, I blew up his spot like an army grenade, his son’s mother saw me as the Devil, they stayed together and I threw up deuces.)

Anyway, when he and I were back “on”, everything was so right and came so naturally that I had ASSumed that we felt the same way about each other and that once he was ready we would be (naturally) be together. Ok, I was wrong.

The night before Valentine’s Day he had stayed over and left for work that morning. We hadn’t had sex in about a week (that equated to about a month for us). We were no longer talking on the phone as often and it was no longer assumed that he would be in my bed at night.

About a week after Valentine’s Day, he had stayed over again and I had managed to spend some quality time with his blackberry again. (yea, I know). I had read texts from him to two of his platonic friends and he was talking about his “Boo” to them both. While one of the friends remarked “I guess you can turn a ho into a housewife” to his claim that she was “impressing him”, the other friend wrote that he deserved to be back in love. Oh, did I mention that the “boo” in question was not me??? This crushed me to no end and the next morning I was out of it. I got dressed and off to work as he still lay in my bed. When I got on the train he called me, he had seen me upset that morning and wanted to make sure I was ok. As I sat on the train crying behind my dark shades, I somehow managed to ask him the question that had always been hanging in the air. ‘If you were ready, would it be me?” He let out a deep breath like he knew the day would come when I would muster up the courage to ask and then he replied: “I doubt it. I think I need to start over with a whole new girl”.

Did I mention that HE WAS STILL IN MY BED WHEN HE TOLD ME THIS????

He then said that he and I needed time apart so that we could try to salvage a platonic friendship. I asked him if he really thought he would be able to be with someone else and not come to me for his “girlfriend needs” (i.e crying, bomb sex and that general chill factor, you know, the person you are once the stage lights are off and your at home with the costume that you let the world see you in hanging in the closet). He told me that he knew what he was giving up but that he felt like it was what he had to do.