These are my confessions...

I miss Mr. Big. {check the labels with his name to get caught up if you ned to. I'm way too high to link shit right now.}

I'm tired of being single. Nah, fuck that. Since this is confession time, let me word it as I feel it: I'M LONELY! :(

I realize the the way I'm dealing with my father's death is by worrying about my mother. It's like I don't ever really relax b/c I convince myself that she needs me. So I'm back and forth at her house all week. Yep, maybe it's that me saying I don't want her to be by herself is also me saying I don't want to be by myself..

I'm pretty high right now.

I'm also pretty high. As in I look pretty when I'm under the influence. Conceited? Yes. So?

Street Fighter: Game OVER

Ok, so remember the last paragraph of the Street Fighter's sequel blog and how we were supposed to meet up to see Alice in Wonderland? Yea, well he stood me up. No phone call, nothin. Now this is cool considering I expected it and was actually already at the nail salon once 6:15pm (the time the movie started) rolled around. I didn't call or text him to see what happened. In fact, I can honestly say I didn't think twice about him or our planned date until Saturday night when me and my friends got to Barbara's and he was at the front door. They were packed to capacity and had stopped letting folk in (until the four of us got there). He let my freinds in then held me back and gave me a hug, he tried to kiss on me but I gave him the hands-on-chest pushaway and proceeded to the bar. I left out without saying bye to him and Sunday he sent me a text that says, "What,s good with you today so get back to me" to which I respond, "What happened to me seeing you friday?" An hour goes by and I get no response so I send a text that said "Hellloooo...". Still no reponse. At this point I just want him to give me whatever lame excuse he has so that I can let him know that I need a more intelligent reliable dude in my stable and give him his walking papers (without damaging my chances of ever getting in Barbara's again.)

So this morning our text convo goes like this:

Me: "What happened to me seeing you friday?

Street Fighter: Good moning to you (yes, "moning")

Me: Good morning. What happened to me seeing you on friday?"

Street Fighter: "I,am going to call you leter." (yes,, "leter") 

Me: I want to know why you asked to see me, then stood me up with no phone call or nothing."

Street Fighter: "My baby,s wasing filing going becus that way i forgot to call you to let know." {I have no idea what the fuck this means. I forwarded it to my friend 'T" and she was just as stumped as I. If any of you speak Stupid please let me now if you can interpret this for me. kthanx.}

Hhe then sends this text right after, " Look i went you so bad." To which I replied," Nah. You can't have me. Take care." He then sent a text that read. "You got that" (whatever the fuck that means).

So now I am street fighter free (yay) and luckily in such a way that I don't look like the bad guy, or get kicked in the face cause you know that nigga know karate lol. so getting into Barbara's shouldn't be an issue. But, just in case, I've been letting the bouncer that works the back door there flirt with me. I made sure to let him know that I was talking to Street Fighter when he asked for my number a few weeks ago and I let him know that I couldn't give it to him. Still, he's continued to flirt and buy me drinks so I think I'm good.

On to the next one....

I didn't get to see Sweet Black Pipe this weekend because he was in Atlanta *insert sad face here* . He text me when he got back and asked if I missed him. We'll see what happens with him....

TaTa for now.....

p.s. I really hope Street Fighter didn't think that funky ass bracelet (as pretty as it is) was gonna get him a ticket to Candyland. He better get outta here. lol

Introducing: Egypt

Egypt and I grew up in the same building. Two years my junior, I kind of looked to her as my protege, seeing as how I just knew I was the shit I was the person who showed her that there was a whole life beyond the building that we grew up in.

I was about 12/13 (which made her 10/11) and wanted to make that twenty-block trek to see my "Pookie". "Kat" was on punishment for missing curfew the last time we'd been up there and I was dreading having to go up there by myself. I went downstairs, fully prepare to suck it up and go lone when I saw young Egypt sitting in the lobby. I swear it was like a lightbulb had went of in my head. I was suddenly seeing this girl in a whole new light. She was a cute kid and I knew she was smart since her mom had me tutor her a few months prior. I figured she'd go up there and fit right in with the guys. I asked her if she wanted to come with me to see my boyfriend and she agreed. I suggested she go upstairs and get fresh (couldn't roll up there with no bum chick lol) and then we were off.

That was it. That was all I did.**

Because I was such a good kid, Egypt's mom had no problem with us being friends and Egypt soon became part of my "crew". Most of the time we were walking to see "Pookie" and his friends, but we spent just as much time holed up in one of our apartments blasting music and eating each others' parents out of house and home.

One day, "Kat", Egypt, myself and another snake-eyed bitch crew member* were chilling at my house. "Kat" and I decided we wanted to go to the store for snacks but Egypt and the snake-eyed bitch other chick didn't feel like coming, so me and Kat left them in my room watching tv. When we got back, my mom stopped us before we got to my room and said she wanted to talk to us. We all sit at the table and my mom goes into the spiel about us being at the age of experimenting, yada, yada, yada. Me and 'Kat" look at each other, laugh and ask my mom what she's talking about. My mom then tells us that she went into my room, not realizing that Egypt and the snake-eyed bitch other chick was still there and walked ino the two of them in my bed going at it like lovers. Me and "Kat" went from being shocked to straight up appalled when my mom then asked if "Kat" and I liked girls too. I think our genuine "wtf" expressions were enough to convince her as she dismissed us with a warning to watch the other two and make sure they didn't try to get us to do anything "strange" lol

"Kat" and I continued to be friends with them, but kind of at a distance. Around the same time, "Kat" and Egypt started to befriend another girl in our building, "T". 'T" and I had been play partners when we were like 6/7 but hadn't really spent much time as we got older because she went to a different elementry school than the rest of us.

One day the three of us: Egypt, "T" and I were supposed to go out and Egypt's mother was tripping saying she couldn't come out. Typical on-the-move teenagers, "T" and I chalked dueces and told Egypt we'd catch her on the flip side and proceeded to the mall. When we got back, we went to my house and listened to music. That pretty much solidified she and I as friends. Her mom was damn near never home, which gave her as much freedom as I had and she was my age, so I didn't have to contantly be concerned as to whether or not I was "turning her out". lol In turn, I had all the hot shit at my house as far as music, movies, etc. My room was a teenage girl's dream. I had even transform the floor of my closet into a "phone booth" with huge pillows. Needless to say, our friendship worked out perfectly. lol

That was eight grade, when I was 13.

A few things happened in the years following that, Egypt and her mom moved to a different part of the city, "Kat" and I stopped speaking, " I lost "Pookie", "Kat" and I fought (the day before my eight grade graduation), "Kat" and her mom moved to North Carolina, I started high school at a private school (sans crew for the first time), I started dating my high school sweetheart, AND my favorite sister moved back home and had a baby for me to flood with kisses.

Somehow when the dust cleared from all of those events, Egypt and I were no longer as close as we used to be. In fact, I barely saw her since most of my after-school time went to my boyfriend and newborn niece and the free time I did have for "girl-talk" was spent with "T" who still lived in my building and went to a cooler school than mine with a football team. (my school was a brain school- no footbal team and our girls' bb team was waaaay better than the guys. lol). Egypt and I never had a falling out or anything, I just kind moved on. I was at the new school meeting all of these new people, and she was still in grammar school trying to finish up seventh grade. *shrugs*.

I know it may sound heartless, but , in my defense, I didn't really see any of my friends, and not for nothing, Egypt didn't exactly reach out to me either. Plus, I know she wasn't totally alone. While I was boo'd up, "T" and a new crew member, Q would go to Egypt's house all of the time.

Oh no, wait. I lied. Egypt did reach out to me during my junior (her freshman) year in high school. My HS Sweetheart and I had just gone thru a whole ordeal with him telling me he'd made a mistake that resulted with a baby that could possibly be his. As we waited the three weeks for the test to confirm or deny, I got a call from Egypt out of the blue.

ME: Hello? *confused at this random as number on my caller id*

Egypt *in her new-found-i'm-finally-in-high school-chicken-head voice*: Enigmaaaaa! You know "HS Sweetie" got a baaaabyyyy?

ME: Hi Egypt., long time no hear. No, we don't know that- we're still waiting on the test-

Egypt *cutting me off*: Uh huuuuh. I'm holding her right now. Oh my gaaaaaaaawd!!!!! She looks just like HS. Sweetie***!

Me: Wow. *hangs up*

So yea, that's when I first realized that despite out years as BFF's, I could no longer look at Egypt as a certified friend nor assume that she would ever have my best interest in mind. I would have never done it that way- especially not from the chick's house. But that's just me.

Unfortunately, that was not the last time I would have to side-eye one of her moves or question  her motives.

To be continued....

* Remember the "friend" I had call "Pookie"? Yea, that was that bitch....

**Remember this as it will come up later.

***No, the baby was not his and we stayed together until the day of my graduation and broke-up for other reasons. Perhaps I'll blog about that one day....

Introducing: The Street Fighter {Pt. Deux}/ Random Chick

Clickity click here for part one.

The next day, Street Fighter calls me and we have maybe a one hour conversation where I learned quite a few things about him:

1- He has THREE children, all girls, randing in age from 3-14.

2- His 14 yr old is living in Florida with her mom buts wants to come live with him and he told her "when I find me a good woman you can come back". {WHAT THE FUCK?}

3- Street Fighter is by noooo means the brightest bulb in the box nor the sharpest knife in the drawer. In fact, he's kinda dumber than a bag of really dumb rocks.

4- Though he is clearly in shape, over the phone he sounds as if he weighs 400+ pounds and someone is holding his head under water. He probably sounds like this in person too, but the music in the bar has probably helped in me not noticing. That and the many shots of Jeremiah on Fire! lol

5- He dominates the conversation, but really says absolutely nothing!

At this point I realize that giving him my number was a mistake since there's no possible way for me to ever even consider dating him. You know, since that whole communication thing is pretty important to me. We get off of the phone and I call my bestie, "T" who informs me that I better do what I gotta due because she ain't about to be turned away from Barbara's. lol

The next day, Monday night, I get a call from a number I don't recognize. I think nothing of it and send it to voicemail.

On Tuesday, Street Fighter and I are texting our convo goes like this:

(ripped straight from my cell)

Street Fighter: 'What,s up bab"

Me: "Nothin much. How are you?"

Street Fighter: "I,am ok today but I went you"

Me (fighting the urge to write something insuling back like "You went with me where?" Instead I write): "You keep saying that but you can't tell me what it is you want from me"

Street Fighter: "what I went is to make love to you and went you to be with me." (yes he really kept spelling "want" as "went") *sigh*

Me: You don't even know me tho

Street Fighter: I know enough to be with you (no he doesn't)

Me: Well I don't know enough about you (and what I do know ain't good homie)

Street Fighter: Well you sood know by now

Me: How? I only see you at the bar when you're working

Street Fighter: "That,s y you sood see me mor" (yes, he continued to use a comma as an apostrophe and spelled "should" as "sood" again)

Me: "U've never asked to c me tho

Street Fighter: "I all way,s what to see you that,s y i call you all the time" (Yes, that is exactly how he wrote it)

At that point I just stopped reponding because quite frankly his lack of respect for the English language and the rules of punctuation was pissing me off to the highest level of pisstivity.

The next day I get this text from the same number that I had ignored the call from on Monday night:

"Street Fighter said he don't foot u like him cuz u always foot wit ur friends" (yes, the word "foot" was randomly placed within the text like that.) I don't respond and I figure that the number belongs to random chick from the bar before aka Street Fighter's friend. I'm automatically disgusted thinking this grown ass man is on some real grammar school type ish and I ain't got the time. Like seriously was he sitting there telling her to text that crap to me? Cause how old is everybody here? Smch

The next day I get a call again from the number and this time I answer it and put my phone on mute. I hear a girl's voice telling a kid to go get some cereal (it's like 9pm on a Wednesday btw). She then says "Hello" as if she just remembered she'd made a call and I hang up. The hell would we have to talk about?????

The next day get a text from her with a picture of some chick laying down in a bed completely topless, nips and all showing. The text said something about the girl spreading HIV all over east and westside (don't know where the hell that is since that does not describe the areas of my city at all). The text gives the girl's full name and asks that I forward it to everyone I know so that she doesn't get them too since she likes guys and girls. Now I'm pissed. Like how the hell does this chick think it's ok to send porn to some strange woman's phone??? Plus, what the hell I look like forwarding that? For all I know the chick is completely innocent of what she's been accused of and someone is just trying to spread nasty rumors about her. I delete the texts and me and my bestie decide that Street Fighter must go, but in a way as to not get us banned from Barbara's forever.

Two days later random chick sends me a text that read: "Can you send a pic of you so that I can have it so when you call I could see you i gadgu a new phone and don't have any pic no more in the phone". *Sigh* 1- I don't call you, so right there your whole theory as to why you need my pic is debunked. 2- You never had a pic of me in your phone- new phone or not. Again, I ignore her.

We do our usual bar hop the next weekend (the same day I fried Sweet Black Pipe some chicken  ) and Street Fighter calls me while we're at the Sticky Rug and I ask him why he gave old girl my number. He tells me he don't know what I'm talking about and I tell him I'll be there in a lil while and we'll talk about it then. My friend Egypt hears all this and says that random chick had her number as well and that she'd gotten the feeling that 'ole girl was kind clingy. This sets my side eye off something serious and I started to think maybe Street Fighter didn't give her my number after all, maybe my "friend" Egypt did.

We get to Barbara's and again Street Fighter is profuesly denying giving her my number and is saying he doesn't know why she'd be calling me either. Whatever. I let it go for the night and coninue to enjoy myself. (that is until we are heading to the pizza parlor at the end of the night and Egypt asks me for a kiss then gets mad when I decline causing me to spazz out yelling. SMH Another story, for another blog entry on another day...)

The next day, Sunday, I decide enough is enough and I text old girl and ask "Who is this and how did you get my number" to which she replies, "Old Girl and you gave it to me." I swear that text right there was my equivelient to "The call is coming from inside the house." lol I start trying going back to that night to see when I could have possibly given her my number. Then I remember a very important fact- I'm not beat> There is no way on God's green Earth that I gave any random looking chick my number. Uh uh..it ain't happen. Anyone that knows me knows at least this one fact: I don't trust chicks and I don't need anymore friends. Point blank. Now I will admit to have a bi-curious side to me, however, i don't use my pimp hand for memebers of the same sex. And IF I ever did, it would be on a chick that I thought was a certified banger. The fact that I insist on labeling old girl as "random chick" or "old girl" {lol} speaks volumes to the fact that looks-wise she failed is average at best.  I conferred with my bestie and she called bullshit at just the thought.  Clearly someone is trying to bamboozle me. I'm really just not sure if it's my "friend" Egypt or Street Fighter at this point tho.

My bestie also suggested that old girl might be a lil smitten with the kid. Always a Modest Molly*, I shot down that theory with the quickness. But, that was before I received yet another text from old girl, this time inviting me to her upcoming birthday bash where she says all invited should "be on yur Best I will be having a few CELEBS coming thur to Celebrate with..." and included this pic:

  

I think now is definately a good time for me to be scared. lol But I also think that, should she call/text me again, I am well within my bitch boundaries to give her a good what for.

As for Street Fighter, he text me today wanting to know "Win we going to sin time togith". lmao Dumber than  a bag of dumb ass rocks, ain't he? lol

At first I said I wanted to go eat, but my bestie helped me realize that I'd then have to talk to him. Since I have no intentions on being sober during our "date" and since I have been wanting to see Alice in Wonderland higher than a high kite, I told him I wanna see that instead. Now, if he declines, I'll be able to be like, "OMG, you're so selfish and not at all attentive to my needs and because of this we can just never be!" *insert dramatic exit here* lol Either way, trust ya girl will have a story to tell...and really, that's what it's all about ain't it?

Later my lovlies!

* Ha!! Modest Molly my ass!!!!! What I need to due is olearn how to turn all this sexy off!!! lol Just kidding...but seriously tho...

Introducing: The Street Fighter

The Street Fighter is one of the bouncers at Barbara's. He stands at about 6"4 and is a fairly decent looking guy besides that fact that he has a mustache a little thicker than I like and I only see him in his "bouncer gear". Nontheless, when he started flirting with me a month or so ago, I knew he'd be asking for my number soon. In my head, this worked out great since I'm trying to date more "corny" guys as opposed to thugs. Plus, dating the bouncer can only work in mine and my friends' favor- Right? lol (Wrong.)

About a month ago he gave me his business card. According to the card he's a construction contractor. Ok, cool. But, I didn't call. I'm kinda old-school that way. I feel like the guys should make the first move (and had I not been so inebriated, I probably would have told him that instead of actually taking the card.) But anyway, when I saw him (at Barbara's) the next time, we had a chance to chat. Now mind you, we were in the bar, I was under the influence of not only liquor but chief as well and the music was hella loud. Someone should have told him that that was not the time to try to have a even semi-serious conversation with me, but he did anyway. Our convo went something like this:

Street Fighter: So yea blah, blah, blah, blah blah, something, something, something...I'm just waiting on this guy to accept my challenge and then we'll see what happens.

Drunk & Hot Girl ME: Your challenege? To tap dance????

Street Fighter: No, to fight for the championship belt. (hence his nickname)

Drunk & Hot Girl ME: Oh. *wrinkles face* I thought you did construction, not karate

Street Fighter: I don't do karate

Drunk & Hot Girl  ME: But you just said...

Street Fighter: *takes out and gives me business card AGAIN* I'm a contractor. I do it all construction wise.

Drunk & Hot Girl ME: Oh!!! Do you change lightbulbs? I just moved and my light fixtures are too high

Street Fighter: laughs

I then give him the card back and let him know that I don't wanna keep taking them to put my chewed-up gum in b/c they probably cost him a grip since they had color and everything (I'm drunk remember? lol) So then I put my number in his phone and walk away. (real talk, I was pissed because he laughed at me needing my light bulb changed. I was dead ass serious and drunk lol

Anyway, he eventually calls me but it was like a few days after my dad passed and I really wasn't in the mod to kick it.  He called again a few days leter and we had the chance to get to know one another, but he chose to spend the time telling me all of his friends' business. (<_<) The main one he seemed to talk about is some female friend of his. He tells me all of her business, the dude's she started messing with business, why they haven't had sex yet, that the dude sells drugs, just a bunch of stuff that I did not need to know. He gossiped so much, in fact, that I made a mental note to not tell him (or have him witness) anything I would not want spread around.

The next time I see him is actually the same night that I gave Sweet Black Pipe my number. We get to Barbara's and it's a DJ night which means they have a $5 cover at the door. As I go to pay, Street Fighter comes out of nowhere and tells the owner, who's at the door taking money, that I'm with him and I get in free. Ok, 1/2 a cool point for him. He'd have gotten a whole one had he let my girl in free too. lol Anyway, we (my friend "T" and I) get inside and see that our friend "Egypt"(E)*  is already there and talking to some random chick at the bar. I don't pay much attention to this because E make no secret of the fact that she's bi and always on the prowl.  I order my drink and start dancing to the music. I may have had a short convo with the chick sitting with E, but definitely nothing major since my focus was on getting as buzzed as possible and shaking my bon bon as hard as I could.

I make my way to the back to use the restroom and Street Fighter, who's working the back door grabs me up. He tells me that the random chick sitting with E is the friend he's always talking about and he calls her and points to me so that she can see the chick he's now in love with (his words). I stay and talk to him for a minute and then I go off to a corner by myself and dance. I see Egypt heading straight for me looking like she wants to dance and I stop dancing and go back to where "T" is sitting with the random girl. This time I'm already zoning so I'm not really talking to anyone. I make another run to the ladies' room about half an hour later and I feel someone put something in my hand and hear a deep voice tell me, "I saw this and thought about you my little butterfly". I look down and it's a little drawstring jewelry bag with a butterfly bracelet (below) in it. I look up and see the Street Fighter walking away.

I'm impressed....until he begins to text me.

p.s. He's actually listed in my phone as Street Fighter and his ringer is "Everybody was Kung Fu fighting.... lmao

To be continued....

*I've known her since I was like 11. Egypt is in love with me and scares me. There will be a blog dedicate dto her and her antics very soon.

Introducing: The Sticky Rug, Barbara's and The NightLite [Enigma likes her yak}

Ok, So before I can introduce you guys to The Street Fighter, I think it’s important to first introduce the watering holes that I frequent so that it all kinda makes sense. Let me start off by saying I am not a club girl. In fact, I HATE clubs. It’s too much for me. What I do love, however, are bars. It’s more of an intimate atmosphere and for the most part, you know most of the people there. Plus you get to play your own music- double plus for a music snob like me.

That being said, when my girls (whom I will also introduce to you all in the coming weeks) and I decide to get together and go out, our night usually goes Sticky Rug>Barbara’s and sometimes the NightLite.*

The Sticky Rug

This is usually where we go to get the party started. It is definitely the epitome of a hole-in-the-wall dive, but we love it. There’s a pool table when you first walk in, a friendly, older gentleman bartender that loves when we come in and a sticky rug (hence our nickname for it) lol . The bartender/owner there, James, calls us the “Light ‘em up girls” because when we come in we order shots of Jeremiah Weed on Fire (pictured above) and drink it while it’s lit. For the most part, the crowd there is older (I’m talking 40+) with a few young heads (like us) sprinkled in. we like to go there b/c the likelihood of us getting shot is low (which is definitely a risk you take when bar hopping in the hood) and we can go there without worrying about getting dressed up (unless we’re their pre-gaming for an actual party or event that we heading to later in the evening). The Sticky Rug is like our very own Cheers and it hasn’t disappointed yet. Another plus for that place is that most of the drinks are $2.50. Heeeeeey! There was that one incident where OG came by to buy us drinks and this old lady he went to school with tried to play me to the left and take him home. That was the night I whispered in his ear "You kow I'm crazy and I've been drinking AND I got my girls in tow. You better get this bitch before I cancel her ass"...perhaps I'll tell that story another day. lol 

Barbara’s

The second spot we usually hit this is where it’s poppin more often then not. Though this place resembles The Sticky Rug during the week as far as the age of the crowd, come Saturday night the age group ranges anywhere from 21 and all the way up. This is where the negroes and negrettes come to be seen and put on their finest hood attire. Sometimes they have a DJ, but DJ or not it’s usually packed and alive unless there’s a party going on somewhere else. Because of this, the likelihood of getting shot is like 5x’s greater than at the Sticky Rug (which is why unlike at the sticky rug, this place has bouncers at the door checking id’s and patting folk down), but we tend to have a spidey sense as to when it’s time to bounce. Usually when the bouncers announce that they’re not letting anyone else in is when we get our last round in plastic cups and head out b/c we know some idiot is gonna be mad enough to shoot up the place if they or their man’s n’em can’t get in.

The NightLite

Now this is our home bar. Right around the corner from the pj’s where my friends and I grew up, The NightLite is where all the ppl from our old neighborhood tend to celebrate their birthdays. My friends and I, for the most part are kind of snobbish when it comes to our old hood. We have all moved out and on to better things and we tend to not really kick it with the ppl from our old hood that haven’t. The guys are all (bigtime) drug dealers and are usually trying to make one of us their next babymomma (despite the fact that their married or otherwise in a long-term relationship. And the chicks tend to suck their teeth at us b/c we’re ding good and not too beat for them. “Stuck up is what I believe they call us. Ah well…anywho, despite alladat, when we go there to party it is all love. That place is truly like going home. The likelihood of getting shot is just as great here as it is at Barbara’s but for some reason, collectively we feel safer there, like somehow we know that the dude we grew up with would somehow make sure we made it to our car safely. We have also collectively agreed that we have no reason to truly believe this, but hey, it makes us feel safe enough to drink there. Lmao

After the Nitelite is usually Alice’s, the diner where everyone who was at the local bars comes to eat. We call it club Alice’s because it is like Barbara’s on steroids with pancakes and burgers instead of drinks. It gets so bad that sometimes you can’t even find a park/table/etc. Oh yea, and the likelihood of getting shot is THE GREATEST here since this is where ppl from different hoods in the city usually come to get their grub on after partying at their local hot spot. Plus it's on a main street that leads to our neighboring city and you just never know. Sometimes we just say ‘eff it” and head to the pizza parlor instead.

So there you have it. On the days when me and my girls just kinda wanna chill and drink, this is our schedule.

Now that that’s done, I will introduce you to The Street Fighter….in the next blog lol

BTW- Sweet Black Pipe and I met at The Sticky Rug

* The names of the bars have been changed to protect my identity and exact location. Some of ya'll seem cool but you anonymous folk tend to creep me out. lol But seriously...

Introducing: Sweet Black Pipe {and Big Sexy}

Hey, hey, hey everyone. I know I had made an entire list of blogs that I needed to write. But since my blogging time seems to be limited, they'll hav eto be spaced apart instead of the onslaught of 5/6 at a time like I wante dto do.


So first things first, like I mentioned before, my dad (stepfather of 25 yrs) passed away on February 23rd. It happened so suddenly that I don't think I'll ever really come to grips with it. For right now I'm managing. I feel like I've been on auto-pilot since that night- I notice that if I watch a tv show on my DVR, I have to go back and watch it again because somehow, though I thought I was giving it my full attention, I somehow missed chunks of the show.IDK. I have an entire blog that I want to write but not now...I'm just not ready yet.

Moving on to a lighter subject...MENS!!!

So I met a new dude, "Sweet Black Pipe". (explanation of the name coming shortly) I met him at the hole-in-the-wall bar that my friends and I like to go to. I'd seen him a few times in there talking to one of my friends, but never really paid much attention to him. A few weeks ago, I noticed him looking at me and we had a nice, flirty convo (that included me grabbing on his chest and his huge arms in a semi-drunken daze) that went no where. The weekend after that, my friends took me out for shots to toast my dad whom they all knew and loved, at that same bar. This time even tho I saw Sweet Black Pipe in there, he and I didn't talk much. I did, however, began talking to another dude and gave him my number. We shall call this dude Big Sexy cause, well...he is. We had a really good convo and I actually looked forward to hearing from him. That was on a Friday. Fast forward to the morning of the following Friday at approximately 7:34 am and Big Sexy texts me a msg "Good morning gorgeous". This is Big Sexy from the bar. Remember me?" I text him back, "Yea, thought you'd forgotten about me" or something to that effect, and got no response. That night we go back to the bar and he's in there...and so is Sweet Black Pipe.

This time I notice that the two of them know each other as they spend most of the night talking. I had already made up my mind that Big Sexy would get no play from me since he waited so long to use my number, didn't respond to my text and then barely acknowledged me when he saw me at the bar that night. Coincidently Sweet Black Pipe was impressing more and more. He not only gave up his seat at the packed bar, but made another man get up so my friend and I could sit together as well. So he and I begin taking and he tells me that his cousin is interested in me as well. Confused I ask who and lo and behold his cousin, his so-close-they're-damn-near-brothers cousin is none other then Big Sexy. Never one to like confusion or too much drama, I immediately tell him that I'd given dude my number but he'd blown it and I tell him how Big Sexy blew it so that he would not make the same mistake. Sweet Black Pipe and I continue talking and we seem to be impressing each other more and more. At one point during our intimate chat, I hear a booming voice call my name. I look over and it's Big Sexy. I give him the "what up?" head nod and he booms something else. I say "Huh?" since we're right next to the jukebox and the music is blaring. He puts up his arms, says something else and then nods his head and says (what I assume is ) "Aiight". Meanwhile, Sweet Black Pipe gets me and my friend another drink. Now, under normal circumstances, I would feel some type of way about the situation b/c from the outside looking in, I could be looking like a certified scrag*. However, I'd already had it in my head that Big Sexy was not the right fit for me. Aside from his apparent lack of attention to my needs (I need attention, lots and lots of attention), he had been cutting up in the bar all night- singing all loud and drawing attention to himself. Call it what you want, but I'm the only attention whore allowed in my male/female relationships. Apparent cries for attention is just unsexy in my book, especially from men.

Anywho, when I knew me and my girl were about to head out to the next bar, I wrote my number on a napkin with the full intent on giving it to Sweet Black Pipe on my way out, if he asked. If not, then he too would have blown it with me. So, we gather our things and make our way past him to the door, he stops me and hands me his cell to enter my number. I hand him the napkin and tell him to keep up and make my exit. He texts me two hours later asking if me and my girl were good. I tell him yea and that I'll call him when I got home so that we could sit on the phone and have a drunken convo. (yea, ya girl was fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked up by that point). Of course I get home and immediately pass out. lol

The next morning, I get a text from Sweet Black Pipe asking if I'd like breakfast and that he's a great cook. Still a lil queasy but wanting to see him I say yea and that I'll come to him (Oh yea, I inherited my dad's car. God really has jokes when it comes to me. Like, "Oh, you want a car bitch? Ok.") SMH.

Anyway, I tell him I'd like corned beef hash and eggs and that I'll be there in an hour. I get casual cute and get to his house right on time. While we're eating we interview one another which is when this convo took place:

ME: So...your a plumber?

SBP: (smiling and showing his straight pearly whites) Yes, I lay pipe

ME *blush*: Oh really?

SBP: Yes, Sweet. Black. Pipe.

If he didn't have my interest before that, TRUST he had it from then on. lol

We eat, watch a gory movie on Syfy and I head out. I see him that night at the same bar and we acknowledge each other but don't talk too much. The next morning he texts me asking if I was up and moving stuff yet and if I needed help . ( I had told him that my couch was being delivered and since I'd been sleeping on my bed in the living room and my still-unpacked boxes were taking up the space in my bedroom, I had a lot of moving to do before the delivery men came at 10 with my couch.) I tell him yes and for him to give me about fifteen minutes to "get pretty". He gets there in 20 and does everything by himself and tells me to sit down. Less than ten minutes after he gets everything situated, the delivery guys ring the bell. IDk what I would have done without him considering how hungover I was. lol

Now, if you remember the post before last, I seemed a lil unsure of SBP. Well here's why. I didn't speak to or hear from him for the entire week following that. He'd text me that day (Sunday). But a text I'd sent during the week asking how work was going went unresponded (shut up, it's a word now lol). I spent all week acting like I was auditioning for the sequel to "He's Just Not That Into You"- asking my friends why he didn't call and going over our convos to try to figure out if it was something I said. Then I remembered that Big Sexy had text me "Good morning" on Monday at 6:57am and figured that maybe Sweet Pipe was stepping aside. (never responded to Big Sexy btw . Another strike for him was the times he did text me. A text to a girl you just met b4 12 on a weekday? Who does that???).

That was until Sweet Black Pipe text me on Friday saying it was rainy and asking if I wanted to lay up. I had plans with Obama already so I declined but told him I'd catch up with him Saturday. He tells me he wants me to fry him some chicken and I agree. Saturday he comes with trees and beer in tow and I fry up some chicken and we watch a Lifetime movie. Things get a lil hot and heavy by accident and he ends up getting a taste, but I nip it in the bud before it gets too far and we agree that cuddling is dangerous. lol That night I see him at the bar and he pretty much ignores me as he and Big Sexy play pool. The next afternoon he texts me that "dinner is ready. Let me know when you ready to eat" I tell him 3-ish and he say it'll be best if I come to him. I do and he's hooked up mac n cheese, cabbage and baked turkey chops and steak. We eat and watch the Cavs vs. Celtics game and I get to stepping. Before I leave I say "so I guess I wont be hearing from you this week." to which he replies "It is what it is" and laughs.

That phrase fucks with me b/c I know when I say it, I'm pretty much saying, 'This is how shit is right now, either get down with it or step the fuck off". He'd explained that he works long hours during the week and that's why I don't really hear from him. That's all fine and good, just as long as he knows all of my cookies stay n the jar until he gets a better schedule for me. I NEED ATTENTION DAMMIT. and who work so hard that they can't even send a text AT ALL throughout the week???

Now yes, he has told me that he has "friends" but no significant other, and has been sex-less for almost two months and that he lives alone and I am always welcome to come by. I kinda feel like he's trying to carry me with the whole 'It is what it is" line, but then again, why give me an open invite to his crib and let me know he's damn near always there? IDK. But what I DO know is no drawers shall he get until I get more time. Until then, I'll enjoy my (weekend) personal chef.

BTW: He's about 5"11, very well toned body, chocolate, nice smile, smells good, HUGE arms, doesn't mind watching Lifetime movies, worked as a chef for quite a few years and has been a plumber for the last twenty. Oh yea...and he's 45, but does not look a day over 35.  Plus, he's a ornball, which is good considering I have put myself in Thug Rehab. And apparently has sweet black pipe....

Anyway...what say you regarding this being MIA (M-F) bull and the subsequent "It is what it is" .  Am I missing something here????

* I learned this from my 14 yr old niece a few weeks ago. Apparently, a Scrag (n.) - is one who encompasses all of the characteristics of a jerk, whore, bitch, slut, and genuinely horrible person. Can be either male or female.

You know what really grinds my gears????

People who only follow/comment on blogs in order to get people to comment/follow theirs. I guess it's because I personally gives not a tiny fuck if I have readers or not. (even though I adore and appreciate you all (*_*) But seriously, I don't write this stuff for whatever reaction I may get. I write so that I can release and so that I have a place to keep a record of this stage in my life.

Now I'm not knocking those who blog purely for the number of views/comments/followers that they receive. HOWEVER, I think it's rude as fuck to leave a comment on someone else's blog whoring yourself for followers. That "I'm following you, so you follow me" , like I just saw on  Khaki's blog is some ole bullshit. No, I will not follow you simply because you are following me. I will, however, glady "follow" you if I enjoy what the fuck it is you write.

*sigh*

End Rant.

P.S- I may be a tad bitchy due to the Sweet Pipe situation not going as I would like so excuse me. More on that later tho.

Tata for now 

Coming Soon...

I know, I know…I’ve been quite the Neglectful Nancy, haven’t I? I apologize, really I do. The upside, however, is that while I have been NOT been updating this blog as I should,  I HAVE been sure to get myself into lots of trife situations to entertain you all. Lol Ok, maybe not all are so trife, but I do guarantee that my judgmental readers will have something to judge and my fellow trife readers will have something to lol and smh at. :)

Unfortunately I can’t fill you all in right now as “they” are still insisting that I actually work when I come to work. But, perhaps if I can manage to stay sober this weekend I’ll post a blog or two or ten. We’ll see…

In the meantime this is what you can look forward to*:

1- “Introducing: Sweet Black Pipe and Big Sexy” (possible new boo and his cousin who was/(is?) also a potential new boo)**

2- “Intoducing: “Egypt” (my very own molester/stalker/single white female-ish friend since childhood and her drunken antics) *shivers*

3- “This Can’t Possibly be Good for My Daddy Issues” {My father (biological) died when I was 11, but my DAD of 25 yrs passed away last week} *sigh*

4- “The House of Enigma” (I moved into a new crib on the 1st of Feb)

5- “In Love with Obama?” (yea, about that…) *hangs head in shame*

6- "The Final Chapter of OG (Older-Gentleman Friend) and Enigma” (Yea, that pretty much says it all..) *dusts shoulder off*

7- "Thug addict Rehab"

Tata for now my lovelies!!!

*The titles of the blogs listed are subject to change with my mood, but I will try to keep on topic as much as possible.

**I did promise you a little trife, didn’t I? lol

Cuz I'm a pothole? Sooooo............

I love that commercial. lol

Anywho...how the hell ya'll doin out there????

Alot has gone one but it has all been so sporadic that I can't even begin to write about it all right now. (these fuckers at work actually expect me to WORK now. Wtf? lol )

Anywho...until I can formulate my thoughts and transform them into a blog, I figured I'd let you guys dictate my next blog. Anything you wanna know that I haven't covered on here? Ask and ye shall receive an answer. You can either post the question in the comments section of this blog or email me at enigmajones08@gmail.com. NO TOPIC IS OFF LIMITS.

Later folks!

p.s. Did I ever say Happy New Year??? I don't think so but yea, Happy New Year's lol